Moved 5 days ago and feel regret

[Nosirrah87]

Sorry in advance for the long post.

My DH and I lived in our last house for 9 years. We had many reasons for wanting to move – busy and congested ‘access only’ street not only used as a rat run but also served a primary school; horrible neighbours at the rear with barking dogs; the extensive development next door which changed our outlook and impacted on our privacy (we objected to the plans, which affected neighbourly relations, but the Council approved them anyway); lack of space as we now both WFH … to name just a few.

We had a terrible time with the house selling/buying process, and it took us a year from first listing to eventually moving. We lost 3 buyers along the way for a range of reasons, but our 4th buyer stuck. It also took us some time to find a new house. The house we chose was the best we had seen, in a familiar area, that ticked a lot of boxes. I was really excited about it. I felt like this was the house we had been waiting for.

We moved last Friday, and it was on Saturday that I started to feel awful. The things that I thought wouldn’t bother me are now bothering me. For example, I was aware that we would be one of the first few houses serving a big cul-de-sac, meaning we would experience some traffic, but it feels as though the volume of traffic is similar to the last place. I can hear the cars in different rooms in the house, and the main part of the garden (it’s a wraparound garden) backs onto the road. I also hadn’t noticed the potential to feel very overlooked if the garden hadn’t of been landscaped in such a way (trees blocking neighbouring windows, etc).

What makes me most depressed is how dark the house is – we moved from a house facing NE-SW with huge windows and lots of light at all times of the day. Our new house is N-S facing with smaller windows. A lot of rooms in the house (even some S facing rooms) are very dark because of the way the house has been constructed. The entrance hallway gets hardly any natural light, so the house isn’t very welcoming when you first step inside. Some rooms need the lights on constantly, and I’m feeling very down about it. We could cut back some of the trees to encourage more light inside in some areas, but we would then be very overlooked. I’m asking myself whether the grey gloomy weather is contributing to a lack of light (but some rooms are still getting a lot of light!).

I’m not sure whether my feelings will improve in time or whether we’ve made a mistake. I’ve cried every day since. My DH gets angry with me every time I start crying and keeps reminding me of why we moved and chose this house. I’m not pining for my old house as such, and I know why we moved/chose this house, but I’m just seeing challenges to overcome and don’t know if I will. I feel so guilty for being the main driver behind this move and now feeling very unhappy.

Has anyone experienced similar feelings with it all working out in the end?

Our last house at first I didn't like, had to move there due to a messy split.
It needed a lot of work so over time it evolved and became a home we loved. Ten years later circumstances changed which enabled us to upgrade. We bought our current house but its taken nearly 3 years to not miss the old one. I think spending so much time and energy with many happy memories forms a bond. Leaving that place behind is similar to a loss almost like grief so starting again is hard. Try to enjoy making it comfortable decorating shopping etc.
I still am fond of the previous house but the one now is better in many ways. Look at lots of interior design pictures to give you inspiration and motivation. Darker colours are so on trend and can look really stylish and cosy. Try that with some good lighting, candles and accessories.

I moved into my current property 3 years ago and I still have pangs of regret and missing my old house.
The house I have now is slightly bigger bedroom wise (I moved to another 3 bed but this one has 2 double bedrooms whereas the old house had 1 double bedroom) id like to hope that the regret will go eventually. But im still struggling if im honest to see the house i have now as 'my home'
Like yours the hallway is really dark so im considering getting a new front door with bigger windows on it to try and let some light in.

Really look into lighting it can transform a room. Pooky are expensive but excellent. They also do lovely rechargeable lamps for those places you don’t want a flex dangling down.
A huge mirror in the right place is also a game changer.

Would re painting in a lighter colour make a difference - I did this and the difference was huge !

Additionally, different/more lighting perhaps?

Agree that moving is stressful and houses have emotions attached (good and bad) be kind to yourself

I had HUGE regret soon after moving into my current house. Purchased in a fog of grief after my dad dying and under stress having left an abusive relationship. Had a string of disappointments with sale of old house and losing out on three prior houses - this one was okay enough to just get on with making the move…
Anyhow, the moving day itself was awful which didn’t set things off brilliantly, and then with the previous owner’s stuff gone and time to really ‘see’ the house, it was obvious that it needed a lot more work than I thought…
It still needs a lot of work, but I have grown to love the house - the process of doing a thorough job of renovating each room I’ve completed so far, overcoming faults & issues - has been really cathartic. Clever use of wall colours / lighting make a huge difference. Choose things you really love and concentrate on feeling cosy and comfortable. If you have a lot of dense hedging / trees as your ‘cover’ outside, consider tall grasses and bamboo as alternatives - they let more light through and can sound lovely. Don’t give up hope, OP…

My husband was very like you when we moved house and it was quite trying and draining for me. It’s hard to constantly be trying to gee up the other partner when you’ve both made a commitment to a new place. So I would try and pull yourself together and stop moping - your husband will lose patience. It took me really losing my temper and telling him to pull himself together a few weeks in for my husband to snap out of it.

