Archers thread #143: In the Bleak Midwinter, Ambridge Folk Make Moan. Best Christmas ever? Probably not! Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you'd love to be in Jolene's choir , or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Well, we made it through Stir Up Sunday without bloodshed, but poor Ben is now in the grip of psychotic depression. Not going to be a happy Christmas at Brookfield, sadly. When will Jill swallow her pride and go and give him the abject apology he deserves? Would it be a good idea anyway for Ben to see his gran at the moment?

Will Jazzer say yes? I hope so. We could do with a Horrobin wedding to look forward to.

Will Emma and Ed end up in court if they go ahead with this idiotic scheme to nick the logs from Peggy's Folly?

Will the two choirs put on a joint concert at Christmas? I assume so, and also that the BBC will continue to fool nobody by using recordings of what is clearly a really good well-rehearsed established choir, not a scratch choir of half a dozen novices.

Over to you!

I've lost my way with listening for this past month, but I'll place mark with some personal wood facts.

We buy seasoned wood by the flatbed truckload every summer from a managed woodland. If i can face heading outside tomorrow, I'll pop a moisture probe into a stored log. I have a hazy recollection that ours dries out for 2-3 years before delivery.

The wood we buy is cut to about 20cm lengths and trunk diameter sizes must vary between about 7-25 cm.

At least Tracy picked up the fact that the wood would be wet, though they're all treating it as though that is something that can be remedied by 20 minutes in front of a hairdryer.

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I've never thought about people buying logs before. At the start of lockdown my 90yo Dad was chopping logs for exercise which he then gave away because a few years ago they replaced their real fire with gas... It's obvious now I think about it, especially all those people who have wood burners these days.

I think that either Kirsty will be stupid enough to mention it to Ed, or George will attempt to sell wood to Kirsty...

Now that they've been going round the village selling lots it's surely only a matter of time before Kirsty hears about it. This is such a stupid storyline I can't think of much to say about it, somehow.

@TeenDivided most people have a lorry load of logs delivered every year or two. Round here lots of people have wood burners or real fires and so the lorry is a common sight. As children we were always employed by our parents to transfer the massive dumped pile of logs into the barn for winter - took about an afternoon of the four of us doing it!

It's obvious when I think about it. I just never did

George has a lot to learn on how to sell stuff doesn't he? You would have thought he'd have picked more up subliminally over the years.

I know that Ed wants to make a living working the land but as he can't provide for his family by doing so, why doesn't he learn a marketable trade - electrician, plumber, joiner?

And Emma, with all her ambition and chippings- why doesn't she learn a trade or upskill into a more lucrative role?

George is really too stupid to survive in the wild, isn't he? He should be put in a safe environment and allowed to care for cuddly toys.

You would have thought that at least one of the Grundys would have become a delivery driver (preferably for a supermarket to add a bit of tension with the village shop) or courier driver. I wonder why Jazzer hasn't thought of it either (as a "usually broke" ex-milkman).

Does Rex still have a taxi, by the way?

Ed is qualified to drive big combines and agricultural machinery. That could earn him a good living if he did it regularly. I have a nephew without academic qualifications who earns £50 an hour driving earth movers on the M4 at night. Ed never sticks at things for very long and wants to get rich quickly. Life isn’t like that!

There would be upfront costs to training towards proficiency in one of those trades and it’s not cheap. With a family to support and as he is not exactly studious I doubt Ed would commit to it. A shame really as I know how highly paid members of my own family are who work as plumbers and electricians. Although we are in London where there is always demand for their services.

Emma has always had ambition but lacks the drive and confidence of someone like Natasha. Mainly because of her lack of qualifications which have left her adrift in low paid work. She also has a huge chip on her shoulder about people who are better off than her and don’t ‘deserve’ it. It is the root cause of her longstanding dislike of Alice.

Ah Natasha. Remember when she was having a staffing crisis and we thought just-dumped-by-Grey-Gables Tracy was an obvious candidate?

Ah Grey Gables…..

….etc

Oh, for goodness sake!

Are we 12?

Do they honestly think this nonsense is entertaining?

Utterly ridiculous

Yawn.

and so it proved
now we see the point of the coat stuff

Rex should refrain from moral judgement (since when were all these people his mates? They didn't even come to his boat-warming party; Amy and Phoebe and Jazzer and Tracy did, but none of Emma, Ed, Fallon or Harrison was mentioned at all) and stick to the point of the exercise: catching whoever was stealing from the rewilding project. All he needs to do is tell Ed he has been caught on camera taking the logs. And that will tell Ed he has also been caught on camera having sex, which if it had been with Fallon would be enough to warn him off, wouldn't it.

But no, Rex will come up with some complicated stupidity instead.

The idiot Rex needs to tell Harrison, who knows about the coat business, and will have a wonderful opportunity to wind him up. Our trusty village cop is now a sergeant, I think, so maybe no longer responsible for dealing with the Great Log Thefts? Also, I can't see him doing more than giving Ed'n'Em a warning so close to Christmas. I would put them in the cells - separate cells, obviously!

But seriously, what is wrong with the scriptwriters? This is turning into Carry on Up the Am.

Ugh! The thought of two adult men watching it in the pub. Shall we all complain to the beeb?

And surely Emma would have worn the coat a lot recently, especially as it’s so cold. She doesn’t have the means to own multiple winter coats. Difficult to believe Rex would not have seen her in it all unless their paths never cross.

So that’s the answer to my question as to why on earth Emma was wearing the new-to-her coat that she was so pleased with to lug messy logs around in.

It’s so a ridiculous, badly-engineered and frankly unbelievable plot can be foisted on us.

How can you say that? It's clearly a heart-warming merry jape to lighten things up for Christmas. How we laughed.

Dear god

I thought that if you put up a camera covering a place to which the public have access you had to warn people they might be filmed. Though perhaps we’re being asked to believe the camera is off the public path.

Wouldn't it be lovely if The Archers gave us a farming storyline for Christmas. Just one even.
It's not asking too much is it?