I am new to this part of Mumsnet and I hope this is the right board. I need advice on doing the right thing by my neighbour. This is a very long opening post, apologies!
My flat has leaked into my downstairs neighbour's flat twice in two different rooms in the last month. Neither leak was my fault - according to my neighbour's plumber who luckily was there the second time. However this doesn't make it any better for my neighbour, who I will call Esme. She was away on holiday when the second leak happened - her plumber informed me. I immediately turned off my stopcock, called a plumber (hers couldn't stay to actually do the repair), put towels down, mopped up the water and went down two or three times a day over the next couple of days until she returned from holiday to ensure that the water really had stopped coming through (even though I had turned off my water), take the towels up, check other rooms etc.
We have in theory sorted out the money side of things (Insurance doesn't come into it because in each case, the cost of ceiling repair and repainting is below or only slightly above the excess on our policy) but I am baulking at her expectations. She thinks I should keep coming down or asking how she is getting on. She wanted a meeting about the damage at the weekend - I said I was exhausted and would meet her the next week. When I did go to see her on the Monday she was furious that I hadn't come on the Saturday. She keeps going back on what was agreed. She keeps complaining to me about the cost of tidying up - bin bags, a car trip to the tip, etc and how unfair it is that she has to pay. But some of the damage was worse in one room because she never goes in there (as she said to me) and water could have been dripping away onto her carpet for up to six weeks. She also didn't notice the other leak until it got bad. She thinks she shouldn't have to check the rooms in her flat because there shouldn't be leaks. I am not responsible for sorting out the damage from one of the leaks, the landlord is, and the other leak is a grey area, but I paid for the repair and redecoration of that room so that she wouldn't have to wait for me to sort out responsibility.
There's more, but this is the gist. I feel as if she expects me to be at her beck and call and give her an open-ended commitment to paying for all the clean-up costs and do everything on her timetable because she is the injured party.
I know how she feels genuinely because I have been in her position with leaks into my flat from the flat above, the latest and worst being earlier this year. I understand the feeling of constantly being on edge, thinking you can hear more dripping, feeling alienated from your lovely home, etc. I was mortified when I found out about the leaks from my flat. When I said I was exhausted, I meant it - I'd been so stressed about the damage to her flat and how upset she was that I couldn't sleep for several nights. I was ill anyway and I just needed a break that weekend.
But I feel I have to draw a line under my financial commitment - dealing with the aftermath of leaks is part and parcel of living in a flat, isn't it? Maybe I should be helping her tidy up - Esme is in her 60s with a dodgy knee - but she has many, many friends who could help her. I have health issues of my own.
The times when it happened to me I cleaned up without any help, took plaster etc in small loads to the local bins over the next couple of weeks, etc. I also had to pay for my own ceiling repairs as the upstairs neighbour basically just shrugged - although she did sort out the cause of the leak, thank god. I realise that my experience with the neighbour above me may be colouring my judgement.
So as I said this is about doing the right thing by Esme but being fair to myself as well. Am I being unfair to my neighbour?