I know how you feel we moved to a new house nearly twenty years ago and moved after 2 years.
But a day or so after we moved in knew it was a bad decision. Had to speak to a neighbour the day we moved in as the musak he was playing was so loud!
As a fire rule, the doors were on chains, this was a semi detached townhouse we could hear every time the neighbours moved around the house as the doors were left to slam. Spoke to them and they did not know what we were talking about! The day they moved out was the day before we did and they damaged out fence as they could not reverse a hire van. They did pay for the damage.
Another neighbour thought it was OK to have midnight musak and hot tubs plus shouting behaving like clowns. The same male thought nothing of riding a child's motor bike along the pavement.

I thought we’d made a mistake with our last house. I really wanted it to work, it DH’s have some great points and was super sunny. In the end we stayed there 4 years as we didn’t want to move quickly and make rash decisions.

On paper tge house we have now has less going for it. It’s a much busier road and the rooms at the back get hardly any light and the garden is north facing but I live it here and we’ve been here a long time.

If the rooms are dark maybe you could decorate and get lamps/candles/lights and a few mirrors?

It's Buyer's Remorse. I always get it when I make expensive changes to a house too. In my experience it wears off, luckily, as I get interested in something else.

Moving is so stressful and autumn is a dark melancholy time anyway . PP made a good point about this being the darkest time for trees, which are still in full leaf. In summer and winter you might really appreciate them.

Have a rest for a year and see what the house is like in all seasons. Then make it as beautiful as you can. Then you can either love it or list it.

I think most places we live in have quite a few disadvantages or things that might even seem like dealbreakers in considering a new place, but we are used to them and we see the property as a whole including good and bad points, and the fact that it’s just become home. Right now you don’t have the familiarity or convenience factor of having settled in for some time, so the bad points really stand out and they are new. But you will process them and it will be fine. I think we’re hypervigilant also when you have made a move, because you fear it will be wrong and you’re stressed after living in a place that wasn’t right before.

Your new situation sounds much better and I really think the problems will turn out not to be so bad and you will also just notice things less. I know so many people who initially regretted a move and said they would need to move again soon, but are happily still there decades later! It will be ok! Just try to say to yourself, don’t focus on these things, just settle in and revisit them later. Don’t worry about feeling at home right away, just let time pass.

We moved back in March when my second baby was a week old after six months of a really highly stressful conveyancing process. I was on the phone everyday trying to get things pushed through because of the stamp duty change and the desperation to save a couple of (much needed) thousands.

I hated it. Everything felt wrong when I moved in. I was hyper vigilant, looking at every little thing, over sensitive to noise. My neighbours all seemed standoffish and difficult. I hated my driveway. Just every bit of it felt ‘off’.

5 months in and I’ve got used to it. Is it all perfect? No. But was the move necessary? Yes. And this house suits us much better. I still miss aspects of my old house, especially the area but the reasons we moved have become more and more obvious since we moved to this house. I doubt it’ll be our forever home but I don’t hate it anymore.

You’ve just had an incredibly stressful year after a prolonged period of discontent. You will get used to it and the reasons you moved will overtake the wrongness you currently feel.

Sending hugs. It’s so hard.

Perhaps, you are somewhat overwhelmed with all that has gone on with your last house and exhausted with moving.
Almost 30 years ago, when we moved into our new home, we talked about putting it on the market on day one.
Fortunately, we were due to go on holiday (the completion date had been changed so many times we almost clashed with our long booked holiday) and when we came back we viewed it with different eyes.
It was the right decision, for us.
Try getting a couple of boxes of usb-C rechargeable magnetic lights (£24.99 for 6 on Amazon) and dot them in dark areas.
Also, utilise light with lots of mirrors and light coloured walls.
Give it at least a year.

We moved a year ago to house I didnt really like (I wanted a period property) but we desperately needed more space and to be closer to the school and like you had had a tough time with the whole process.

I really resented all the stress and expense for a house I didnt like but a year later I can see this is where we need to be for now. The house has potential and ticks so many other boxes.

You are probably wrung out with the whole process, its honestly took me weeks to get back to normal and we've only really started decorating and doing other bits. Most of you concerns can be rectified, we have an overlooked garden and there are so many options. The same with lighting, there are so many things you can do and it is a funny time of year.

Just give it some time.

I think any move takes a while to get used to?

You have to remember why you made the move and why you chose this house. You can improve lighting and make the decor more your own and then it will feel like your home - rather than someone else's.

I had similar feelings 20 years ago. And although I still look back fondly at our old house, this house now, this is our home and I don't want to leave.

you can make this work and brighten up the new place, you really can. Modern lighting can do wonders to change the feel of a space.

