Page 5 | Unhappy in house, sell after 1.5 years?

WiltedBlossom · 2025-11-27T15:01:42+00:00

Hi all, New here but have been reading various posts. Just wondering what your thoughts are on selling a house that you just can't seem to feel happy in? We've been here for a year and a half, and it's just not bright enough for me, I constantly find myself craving more light and sun. The house feels boxed in by the tall houses opposite and out back, which cast large shadows especially at this time of year, and the small living room window can't be enlarged due to zoning regulations, so a lot of the time it feels like living in a box. The area is highly sought after so I think we'd be able to sell quite fast. Only thing is that we might never be able to buy again - there's basically nothing on the market, and what is out there is either no better, or totally unaffordable. So we'd be back to renting. Not a single day passes where I don't think about getting out of here, I don't want to continue like this. I was happy in our bright rental flat before and felt at home there, and I'm hoping that I can feel at home again somewhere else. Thanks for your thoughts or advice!

Original poster

WiltedBlossom · 01/12/2025 15:26

MN2025 · 30/11/2025 16:29

If you’re not happy then just sell. There are a lot of people that put their house on the market just months after moving in because their circumstances change or they simply don’t like the house!
It isn’t uncommon but I’d definitely take the time to weigh up the pros and cons and take the time to find the right property for you next time! Don’t make a rushed decision because you want out of where you are now - moving is expensive and it’s just added costs.

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Hi, thanks, yes it's a tricky situation. We're trying to make the best of what we have but I'm not sure if it's a good longer-term solution. We're going to look again at possible architectural changes to the house in the new year and see if it makes sense financially. If all else fails we'll go back to renting, but we are trying to look at all viable options before we take that drastic step.

Yes, at least I have a much better idea now of what would be important in a future home, if we do take that step at some point. Thank you!

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Original poster

WiltedBlossom · 01/12/2025 17:03

oneoneone · 30/11/2025 16:51

Ok, trying to be gentle here, but I think you need to try to work on the anxiety a bit longer before you make any decisions.

Looking at it rationally, you presumably won't be moving back to your old flat, so no matter what you do, you aren't going to replicate that experience. It might also be worth thinking about whether there's something else going on that's causing you to idealise life there? I mean, I understand that being on the 4th floor in a glass box type flat is going to be lighter and brighter, but it's still dark by 4pm in November, so you're using artificial lighting regardless.

Our house is different in that it's detached with windows on both sides with N/S exposure, but I can assure you, come August, everyone's thrilled to retreat to the snug that's on the north side of the house! You say you've been working with an architect. It's really worth talking to them about lighting - ours were brilliant at figuring out clever ideas for the snug so every corner glows and feels cozy.

You clearly have children and I'm having trouble getting my head around the idea of uprooting them from possibly imperfect stability to impermanence - renting is always a risk that way - because a room is darker than you'd like. It seems like madness. I'd keep exploring the options with your existing house. I'm guessing getting rid of that centre chimney will make a big difference.

How does your DH feel about it?

I hope you find a way to be happy @WiltedBlossom

Edited

Hi, thanks, I am in therapy for my anxiety but it is hard.

My husband at the end of the day wants us all to feel comfortable, and would be willing to move for my benefit, although he himself is quite happy with the house (as is our son).

To be fair, being a stay at home mom I do spend much more time at home than my husband does, so I suppose it is a much bigger focus in my life.
I am looking at getting back to work to have a more varied day to day life and not focus on the house as much, but my anxiety is also not helpful with that either...I am currently working on this.

No, you're right that we can't move back to our old place so it would still be somewhere different and another upheaval. To be honest, the vast majority of rentals don't appeal enough anyway to warrant moving out of here. I suppose I want something I can't have, and I'm still kicking myself for moving out of somewhere I felt at home. But yes, it would never have been ours and it's not like rents are going down...

I just answered to someone else that we're going to look at architectural possibilities again in the new year and see if it makes sense to go down that road. Let's see what we end up doing.
Thanks again!

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OneCyanHiker · 01/12/2025 17:27

Good luck with it all!

I really dislike our house. We bought it when I was going through a really terrible time and it affected our choices and the house really reminds me of that time. I had really bad anxiety and occasionally when something comes up with the house I get the horrible anxiety again.

We bought at the peak and will lose a lot of money if we sell. When we bought it I wasn’t working full time and worked from home when I did work. So I was home a lot, looking at all the defects and finding new ones.

We’ve been here a few years now. It’s really helped that I’ve gone back to work full time, and generally have more of my own life again so less time is spent pointing out everything that’s wrong with the house. Just having something else to think about really helped me.

oneoneone · 01/12/2025 18:04

WiltedBlossom · 01/12/2025 17:03

Hi, thanks, I am in therapy for my anxiety but it is hard.

My husband at the end of the day wants us all to feel comfortable, and would be willing to move for my benefit, although he himself is quite happy with the house (as is our son).

To be fair, being a stay at home mom I do spend much more time at home than my husband does, so I suppose it is a much bigger focus in my life.
I am looking at getting back to work to have a more varied day to day life and not focus on the house as much, but my anxiety is also not helpful with that either...I am currently working on this.

