Unhappy in house, sell after 1.5 years?

[WiltedBlossom]

Hi all,
New here but have been reading various posts. Just wondering what your thoughts are on selling a house that you just can't seem to feel happy in?

We've been here for a year and a half, and it's just not bright enough for me, I constantly find myself craving more light and sun. The house feels boxed in by the tall houses opposite and out back, which cast large shadows especially at this time of year, and the small living room window can't be enlarged due to zoning regulations, so a lot of the time it feels like living in a box.

The area is highly sought after so I think we'd be able to sell quite fast. Only thing is that we might never be able to buy again - there's basically nothing on the market, and what is out there is either no better, or totally unaffordable. So we'd be back to renting.

Not a single day passes where I don't think about getting out of here, I don't want to continue like this. I was happy in our bright rental flat before and felt at home there, and I'm hoping that I can feel at home again somewhere else.

Thanks for your thoughts or advice!

Aaah.... I think the aspect is the main problem here. I feel very uneasy in North facing rooms.. it actually affects my mood and people laugh at me but it's true. Our house is east facing, so we get sun in our bedroom and the living room in the morning and sun at the back later in the day. I think it makes a real difference to the feel of a house. We also libed in flats on 3rd and 4th floor for years before we got this house and I still miss the feeling of space that you get from that. Are you in a flat or house? If house, could you downsize to a flat maybe? It sounds like it's v important to you. If the dining are is North facing, you're never gonna get the light you're craving, unless the architect is a genius.

It always costs money to move and I wouldn't normally advise anyone to rent if they can buy. Could you move a bedroom downstairs and have a living room upstairs to get more light? Is it possible to move to another area? Or wait until something local does come up - maybe somewhere with potential? I completely understand how lack of light can get you down. You have my sympathy.

Anything is possible if you have the money.

Why dont you go to a builder and see what you could change. You might be surprised. Then you could save (or use money if you have it) to slowly get the work done.

Nothing wrong with selling after 1.5 years. Easy to just say the area and neighbours are great but you have decided the house isnt quite what youre looking for.

Personally I wouldnt go back to renting. Any circumstances could change and it might be very hard to get out of renting again
Also after the budget rents are going to sky rocket.

I would wait until properties come on the market that are affordable/ what youre looking for then sell and move at the same time.

My dining kitchen is on the north side and only has a small window so I usually have to have the lights on. But there are lots of those modern lights set into the ceiling and it feels nice and bright.

Don't go back renting.
Don't sink a heap of cash into the house you don't like.

Have fun doing inexpensive brightening of your home and also work on your depressive state. It's Winter and you will be feeling dull.

Ideas ..
Plant Hops on tall strings and sunflowers in the sad part of the garden along with scented herbs. Follow advice from a landscaper rather than doing pricey renovations.

Paint your walls white and one clear light yellow wall.

Spend your time going to galleries, Choose artwork by amateur painters that you adore, and prints of works you've always loved - or learn to paint on large canvases.

Hang your art and posters and a few delightful mirrors.

Wake early and bask in morning sunlight.

Become familiar with your local parks; walk in greenery every lunch time.

Join a choir.

Take a long bath.
Read books.

Get a fortnightly massage.

Buy a seasons ticket to - the nearest Wildlife Park, the nearest swimming pool, the National Trust and the National Ballet.

Enjoy the location, make the most of your house without breaking the budget and don't apologise for cheering yourself up.

I think I just grew used to it esp after being here during Covid. Putting up artwork made a lot of difference (it’s a new house and it felt quite impersonal for a long time) and having life experiences in the house sort of makes it yours,
However, If I won £500k (which would be enough for moving fees and to buy a similarly sized house in ideal location, I would).

To add - not sure I dealt with it that well, I felt railroaded in to buying it as we had buyers for our previous house and couldn’t find anywhere else in our price bracket, now I know we should’ve stretched ourselves more financially. I blamed dh as it was his idea to look at this development,

As some PPs have suggested, I would lean into the dark. One of our downstairs rooms is VERY dark with one a small north facing window. When we first moved in I followed the conventional advice to use light, reflecting paint, mirrors etc. to try and maximise the little light there was. Sounds sensible but in reality it just drew attention to how little light there was, and it just felt sad and dingy. I hated the room and never used it.