I moved from a house with a light filled, south facing, kitchen to one with a dark, dull, north facing one. I changed the dark wood cabinets for off white, painted the walls white and got 8 LED lights installed in the ceiling instead of the central light that was there. They are on "daylight" setting - not the warm cream glow - yes they are on all the time, even in summer, but it just makes the room feel like it's flooded with daylight. Being LED they cost pennies to run and it now feels like a light bright south facing kitchen.

you will adjust to the noise and it will become background. Try to feel the relief from being away from the old neighbours! that's one of the pleasures for me - my new neighbours are lovely - the old ones not so much... <phew>

I feel your pain with the house feeling dark. I moved from an airy, bright and beautiful mansion block with high ceilings and windows facing east and west to a dark and dingy victorian cottage. Also huge trees in front blocking light all summer. It felt quite depressing at the beginning but I went full dark and cosy interior with warm tones. I accepted it will never be bright and sunny, you get used to it. My reasons for moving were still valid and it takes many months to feel at peace in a new home.

We were euphoric for a few days with first ever house we bought - then daunted as the list of things and problems mounted then we had garage burgled shear luck they didn't get in main house and then neigbour turned hostile when we said replacing what turned out to be their fences was a low prioty for us having just moved in.

There were lots of negatives with house - but we lived there 7 years and we found huge number of postives as well. When we got down we'd list them off to each other.

I do wish DH had followed Dmum advice and focused on getting one room done that we could then relax in- we were forever bitting and then using all money on fundamentals you often couldn't see - and it always felt like something was waiting to be done.

Painting with light paint - mirrors and cutting trees down to let in more light all sound like solid pratcical ways forward - and taking steps to make it yours will help.

I haven’t had house regret myself (although I’m not fully happy with my current house almost 5 years down the line it was the right choice at the time and the benefits outweigh the things I dislike at this stage of life) but I remember my mum did once. We moved from a fairly modern 4 bed detached on a small estate that she’d decorated to her taste to a big 3 bed semi on a main road that needed loads of work doing just to make it not-horrible to live in. There were 3 of us kids, one a newborn, she was in the middle of a college course and the move took all of my parents’ money so they couldn’t do anything except paint our bedrooms for the first year or so. She thought they’d made a huge mistake for the first few months but slowly she got to make the changes (including creating a 4th bedroom) and start working on the huge garden and it ended up being the house we stayed in.

My first house was a N-S aspect (with the back being north) and the kitchen and dining room were so, so dark. I tried to make it feel lighter by painting it white (just felt stark and not ‘me’), getting huge light fittings and adding big mirrors but in all honesty I only loved the back of the house when I embraced the darkness and just decorated it with what I loved. However, if you can paint any north facing rooms in a peachy shade, it works beautifully without much natural light and is very restful for a bedroom, living room or even a workspace.

If you still hate it in a couple of years, then think about moving again. Nothing has to be forever.

More likely than not, it's just the stress of moving and finally being "done".
My house is also on the same orientation as yours, and although the living room at the back doesn't get a lot of light, the front of the house is in lovely sunshine most of the day (when it's sunny!)
Honestly, you very quickly get used to the light levels etc, and any noise very quickly becomes white noise and you don't even hear it. I lived right next to a dual carriageway for 14 years, so I know a thing or two about road noise!

I moved into my house almost exactly a year ago (19th September), just like you've done. And honestly, September is the worst time to move in, because you're getting to know the house in Autumn and Winter - basically the worst seasons - when it's cold and dark. You've got to wait at least 6-7 months to start enjoying the property "at it's best."

I'd say give it a full calendar year, and then re-assess.

I think you need to let things settle, I think maybe once everyone has moved in etc the traffic might reduce. I think you're coming down from a v stressful time

A week old?? I thought I did it tough with a 6 week old 😂 (The post partum hormones came in useful when I had to try to book removals at very short notice though. Crying in the office of one firm turned out to be the key to getting them!)

This. The first house we bought, I knew in my gut - on moving day, on the way there with all the stuff - that it was the wrong place. It had been a very long and difficult process finding somewhere, in the middle of house prices suddenly rocketing in the areas we were looking and several potential sales falling through due to problems with the surveys. I was miserable in the new place but felt so stuck, because we'd put so much time and effort and money into finding it. We ended up moving again, almost exactly a year after we'd moved in, to the town I still live in 24 years later. The second move was the right one, and it was only because my DP at the time said, 'we don't have to stay, if you're so unhappy. We can move again.' It genuinely hadn't occurred to me. I hope you grow to love the new place, as others have said. But if you don't, you have choices.

I read this as "you sound overweight" and thought wow, what a way to kick the OP when she's down😂

But yep, I agree with you!

To be honest...you will never find anywhere to your perfection unless you buy somewhere rural with no neighbours...

I couldnt just read and run and I know its not what youve askes but have you thought about changing some of the windows to make them bigger or put French Doors in downstairs to increase the natural light? I own a window company and you would be surprised how many times weve done this for clients for the exact same reason.