So what's the deal with Jess then? Place your bets here...

[WatermelonSugar]

The elusive Mrs Titchener is finally due to visit Ambridge, only, ooh, six months after her husband moved there. So what's been keeping her all this time? What new storyline can the SWs bolt onto her character?

I think she's going to be a disembodied head in a bell jar, attached to some sort of little wheeled trolley, with lots of curly wires coming out of it. It will be a great opportunity for us all to learn more about the Disembodied Head community and the challenges they face in daily life. And she will still be approximately 300 times more appealing than Helen.

There will be a massive age difference? Either she'll be 19 or 65?

I reckon that she will have been ready to move to Ambridge from day 1 but that Rob will have been putting her off. Accommodation not ready etc

She takes her career 'too seriously' and isn't willing to compromise enough to have children. Unlike wonder-Helen. Thus they've drifted apart and she thought it essential to find the right job before moving.

She will take up where James & Leonie left off and write a book about Ambridge life, concentrating on the sociology. It will be an academic masterpiece on the perils of living too close (physically, emotionally, financially) to your relatives.

There will be a sequel, a darker tome called Look What Scary Things Happen When You Leave the Confines of the Village. Subtitled Don't do it people!

She'll be a Thai ladyboy...

Well I'm still looking for the real SATTC!

Ah yes, lots of good ideas. Could be a combination of any number of them.

But now we've been thwarted again by Dennis's bunions. Or maybe Jess is just having her bell jar fluid replaced. It probably goes cloudy quicker in this hot weather.

Of course she's just a device, in the cause of giving Helen yet another complicated relationship - and happiness? Or more heartbreak...

I bet we never meet her.

Perhaps she is severely disabled or in a care home? A similar story happened in Corrie, with Paul the fireman's secret hidden-away wife. I think she had end-stage dementia.

Ooh, Mrs Rochester!

I'm really hoping Rob turns out to be straightforward, truthful and sensible enough to step back, be decisive, bide his time then make Helen happy. Chances of that?