Parents giving me the cold shoulder over house buying

[DAISYBELLAxx]

Hello. Looking for some advice if possible please...

Myself and my partner (28 and 30) are looking to buy a property. I have equity in savings from a previous property I sold, and once he sells his flat (currently on the market) he should get a good amount of equity too.

We have seen a house we both really like in Surrey (where our families both live) and are wanting to do a second viewing. The house is offers around £500,000. We plan to put down a £100,000 deposit, which will also leave us both with £20,000-£30,000 in savings each. The house needs some modernisation and renovations, so this should give us some funds to do this (although we would need to pay people as we are not good at DIY!)

We have spoken to a mortgage advisor, who says that the monthly mortgage would be around £2,000 per month. I am a teacher who takes home £2,444 per month, and my partner takes home around £2,800 per month.

We have no children currently, but plan to within the next three years. I am also not very happy in my job and plan to go self employed (dog groomer) within the next few years.

My parents are giving me a bit of a hard time every time I bring up the house. They want us to buy closer to them, as they are saying that if we have children, it will make things easier for us (especially when I plan to go self employed) which I do understand. But they have told me that if we move over 20 minutes away, we are on our own with childcare and dog care (they currently look after my dog whilst I am working). However, they do not seem to understand that when we look closer to them, the house prices are so expensive (hence the £500,000 for this house). They showed us around a family friends house at the end of their road (which is for sale for £460,000) It was quite pokey and needed so much work - it wasn't right for us.

Our requirements are that we are looking for a forever home, with plenty of space for a family to grow and a decent sized garden for our dogs and also the groom room.

My parents view is that there is cheaper housing around. There is - but it just doesn't fit what we are after. And when it is cheaper, it is further away from my parents. They have said that if we go along with this house, things will go wrong and we will not be able to pay the mortgage. They are just being very negative in general (I do understand their points and know that they are only looking out for us, but they do not understand my arguments).

Myself and my partner currently have no credit (other than my car loan which is £222 per month).

I am feeling 50/50, as I always have valued my parent's opinion. And with children coming up and a change of job, I am worried about the bills being paid. My partner reassures me that all will be fine and that this is the perfect house for us, but I am feeling unsure due to my parents views.

Any advice? Is £2,000 per month too much? I used to pay £600 for a three bedroom house, but that was back in 2019. I just don't want us to struggle but I know something has to give. Thank you. :)

Find your own support network. Your parents are emotionally blackmailing you because they don’t want to have to make an effort.

And yes I do think 2k a month is too much on your salaries with kids incoming and one of you wanting to start their own business.

Start by taking some local college DIY courses! No reason you cannot learn some basics but leave skilled trades like plastering to others

Forget your parents views you choose for you
You cannot guarantee they will do childcare for you anyway in the way you line as they seem to have strong views and you will no doubt fall out

If you want to go self employed get a cheaper property or be certain of your future income and expenditure to eg kit out dog grooming facility

2k mortgage add on for bills renos and insurance etc etc

Have you seen what a pot of paint costs ?

If you're wanting family support, could you look closer to your partner's family instead to see if the prices there are any more reasonable? I can only see that your families are both in Surrey but you haven't said if they're in the same town/area.

I see your parents point to a degree in terms of not wanting to travel more than 20 minutes each way to provide dog care/childcare, as it's quite an imposition, but they're out of line telling you that things will go wrong.

And finally yes I do think £2000 for a mortgage on your salaries is fairly high although it's not insurmountable. However, as you're planning to leave your career, I would probably delay that until after you have children from a maternity perspective.

You can buy wherever you like. It's worth bearing in mind the cost of childcare and dog minding though. Neither is cheap.

I'm not sure where this idea has come from of people wanting to buy a forever home. You need and can afford different housing at different life stages.

Move where you want….if 20 mins is too far for your parents that’s fine …..find your own support and put your kids in nursery….I think you are stretching yourself though if you want a family down the line

Financially that is outside the usual rationale of keeping your mortgage a third of your income. I would be hesitant to take that coat on.

Parents aside I think you need to look closely at finances OP. Without your salary , and in the first year of any new business its said to not expect a profit as your literally ploughing money in to get the thing going and building a reputation etc ( also you need to plan if the business doesn't work out as its an unknown factor atm). Given that, kids, bills etc its too much for what disposable income you've left over a month. Would you sacrifice the business dream for now and keep the quranteed income ,that's a trade off you need to consider if this house is worth it

Your dps are trying to get their own way over a house.. Imagine how they would be if you have dc and ask any favours...
Find a house near decent childcare providers...

Proceed on the basis that you will not get childcare/pet care help from your parents.

What does that look like by way of mortgage and covering childcare?

Echo not leaving your job for a good while to come. Could you do a bit of dog grooming at weekends to get started before you take the leap?

You’d be mad to take on that size of mortgage on your take-home pay.

I would also ask the adviser how the rates differ with a 75% LTV vs 80%. Money into a larger deposit may be a better use of savings

if you weren’t setting aside a “groom room” in the house, would you be able to get somewhere smaller/cheaper? 25 years of mortgage payments on an extra room is quite the commitment for a business not yet launched.

