Would you swap a dream house for a walkable town?

[Kent2024]

I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives because I feel completely torn.

We currently live in a large bungalow in a semi-rural village in Kent. Over the last few years we’ve completely renovated and extended it, spending £250k plus on top of what we paid for the house. It’s now exactly how we wanted it; four bedrooms, large open-plan kitchen/living space, lovely garden, loads of privacy and some genuinely beautiful views over the countryside (I’ll attach a photo of the view).

The problem is… the location.

We have two young children, and increasingly I’m wondering whether we’re entering a stage of life where lifestyle matters more than the house itself.

Where we are now, you have to drive everywhere. If we fancy a coffee, we drive. Pub? Drive. Park? Drive. Taking the dog out? Drive. The boys can’t just hop on their bikes to meet friends or wander into town when they’re older. It all has to be planned.

One of the biggest frustrations is that although we live in a beautiful setting, we’re on a fast A-road. Our house is set well back behind gates and mature screening, so we don’t really hear the traffic in the house or garden, but it means we can’t simply walk out of the front door. The pavements are either tiny or non-existent in places, so even a casual stroll into a village, coffee shop or pub isn’t really possible.

I’ve started looking at places like Tunbridge Wells because I love the idea of walking out of the front door to independent cafés, parks, restaurants, the station, shops and clubs for the children. I imagine evening walks to get an ice cream, Saturday mornings wandering into town, the boys becoming more independent as teenagers, and generally feeling more connected to where we live.
The other attraction is the secondary schools. There seem to be several highly regarded state and grammar options in and around Tunbridge Wells, whereas where we are the choices feel more limited.

But then I look around our house and think… are we mad?

It’s taken years to create this home. The garden is exactly as we wanted, the house works brilliantly for family life, it’s peaceful and private despite the road, and the view still makes visitors stop and say “wow.” It’s also big enough that our boys will have space as they grow and we aren’t all on top of each other.

I’d describe it as like an island, very safe and private but life is contained within the boundary fences. I grew up in surburbia and didn’t realise how nice it was having the freedom to walk everywhere growing up.

I’m also conscious that perhaps we’re suffering from familiarity blindness, because we see the view every day, maybe we’ve stopped appreciating just how special it actually is. Would we only realise what we’d lost after we’d moved?

Financially we’d almost certainly end up with a less unique smaller house, a smaller garden and less privacy in order to gain the walkable location. I think we’d be lucky to break even and most likely we’d be down about 50k on what we’ve spent after fees etc.

Has anyone made a similar move?
Did moving to a walkable town genuinely improve everyday family life, or did the novelty wear off after a while? Equally, has anyone left a house they loved for the location and regretted it?

I’d really welcome honest opinions from people who’ve been in a similar position.

My youngest lived in a very walkable town for most of his life, he was so lucky. We now live rurally (but not remote) and I couldn't imagine living the life I wanted for him here, even though it's incredibly beautiful.

If moving is the best thing for you one day it will just make sense. I'd find it hard to leave that view though!

This ^^ almost word for word.

We're in a small town / large village (depending on how you look at it 😄). When our kids were toddlers we looked at moving to a rural location where we'd have a large house with great views, for the same cost as our own 3-bed semi. The thought of having to taxi the kids everywhere was the main reason we didn't move. When the kids were teenagers they were able to walk to the cinema / hobbies / school / part-time jobs. Now that they are adults, DH & myself love being able to stroll to the pub for a bite to eat / a pint. My friend lives in a beautiful house with a view similar to yours. She absolutely loves it (& I Iove visiting) but she & her DH plan to move to our location when the youngest heads to university in a coupe of years as they don't want to age in a rural area that doesn't have many amenities.

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

Are there good transport links?
I went the other way and moved away from the town. It's about a 20 minute walk to the bus stop but my teens have bus passes and get to the nearby towns easy enough using buses. I think it's been great for developing their independence.
I do miss things being in walking distance, I've never liked driving. However, I wouldn't go back. It's much more peaceful here and I love having a bigger garden.

Wow thank you so much for the responses. Our DC are 5 and 8, they go to an amazing very small village primary (again we have to drive there) but with our 8 year old going into year 4 it’s making us think much more about secondary schools and there is nowhere here he could get to himself, we would need to drive him / collect etc so it would be the same as our current set up but harder as our youngest would still be at primary.

In terms of what we would be looking at it would be a nice but pretty ordinary house in comparison, we would lose a lot of space but I’m imagining we would be out a lot more as a family. It’s such a tough one as we have total privacy, peace and aren’t bothered by anyone here so the thought of being at the mercy of considerate neighbours etc is a bit worrying. We like Tunbridge Wells specifically for the secondary schools and walk ability of the town. I’m just worried after the novelty wears off I’ll miss our house and regret the move.