Finally I took the plunge and we repainted in a very deep, rich, dark colour using the colour drenching approach where you paint everything incl. the woodwork etc. It looks AMAZING. It's like a mysterious, exotic little sanctuary and I am am not exaggerating when I say it is now my favourite room in the house and I actually feel a little thrill every time I open the door onto it.

I think there have been good ideas on this thread-it sounds as if opening the glazing at the back would make a big difference. I can’t remember if you said an extension would t be allowed-not even a lean to glass one? My dc has a house with N facing back-but roof glazing makes a massive difference to how bright the room feels. N facing always feels gloomy in winter. How is your garden? Get winter evergreen/flowering plants like hellebores and shade loving heuchera, viburnum dawn. The front living room-a paint I always thinks looks wonderful in darker rooms is Stone4 by paint and paper library. It will look warm and cosy rather than dark and dingy. Don’t give up OP! You live in a good area, your house is attractive if it’s in a conservation area and you have good space. You can do a lot without spending tens of thousands.

Thanks, this is also something we've considered but it's a very drastic and very expensive change, so I'm not sure yet whether we'll go down that road. Let's see...

Yes, aspect is at least part of the issue.
We're in a house, not much chance of downsizing as we need the three bedrooms we have. No decent flats for sale anyway.

The back does have a bit of East exposure (not entirely North) so it's quite bright especially in the mornings, in summer we do get some sun back there in the morning. But yeah, I might just try moving the dining table out of the way and sticking the couch there for a week just to see potentially how it might feel to have the living room back there instead. Thanks.

Paint and clever lighting make a phenomenal difference.

My entire interior is painted white. I use furniture and pictures to add colour. Only my North facing bedroom is different, and that's terracotta orange for warmth.

I have diffuse lighting spread across multiple lamps, so nothing in your eyes, but keeping bright spots around the room so there are no dark corners. I barely use the big lights 😂 but they are LED lit fans and removing the old pendant lights has brightened up the ceiling as well.

Lights behind the TV - just LED strips attached to the back works. Reduces eye strain and brightens the room as well.

It does sound like you'd benefit from using a SAD lamp - I start to use mine in about early October every year and it works beautifully to stave off crashes into SAD-related depression (after many years of the same pattern).

Before you spend tens of thousands on a move, doors or architectural changes, look at what new lighting and a few tins of paint do.

Yes, that's the thing, I got fed up of renting when we could afford to buy.

Don't think we can swap a bedroom with the living room as then you'd basically have a bedroom next to the kitchen, I think it'd be quite strange.
I use our bright attic room as a second lounge but it's not very practical.

I've been keeping an eye on the market but to be honest, as this experience has been so difficult it's either this place or back to a rental, at least for the time being, to recover and work out what we really want instead of jumping into buying somewhere else which might also prove to be less than ideal, as everywhere has its flaws.

Thanks for your kind words!

Thanks, yes, we want to decide soon whether to go ahead with renovations or sell up. In a way I'm starting to think though that it might be a case of better the devil you know - I'm actually pretty terrified of going to live somewhere else and still being unhappy!
I did look at one rental earlier on this year which was really pleasant and bright, but it wasn't the right time yet then to go ahead.

My sister has suggested we stay in the house, make a five-year plan, and "allow" ourselves to actively look again for somewhere else after that if we/I still want to. I suppose it would give us chance to have a bit of stability for a while but to not rule out moving again in future. Plus I'm hoping to get back to work soon (stay at home mom at present), which would hopefully also give us a bit more leeway financially.

Yes, I am reluctant to get back on the treadmill of renting, moving every few years, upping the standards and the costs each time (our most recent rental cost double what our very first rental did...)
I'm just fed up though of the mental gymnastics of will we, won't we, so we need to decide soon either way...
Thank you!

