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Can anyone relate to feeling upset about leaving a much-loved home?

86 replies

SadHouse · 18/04/2026 17:08

I feel so pathetic. Dh and I have been in this house almost 20 years. We've done a lot to it. The only reason we're moving is the area. It goes through periods of being rough. It's been ok for a good while. But it's getting rough again.

We're not getting any younger and can't be done with it.
We've found another house and in the process of buying. It isn't dependant on selling ours but ours is on the market.

I'm looking at our beautiful home online that other people will live in. It's breaking me.

I feel guilty because I have a friend going through an awful time. And I'm crying over bricks and mortar.

Luckily I'm not at work for a week so can have my mini breakdown without it affecting work.

Can anyone relate? If I could transport our house to the nicer area we're moving to I would.

I think losing a lot of close family whilst living here may have added to my upset. Lots of good and bad memories tied here.

OP posts:
SadHouse · 19/04/2026 11:18

piscofrisco · 19/04/2026 06:25

After I got divorced I moved with my DD’s to a very old very ramshackle old coaching inn (one half of it-it had been converted into two houses) in a Beautiful village. I knew the minute I went to look around it that it was ‘my’ house despite having been vacant for years, in need of all the work and infested with woodworm. There was lots wrong with it objectively (the garden was a walk up the old stable yard away and not directly accessible from the house, it was listed which made it harder to do some of the work needed, and the house faced on to the village high street which could be loud), but somehow those things didn’t bother me at all.
I did most of the work myself around my actual work and looking after the DD’s. I was broken when I moved there and it really did heal me. I had it exactly how I wanted it and it’s not something that can decoratively be easily replicated as it had lots of unique features such as old wood panelling and a 16th century carved stair case which dictated the style of it-in a good way)
I Later met now Dh and eventually we decided to move in together with my two and his two DC, so we needed a bigger house and I had to sell mine.

4 years later I wake up every day and I miss that house. I don’t think I will ever get over it or feel as at home anywhere else.
Do you actually HAVE to move OP?

I'm sorry that happened. Yes we have to move because our street is mainly landlord owned and we've had some horrors here. Be too outing to say as I've posted in another name about them. Plus it's getting rough again. Nothing against renting I've done it and kept my house spotless and respected my neighbours. But some of these are total scum. And their dcs are the same. It's sad but they don't stand a chance. Much quieter and a better house where we're going.

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NittingNora · 19/04/2026 11:46

Leaving our last house was a wrench, even though it was a positive move (and has worked out brilliantly for all of us). DS was 11 and had grown up there. We went round the house together with big sheets of paper, spent time sitting in each room (even the bathroom and utility room!) and wrote down our memories, funny things that had happened in that room, etc. I think it really helped. On moving day, when the chaos had ended and we were about to leave, we walked round the house together and said thank you.

dudsville · 19/04/2026 11:55

I can relate. I've not been in your shoes, but I love my home so much. I sometimes have bad dreams about being forced to leave or making the decision to leave and being full of remorse and regret, and spend the dream trying to get back to get the house back.

I would like to stay in my home for as long as possible, but I can see the potential need to downsize later on to free up money for home help if needed to keep me living independently for longer, and I think that would be a very sad day. I hope your new home can come to feel as wonderful to you as this one you're having to leave.

SadHouse · 19/04/2026 12:06

dudsville · 19/04/2026 11:55

I can relate. I've not been in your shoes, but I love my home so much. I sometimes have bad dreams about being forced to leave or making the decision to leave and being full of remorse and regret, and spend the dream trying to get back to get the house back.

I would like to stay in my home for as long as possible, but I can see the potential need to downsize later on to free up money for home help if needed to keep me living independently for longer, and I think that would be a very sad day. I hope your new home can come to feel as wonderful to you as this one you're having to leave.

I hope you can stay. We'll possibly need a stairlift or have to move to a bungalow one day? My dm stayed in her home with stairs and fell from top to bottom! That was the beginning of her end sadly. I kept begging her to get a bungalow.

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LibertyLily · 19/04/2026 12:28

I've felt like this twice and still frequently cry about the second one, eight years after selling...

