Buying a property that my elderly parent wouldn't be able to access?

[heartheadwhich]

DH and I are downsizing for a better location and quality of life. We have been looking for a few weeks and have now seen a property that fits our requirements for size, price (we could be mortgage free), location and gives us 'the feeling' as well.

However, it's up four flights of stairs (period conversion flat, huge and beautiful), which is fine for us but will make it effectively out of bounds for my father, who would not be able to manage them. At the moment we live in a house and he struggles when he comes round even to get up the three steps to our front door.

When I mentioned the flat to him, he made a crack about 'keeping him out'. He would absolutely say he was joking but it's played on my mind ever since. As the dutiful eldest daughter I'm now worrying about whether or not it would be a terrible decision to buy somewhere that my lovely dad could never visit.

We could of course still visit him! But I can't help thinking we're being a bit selfish to even consider it.

Would this be a deal breaker for you? Btw, not up for a discussion about the pros and cons of buying flats themselves, just interested in thoughts around the access issue.

I understand re garden. Not everyone likes pottering around. It’s the four flights of stairs that stand out. Every single day, don’t forget anything otherwise you will have 4 flights of stairs.

Regarding the people saying they wouldn't want to be without a garden so wouldn't want a flat ..... They are called OPINIONS! They are not prejudiced! People are not prejudiced because they have a different opinion to you!

I think you have a very narrow understanding of the word prejudice.

No, I couldn’t do this in your circumstances.

I'd love a fourth, fifth or higher flat with large rooms, high ceilings, fabulous view but realistically only if it has a lift and a balcony/terrace.

Personally, I wouldnt just buy the flat but write down a completely different address for him when you move. That way the annoying ** won't ever be able to find you.

Another thing of flats, you only need someone in the flat above or below to make living there miserable if they have no respect with noise created by them. I don't think I'd ever want to live in a flat again.

I think YOU have a very narrow understanding of the word 'opinion.'

I know that someone saying they wouldn't want an upstairs flat as they wouldn't want to be without a garden is NOT a prejudice. It's an opinion.

If he pops in a couple of times a week, changing that to him staying at home so you visit him instead is really quite significant.

Equally, a public meeting spot might wear thin as you both need to drive and park, maybe you’ll have noisy people to contend with in eg a cafe, and it takes away the spontaneity etc.

i would understand you putting yourself first as it’s your home and your future, but I think I would feel too guilty.

Prejudices are made up of opinions, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Exactly. My OPINION is that you honestly couldn't pay me to live in a flat now. Did so in my early 20s (when I lived alone for 2 years,) and with DH (when we first lived together, we lived in a first floor flat for 2.5 years before we moved to a 2 bed house.) But no way would I downsize to a flat from a house in my middle age or older. I would go for a bungalow or a smaller house (with a downstairs loo) if I was downsizing past the age of 45-50.

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I said "outside space", actually. Could be a small terrace.

But you crack on with your idea of a stair lift going up four flights of common space stairs 😆

I wouldn’t buy something with 4 flights of stairs and no lift, and I’m in my 30s!

If you are downsizing it might not be very long before you become less mobile than you currently are. Wouldn’t touch this property!

I agree with you in principle but downsizing to a bungalow has two things against them - they are more expensive than flats generally and few are being built nowadays, also they tend to have large gardens that are too much for downsizers to maintain themselves. I downsized from a semi detached cottage to a flat with a terrace (and a lift). It was built in the 1930s and the ceilings are concrete and the walls thick so no noise disturbance!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I0_2l3O0jkw&pp=0gcJCUABo7VqN5tD

Maybe get a stair climbing wheelchair?

I used a much earlier version in the 1990s and it got me up and down two long flights regularly. It was very slow and far from perfect but there are bound to be better options now.

Is it a Newtown flat in Edinburgh?

I really wouldn't. Thinking about yourself too.

Anyone can end up with health issues and joint pain can hit you increasingly from fifties onwards. Sometimes I really struggle which could be because of my Mecfs or just menopausal and I am 51!

Not quite the same but one of my family members got a cat. A very fluffy one. I'm v allergic and I couldn't go round anymore. On the one hand, it's their life (though their partner wanted the cat more than them)... But it did hurt a bit. I've not been for years.

Hmmm, a few good points @HappyFace2025 - about bungalows - but there are quite a few where I live that are small, with modest gardens. I guess it depends where in the UK you live. I am North Mids/North Staffs kind of area. There are some suburbs in several towns that have roads with 40 to 60 one and two bed semi-detached bungalows... All have manageable gardens. Almost all of them have people over 50 in them.

Lucky you! I'm in the southeast and ideally would love a bungalow near the sea.

Go for it if you're looking forward to not having your Dad visit anymore 😃

It doesn't have to be a bungalow. Ground floor flats are available. But they will probably cost more, and the OP is perhaps now finding out why!

I wouldn't buy someone he couldn't visit. But I'd never buy somewhere that's up 4 flights anyway.
You also have to think ahead.

I wouldn't do it. It saddened me that my mother could not visit our house for the last 5 years of her life because of the stairs. Same with my brother who lives in a modern 3 storey town house. She got a lot of pleasure from coming for a weekend visit, or Christmas, and losing those was a bitter blow for her.

I can't see that you say how old you are but a few practical notes from me. You might be fit and well now but anyone can break an ankle or leg, getting into the flat would be a trial. If you need to call an ambulance getting you out will be harder. Every time you need an appliance or item of furniture delivered you will find it hard to get that into the flat. My SIL lives in a house that can only be accessed by steps up a steep bank. No vehicles can park just outside or near the front door, her elderly parents can't visit,prams can't easily be pushed to the door, delivery drivers refuse to carry any large, heavy items to the door. If she needs to get, for example , a washing machine delivered she has to ask neighbours to carry it up the steps. There is no way, I would live in a flat that was 4 floors up with no lift. It isn't making life easier, it causes other problems and challenges
SIL is now reaching the conclusion that having a lovely view isn't compensation for being able to access your home easily.

There was a property we viewed that we liked as well, but my father wouldn’t have been able to access it with his wheelchair (too many steps) and honestly the thought of it not being accessible to him just made me feel a bit sad.

I think it’s up to you and what matters to you.