Moving out of London, post-Divorce. Suggestions of friendly towns

[Margie12]

Hi,
I'm in my early 50s, looking to move out of London post-divorce as just doesn't make financial sense to stretch my budget and buy in London again even though my networks are all here. I've got an 18 year old who'll be off to uni in the autumn which is when the family home we've been in for 16 years will be sold. I'm self-employed WFH but possibility of going back to employed eventually, which would mean office in waterloo/victoria area.

Budget of £550-700k for a flat or 2/3bed house. If anyone has any recommendations of a friendly town/village where I could build up a network through getting involved in activities, would love to know. Family-wise my sister is in SE London, so ideally somewhere that's in easy reach of her (Parents no longer with us; extended family are in Leeds and Wales so too far to relocate near them). Thinking about Sevenoaks and Hove as have good friends in both places.

Any suggestions, really welcome. All feels quite daunting but trying to think on the bright side of a new chapter!

Similar here. I did same at 49.

i think you’re on the right track with Kent - good for work and good to be your sister.

i moved to Essex which is miles from office in Kings Cross but they let me wfh (grateful).

do factor in commuting costs. It can take a good while to settle into a new area. Sevenoaks seems more convenient. (I don’t know Kent)

Wish you all the best on your new life chapter.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Glad it's worked out for you. And helpful to be reminded about commuting costs - and be realistic about how long it might take to settle in. My fear is everyone else will be married couples and I'll be the lone divorcee! Yes, Sevenoaks/Kent may work best, especially as my 18 year old is, obviously, not keen to leave London at all! Ideally, we go somewhere where it's a relatively easy commute for him to get in and see friends (Balham/Clapham/Streatham) in the evening....

For that budget I personally would look for a flat in London, maybe in the direction of your sister or existing friendship networks. Moving to a commuter town when you WFH could be lonely, and if you are planning to return to working in London in the future I would be aiming to make that easy. Plus you will see much more of your son in London than in Hove etc.

On a smaller budget I would accept that I just had to leave, but I don't see that you are in that position.

The trouble about dormitory towns is they can be quite dull. Having grown up in Sevenoaks... it was nice enough, and Knole Park is something special, but I don't go back there if I can help it! Having said that, if you can afford it (have you looked?) it's big and busy enough that you definitely won't stand out. Might be worth looking at Riverhead which is essentially the outskirts of Sevenoaks but has a small centre of its own.

I just wonder about Orpington or Bromley? I haven't ever lived in either but they're that much closer in.

Agreed. My own move out of London (as a married, socially-confident person with a job and a baby, who had grown up in the country and never struggled with friendships) resulted in the loneliest few years of my life — everything good on paper, but a complete mismatch socially.

If you don't want to leave London, you could afford to stay

These places would be within budget, all around Tooting/Streatham since you mentioned those areas

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/155511386#/?channel=RESBUY

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/156123002#/?channel=RESBUY

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/146119763#/?channel=RESBUY

Sorry if I misunderstand your post, I couldn't tell whether you actively want to leave London or just feel you have to

Lewes is Nice, 1 hour 5 minutes to Victoria. 20 minute drive to Brighton or 10 minutes on the train. I used to live in one of the satellite villages, and worked in Lewes. I would go back in a heartbeat. You'd get something for your budget. Not many 3 bed flats though.

I have family in Kent commuter belt and post Covid it was actually more expensive to buy a similar property there than where we currently live in zone 3. If your existing networks are all in London you could afford a nice flat/small house in lots of areas of SE London for that budget.

Another Londoner who has divorced here. Best wishes for a new start for you OP.

I would also say moving out of London will be hard to find somewhere in a commuter town that matches the friendliness and convenience if you are used to being around SW, SE London. Have you tried looking at larger flats or smaller houses, on that budget you may find a gem around the less pricier parts.

I would say if you move to a new area it will take time to settle in and find a community so do some research before - are there open groups for whatever hobbies / interests you have as this is a really good way to meet people

Some may seem cliquey to start with but often open up when they realise the person is there to stay

Brutal advice coming. Size down and stay in outer London. You’re making it harder for your DC to visit you if you leave London and your ex stays. Don’t cut yourself off for the sake of a bit more living space.

As a single person of similar age, I can really recommend Horsham. Lots of activities to get involved in (from fitness to WI stuff to general clubs) most within walking distance of the popular housing areas. Also generally a lovely well kept town with easy links to London and the coast.

One good tip to get the ‘feel’ of a place is to join their local Facebook groups and see what is going on and suss out the local community vibe. I’ve weeded out a fair few places that way!

