Moved 5 days ago and feel regret

[Nosirrah87]

Sorry in advance for the long post.

My DH and I lived in our last house for 9 years. We had many reasons for wanting to move – busy and congested ‘access only’ street not only used as a rat run but also served a primary school; horrible neighbours at the rear with barking dogs; the extensive development next door which changed our outlook and impacted on our privacy (we objected to the plans, which affected neighbourly relations, but the Council approved them anyway); lack of space as we now both WFH … to name just a few.

We had a terrible time with the house selling/buying process, and it took us a year from first listing to eventually moving. We lost 3 buyers along the way for a range of reasons, but our 4th buyer stuck. It also took us some time to find a new house. The house we chose was the best we had seen, in a familiar area, that ticked a lot of boxes. I was really excited about it. I felt like this was the house we had been waiting for.

We moved last Friday, and it was on Saturday that I started to feel awful. The things that I thought wouldn’t bother me are now bothering me. For example, I was aware that we would be one of the first few houses serving a big cul-de-sac, meaning we would experience some traffic, but it feels as though the volume of traffic is similar to the last place. I can hear the cars in different rooms in the house, and the main part of the garden (it’s a wraparound garden) backs onto the road. I also hadn’t noticed the potential to feel very overlooked if the garden hadn’t of been landscaped in such a way (trees blocking neighbouring windows, etc).

What makes me most depressed is how dark the house is – we moved from a house facing NE-SW with huge windows and lots of light at all times of the day. Our new house is N-S facing with smaller windows. A lot of rooms in the house (even some S facing rooms) are very dark because of the way the house has been constructed. The entrance hallway gets hardly any natural light, so the house isn’t very welcoming when you first step inside. Some rooms need the lights on constantly, and I’m feeling very down about it. We could cut back some of the trees to encourage more light inside in some areas, but we would then be very overlooked. I’m asking myself whether the grey gloomy weather is contributing to a lack of light (but some rooms are still getting a lot of light!).

I’m not sure whether my feelings will improve in time or whether we’ve made a mistake. I’ve cried every day since. My DH gets angry with me every time I start crying and keeps reminding me of why we moved and chose this house. I’m not pining for my old house as such, and I know why we moved/chose this house, but I’m just seeing challenges to overcome and don’t know if I will. I feel so guilty for being the main driver behind this move and now feeling very unhappy.

Has anyone experienced similar feelings with it all working out in the end?

This is very normal. My advice is to stop thinking about the constant question of do I like this house or not. Stop going over and over it and just focus on other things. Take a little corner of the house and start making it your own, and then choose another corner and do the same. Slowly through the process of making the house yours, and building memories there, you will see how it transforms. There is nothing wrong with the house. You loved it when you went to see it. A friend visiting you would see what you saw then. This is a process of connecting your emotions to it and processing all the change.

Home was not built in a day ❤

Whenever I move, I go around the house making a list of the things I would like to change in the next year or so. It really helps with a sense of purpose and making the place your own. Your list might start with putting in new larger windows? There are always things you won't like about any house as you make it your home. I cried for the first month I was in the current house and I have now been here for years and love it so much. I recently found the list I made when I first moved in and I have not done half the things on it - just don't notice them as a problem anymore. You will settle in. Good luck!

This feeling is called a buyer's remorse and it's absolutely normal. It'll settle down and you will see the situation with more realistic view in a couple of days/weeks.

When we moved into our current house I hated it for about the first year. My now husband and I had our own properties to both sell so double the stress. The chain was hardwork and it only felt like it was us keeping it moving. The day we moved in the previous owners left it filthy and we realised how much work we had to do, they were hoarders so we couldn't see everything. It had potential and there wasn't much on the market in the area we wanted. 9 years later, love our home, we have amazing views and ended up being in right location to get our son into fantastic school.

That happened to me. I bought a flat that looked decent. I viewed it three times to be sure. Then I moved in.