No, you're right that we can't move back to our old place so it would still be somewhere different and another upheaval. To be honest, the vast majority of rentals don't appeal enough anyway to warrant moving out of here. I suppose I want something I can't have, and I'm still kicking myself for moving out of somewhere I felt at home. But yes, it would never have been ours and it's not like rents are going down...

I just answered to someone else that we're going to look at architectural possibilities again in the new year and see if it makes sense to go down that road. Let's see what we end up doing.
Thanks again!

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I hope my post didn't come across as unsympathetic - I'm genuinely not. I just wanted to make the point that anxiety can be a huge muddler (no stranger to a bit myself) because in your desire to alleviate it, it's possible to lose sight of whether or not you're being rational. Not to mention whether or not it will actually alleviate it in the end.

I wonder if it would help to let yourself mourn the bit of your life you feel you lost when you let your old flat go, and then focus on what you've gained? Creating a stable home that no one can kick you out of, or sell out from under you, is such a fantastic thing to have done for your child. I hope you can let yourself feel good about that?

Is your child school aged? As a bit of a perfectionist, I can completely understand that if you're a SAHM it's very easy to hyperfixate on the things you don't like. Did you move far from where you were in the flat? Or do you still have the same local amenities and social circle or are you completely starting over?

My guess is that this isn't really about the house per se. Does that ring true?

Sending a hug @WiltedBlossom

Bonkersbeyonkers · 01/12/2025 22:44

As a PP mentioned, dulux light reflecting paint is good, i've used it in my small utility which has a small north facing window, and I don't have to use the light in the day, so I think its great. Worth a try, lots of nice shades available.

Original poster

WiltedBlossom · 04/12/2025 09:59

OneCyanHiker · 01/12/2025 17:27

Good luck with it all!

I really dislike our house. We bought it when I was going through a really terrible time and it affected our choices and the house really reminds me of that time. I had really bad anxiety and occasionally when something comes up with the house I get the horrible anxiety again.

We bought at the peak and will lose a lot of money if we sell. When we bought it I wasn’t working full time and worked from home when I did work. So I was home a lot, looking at all the defects and finding new ones.

We’ve been here a few years now. It’s really helped that I’ve gone back to work full time, and generally have more of my own life again so less time is spent pointing out everything that’s wrong with the house. Just having something else to think about really helped me.

Hi, thanks for getting in touch. Yes, I think it's healthy to have different things to focus on and to get out of the house more, glad you are getting on better these days.

OP posts:

uhtredofbattenberg · 04/12/2025 10:10

Any possibility of getting a light tube put in to let in more light?

That's not the technical term BTW but a tube that brings light in.

Original poster

WiltedBlossom · 04/12/2025 10:42

oneoneone · 01/12/2025 18:04

I hope my post didn't come across as unsympathetic - I'm genuinely not. I just wanted to make the point that anxiety can be a huge muddler (no stranger to a bit myself) because in your desire to alleviate it, it's possible to lose sight of whether or not you're being rational. Not to mention whether or not it will actually alleviate it in the end.

I wonder if it would help to let yourself mourn the bit of your life you feel you lost when you let your old flat go, and then focus on what you've gained? Creating a stable home that no one can kick you out of, or sell out from under you, is such a fantastic thing to have done for your child. I hope you can let yourself feel good about that?

Is your child school aged? As a bit of a perfectionist, I can completely understand that if you're a SAHM it's very easy to hyperfixate on the things you don't like. Did you move far from where you were in the flat? Or do you still have the same local amenities and social circle or are you completely starting over?

My guess is that this isn't really about the house per se. Does that ring true?

Sending a hug @WiltedBlossom

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Hi again, no worries!

I suppose I probably have been focusing mostly on the disadvantages and less on the advantages of this place. I guess it doesn't help that it had some hidden, unpleasant "surprises" and large costs we hadn't reckoned with, perhaps that's just par for the course though.

At the end of the day, it's in the right location even if it's not 100% the right house. I suppose we'll do the necessary work on it and a couple of cosmetic things, and try not to go too overboard with expensive measures.
Yes, it's very close to where we were living before so that was a strong motivation for buying it. Our son goes to primary school a few streets away.

I think there are a lot of different factors coming together and I'm kind of "taking it out" on the house. I suppose the house is an important thing but it's not everything.

I've now set myself up a little reading corner right next to the living room window, so now at least there's a little corner I like in there which serves its purpose, I can basically read there until it gets dark outside.

Let's see how things go. Thank you so much for your words of support and advice!

OP posts:

Original poster

WiltedBlossom · 04/12/2025 10:43

Bonkersbeyonkers · 01/12/2025 22:44

As a PP mentioned, dulux light reflecting paint is good, i've used it in my small utility which has a small north facing window, and I don't have to use the light in the day, so I think its great. Worth a try, lots of nice shades available.

Thanks, I'll check this out.

OP posts:

Original poster

WiltedBlossom · 04/12/2025 10:45

uhtredofbattenberg · 04/12/2025 10:10

Any possibility of getting a light tube put in to let in more light?

That's not the technical term BTW but a tube that brings light in.

Hi, thanks for the suggestion. I think in this case, knocking down a couple of internal walls would probably be more effective but let's see.

OP posts:

friskybivalves · 04/12/2025 11:40

A sun tunnel, I think they mean. https://www.velux.co.uk/products/sun-tunnels