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Parents giving me the cold shoulder over house buying

29 replies

DAISYBELLAxx · 28/06/2024 11:10

Hello. Looking for some advice if possible please...

Myself and my partner (28 and 30) are looking to buy a property. I have equity in savings from a previous property I sold, and once he sells his flat (currently on the market) he should get a good amount of equity too.

We have seen a house we both really like in Surrey (where our families both live) and are wanting to do a second viewing. The house is offers around £500,000. We plan to put down a £100,000 deposit, which will also leave us both with £20,000-£30,000 in savings each. The house needs some modernisation and renovations, so this should give us some funds to do this (although we would need to pay people as we are not good at DIY!)

We have spoken to a mortgage advisor, who says that the monthly mortgage would be around £2,000 per month. I am a teacher who takes home £2,444 per month, and my partner takes home around £2,800 per month.

We have no children currently, but plan to within the next three years. I am also not very happy in my job and plan to go self employed (dog groomer) within the next few years.

My parents are giving me a bit of a hard time every time I bring up the house. They want us to buy closer to them, as they are saying that if we have children, it will make things easier for us (especially when I plan to go self employed) which I do understand. But they have told me that if we move over 20 minutes away, we are on our own with childcare and dog care (they currently look after my dog whilst I am working). However, they do not seem to understand that when we look closer to them, the house prices are so expensive (hence the £500,000 for this house). They showed us around a family friends house at the end of their road (which is for sale for £460,000) It was quite pokey and needed so much work - it wasn't right for us.

Our requirements are that we are looking for a forever home, with plenty of space for a family to grow and a decent sized garden for our dogs and also the groom room.

My parents view is that there is cheaper housing around. There is - but it just doesn't fit what we are after. And when it is cheaper, it is further away from my parents. They have said that if we go along with this house, things will go wrong and we will not be able to pay the mortgage. They are just being very negative in general (I do understand their points and know that they are only looking out for us, but they do not understand my arguments).

Myself and my partner currently have no credit (other than my car loan which is £222 per month).

I am feeling 50/50, as I always have valued my parent's opinion. And with children coming up and a change of job, I am worried about the bills being paid. My partner reassures me that all will be fine and that this is the perfect house for us, but I am feeling unsure due to my parents views.

Any advice? Is £2,000 per month too much? I used to pay £600 for a three bedroom house, but that was back in 2019. I just don't want us to struggle but I know something has to give. Thank you. :)

OP posts:
Justwantanap · 28/06/2024 13:32

Why are you looking for a forever home?? You buy somewhere suitable for the next 5 years or so. Then, if you do end up having kids you move if necessary.
I'd love a forever home with everything I need. But I can't afford it (also a teacher on a similar household income to you). You buy what you can afford, not what you want.

DPotter · 28/06/2024 13:40

Agree it's too early for a forever home.

A piece of advice that may be too late - do not fall in love with a house until they give you the front door keys. Make decisions on which house to buy on as business like approach as you can. That way when things fall though, and they do, you're not too disappointed.

And half your current joint salaries is too high for a mortgage if you're planning to become self employed and have a child. You'd be better off having the child first then going into dog grooming as you would at least get some maternity pay.

Meadowfinch · 28/06/2024 13:48

Your income is guaranteed to drop so 2k/month is a lot. How secure is your partner's job? You won't be able to survive on a dog groomer's salary if he was out of work for more than a month or two.

You could buy a 2 bed now and move up when dcs arrive. Or learn DIY and buy a do-er upper while waiting for dcs. Or leave conceiving for five years, you'd still only be 33.

In the end, it is your decision and your partner's. How much risk are you willing to accept?

DawnMumsnet · 28/06/2024 14:07

The OP appears to have posted this thread twice, we're assuming in error, so we're going to close this one and direct everyone over to this thread in our Relationships topic where the OP has been responding - www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5107190-parents-giving-me-the-cold-shoulder-over-house-buying

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