🎄Archers thread #122: Deck the Hall with Eddie, Freddie 🎵 'Tis the Season to be jolly (but orange juice for you, Alice)

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points and most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you love Bert Fry’s poetry (as I do), or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please. We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3853783--The-Archers-spoilers-thread-5-Cant-wait-for-7-02pm-Join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to @C8H10N4O2 for requesting an annoyingly cheerful thread title which might take us up to Christmas and to @Prestissimo for the title suggestion. I was strongly tempted by @LillianGish’s suggestion: Eddie’s turkeys, Freddie’s show, village green with lights aglow, Stir Up Sunday, Deck the Hall, Merry Christmas one and all - with apologies to Bert Fry and @R4’s suggestion Wassail to the Ambridge Not-A-Panto where Freddie gets nine LESSONS in directing from CAROLe Lynda. Top work, all!

Three days to go until we can return to Ambridge.

My list for Father Christmas

In the next few weeks I’d like:

• Freddie’s show to be a huge success

• Philip and Gavin to be driven out of the village with pitchforks into the waiting arms of the police, and the three ‘horses’ rescued and taken in by kind people who will help them turn their lives around

• Pip to take a perpetual vow of silence and leave for a nunnery

• a terrific Grundy Christmas (although the travails of Alice and Chris will overshadow things)

• Alice to lose the baby, as this seems the least grim option for us listeners; she leaves Chris and makes a fresh start of some kind

What do you all want for Christmas from The Archers?

Is it me or them? I used to like TA back in the day because it seemed vaguely plausible, unlike other soaps. These days, I seem to be constantly, indignantly spluttering "that's not how life works!"
Is there anybody in Ambridge who has (a) a realistic income and (b) realistic outgoings?

Alistair?

Lee! (Though perhaps not technically in Ambridge.)

Debbie? (Ditto.)

What, Alistair that lives with his dad and some Random? I know some love the Jim/Jazzer relationship but it is utterly bizarre and unbelievable.

@R4

Is it me or them? I used to like TA back in the day because it seemed vaguely plausible, unlike other soaps. These days, I seem to be constantly, indignantly spluttering "that's not how life works!" Is there anybody in Ambridge who has (a) a realistic income and (b) realistic outgoings?

Not just you. That was so implausible. All of it. Every bit.

@BeardieWeirdie

Ok my two are only tiny so what do I know but come on - Tony crying over his 30-something-year-old daughter moving a couple of hundred metres away is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. Get a bloody grip. Not that it will happen, of course, “fiercely independent” Helen can’t cope for a minute without Pat and Tony wiping her arse, paying for her, and bringing up her children.

🤣🤣 @BeardieWeirdie. Yes, I laughed out loud at Tony’s (very unconvincing acting, btw) meltdown with Joy. Helen’s over 40, I think, and she’s planning to move down the road with the boys!

They’re all barmy in TA

@PoulePouletteEternellement

Why do people in TA jump ahead so quickly? Helen's only just mentioned the idea - suddenly it's a firm plan and everyone has to know.

Agreed... and yet this is precisely how my DM reacts to any scrap of information (I tell her nothing until all us signed/ sealed).

It's typical of TV soaps but seems to be becoming common in TA - see also relationships that go from first chat to established couple within days.

@R4

What, Alistair that lives with his dad and some Random? I know some love the Jim/Jazzer relationship but it is utterly bizarre and unbelievable.

I've probably said the same!

And yet, I've known people who've made equally bizarre decisions after a divorce/relationship break-up. (Didn't he actually say something about not being able to face a soulless flat in Borchester? Possibly my invention.) It's just a wonder he didn't take off on a round the world motorbike trip, sending back increasingly bizarre Whatsapp messages to his bemused ex wife.

I'm a bit confused regarding Helen's financial status ... Firstly because I thought she and Tom were equal partners with their parents in Bridge Farm, and secondly because there ought to be masses of dosh left from the land sale. They did almost nothing but buy a few cows, surely? Why is she needing a free dive into her parent's pension? And why is Tony talking about "a bit of money left over" when his and Pat's money should have been ring fenced and carefully invested ages ago? Shouldn't it have been increasing?