I'm not into artificial lights but I do put them on if it's later in the day or really gloomy outside.

Yes, you're right that I don't really want to rent unless we have to, but that I also don't want to sink too much cash into this place at the risk of it still not being the right thing.

I'm in therapy for anxiety and I do try to get out and about (I have to anyway with our son), but it's honestly like I've had a big cloud hanging over my head since we moved in here, I just can't seem to shake it off.

Thanks for all your feel-good suggestions, I do need to try and enjoy life a bit more again and focus more on other things as this issue will not be sorted out overnight. Cheers.

I once moved after 12 months because I wasn’t happy. Go for it.

Yes, I suppose a lot of it is getting used to somewhere, it's just so hard that I still feel so unsettled after 18 months, I still don't really feel like I have a home as such, this all feels rather transient. I really hope we can resolve it one way or the other soon.

I know what you mean, I also have to be careful to avoid pointing the finger too much. At the end of the day, I did sign on the dotted line so it's my responsibility too.

Sounds like you've found a good solution! I'm not sure it'd work for us but it sounds intriguing!

If we do stay, the first thing we'll do is knock out the chimney and whichever little internal walls we can.
Opening up the back more and moving the kitchen would be a big and very costly step which I'd only want to undertake if I could be quite sure we'd be staying in the house for a number of years.

No extension or conservatory of any kind is allowed, so I can rule that out.
Our garden is very small but has some nice shrubs and is pleasant to look at.

I may try a soft, very mellow yellow paint in the living room or something like what you suggested. Yes, at present we're trying to make the most of what we've got without going overboard. Thank you!

Thanks for your suggestions.
I'm thinking of painting the living room a softer/warmer colour, everything is white at present.
I've mentioned on previous replies that I use our TV as a lightbox, but I think I'll get a proper SAD lamp as well.
It just pains me that none of this was an issue at our former rental with its huge windows.
Still, at the moment we just have to make the most of what we've got.
Yes, I'm not into using the big lights much either, and I won't ever use them before dusk, I find it feels disorientating to have too much artificial light inside during the daytime.

Thanks for your reply. That's very courageous of you. Did you end up liking your new place much better then?
I'm terrified of making a mistake!

My original suggestion to my husband was to rent somewhere for a few months and if I felt better there, then to sell up permanently. He doesn't want any back and forth though or the double expense (which is understandable!)

I'm thinking it might possibly help to go and look at a couple of rentals in the new year out of interest, just to see whether I can even imagine myself feeling better in one of them. Or it might just confuse me further!! Oh well.

If you’re not happy then just sell. There are a lot of people that put their house on the market just months after moving in because their circumstances change or they simply don’t like the house!
It isn’t uncommon but I’d definitely take the time to weigh up the pros and cons and take the time to find the right property for you next time! Don’t make a rushed decision because you want out of where you are now - moving is expensive and it’s just added costs.

Ok, trying to be gentle here, but I think you need to try to work on the anxiety a bit longer before you make any decisions.

Looking at it rationally, you presumably won't be moving back to your old flat, so no matter what you do, you aren't going to replicate that experience. It might also be worth thinking about whether there's something else going on that's causing you to idealise life there? I mean, I understand that being on the 4th floor in a glass box type flat is going to be lighter and brighter, but it's still dark by 4pm in November, so you're using artificial lighting regardless.

Our house is different in that it's detached with windows on both sides with N/S exposure, but I can assure you, come August, everyone's thrilled to retreat to the snug that's on the north side of the house! You say you've been working with an architect. It's really worth talking to them about lighting - ours were brilliant at figuring out clever ideas for the snug so every corner glows and feels cozy.

You clearly have children and I'm having trouble getting my head around the idea of uprooting them from possibly imperfect stability to impermanence - renting is always a risk that way - because a room is darker than you'd like. It seems like madness. I'd keep exploring the options with your existing house. I'm guessing getting rid of that centre chimney will make a big difference.

How does your DH feel about it?

I hope you find a way to be happy @WiltedBlossom