Archers thread #112: Quelle beau de lollox! And yet we stick with it. Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points and most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you'd like Alf to stay around, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please. We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3439443-keep-it-to-yourself-the-archers-spoilers-thread-4, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to @DoctorTwo for the thread title! I was strongly tempted by R4's suggestion of Wildlife on Four: Jonneh is wild at Lily, Phoebe rewilds by Occam, Joy is in the wilderness and David is bewildered by a marriage proposal.

So we did make it past Joe's funeral at last. Are we heading for a Christmas octogenarian wedding now?

It really isn't that difficult. Whether you find it difficult or not, it isn't any more difficult to do it for 12 than to do it for 5. It doesn't get difficult until you need two ovens for two turkeys and you don't have two ovens.

The kitchen at Brookfield will have 2 ovens- probably an Aga.

Did anyone else cringe when Ruth said that Pip is the perfect mother?

Yes, I did! I may have used some choice language too. My grandchild is, of course, the most perfect child ever, and my DD is a pretty shit hot mother, but if I tried to tell her she's a perfect mother she'd probably start checking my temperature or investigating signs and symptoms of dementia.

But not two ovens at the same temperature!

I have 2 ovens in my kitchen which can be at the same or different temperatures. I doubt my kitchen is any grander than Brookfield's.

It really isn't difficult to cook a Christmas dinner- millions of people do it year after year.

Ruth was nauseating. How old is Rosie? When did she start having complex conversations about drawing people and animals? I don’t remember getting anything even vaguely recognisable from my children until they were much older (in the case of dd2 she prioritised effort very tactically and drew the same swirl and two dots for everyone until she was about 3, even when encouraged to include such niceties as limbs, hair, facial features other than eyes and background).

“But not two ovens at the same temperatures!”

That’s one of the joys of an Aga- they do have two ovens of two different temperatures!

Brookfield definitely has a range cooker. Leonard was unsure how to work it when making the scrap cakes and asked David's advice.

As long as they have a meat thermometer to make sure the turkey is cooked, the Dopeys ought to be able to cook a roast.

Someone mentioned that she was 16 months if that's true she is way beyond the developmental bands for a child that age.

However advanced Rosie is at the moment, I think we can safely assume that once she acquires the power of speech she will stall at the age of around three until she goes to secondary school à la Henwee. The SWs are hopeless at characterising small children.

Perhaps they have an Everhot, which is like an Aga only better, and allows you to set the oven temperatures at whatever you want.

More likely thought that they have an ancient gas or oil fired Aga.

Didn't they say that the nursery staff had written some words and Rosie's contribution was a few squiggles underneath? Presumably the nursery worker put the pen in Rosie's hand and moved it across the page.

[overinfested emoticon would have gone here if we had one]

Poor Johnny. Freddie could give our present PM a run for his money in the tact and diplomacy stakes.

I thought Rosie had drawn a picture of Mummy and the cows. At least that was what was written by the nursery staff. Presumable Rosie has told them clearly that this was what her artwork showed.

(Also overinfested. But then, some of the SWs must have children? This isn’t like a specialist area of knowledge like law that they know nothing about and just don’t bother to research.)

It doesn't get difficult until you need two ovens for two turkeys and you don't have two ovens.

The kitchen at Brookfield will have 2 ovens- probably an Aga.

But not two ovens at the same temperature!

That’s one of the joys of an Aga- they do have two ovens of two different temperatures!

I’m rather tired and have had a headache overnight - but even so, this series of posts is making no sense to me.

Roasting two turkeys that are to be eaten at the same time would require two ovens that can each produce the same amount of heat at the same time.

I grew up with modern-ish double ovens but weirdly cant recall if they both had the same temperature range. And we never needed two turkeys for Christmas.

I had access to four-oven Agas for a couple of decades. I could roast two turkeys sequentially but not simultaneously because each oven was at a different temperature. Only one was at roasting temperature.

If I ever have an Aga and a normal gas/electric oven - then I’d be able to invite enough people to Christmas lunch to devour two turkeys. Only I wouldn’t because I don’t eat meat and actually never really like turkey anyway.

As an ex EY teacher .. What happened with Rosie was either A. She flung a bit of paint at an easel that luckily had some sugar paper on it. The helper said "is that Your mummy?" Rosie nodded yes. so it was written on with the required words by the helper .

Or B. The helper made a card stuck it under Rosie's hand which had a felt tip in it. Then the same as A. occured.

One huge turkey would be enough for most large gatherings if there are plenty of side dishes and perhaps also a ham or another joint.

Hope the headache clears soon, Spar. You've not by any chance given up caffeine, have you? I had a dreadful unshakeable headache once after running out of coffee over the weekend, which cleared in half an hour after I had a cup of coffee on Monday morning. Quite a wake up call to how dependent on caffeine I had become. I cut back on it after that.

Not short of caffeine, thank you! (Headache probably deadline related, several solid hours hunched over a laptop.)

But I’m familiar with the withdrawal headache too. And resigned to my dependency.

You know, there really ought to be a nice little artisan coffee roasting place in Ambridge ...

I’m sure the Brookfield Christmas Lunch Crisis will be the source of many hilarious kitchen capers over the festive season. I can hardly wait.

Clearly cooking Christmas for a large number of people at Brookfield is doable with the current cooking facilities. We know this because Jill has repeatedly managed this feat...

Christmas dinner is just Sunday dinner turned up to 11. Keep your eye on stuff and have somewhere it can keep warm and you’re golden.

why does anyone think they will need 2 turkeys?

Have I missed something?

I would imagine Brookfield’s Aga is a 4 oven job.

why does anyone think they will need 2 turkeys?

Because half of Ambridge will be there apparently!

According to Gasp0de on Monday:

It's usually a lot more at Brookfield than the people who live there.

David, Ruth, Pip, Rosie, Josh, Ben, Jill - Toby too? Rex? Can't remember whether Leonard went there last Christmas.
Elizabeth, Lily, Freddie often attend too, so I suppose Russ tags along now too. Poor old Lewis forgotten as usual.
Shula, Dan sometimes, in days of yore Alistair - Jim?
Kenton and Jolene will be busy at The Bull.
Christine has presumably spent her Christmas Days with Peggy recently.

One large (say 12kg) turkey will easily feed the five thousand all the people you might expect to turn up at Brookfield on Christmas Day.