Archers thread #158: Te Rum? You numpty, numpty, Tom! Empty tearoom follows. Christmas coming, farmers’ stand up, will it make us LOL? No! Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you think Tom Archer is a great businessman, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to @LillianGish for the title idea, which may plant an earworm if my scansion just about holds up. @BeatriceBatchelor wanted 'plebby coffee' inserted in reference to my Bolivian coffee anecdote on the last thread, so I'll mention it here instead. Here's hoping Fallon and Emma decamp to the charging station or Grey Gables, or both, to run the type of coffee shop/tearoom people actually enjoy spending time in. Tom's cauliflower eclairs and kale criossants approach sounds more likely to drive the casual trade away from the farm shop and cheese window as well as the Google Translate-named Te Rum.

Feeling very uninspired by TA at the moment, so I have nothing more to say for now. Over to you!

A lot of the storylines feel very contrived at the moment.

I now officially detest Tom. Sink him Fallon.

And why does anyone confide in Ian?

Ian’s had a personality transplant and is now horrible.

No personality transplant was involved; Ian's been horrible since about 2003 when he forced Adam to apologise for Sid hitting him.

Ian has been horrible for a very long time.

[Crosspost with Asking: apologies]

I don’t remember the Sid incident.

Sid started out as very much in favour of Adam as a cricketer, but then discovered that Adam was gay, and spent most of one cricket match having a go at Adam (who scored highest of the team) for not scoring more. When Adam then went into The Bull after the match and didn't suck up to Sid, Sid smacked him in the face and told him he was barred. (I will admit that Adam frequently uses a voice which if it were a face would make one long to hit it, but this was excessive.) Adam retired hurt, and Ian sent him along the following day to apologise to Sid on pain of Ian not speaking to him again.

Adam failed to realise he had just been offered a lucky escape, and did as Ian told him.

There’s a word in German that means ‘a face in need of a slap’ - is that what you’re thinking of Adam?

Backpfeifengesicht

ah the good ol' Backpfeifengesicht

"If his voice were a face you'd want to smack it" was something my mother would say of whinging children or mansplaining nitwits. That's a fine word for the face, though!

Glad Tony noted the cafe plundering But he should have said something more plainly

so is Johnny being waylaid to cause a tom breakdown? Or is someone getting a job there

I guess Kate is moving in with Jakob. I like that Brian gave her some home truths!

That is an excellent word. Well done, the Germans.

I think the Ian as confidante is there for someone who Helen actually talks to, in defence of her usual shtum policy.
It will be interesting to see how the tab turns out.

i suspect Tom will be outraged and it will be the catalyst for Fallon walking out

For Helen to talk to, yes, because they have been friends for a long time; it's him being in the same position for Alice that I was wondering about. Merely both having children one aged four years and two months (and presumably at school by now?), and the other aged two years and eight months, doesn't make people best buddies really. Alice and Ian have been brother and sister in law for several years but not done a lot of interacting that we have heard, and there is an eighteen year age gap between them.

So many questions to ask:
Has Alice forgotten that she studied and started a career in Aerospace Engineering ?
How has the riding school existed for all these years without an outdoor arena ?
Why do Alice and Harry sound as though they are both teenagers ?
If he is a failed 3 day eventer, what does Harry actually do now ? Any professional would be back on a competition horse as soon as the plaster cast was off. What a wimp.

@RegimentalSturgeon I daren't say anything against Ian in case someone accuses me of being prejudiced against his Northern Irish accent. But yes he is a joyless person.

How has the riding school existed for all these years without an outdoor arena ?

Many don't. Although if it didn't have one it wouldn't attract the wealthy clientele it has, and should have certainly been Lillian's priority for Justin's investment over a XC course or an equine Spa 🥴

aged four years and two months (and presumably at school by now?)

Goodness me, doesn't time fly when you're enjoying yourself . Xander was indeed born on 23rd September 2019. It's a long, long time since I had children in the school system, but I think he will start Reception in September 2024, i..e. just before his fifth birthday. This is how it worked for one of my children whose birthday fell in the autumn term. He might be going to the Nursery Class at Loxley Barratt, I suppose.

Sorry if this has been covered previously, but why doesn't Fallon get her revenge by taking the EV cafe over?

But also, I give less and less of a shit as it becomes ever harder to suspend disbelief. Nothing makes any sense. And we all know that some actors are dead - so can they be bloody well written out please? It's grim.

Loving Kate's magnificent selfishness tonight. I wonder if it's ever occurred to her that the cottage would be sold anyway once Peggy pops her clogs and that it might therefore be a good idea to have a Plan B available?

Looking forward to Emma presenting Tom and Natasha with the bill for all the stuff they've nicked from the café. It would be just like them to blame Fallon for inadequate profits whilst being outraged at not being able to take freebies. But is anyone else wandering how come they can suddenly afford £500K for the land plus whatever it would cost to build a house on it?

I've started to imagine Kate like this now, when she speaks, and it helps.

Yes I can’t see how Tom and tash can afford the land

to defend Kate, I did sense that there was an element of not wanting to lose her gran. That must be pretty close having lived together all this time

tbh i want to know more about Ambridge economics. From listening recently:

-Peggy was rich but now needs to sell The Lodge (which may or may not have been promised to Helen?) to afford care home fees
-Brian wants to buy Oliver's land but has to persuade BL to afford it?
-Gnasher and Sausage Boy want to buy the land AND build a house but they have just (presumably) paid out for all the kit and the refurb of the tea room and can't afford to buy a house anyway (where do they live)?
-Justin wants the land and can afford to pay with the change in his pocket
-Lillian/Alice want the land. Unclear how either could pay (and possible side story going on where Justin pushes Lillian out and she's left with nothing on account of not being married - possible further SL in that Tracey & Jazzer DO get married just in case)
-some potential holiday home company wants the land (much SL will ensue over everyone banding together to prevent it)

Secret bidder turns out to be Adil and his Sister