If you didn't have their help would you need to pay for childcare/dog care? If so you need to factor that into your circumstances. Nurserys are sooooo expensive. You can't expect them to travel a long distance, I do agree with them having boundaries on that.

I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but I think you're stretching yourselves given your future plans. I think you need to get your head around choosing a smaller/cheaper property.

Do you have any idea how many grandparents promise the world before a baby is in the picture and then find that they're exhausted by a demanding infant/toddler because hey ho, they're 30 years older than when they last looked after a baby?

I REALLY wouldn't make any decisions based on whether they will help or not. If they do down the line then it's a bonus.

Why have you posted this twice?!

That level of mortgage does sound like an awful lot. We pay £2400 I think and our take home is over 7k. Our DCs are out of childcare now so don't need to think about that or loss of earnings due to mat leave but it feels tight still. We are attempting to renovate and everything costs so much it is crippling us. We were quoted around 7k to re-fit and tile our small bathroom. Bills are loads, council tax is loads, insurance etc is so much more than you think it will be. We have resorted to renting out our driveway as a parking space to try and claw back each month.

In terms of your parents, you need to just do what works for you. 20 minutes is nothing and I am sure they will want a relationship with their GC. If you need to get the dog looked after by someone else, do that. I would also never use GP as childcare if I could help it, apart from the odd babysit. I've seen so many things go wrong with it through friends. Our parents live hours and hours away and we and the kids miss them terribly so 20 minutes seems like nothing to me.

So 5k/m take home
2k/m mortgage
1k/m bills (council tax/water/gas/electric/insurance)
Car 200 + insurance/fuel/maintenance so say 500
1k a month in nursery bills potentially, that's too tight

Yeah this. ^ Only a few minutes apart too! Would be more understandable if the OP had posted it on here and had had no responses after 3-4 hours, but it was 8 minutes!

I think £2k a month is too large a chunk of take home to be comfortable. You would struggle to pay for FT childcare for 1DC out of that let alone if you have to pay wraparound for 1 and FT for another.

If you have no DC now and you aren't good at DIY why do you need to buy a forever home now?

I would suggest a smaller place with possibility to increase size or trade up later when you do need the space.

Is nearer to your parents further from in-laws? Are they offering child or dog care?

I think your parents do have a point here. £2000 is a hell of a lot to pay every month even with your finances where they are now. If you have kids your expenses go up significantly, especially if you have to pay for childcare (and the point your parents are making is that you ARE going to have to pay for child care). Your salary is highly likely to go down - either through going self-employed or through reduced hours because of children. So likely that £2000 is only going to get less affordable in the future, not more.

I think the mortgage is far too high. I also think there is too much going on- move house, have baby, leave job, launch new business. You need to prioritise.
If a baby is the priority, then near your parents max 10 mins- closer if possible and near to good schools. Teaching is a decent job re having a family with the holidays and possibility of part time after.
Dog grooming is great idea but check how many near you- or get a dog grooming van and then you can get a smaller house.

What they’re saying is right, although they’re going about it the wrong way by issuing threats/rewards. It’s almost as if they’re still treating you as a child who can have treats removed.

But if you’ll have 40-60k savings then use more of it to get a lower mortgage repayment. The market is slow, you aren’t in a rush, wait for a better value property.

Has the mortgage advisor said that you'd actually be eligible for that sort of mortgage? I'd be surprised if that were the case.

They have said that if we go along with this house, things will go wrong and we will not be able to pay the mortgage. They are just being very negative in general

Sounds more like being realistic/worried than negative.

I'd say borrowing is too tight- we have a household income of 85k and have just taken on a 1.3k mortgage which feels tight. 2 days a week childcare for 2 children costs us £700 a month after funded hours.

It's 20 minutes away! My mum used to fly in to give me a hand.

I do think you might be over committing. I think I'd be trying to get further away from your parents rather than closer. Parents who quibble about a 20 minute drive are probably not planning to do days of childcare which is seriously hard work.

You'd be paying up to £2,222 per month on your car and your mortgage. You have a combined income of around £5,000 and less the mortgage and car payment you are left with £2,778. Out of that you have to fund food, utilities and every other miscellaneous thing like household insurance, council tax, the price of a haircut, petrol and car running expenses, dental appointments, and vet bills (or pet insurance). If your parents are not looking after your dog, you will have to try to fund some doggy day-care or walking of the dog at least. This is not taking account of any holidays or renovation expenditure which I can almost guarantee will cost more than you expect.

If you remove your salary from this the picture looks very grim indeed. You'd be living on a very challenging £578 per month. I know dog grooming businesses can be profitable but the business is probably not going to make much of a profit in the first year as you have to attract new clients, set up a website, advertise etc. You probably don't want to be dog grooming at 6 months pregnant either so who is going to carry the business on while you're out of commission? Have you ever actually worked as a dog groomer or have any experience in running a business?

Even if you stay employed, how are you going to pay for childcare of say £300 per week as well as buying baby essentials like a cot, pushchair, car seat etc within your three year timeframe.

And what if you have a major and unexpected bill for the house such as a new boiler or a broken pipe or new wiring being needed? Renovations often reveal unpleasant things.

Your partner may be reassuring you that it will all be fine and that this is the perfect house for you but the figure should tell you it is probably not fine at all. I think you are seriously at risk of over-extending yourself.