The first was what I'd always seen as our dream home (a rambling six bed Victorian house we'd taken on as a huge DIY project when it was divided into several flats), where DS spent his childhood and we had loads of happy times with family and friends. We threw everything at that house and ultimately made a it a beautiful home...but when DS left for university we sold up as it was just too big/expensive to maintain. I thought we'd never find anywhere we'd be as happy, but at 40ish we were still young enough to start again.

The second came a few years later, after we'd moved around a bit, taking on - only slightly - smaller projects and making them our own, doing virtually everything ourselves, but none really felt right, despite being gorgeous characterful houses (one was a Tudor building that had been taken down and rebuilt elsewhere by a master builder in the 1930s, another was a three-storey Georgian thatched house with fabulous garden).

Then, not really looking to move, I stumbled upon a stunning, run down four bed, detached Arts and Crafts house that was for sale 150 miles away. We collected Arts and Crafts and Art Nouveau objects, so it seemed meant to be - the real 'forever' home which would be a showcase for our collection when restored.

I persuaded DH to view it and we sold the thatched house very quickly. Our dads had both just died (vascular dementia) after years of stress for everyone involved and my mum had Alzheimer's, so in hindsight I was probably not best placed to make such an important decision. We went there intending to move my mum from her (self-funding) nursing home to somewhere close by, but the first thing that happened was I was informed it wasn't in her best interests and they'd object to a move for her.

Everything went downhill from there - our business failed, my mum died and we realised the house needed far more work than our depleted enthusiasm - and funds - could cope with. By then we'd torn out the acres of woodchip wallpaper that smothered every surface (on shelves inside cupboards!) and the house looked far worse than when we'd bought it. In a moment of utter madness when it felt like we had no option, we decided to sell and move to rural Wales. Why?!?

The house went into auction where we had loads of uber-critical viewings from people who wanted to rip it down and it failed to sell. Eventually we found a buyer, lost loads of money (we owned outright, but it still hurt) and bought another (repossessed) wreck in Carmarthenshire that I hated at first sight. I knew we'd done the wrong thing, but it was too late to change our minds. For me, it was the perfect house and we'd totally let it (and ourselves) down by abandoning the old place.

When we were selling the (now fully restored) Welsh place in 2024, my beloved Arts and Crafts house came back up for sale. If we could have bought it back, we would, but it was now at a vastly inflated price we could no longer afford. Instead we purchased another ruin little Georgian cottage by the sea where I should be happy and thankful, but every single day I miss the one that I let go.....

SadHouse · 19/04/2026 13:40

@LibertyLily that's so sad. Your collection sounds fascinating though.

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LibertyLily · 19/04/2026 16:51

SadHouse · 19/04/2026 13:40

@LibertyLily that's so sad. Your collection sounds fascinating though.

Thank you - unfortunately we sold the majority as some of the furniture was huge and wouldn't have fitted into the house we bought in Wales (and our new cottage is even more spatially challenged!). We do still have some of our favourite smaller pieces 🥰

I wish you all the best for your proposed move - I think from what you've said it'll definitely be for the best and I'm sure you'll make it a wonderful home where you can make lots of new memories 💐

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 19/04/2026 16:59

Yes, I can.

We moved because of a nightmare neighbour who raised a boundary dispute the day he moved in. 20 years of happy times absolutely ruined

We ended up keeping the house because the sale fell through and it's rented out. I went back between tenants recently and found it really difficult. I know I will never live there again but I feel conflicted about letting it go, I know I'll find it very hard to let it go

SadHouse · 19/04/2026 18:23

LibertyLily · 19/04/2026 16:51

Thank you - unfortunately we sold the majority as some of the furniture was huge and wouldn't have fitted into the house we bought in Wales (and our new cottage is even more spatially challenged!). We do still have some of our favourite smaller pieces 🥰

I wish you all the best for your proposed move - I think from what you've said it'll definitely be for the best and I'm sure you'll make it a wonderful home where you can make lots of new memories 💐

Edited

Aw that's a shame but at least you have some. I bet you have a beautiful home.

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SadHouse · 19/04/2026 18:25

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 19/04/2026 16:59

Yes, I can.

We moved because of a nightmare neighbour who raised a boundary dispute the day he moved in. 20 years of happy times absolutely ruined

We ended up keeping the house because the sale fell through and it's rented out. I went back between tenants recently and found it really difficult. I know I will never live there again but I feel conflicted about letting it go, I know I'll find it very hard to let it go

I can understand that about the boundary. That's awful he did that to you.