It doesn’t surprise me that David feels protective towards Elizabeth - he can’t stand Vince and was no more astonished than some posters on here when it looked like they might get together. It’s not his business, but he’s allowed to be concerned - they are a close family so if partners don’t get along that has repercussions (less of a problem if you live at the other side of the country and only see each other once in a blue moon). I think he will have a drink (and possibly a curry) with Vince and realise he has misjudged him. Re older children living with parents, I think much of that is for dramatic convenience. Jim and Alistair have been a great support to each other (Jazzer too in the case of Jim in what I thought was a well handled storyline). I still think Helen might end up moving into Beechwood with Kirsty when the truth comes out about Philip (which it surely must). I agree that the livery storyline was purely there to flag up Alice’s absence to the rest of the village. Chris has no chance of keeping it quiet now.

But Alice's horse can't die; what will Alice do with her new (not bridal) bridle bag. I've been waiting for her to have a riding accident for weeks.

I like Vince solely because he annoys David so much (and Justin). Will Lilian be a bit put out when she discovers that Vince is now dating Elizabeth?

I hope Shula gets to speak to Chris and/or Jennifer tonight.

because there ought to be masses of dosh left from the land sale. They did almost nothing but buy a few cows, surely?
Didn't some of it go on Helen's legal representation for the tuna-bake stabbing?

£30,000 went on legal fees for Helen, well before the land-sale. They upped the mortgage (again) to pay for that, and didn't tell her.

I wonder where I went wrong?
I don't have a nice job rearranging vinegar bottles, endless free childcare, free board and lodgings, or a father who would be in tears if I moved to a house in the nearest village, or even a bank of mum and dad.

I wonder how much Helen earns to be able to afford a three-bedroom house, and is it three beds or has the Ambridge bedroom fairy been busy again?

I would like to see Brine and JennyDarling back at Home Farm.

£30,000? For everything?!

That was what they said. But she got legal aid for the entire criminal case, complete with indefinite time with a barrister who travelled all day to see her for hours at a time more than one day a week; the thirty thousand was just for the child custody hearings.

Ah ... Thanks.

But yes, it was before and would have made no inroads into the Beechwood money. £900k wasn't it?

Justin offered a million quid. Tom tried to talk him up; he promptly lowered his price to £850,000. Tony got it back up as far as £900,000.

@MikeUniformMike. It’s all part of being “fiercely independent,” TA-style. We’re getting it all wrong IRL.😉

I like Vince, I think a bloke with business sense and his feet firmly planted on the ground will be good for her. I suspect he’ll turn out to be kind, at least in his personal life. Nigel’s silliness annoyed me, he was too daft, IMO, and of course, he went up on a roof and fell off, instead of keeping his feet on the ground. 🤣🤣 Ha, ha, sorry, tasteless joke.

I suppose was born fiercely independent. Parents had us young but were themselves born to older mothers with age gap husbands. By the time we were thinking of getting a foot on the property ladder parents had nursing home fees to pay.

The big mistake was not to marry the local stately home owner, or a wealthy widower, or maybe I should have been doggedly independent, stolen another woman's husband then slunk off home to Mummy and Daddy after I stabbed him.

And Joy being all sympathetic - "I know how you feel" - when her offspring are miles away and sound like they are low contact. No, what Tony feels is nothing like Joy must feel.

Yes, we’re fools @MikeUniformMike, we’ve got it all wrong according to TA handbook.🤣

Well, it IS a soap.

When they were going on about Alice's horse my spider sense was tingling. in amongst all the stuff about establishing that she wasn't there, didn't they mention he'd been a bit feistier than normal due to [horse thing whatever, didn't register with me]? I still think this is all going to be solved by her coming off her horse at some point. I think this is an 'Alice is an alcoholic' storyline rather than an 'Alice is a pregnant alcoholic' storyline iyswim, I think the pregnancy is there to force the issue of getting into the rehab/relapse cycle, mainly because I don't see how they'll do a baby born with long term health problems storyline when they effed it up so effectively with Bethany.

Very unrealistic episode. I mean surely Philip will have put his Christmas decorations up 2 weeks ago, not just on 30th November?!

Also, does Kirsty even have a stake in the Beechwood house? If Philip is caught she will be homeless, won't she?

Alice entered rehab last Thursday, correct? She’s probably in a horrible state right now and if Chris has had any contact with her, he’ll be hugely upset.

It’s all going to come out....

So, is this flagon of beer one of Jazzer's home brew? He was talking of selling it.

Gavin has really changed. I like him now, he's become really compassionate. I can't see how this is going to pan out though.

I think it was Jazzer's beer.