Can anyone relate to feeling upset about leaving a much-loved home?

[SadHouse]

I feel so pathetic. Dh and I have been in this house almost 20 years. We've done a lot to it. The only reason we're moving is the area. It goes through periods of being rough. It's been ok for a good while. But it's getting rough again.

We're not getting any younger and can't be done with it.
We've found another house and in the process of buying. It isn't dependant on selling ours but ours is on the market.

I'm looking at our beautiful home online that other people will live in. It's breaking me.

I feel guilty because I have a friend going through an awful time. And I'm crying over bricks and mortar.

Luckily I'm not at work for a week so can have my mini breakdown without it affecting work.

Can anyone relate? If I could transport our house to the nicer area we're moving to I would.

I think losing a lot of close family whilst living here may have added to my upset. Lots of good and bad memories tied here.

I've never felt this bereft. I think it's because it's a sort of forced move. Plus it's a lovely house. I just can't stand some of the scummy people here. Seems a lot more peaceful where we're going? 🙏

Maybe I subscribe to it's the people that make the home...I think that's why my parents house doesn't feel the same anymore without dad. When/if DC leaves for university, wherever we are house-wise, then I will be bereft.

You will make great memories elsewhere OP. Be kind to yourself, the reasons for going are very valid.

Yes you're right.

Once the curtains are up and I've decorated it'll start to feel like home.

Have you viewed any actual
homes yet? When I was looking to move we saw lots of really nice homes that were completely different to ours. I then realised my lovely home wasn’t the only nice house out there and that there were actually lots and lots better and easier. After that I didn’t look back. Good luck

Well twenty years is a long time!
Good luck in your new home

Yes we're waiting to move.

Me!
I drive past now and the woman who bought it has completely let the hedge go. I used to keep it immaculate and it's a total overgrown mess now. It (irrationally) upset me..

That's shocking! Poor hedge.

About a home they LOVED? Note that qualifier. Not sure why everyone’s turned weird about me saying yes people get upset.

I left the house my children grew up in almost five years ago. I lived there for 27 years. It was a lovely house. I had to sell it and downsize because I was living alone after my two DC had left home. My DH died 13 years before I sold the house. I couldn't manage such a big house with a huge garden by myself any more. My DC had both moved to the other side of the city as property was cheaper there.

So circumstances forced me to sell.
But I knew that my memories would go with me. It isn't the bricks and mortar that matter. It wasn't the house that was special, it was our family and the times we shared. Those times were never going to be repeated regardless of how long I stayed there.
I now live on the same side of the city as my DC in a little house I can grow old in. I still have my memories and all the photographs we took over the years.

I did. We rented it and I basically had a breakdown when the landlord sold it to a developer.

be gentle to yourself and take your time to find the right one

years later, we’ve now been lucky enough to buy. The owner definitely picked us - we put in an ridiculously cheeky offer, but weren’t interested in loads of building work and ripping out the garden

I relate. I love my house almost as much as my cats and more than some of my family.

That must be heartbreaking 💔

I sobbed when we left our last house. We had done so much work, it had an amazing view, beautiful kitchen, lovely neighbours & it was the house I bought my babies home to etc etc

Six months on, I can appreciate how lovely the old house was, but I have zero regrets. We moved for more space and all of our quality of lives have improved, even with the 80's decor & various weird issues.

Hold fast OP. It sounds like it will be worth it.

My mum.died and we sold our family home. Mum.and dad lied in it since before I was born. I don't know why but it felt like my true home. I was heart broken. But it gets easier. I still feel like it's home..I took out all the original brass victorian hooks when we sold it. It was turned into bedsits and will never a family home again.

I feel quite panicky if I think about leaving our home. It's beautiful but it's also such a happy home and our now adult DD loves coming back. Best of luck with the move, OP.

I think this is completely relatable - the passage of time is sometimes the only answer. I have been so attached to some assets that I could not bear to sell them. In the case of my first flat, we rented it out instead, we are now 25 years on, made sense at the time, and I have no longer any attachment to it, and if we sold it tomorrow I would not be bothered. My first family home that I brought my kids back to was quite bad (been there 7 years and loved the property but not the area). Moved to a much bigger property, better area 20 miles away, and again rented the old one out until it became unviable to do so, and we then sold it. By the time we sold it, it had become quite a nuisance, and busy with the kids, I hardly looked back, but it is often in my dreams. I admire people who can just move on. I have had cars that I have cried over, these are cars that have let me down !! and a mobile home that we used to holiday in continually when my five were growing up - a thousand tears over that one I think some people do just get attached to things, and the memories of them, however ridiculous. Time does help, especially if you use the money for "something better / more suitable". You are not the only one xx

Oh God yes! The day before I moved to my current house I went down to our high street to pay the final paper bill. I kept bumping into people I knew, including our GP, and cried over all of them. I must have sobbed my way all along the high street. 😂

I was just going to say the same thing. I might appreciate them while I live there but once I'm gone I've moved on

After I got divorced I moved with my DD’s to a very old very ramshackle old coaching inn (one half of it-it had been converted into two houses) in a Beautiful village. I knew the minute I went to look around it that it was ‘my’ house despite having been vacant for years, in need of all the work and infested with woodworm. There was lots wrong with it objectively (the garden was a walk up the old stable yard away and not directly accessible from the house, it was listed which made it harder to do some of the work needed, and the house faced on to the village high street which could be loud), but somehow those things didn’t bother me at all.
I did most of the work myself around my actual work and looking after the DD’s. I was broken when I moved there and it really did heal me. I had it exactly how I wanted it and it’s not something that can decoratively be easily replicated as it had lots of unique features such as old wood panelling and a 16th century carved stair case which dictated the style of it-in a good way)
I Later met now Dh and eventually we decided to move in together with my two and his two DC, so we needed a bigger house and I had to sell mine.

4 years later I wake up every day and I miss that house. I don’t think I will ever get over it or feel as at home anywhere else.
Do you actually HAVE to move OP?

Yes- my first home that I bought with my ex-husband (I say “with” loosely as he contributed nothing, financially or otherwise) and I fought so hard to keep. It was a little stable conversion in a conservation village that I lived in for ten years and I loved it so much 🥹 Gardens were communal but I had the front of it absolutely packed with pots and planters and inside it just felt like “me”.

In the end it was more important to have a bigger garden and room to grow produce, keep small animals etc so I moved. But I was quite sad for a little while, especially because it takes time for the new house to feel like “home”.

Yes. We were only there for 4 years but it was DD1s first home and DD2 was born in the front room.

Yes I foolishly let Mumsnet pick my title lazy But you could have avoided the thread.

I'm feeling much better today. Thanks to those who have been supportive. After the gym I drove past new house again this morning. The area is so much nicer than here. I said to dh we wouldn't be ashamed of inviting friends and family to stay or visit. I have friends who haven't been to mine because of distance. We meet half way
I have a newly found cousin who's family originate locally. They can stay without me wondering what could be happening in the street or nearby. There was an assault Friday night and the lane is still taped off.

@newornotnew sorry meant to quote @ButterYellowHair 🙈. I think i should have had a lie in this morning?

Sorry that made me laugh 😃