This is the sort of thing that comes up in walking distance of the town…..

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/90062877

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/166709477

Also part of me feels worried about the financial implications, realising so soon we may not get all our money back, paying another big stamp duty fee etc. Almost like admitting we shouldn’t have spent all the money renovating and now we are moving.

Maybe I just need to view a few places to see how they feel and if I could imagine living there. The kids are growing so fast I almost want to make the most of it by living somewhere more connected and social while they are young and can benefit from it.

I would never live somewhere that meant I have to drive to everything hence why I’m in London in a smaller house than ideal.

The houses you linked to look lovely but essentially high spec for space. Maybe there is a compromise house with pavements to shops and bus stop but with bigger garden. The point about the suburbs is that you can access the town AND it's green and peaceful.
I live in zone 3 London and craved a bigger garden when my kids were at that age. I still crave one. My garden is 60ft my house spacious and peaceful but I long for views. My children would have liked a bigger garden too. Yes everything is walkable but never all the places you want to go to, and everyone round here drives their children sbd themselves to all sorts of adventures often outside London/Tunbridge Wells/Brighton cos London or any connurbation etc gets grimy and overwhelming or just claustrophobic if you are in somewhere like Tunbridge Wells. So factor in that you will still not have everything you need on your exact doorstep. This is a fantasy.

Thinking ahead to secondary schools IS incredibly important. Catchment areas, how you will get there. My daughter ended up in a school an hour away so not walkable or easy by public transport although she did it that way, and we had pavements and incredible transport links. She longed for me to drop her off every day and pick her up, as some of her friends parents did.

Even in London there were parents driving and picking their children up from school.
Dog walks again a lot of people round here drive to dog walks.
It's incredible how much people depend on cars even in London, the ultimate "town". I don't drive much my husband not at all, and it's partly because traffic makes it very unappealing !

So your dream of walking out the door could be tweaked..msybe factor in nearby but not immediately next to .There are always compromises.

Having seen your links, no! The semi would be a huge shock to the system, you are literally on top of the neighbours house and it doesn’t look to have parking? I couldn’t stand that after living where you do now and as for the other one I think I would cry every day if I left your house for that street.

We live in a town and my DC love being able to walk and get the bus/train. It opens up so many opportunities for them. I can see it will be difficult to leave your lovely home though and it will be a big adjustment.

I think you can compromise on location - there must be something in between a semi and what you have now. I live on the outskirts of Edinburgh - so we have several buses into town from the end of our road (20 mins to town centre) and walkable to a few shops and the schools, but with loads of green space, a garden that fits swings and such and… crucially for us… it’s detached.

I would stay in your beautiful home while your DCs are young and move when they are a bit older, before they go to high school so they can settle in an area before another big transition.
I moved to the edge of a city when my eldest was in year 6 - it should have happened when she was in year 5 but the sale fell through. The reasons for this were similar to the ones you cited, expect our house was no where near as beautiful but ours was safer, on a housing estate where we could walk to local shops, library and pubs. I grew up in the rural area we were living and found it suffocatingly boring from early teens until I left. I was into horses when younger, which was fine, but as I got older I started hanging around with older boys, drinking and smoking in parks for something to do. I remember feeling isolated, gauche and wishing I lived in a big town or city. If there had been even a cinema or leisure centre or youth club in walking or bus distance it would have helped but having to rely on family to take me everywhere was embarrassing, frustrating and inconvenient for everyone. I got out as soon as I could and moved back for childcare/ family support.

My Dcs had a completely different childhood - leisure complex a train stop away or bus ride away, city centre a 20 minute train ride away, theatre, concerts, clubs, swimming, friends they could meet up with easily and independently etc. The only downside is that now they are young adults they are situated perfectly for jobs and socialising so low incentive to move out!

Thst sounds like my nightmare. We chose to live in a market town in Sussex where we can walk everywhere or get public transport, yes it’s a smaller house but it is so nice, we bump into people we know, it’s so easy and means my toddler can get lots of walking in. You couldn’t pay me enough to live rurally. Also my daughter can have more independence earlier on than jf we had to drive everywhere, I actually feel sorry for teens who have to get driven everywhere

Also your carbon footprint from all those small drives will be so high

I think this thread demonstrates how different we all are, so all these mixed opinions aren’t going to help really!

