Come in to The Archers thread - we've redecorated! Take a seat in that distinctive yellow chair and discuss events in Ambridge.

[PseudoBadger]

New thread for tonight's episode.

Do you like the decor then? My 'personal' assistant did it.

Dear BBC
Thank you for shortlisting me. In advance of my interview, could I just add that I have the services of a couple of thousand archivists at my disposal.
Please tell me when and where. Ready to start immediately.
Yours sincerely
Vango

Dear Vango

could you tell the panel how you intend to sort out the right god awful pigs ear of a mess the last incumbent has made of the potentially good coercive behaviour storyline , as we here at the beeb have frankly made a beeb of it and now don't know what to do ? except run around like headless hens on holiday.

Dear BBC theredjellybean

I'm planning that, when Helen's baby 'girl' is born, Rob, in a rage, will reveal his true character to other witnesses, threatening Henry physically and publicly and violently attacking Kirsty when she comes to Henry's aid. A knife will be involved. Ian will be on hand to save K. Ideally this will all happen outside The Bull on the next Bank Holiday Weekend. Rob will be arrested.

Meanwhile, Jess (miraculously) will get wind of the situation and make her statement to police (including a final reveal of the mysterious reason she and R moved to Canada (not R's version)). Shula will have a 'road to Damascus' conversion and confess all about lying to the police. There will be sufficient evidence to bang R up and refuse bail. Helen's trial can then be brought forward (change of circumstances) and the jury will acquit her on the grounds of self-defence.

Once acquitted, in a short, unrealistic time frame, Helen can then pursue her own prosecution under the new law. Rob will be convicted, getting a light sentence, and listeners and charities can launch another campaign for tougher sentencing for the new crime. In the meantime Rob's PR will be revoked.

I confess I don't know if any of the legal stuff could be factually correct, but hey!, why let that kind of thing get in the way of a dramatic storyline?

Then we'll put it behind us and concentrate on the return of Matt.

I look forward to discussing it further.

Dear Vango

the panel are very impressed with your swift, decisive and firm handling of what has become a bit of an embaressing situation here at the beeb...it is whispered of as 'that business with soc '....

I think that it might be nice to introduce a new law as well...Hellin could campaign and it could be called Knob's law or Heennnweeee's law...do you think you could write that it ?

thankyou we are forever in your debt
and while you are at it can you get rid of pip and wooth...preferably in some unpleasent but feasible farming way ?

Dear BBC

Pip and Rex will wed. R&D will buy them a smallholding (as a wedding gift) from Granny Heather's inheritance. Really far away. They'll come back from time to time, for continuity. Toby will live with/off them. Any good?

perfect ...

the job is all yours...

congratulations

I am simply thrilled! But now I'm starting to think big! Tolstoy? (He did have some farming experience ).

mummytime, trevortrevor and other Crown Court fans - the barristers and witnesses were actors, and the cases scripted, so in that sense it was a drama, but the jury were members of the public, and actually did come to their own decision re the verdict.

My school was literally across the road from home so I came back for lunch. Crown Court was required viewing

As you were...

Soc in that article reminds me of a friend I have. She went to a grammar school and an excellent university. But she has a huge chip about not having gone to Oxbridge and is snooty about those who went to private school. She is always throwing 'clever' references in and trying to come across as really intelligent and educated. Which she is. But most people dismiss her as an arrogant know all! If you're discussing what pizza to order you really don't need a ten minute monologue on the origins of pizza and the existential crisis that is pepperoni

I can imagine soc feels like an outside at the Beeb and is constantly trying to show he is as good as everyone else and 'prove' himself by doing overly intellectualised things.

Or destroying the archers was his ultimate revenge!!

BYOS 😁 I agree with you again! I think Oxbridge snobbery is still very much alive and kicking at the BBC. Poor sod is only trying to prove himself.