Agree with other posters here. You can afford to stay in London with that budget and as you say, your network is there. Don't underestimate the importance of friends during a period when you've already undergone a lot of change. If you want a house, then look out towards Beckenham as there are good transport links. I wouldn't go much further out though. You'll get a nice flat is several parts of south London for that money. If your son's friends are round Clapham/Balham/Streatham then I'd give Kent a swerve as it's mostly on the wrong train line. You want to be within reach of a Southern train for that.

DH and I moved back to the UK from abroad, we are in our 60's. We didn't have any friends in the UK.

We moved to our town and I found a lot of community groups by looking at the town hall website that then connected to the local village hall websites that had calendars for was going on - art groups, craft groups, singing groups, yoga, tai chi, martial arts, tea dances, quilting circles etc. Event calendars for the area revealed amateur dramatic and operatic groups. Calendars for local event spaces showed there was a small hall in the town center that hosted weekly free concerts, talks, and the local historical society. The local paper also had stories on conservation and nature groups. If you are interested in bell ringing or taking it up look at Dove's Guide on line to find out which groups ring in the area you are interested in.

I have joined three craft groups, the bell ringers, the county wildlife trust, and am volunteering to raise funds for the local church's expansion project. I have made one good friend and a host of acquaintances that I am on good terms with.

I am really glad we moved here. There were some pretty small towns we looked at but the only events at the village hall were a dementia support group or not even that. Our town is sniffily referred to as 'blue collar', 'working class' and 'packed with drunken idiots' and it is nowhere near as attractive as the surrounding villages but it is flat (great for when we develop mobility issues), compact (easy to get to everything), with the shops, supermarkets, and a small local market we need to make it convenient. People are very friendly. Just after I moved here I got talking to a lady walking into town at the same time as me and she said 'there is a lot going on here, but it's under the surface' so it is worth investigating things like the Town Hall websites to get a feel for the community and what it is interested in.

Brighton and Hove is great and easy for Clapham/Victoria. If a 2 bed flat is fine it does sound like you have the budget to stay in London though.

Agree with others- stay in London. If you are proceedable there are a few things already on the market.

This is over budget and doesn't have a garden (and is SW London...) but looks nice!

I found this property on the Rightmove Android app and wanted you to see it: www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/156280160

There are cottages for 700k. I would rather stay in a London postcode than head out to Kent or sussex and try to penetrate the cliques. People may be friendly, but by this stage in life they have their 'friends' and I think that is the difference. You may get surface cordiality but never get to the next layers in.

Having made the move from SW London to a rural market town in Hampshire, I would be wary in your position of moving too far from your network. (I still struggle with it and am with a partner.)

You have the budget to look at property in SE London. Take a look at Beckenham, Bromley and all the other options that are still very close to your friends and those of your 18 year old. I would pick location over property size.

Maybe somewhere like chislehurst might suit you - but personally i. would stay in London with that budget-look at areas like Kingston/ Wimbledon maybe- lots of settled mature folk too

Buy in London. You can always experiment later with renting it out while you rent in various other locations to get a feel for the place if you want to. But with work potential to be in the office more, plus opportunity to meet with your son for coffee/lunch etc post-uni etc, and given how much change you are going through already, London is likely to be your forever friend. You will find your new village in it for your new life. And enjoy having easy access to everything you think you might want plus all the things you don’t realise you might like to have/try yet. Exciting times ahead. Good luck.

I know Mumsnet loves Bromley and Beckenham but you don't need to go that far out - you could definitely get a small house in zone 3 or a flat/maisonette in zone 2

Big advantage you have is you don't need a good school

Another one here annoyingly saying stay in London on that budget. I'd get this - streetview doesn't do it justice and it does have OSP. It's in a great spot within the Crystal Palace triangle, quiet yet tons to do in every direction. Worth a look.
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/154808042#/?channel=RES_BUY

That's a good house that pink has listed above, but estate agent's don't half try their luck. It's a two bedroom house not a three bed! And the bathroom is downstairs.

But it does illustrate that you can get a decent house in a popular location for your budget within London.

I moved post divorce (45) to Stony Stratford outside of Milton Keynes. I got a gorgeous cottage which I loved, and MK was a really good commuter line. There are loads and loads of clubs and things that people can do. I found the whole place really friendly and lots of people, strangely, in my position. I have since got engaged and moved to a different area, but my time in MK was really special. It was the perfect place as in a village, but very close to MK where there is a huge amount going on.

That's lovely!

@DemonicCaveMaggot
apologies to OP(!) but DH and I are in the process of doing our research to move back to the UK. Can you share (or DM me) what town you're in? It sounds like something that should be added to our list!