The music from downstairs made my kitchen worktops vibrate. I can't believe I didn't notice how overlooked it was. It felt like a goldfish bowl. It was bare, cold and unwelcoming. I put it on the market a few weeks later.

I found the perfect flat but the sale was delayed. Against my solicitor's advice, I instructed him to let the sale on my flat go through. It left me homeless for a couple of months but I didn't care. I didn't want to risk getting stuck with it if the chain collapsed. I finally got my new place and have been here 23 years.

Sometimes you just know. It cost money going through the sale/purchase cycle again but it was worth it. Everyone thought I was crazy and over reacting, I wasn't. I made a mistake and set about correcting it.

I think this is normal. Every house has its pluses and minuses and you only get to see the negatives once you have moved in. You will get used to them. It sounds like you were thoroughly fed up of your old place so you will start to enjoy not having those problems over time.

That feeling is normal. You’ve sold a home, but moved into a house.

My flat is completely north facing and yeah, it can be very gloomy. I wish I had noticed before moving in.

You can decorate it in a way that’s just a bit cosier - I normally want brilliant white walls but I’ve had to repaint because everything just looked off, particularly during darker months (which is most of the year anyways). I live in the high street so traffic is constant, eventually you’ll tune it out.

If you want somewhere no traffic, no overlooking, I can only think of the countryside really.

SeaandStars, what a lovely post and sensible. You moved house,it's not home yet. I've never felt this,my DH who has mh issues and serious phobias has. When we moved to our previous house,he collapsed on the bedroom floor said "what have you done to us". There's always been a good reason behind each of our moves. I watch Location, location, even with in excess of £1 m,there are always compromises to make. Some things you can alter, some not. As for noise,my DD lives in a tiny hamlet,no shops, nothing, not even a village church. Right by fields, nothing else. Most of the"main" road is hardly big enough for 2 cars to pass. It's the most incredible rat run. Cars go so fast.. agree, when you have spent a lot of time trying to sell,it's overwhelming. To cheer you up, I once had someone back out after EOC, and they didn't even tell us.I lost a stone in a week!

To echo another poster, OP, give it time. It’s SUCH a massive thing to move house. We moved into our current house 11 years ago and it honestly took 6 months before it felt anything like “home”. I loved my old house but it was far too small, had no off street parking, tiny garden etc etc but it was cosy and it was home. Our new house was twice the size, big drive, big garden, nice area but felt horrid because it wasn’t home. Plus it was in a shocking state and needed a ton of work so was like a building site for ages 🤦‍♀️.

All of a sudden something clicked and it felt like home. I love it here. Moving is mentally, emotionally and physically draining. Be gentle on yourself and give it time. Also, where I am we’ve suddenly been catapulted into October so everything looks a bit grim and dull.

It’s normal. And you’ve only been there 5 days so are still feeling exhausted from the move. The weather has suddenly changed to duller cloudy days. Changing curtains, wall colour putting mirrors up will make the dark spaces feel lighter. No house is perfect and you’re not living on a rat run with grumpy neighbours anymore

You’ll stop hearing the traffic noise in time.

And my mum’s north facing back of the house is nice and cool in the summer.

Look for the positives.

I empathise - give it time. We both felt very sad and anticlimactic after moving from our huge, old Victorian terraced in an awful area to a 70s characterless home in a lovely area. Think we built it up so much in our head because we were having a baby and moved into a beautiful family home but the reality was none of our bedroom furniture fit because our old house had such huge rooms and it felt like a downsize. 7 years later and I love it and wouldn't change where we live for the world!

It's so difficult. I think sometimes it's your nervous system playing up because moving is so stressful so you may settle

But in my limited experience I've either been happy from the get go (and I've continued to be happy) or not (and then I moved quite quickly). My fastest move was in and sold and out in 17 months.

Years ago my husband and I bought our first house. We had been living in a small, rented semi detached house and moved into a 3 bed bigger detached house.