Thanks for the explanations about Crown Court, all

It may well be at the Beeb but in my friends case it is an imagined slight. The field we work in has its fair share of Oxbridge graduates but most of the senior people are not.

in socs case I just imagine he has a massive chip on his shoulder but not because he has experienced anything just because he imagines he does

When the issue of Henry's evidence came up before, ISTR mention of a recentish case where a 4 year old gave evidence in relation to, I think, abuse allegations. So far as I remember, they first took her evidence by showing the recording of her original interview and got her to watch it just before the trial. Then during the trial they had her giving evidence from a separate room by video link, with an adult sitting with her - maybe a social worker?

If they do that with Henwee, that could work quite well. If he starts obediently spouting what Knob told him to say, someone will say "But Henwee dear, you told the two ladies you talked to at the time that Daddy was going to hit you" and he'll say "Yeth, that'th wight." And Knob will go ape at him and try to hit him again and All Will Be Revealed.

But I've just realised that the flaw in that scenario is that they charged Helen just after they spoke to Henwee, so he almost certainly said nothing of the sort. Back to the drawing board

While we're on the subject of lunchtime/afternoon tv does anyone else remember Mary Berry on a programme that pretended to be set in someone's living room? MB would turn up and cook something; someone demonstrated how to iron your husband's shirt (really!). A sort of Uptight Women show. I remember thinking at the time that MB was rather snooty, with an unfortunate resemblance to my English teacher. I rather like her now (MB, not teacher).
I also remember I found out John Lennon was dead when I switched on towards the end of This Afternoon (?) and Mavis Nicholson had a very sad face and said Imagine would Play out the programme as a tribute

Pat there, pissing off the listeners even more. She quite clearly thinks there needs to be a special clause in the laws on bail which requires that, no matter what the charge involved, her daughter should automatically get bail so that she can come back and make cheese.

Am I remembering wrong I think not but Hellin was charged with attempted murder after the police interviewed henwee.

Don't they?

Didn't they even?

AnnieNoMouse Ah, so that's why Mary Berry looked familiar. Was it called House Party. There was a dressmaker as well, wasn't there?

How many more scenes do we need of Pat and Her Anguish. We get it already. Let's get back to hearing what the housing fairy has in store for the Grundy's.

Missed tonight's episode.
I take it there has STILL been no further mention of the fairy grotto then?

Sorry! Misread. I just wonder what henwee did say at that interview though to prompt the officers to charge Hellin with attempted murder?

Loving Vango's approach to being Editor! You've got my vote.

Used to love Crown Court. I think the cases always lasted a week, didn't they, so the verdict could come in on Friday?

Re SOC's chip - he went to grammar school, yes, but so did lots of senior people in the BBC, I would imagine. He read English at UCL, as did Mark Lawson, and it didn't seem to hold him back.

Mind you, the idea that UCL graduates might be nursing a grudge against Oxbridge mafia at the Beeb does make sense of John Sh Whittingdale's recent remarks about the BBC. He was at UCL at the same time as I was. He was a leading light in the Federation of Conservative Students, very active in the Student Union, and I always thought he was an arrogant twat. I had to bite my tongue about that, though, as a student on my course went out with him for well over a year. Then just before his finals he dumped her with no prior warning. What a bastard. She pulled herself together in the end and did very well in her finals, but it made a right mess of her second year exams and made her final year a lot harder work than it need have been. I've hated him ever since.

(Sneaks back with more afternoon TV trivia....yes, Annie, that's where I first saw MB too. There was also an American woman called Nancy Kominsky who painted using a knife. And a dressmaker, a very forthright lady who used to go on about how 'daddy was a tailor' back in the East End. Clearly I recall far more about all this than I do about school).

If Pat doesn't stop wailing I'm really going to have to switch off. This is what SOC was trying to achieve, was it?

Bore - No, but Lynda did make reference to the fairies in Millenium Wood while George and Keira (Georgia?) were dancing around the maypole. Georgie has to have stashed his ill-gotten gains there.

what the housing fairy has in store for the Grundy's

A shepherd's hut