Archers thread #170: The scriptwriters have cast a Paul on proceedings! Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you'd like to hear more of Drunk Alistair, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radioaddicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radioaddicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to @OverArmour for the title. I was tempted to try some sort of complex riff on chocolate names, given @PedantScorner's lightbulb moment - Paul's sister is Cara Mack! - and all the nonsense in last night's episode about coffee creams, but I couldn't be bothered, beyond thinking we must all be Cadbury's Fruit and Nutcases for listening at the moment. Let's hope the SWs take a walk along Quality Street or we'll have to put a Bounty on their heads!

And over to you ...

If she had passed out, she was probably easier to move than a pig.

Pigs can be awfully wriggly, not to mention a) bloody heavy when they’re at full size and b) quite aggressive when they feel like it. I wouldn’t want to be on the business end of a pig’s teeth - they can eat almost anything which is why they’re good for getting rid of a body

There wouldn't be a pig in my car.

@BrightYellowDaffodil , are you trying to tell us something?

I don’t even have a button for my handbrake, but thought automatics (at least older ones) had gearsticks for park, drive etc. perhaps that is no longer typical?

Mine does with park, reverse, neutral, drive etc but perhaps that is just because it is tiptronic, so the gear knob allows me to knock it from side to side if I want to take over and increase or decrease the gear manually.

Assuming that the Grundys are unlikely to have the most recent and super-terrific design of cars, I wonder how likely it would it be that George, in the dark, would be able to work out how to drive a car that was completely unfamiliar to him in its controls? I therefore don't really believe that Alice has a car utterly unlike the ones with which he is familiar – not to mention that we know, from what has been said on air, that it has a key which has to be inserted into the ignition, rather than being contactless.

Thanks for clarifying, I wasn't listening when Joe first was loaned Bartleby, but remember references being made to him driving the pony to get about when he could no longer drive.

I am loving the pig stories. I'm tempted to say 'Pigs can't drive, my dear' .... sorry, only funny if you are a fan of Under Milk Wood.

I believe @BrightYellowDaffodil is probably referring to the many stories of East End villains depositing their victims at pig farms. (The ones that they didn't bury in Epping Forest, that is.) Apparently pigs make short work of the job, don't leave much behind, and never tell anyone.

I was thinking of the plot line in Gentleman Jack where the abusive husband is killed and left for the pigs to eat - all that’s left is his belt buckle. I haven’t actually done away with anyone by means porcine, honest!

Oh dear

How thick can George and Will be? 🙄

Edit to say: no need to answer that.

Oh deary deary dear

Midweek weddings - cheaper for the couple but a pain in the arse for guests

why are Ruth and David so funny about Vince still?

I mean Will mentioning that nic got away with it was odd as the reason she got away with it was because she died.

as for framing Harry - are the three of them so dense that it hadn’t occurred to any of them that he would have a rock solid alibi? And why on earth would he be telling Kate and thinking he wouldn’t need to tell the police. This is just getting so ridiculous

why is azra getting rid of the old tenants stuff and not the landlord? And why on earth has a busy GP with teen kids agreed to take on an allotment?

I wonder why the police checked Harry's alibi, and who else's alibi they may have checked. Given that she and Harry have not been an item for a while, perhaps they also checked Chris's – which might be a little hard for him to prove, if he was at home in bed as seems likely.

By the way, we got a clue tonight about which bridge it was: someone said something about it being "all that way outside the village", which rather says it was not one of the two practically in the village. In which case why were Brookfield getting deliveries across a ford with no road leading to it at either side? The remaining bridge, out by Ambridge Hall, wouldn't particularly matter for deliveries from the village to Brookfield.

And the fact that George has never met Harry...

Oh, but he saw his picture in a colour magazine. (It's a quote, a really obscure one, OK? From a song by The Merseys. I just like the way the words go.)

No, Will, you're not back to "square one". You're all in minus figures now because George has planted the idea of there being someone else involved. Not only will this jog Alice's memory but everyone's going to be looking for the mystery driver.

I still maintain that Robert Snell's previous interest in doorbell footage and/or dashcam footage is going to be key...

Oh well, I hear women's prison's have good continuing education programmes (although I fear budget cuts may have got to them); maybe Emma can take the chance to continue with further studies in English literature, although she would be better served by some sort of tailored Grundy Awareness Freedom Programme so she can walk away from the line up of crap men she's saddled herself with. Exit, pursued by a chainsaw.

I am very concerned that all this 'drama' will overshadow results day and we'll never know how she got on. More worringly still, what if we don't get this Thursday entirely devoted to the lovely Brad (and Mia)?! I can just see blooming Grundys or Metcalf-Lloyds or Snells dominating what should be a 13 minute Horrobin bonanza!

No, Will, you're not back to "square one". You're all in minus figures now because George has planted the idea of there being someone else involved. Not only will this jog Alice's memory but everyone's going to be looking for the mystery driver.

Or people will start wondering why George suddenly felt the need to lie about what happened.

The story is so clunky and poorly written which I am annoyed by.
edit: sorry referring to the George / emmur / Will storyline in the past few days.

So far from square one. Any confession made before this, his main crime was moving / blaming Alice & false witness statement. To have done it again with the obvious intention of setting up someone else is going to get him in so much more bother.

He’s definitely putting himself on Alice’s radar.

He’s definitely putting himself on Alice’s radar.

Absolutely, because she’s already says she remembers hearing his voice.

a 13 minute Horrobin bonanza!

Bleurgh.

Mine relatively new (just had first MOT), not “tiptronic”, has button for brake, press button tarting - but still has stick for P,D,R etc.

The whole SL (keys in glove box) is dependent on physically inserting a key into the keyhole. Otherwise, the story would be around keeping it in a Faraday pouch or a biscuit tin.

And why on earth has a busy GP with teen kids agreed to take on an allotment? Is chickweed the scourge Lynda says? Our soil’s too heavy. If I were worrying about my next door plot donating seeds (as opposed to all the other ways of spreading) it would be willowherbs and ragwort I was worried about

I wonder why the police checked Harry's alibi, and who else's alibi they may have checked I got the impression that while policeman 1 tokk George through his statement again word by word, policeman 2 nipped out and made a couple of phone calls. I think that’s what George said.