I hated it for weeks, absolutely hated it and wanted to move back into our tiny little house which surprised me because I had moved a lot in the past and was fine. I can only assume it was because it was our first home together that was ours that we didn't have to share and I got attached to it. Previously when I had moved it was to start a different stage of life whereas all I was doing was living the same life in a different house

There will be niggles, our house isn't perfect but I've been looking at other houses at the next level up and there are some things we will gain but some things we will lose. I think the only way to get your perfect house is to build it yourself or have a ton of money that you can immediately rip stuff out whilst living elsewhere. We have also discussed an extension and again there have to be compromises made, we lose kitchen access directly to the outside but gain a lot more space for living.

Give it time, paint it, make it more yours and see how you feel in the next few months, you might grow to love it.

My house is quite dark as the huge tree in the front cuts out a lot of the light into the living room, and the kitchen at the back is north facing. I don't notice it anymore. We have bird feeders at the front so get masses of wildlife which is incredible as we're pretty much city centre. I'm just used to having the light on in the kitchen all the time, don't even notice any more. We've got colourful pictures in there that lift it.

I love my home despite it being a bit dingy on winter days. It's cosy and full of quirky finds. Live in yours a hit then redecorate. It makes a hell of a difference.

We live in a house surrounded by trees and this time of year is the darkest. In the summer because the sun is high in the sky we get a lot more light and in the winter when the trees loose their leaves we get a lot more light.

A bonus with the trees is that they help regulate the temperature. We have a lot of glass in the back of our house and it faces south and they keep it cool in summer.

Give it time, you might find it improves with the seasons. It is also particularly miserable weather atm which will not be helping.

I hate the whole house buying thing. If you want a dress from a shop you try it on and have a good look at it. You wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive and giving it a good try out. And yet a house which is for most people the biggest thing they will ever buy, we have to walk in, have a quick look round and then commit to paying it for it for the next 25 years. I know it isn't possible but really you should be able to spend a couple of days living in the place to decide (I think there was a tv programme made like that once)

We live in a north facing house OP. My advice would be to have a front door with glass in it to let light into the entrance hall and paint the downstairs rooms in warm brown tones with light/white curtains. People always want to paint dark rooms in white, but it often just makes them feel cold.

@Tam285 My north facing kitchen is very dark so I usually have the lights on. In summer, I often leave the door open to cool the place down and then it's much lighter. A glass-panelled front door would make a big difference. It's a great idea.

It’s completely normal. You’ll get there

Well I think there are 2 things going on: 1. Unfamiliar new place that will take some time to get used to; 2. Certain factors that would have been dealbreakers if you’d been aware.

So give it time for 1. to wear off, get used to the new layout and noises. If, after some time, you still feel 2. are dealbreakers - it simply is too dark, too noisy and too overlooked, you can either invest in alterations to mitigate those factors or move.

I think when you move, you notice the small differences really acutely and because they are unfamiliar they feel negative. We moved from zone 2 in London to the countryside and the quiet was deafening and weirdly it impacted or ability to fall sleep at first. Our ceilings were also a lot lower (old house to newer build) and that really bothered me for ages. Just know that it is normal to feel like that in the immediate settling in period. If you continue to feel that way, maybe there is more at play and worth seeing a GP x

It's normal.
You're coming down off a very stressful period. This house was supposed to be the solution to all of it. That's a lot of eggs in one basket. Now you're feeling an anti-climax. Give it time to settle. There are solutions to all of the problems that you mention (eg changing planting, paint colours, adding a window for light, adding triple glazing for noise reduction) but don't do anything yet. Mull things over for a few months first.

My house is north facing at the back, but I love that in the summer, there is always a bit of shade to sit in and down south with the summer heat we have had in recent years thats a bonus. My living space is open plan so light from the front goes through to the back. Get a lovely new front door with some glass in to bring in the light. Just settle in, and give yourself a year or two, think about things that you can improve, don't do anything until you have lived in the house in all seasons. I think white paint is a good idea but the right white! Chalky whites are best. I got about 10 tester pots before i decided! Who knew there were so many whites!