The Archers #96: Is that a rat I smell or the whiff of Snell? In Chaucer’s famous Tale of Two Torsos, Brian’s ‘still got it’ and Poldark is searching for scything opportunities in Susan’s kitchen.

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Welcome..... I'd concocted a longer title with all sorts of references to bitch stitching and pasta bakes, but was thwarted by the pesky character limit

Jill was very anti private education, but Phil wasn't. Shula and Kenton went to Borchester Grammar School, which was a state school, but David and Elizabeth were sent to fee-paying boarding schools. Before my time as a listener, but I suspect that David didn't pass the 11+ and by the time Elizabeth was old enough possibly the 11+ had gone and Phil was too snobbish to contemplate a comp for his youngest.

John, Helen and Tom all went to Borchester Green, which is a co-ed comp and as far as we know the only state secondary school for miles around, and so did Pip, Josh and Ben. Pip was going to take the entrance exam for the Cathedral School in the hope of getting a music scholarship, but it was a last-minute decision necessitating intensive tutoring and extra music practice and she really wasn't up to it, so didn't do it in the end. John went to a state boarding school latterly because of its agricultural specialism (I didn't imagine this, did I? Peggy paid for the boarding element.)

Lily and Freddie went to the Cathedral School (academically selective fee-paying day school) as a compromise because Nigel wanted them to go to boarding school and Elizabeth couldn't face that. They did go to Loxley Barratt first.

Daniel went to the Cathedral School after LB too. Alice went to St Margaret's, a private girls' day school, probably from age 4/5, and then insisted on going to Borchester College for sixth form. Kate and Debbie went to fee-paying boarding schools and so did Adam (and now Ruairi too, of course).

All the non-Archer children go to LB and then Borchester Green and, if they stay in education that far, on to Borchester College.

As for Ruairi, if that’s what boarding school does to shape a person’s character ...

It really isn't! I'm always a bit puzzled by the SWs' portrayal though. They're pretty scrupulous about showing us that he comes home for all the requisite high days and holidays (thus spending relatively little time at school - which is correct) but still we had the nonsense of Rob's baby boarding plan, and now Ruairi being unfamiliar with both weather and effort. Both of which are a fairly big part of boarding school life.

I do hope he'll improve as he matures.

(And meanwhile they're are being relentlessly ruthless where Freddie is concerned. I could hardly bear to think of him over Christmas.)

Nature not nurture, in Ruari's case, then, eh, QuaterMiss?

Kate was expelled from CLC iirc. She and Debbie went to Borchester Green for a while.

Thanks Bittermints, I had lots of questions about schools which I had never got around to asking and which you have now comprehensively answered!

The combination of ‘weather and effort’ is a feature of most schools I think, although I suppose it increases in line with the amount of hours dedicated to PE. I didn’t hear that bit as a dig at boarding schools, simply that Ruairi isn’t involved in farm-life day to day and isn’t familiar with being up close to herds of cows - he sounded scared. It’s a different context for the weather and effort, isn’t it - it’s one thing being forced to run around playing pointless games in unsuitable clothing, but it’s different when the aim is keeping animals alive and a business going.

Can anyone remember what Kate was expelled for?

Fair point witch - I guess I meant that boarding school days are necessarily longer - so an element of enforced weather and effort stretches out til they fall into bed.

Actually - aren't cows the one thing they don't have at Home Farm? That would (partially) explain Ruairi's hesitancy at Brookfield. Though it's still quite surprising in what's painted as an unusually close knit farming community. Particularly if he and Ben have been best friends forever.

Bittermints your post recapping education at TA was, well, an education. Thank you!

(I've also found myself thinking sadly about Freddy this Christmas. I hope he comes back soon. Rauiruex (sp don't care!) is no substitute for the real thing)

Freddie won't presumably come back till he completes his sentence, which I think is around the end of March, isn't it?

Freddie won't presumably come back till he completes his sentence, which I think is around the end of March, isn't it?

That was the time with early release for good behaviour wasn't it? What odds are we offering on the LSWs conjuring a fight or something for him in February resulting in loss of remission?

Ruth was far far too good as Chaucer. Once she got going. One might almost think she was a professional actor with years of experience.

Unless New Year's Eve sees us enjoying the drama of Jonny and Lily breaking Freddie out and speeding off in whatsits taxi, while Lizzie locates her senses in the library and chases Ross off LL with cries of "get orf my land you villain" I shall count this festive season of TA as a mockery of a Christmas present.

I shall count this festive season of TA as a mockery of a Christmas present. I am inclined to agree. Can't be bothered to sit through the Canterbury Tales - I've not been thrilled with run up (apart from the jokes about silent characters getting non-speaking parts). Bittermints thanks for your comprehensive education round-up . Quater I think the SWs just see boarding as a way of shipping young characters off for a length of time (the educational equivalent of the cereal cupboard).

Having never studied it, I am quite looking forward to Canterbury Tales. I did go to the museum in Canterbury as a child, I think when it was fairly newly opened. The bottom was a highlight.

Nice touch with David supporting Ruth at the side of the stage.
I'm looking forward to 2.30pm once I've cleaned out the guinea-pig hutch and been to the rubbish tip. Did The Pardoner's Tale for O-level, but can't remember a thing about it.

I really wish we'd had more development of the Lily - Rex relationship.

Not sure what they will do with Elizabeth, she still seems very unstable. A breakdown?

I'll listen to the Canterbury tales, I won't be able to resist!

Do we know who the mystery actor is (or does that count as a spoiler?)

I forgot to say earlier, but I wanted to give a BOOP to Tony for his normal life: when JD was apologising for serving tea in a mug and he just said that was what he always had. Even though their kids annoy me, I like Pat and Tony as the down to earth average couple. No drama, just an ordinary life and a loving marriage.

Pat and Tony are IMO fairly realistic but they treat their children as they were still kids.

Pat and Tony are IMO fairly realistic but they treat their children as they were still kids.

We all do that a bit though don't we? Mine are all 20 somethings with their own partners and homes but when they stay with us the still text me if they are going to be very late home and I still struggle to resist sending them back with a cupboard of food. My DM does the same to me.

Having lost one child and nearly lost a second I'd cut P&T some slack for being overly anxious where their kids are concerned. Over the years the LSWs have given their children more than their share of that generation's troubles.

Yes but they're in their late 30s.

Yes but they're in their late 30s.

I'm 50s, my DM still asks me this kind of stuff and has only very recently stopped trying to send me home with food parcels

So I done Canterbury tales today. Surprisingly enjoyed it once I got past the who's doing each voice bit (first couple of mins of each tale). Given the next episode ain't on for a week are we going to get a whole week of "oh my wasn't our special guest epic" or am I too drunk on Bailey's and missed it? Xxx

Have we had the quiz yet? https://bbc.in/2CkJgxK

Test your memory of the year. I got 2 wrong. I'm not sure if I'm more embarrassed that I got some wrong or that I got so many right!

Have we had the quiz yet?

I got them all right, but a few were just guesses. I had no idea there were new BL board members, let alone what their names were, and no memory of any children's category at the Flower and Produce Show - all I remember from that was the Brian and Peggy's spying and the whole saga over Nic's leftover meal.

15 out of 20 here, but again it involved a degree of guesswork.