Discuss The Archers here. There's hut construction, new teen arrivals, pastured eggs, pining Pip and other fun Spring-like stories to choose from.

[PseudoBadger]

Maybe if we don't look directly at the other storyline it will disappear?

Ok, magnificat, fair enough.

So, here's a question: if you were Kirsty, when Helen said to promise not to tell anyone what would have said (and then what would you have done next)?

If I were Kirsty I would do nothing and tell nobody . She needs to regain Helens trust and get more information . If she tells anyone else now, Helen will simply deny everything

If I were Kirsty I'd have given Hellon up as a useless friend years ago. It's only ever been utterly one sided: H has never even been a laugh as some useless unsupportive friends are! Christ knows why she cares, really!

I'm with kr1stina. Kristy's probing made Helen explode & Rob throw her out a couple of weeks ago. She can't risk breaking her trust, as Helen isn't ready to leave yet. At least now she can watch from afar and keep giving Helen the chance to open up further.

Without telling, I might just say, casually, to Tom and Fallon, that I'd seen H and she looked very ill. Tom has snuck round when Rob was out before, and Fallon sad Rob being a bossy arse in the shop.

Agreed, Kr1stina!

www.justgiving.com/helentitchener/

£70k!

Who lives next door to Helen?

I don't think anyone does

The problem is that if Kirsty speaks to anyone else without saying Rob is the problem, people will then ask Rob about it, and he'll give them his 'I'm doing my best' sad face.

But what if Kirsty had said "Helen, I can't make that promise. You've changed and I'm worried about you. There must be someone you can talk to who will help you. I care about you and I want to do the right thing." (Or some subset of that)?

If I were Kirsty, I wouldn't be telling "real" people (not at this point, anyway) - but I would be googling madly for subjects like women's aid, domestic abuse law, women's refuges, how to escape domestic abuse and so on.

And if I were Fallon, who hasn't been told not to tell anyone, and hasn't been told anything that she can not tell anyone anyway - I would probably be chatting to Harrison, if only in the sense of, "Guess who came into the shop today? It was really nice to see her, but she doesn't seem like her normal self, and the way Rob packed her into the car... She must be finding this pregnancy hard, because it wasn't like Helen normally is, at all. Hope she's okay."

If I were Kirsty I would tell no one but try to gently open up the subjects of EA and controlling behaviour.
E.g. Fallon said you had to leave in a hurry. That's a shame. Did you want to go?
The not driving. Whose idea was that. How do you feel about it etc.

Then offer her a copy of Lundy Bancroft and tell her about the refuge funding page

(I know LB gets mentioned on MN a lot and I am not generally a fan of self help books but really it is an excellent book. I even had him as a nn)

by this I mean other people don't need to realise Hellin is suffering from DA nearly as much as Hellin needs to realise she is suffering from DA.

Not sure what I'd say, but I'd probably secretly give Helen a passcode-locked phone with a passcode Helen knows (containing substantial credit) containing the numbers for Women's Aid, my number, a midwife known to not be useless in cases of domestic abuse, other useful organizations/ people ad hoc - preferably a smartphone with bookmarked web pages for these organizations and the Mumsnet relationships board. (Oh and the MN Radio Addicts section too...). Possibly there might be a note in the phone listing "what to do if you feel you need to talk to someone privately about your situation/ changes in Henry, how Rob makes you feel, what Rob makes you do/does to you, how you feel about your family, how you feel abut the pregnancy, etc"

I've been a friend in a situation a bit like Kirsty's. I really wish I'd heard this storyline then as I simply did not understand what was happening and to my shame nearly did give up on my friend for just being a bit too flaky :-(

Although part of me wishes I had said things sooner, in retrospect, I think this would have simply alienated my friend and I'm happier that I simply kept up a regular non-threatening contact so that she did feel able to call on us when she did leave. No idea if this was right really.

So, in Kirsty's position I would keep quiet, but as a pp suggests subtly garner support for Helen from others. I' d be checking very regularly that nothing else had happened though and reminding her it's not right as much as possible.and be doing my darndest to prize the scales from Pat's eyes too.

delurking.

The way Helen cried when Rob and Ursula had driven off.... so well acted, so upsetting to listen to.

Can't bear to listen. Can't bear not to.

I am concerned Rob now wants Ursula to go so that if he needs to terrify Helen in to complying with his plan he will have the house empty to do it. She may be round his little finger but she's unlikely to witness out and out violence without protest. With her out of the house but as threat 'I'll have to get my mum back if you can't cope' he will be able to control Helen totally. Or he thinks he will.

What's the betting Fallon and Kirsty had a good natter?

We can't assume that the idea is that Henry goes to school in Year 1, can we? After all, Arsula was talking about one of the main benefits being that Helen would be able to give her undivided attention to her sainted first grandson. Plus Rob would probably find it far easier to convince Helen to go along with it if she's still pregnant and vulnerable, or is dealing with a very new baby.

Haven't listened to tonight's yet but got the gist of it. Thank god she's finally talked to Kirsty! DadDadDad I think in Kirsty's situation (as I understand it from here) I would have absolutely promised not to tell anyone, I would have done/said whatever I had to to get my friend to trust me and talk to me. But I would regard it as a promise that did not need to be kept - but I would start by googling and talking anonymously to a helpline and wouldn't go to the police or her family til I'd got some advice.

I think the trouble is for those of us who are lucky enough not to have any experience of this type of thing, it would be very hard to realise what was happening. You eventually notice that you hardly see H any more - oh well she's pregnant and tired. I expect her parents are helping out. You hear Rob speak to her like a bossy bastard - you think grumpy git, I don't like him much why doesn't she tell him to piss off. It would take a lot more than a couple of isolated incidents to get you thinking that something was REALLY wrong. This storyline is the first time I've really heard of emotional abuse or begun to understand it. Frustrating as it is as a listener knowing exactly what's going on, if I was living in Ambridge I really doubt I'd have a clue what was happening.

What actually happened?

Oh and recyclingbag I am also a big fan of Harrison! I think he might spot it if Fallon talks about the cafe incident, as surely he will have some training in spotting the signs of EA given the new legislation so he'd be more likely to put two and two together than someone else.

Yes I thought knob and U were talking about Henry getting packed off when baby arrived - after Easter even.

Thought the same as northern lurker about knob packing his mother off so he could persuade Hellin.

I think if I was Kirsty I would try to get Helen to get out for an hour or so while Rob is at the shop... it wouldn't be hard to get Tom onside with that and if Tom isn't there to mind the shop Rob will be stuck...