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SadHouse · 19/04/2026 18:28

@Bulbsbulbsbulbs I actually meant I can understand that about renting it out. Hopefully they're looking after the house?

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bumblebee1000 · 19/04/2026 19:44

I might be in same position soon as have to buy out a sibling to remain in the house i grew up in...if negotiatons go wobbly and i cant afford to stay here then i have to sell up... i never go back to places or areas i used to live. A change might be good..downsize, release a lot of funds...i do have great neighbours and location is good for shops and station etc but the drug issues are creeping back....so maybe a fresh start by the sea or....??

SadHouse · 19/04/2026 20:07

bumblebee1000 · 19/04/2026 19:44

I might be in same position soon as have to buy out a sibling to remain in the house i grew up in...if negotiatons go wobbly and i cant afford to stay here then i have to sell up... i never go back to places or areas i used to live. A change might be good..downsize, release a lot of funds...i do have great neighbours and location is good for shops and station etc but the drug issues are creeping back....so maybe a fresh start by the sea or....??

Yes maybe a fresh start will be good. I'm by the sea and still will be although not as close.

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SadHouse · 22/04/2026 16:41

We've got 2 viewings on ours this week. One is Sunday just after having gcs 🙈 oh well they'll have to take into account we live here.

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LibertyLily · 22/04/2026 16:57

SadHouse · 22/04/2026 16:41

We've got 2 viewings on ours this week. One is Sunday just after having gcs 🙈 oh well they'll have to take into account we live here.

Good luck with the viewings @SadHouse 🤞

We're also by the sea - just a couple of minutes walk - which is lovely. I was born and grew up near the sea, but similar to @bumblebee1000 I don't like returning to places I've lived before. So when we were selling the Welsh house to move back home in 2024, it was the idea of 'home' being the south coast. I purposely avoided house hunting anywhere close to where we used to live.

I might regret letting those previous houses go, but I console myself by the fact we've experienced living in a few interesting locations/properties 😉

SadHouse · 22/04/2026 17:01

Thanks @LibertyLily . We've had an offer already but was a bit too low. And we aren't in a rush.

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MissisBee · 22/04/2026 17:32

Yes!! We moved 2 years ago from the house where DH and I got married and where our children were born. We had run out of space. Practically it was the right decision but I broke my heart over it for ages. Didn't help that I had significant bereavements in the middle of it all. Which brings me to - my sister and I have just put our parental home on the market. Again, right decision from a practical perspective but it's 😭 all over again.

user1471538283 · 22/04/2026 19:40

Just the thought of having to sell my favourite house upset me. It was such an achievement. But once I moved out I only thought of it in passing and I didn't miss it really.

It takes time to process.

SadHouse · 22/04/2026 19:50

user1471538283 · 22/04/2026 19:40

Just the thought of having to sell my favourite house upset me. It was such an achievement. But once I moved out I only thought of it in passing and I didn't miss it really.

It takes time to process.

That's good you're over it.

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BabanaYogurt · 22/04/2026 20:18

Only when left my real home as a small child when my father drove me to my boarding school. This can never be recovered and stays with you

SadHouse · 22/04/2026 21:27

BabanaYogurt · 22/04/2026 20:18

Only when left my real home as a small child when my father drove me to my boarding school. This can never be recovered and stays with you

I'm sorry you experienced that. Was boarding school ok?

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BabanaYogurt · 22/04/2026 21:31

SadHouse · 22/04/2026 21:27

I'm sorry you experienced that. Was boarding school ok?

It was all right as a whole.

Ramdomer · 23/04/2026 14:35

I feel that way about the home I grew up
in that we are having to sell.

SadHouse · 23/04/2026 14:41

Guy has been to view. He said wow this is nice when he walked in. He must have seen the pics on the website though? Anyway it's early days so we'll see if we get many more?

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ChurpyBurd · 24/04/2026 14:11

I'd take the compliment. Website pics give an impression but not the full picture - true dimensions, the quality of the light etc.

Also it's a nice thing to compliment the owner on a lovely home!

Good luck if you continue with the sale.

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