I love living rurally and my teens don’t give a hoot about being driven places (in fact they prefer it to when we lived nearer town and they had to walk!). They love it here too as we have so much space. They go to an independent school and therefore their friends are quite spread geographically so there’d be driving involved wherever we lived.

But it’s horses for courses, it’s what’s best for your own family which matters.

I've never really looked at Tunbridge Wells before. It's a town of two halves! It's also quite big so it would be a bit of a culture shock.
Is there really nowhere else that appeals - bigger than the back-of-beyond but smaller than T.Wells?

I would hate to have to drive everywhere so would always choose city living.

I think you are insane to have poured 250K into this house as you will probably not get any of that back: you made changes according to your specific preferences, you are on an A road and prices are tumbling. Personally I believe the decision jas sort of been made for you

We lived in a similar location when my sons were younger. Perfect for running in the fields, big garden. Big paddling pool in summer and friends over. Perfect country life then moved into town as youngest started secondary school. Cheshire market town, large house so still plenty of space. Large front and back garden. 5 min pootle into town for pubs, restaurants shops etc. So glad we are here now. Boys enjoy the ease of walking into town as do i.

That’s a stunning view!

We did something similar, though less extreme. We lived in a small village when our kids were small - it had a primary school and a pub, but nothing else. And our house was nowhere near as beautiful as yours, but it did have a big garden backing onto fields.

It worked well for us at that stage of our lives. The kids could walk to school (with us when they were small, on their own when they were older) and to the houses of friends who lived in the village, and it was very peaceful.

I never really settled in the village, though. I like to have more going on around me. And the buses into our nearest (small) city gradually dwindled while we were there to one a day (!), so we could see we’d be spending the kids’ teenage years driving them around.

We made the decision to move into the city before our eldest started secondary school. It’s worked brilliantly for us - we’re in a nice quiet street/area, the kids could walk to their secondary school and cycle into the city centre, most of their friends live within a mile, it’s been easy for them to get part-time jobs, there are nice shops and cafes a short walk away, etc etc. But the compromise was a small (though very nice) terraced house and garden.

The counterfactual is our good friends, with children of a similar age, who stayed in the village. They did a LOT of taxiing, but they also found ways to get round that sometimes (eg their kids getting a bus to the outskirts of the city, then cycling from there). Their kids went to independent school, so they wouldn’t have had the ‘friend on the doorstep’ thing anyway. They’ve grown up just as independent as ours - they just developed that independence in slightly different ways. And our friends kept their lovely big, quiet house and garden for them all to spread out in and enjoy.

Not sure if that’s at all helpful, but just sharing how that decision going each way worked out for us and our friends. Essentially either decision will involve compromises - the challenge is working out which are the right compromises for you.

I live in Tunbridge Wells very close to the grammar schools and town, although I would love to live in the country I can't deny it's handy as the kids are getting older. But surely there's a middle ground, I've not seen your pics as they won't load for me but I'm guessing you have a fair amount of cash and could move to somewhere near the common or out towards Rusthall where you still get the countryside feel but also teenagers can walk into town and to school etc.

It really feels like a small town, everyone knows everyone and if you go into town on a Saturday you always see a few people you know.

Exactly the same dilemma here
I want to try 3 to 5 nights in a rental in the town to experience it and see how I cope - with the traffic, noise, anti social behaviour etc. and the positives of just walking out for a coffee, company, the shops, a social life.

Currently living in my perfect forever dream home that feels like being on holiday every single day - but it can also be isolating and lonely and I know at some point I have to make that leap.

@Kent2024a lot of kids also travel in to the grammars so they may well find there are kids in your village which will get the same bus etc.

DH grew up somewhere like your house. He's currently in therapy for many reasons, but at least part of it was being inadequately socialised as a kid by introverted rural parents, which compounded autistic disadvantages. City life had taken some adapting too, but he'd never go back. For a start, he's so incompetent at interpreting other people that he can't drive because he can't predict what anyone else will do, so we have no choice but to live in the city.

We made this move, from a very rural cottage where you couldn’t get anywhere without driving, to a terraced house in a medium sized seaside town. I do miss the birds! But overall it’s been a great move for us - the kids walk everywhere, including to school, all their friends live within walking distance, there are pubs, shops and a leisure centre all walkable, plus two train stations which connect to our nearby city in 12 mins and from there to the wider world. It’s meant they have been able to develop their independence safely and anlongside all their schoolmates. The plan is still to go back to rural living when they leave home but I will miss the convenience of having everything on the doorstep and the feeling of community that comes from having neighbours.

We have talked about renting an air b&b and seeing what's its really like in town.