Feeling deflated about new home

[NewHome24]

Hi all, I just wanted some insight into how to make a new home feel more like home. My husband and I completed last week on a lovely house. It’s a 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom with utility, 2 reception rooms and double garage. We made some large sacrifices such as location and there is no garden. We were renting before this so haven’t yet moved in but the plan is to do so next week.

I am absolutely dreading it. The house seemed completely finished, newly painted, new windows, new kitchen and bathroom. The idea was it wouldn’t need any work but now it is empty the paint job seems poor and there are things I’d want to change.

The idea was it would be our forever home and hopefully we could start a family soon but I feel very uneasy about it all. It does not help that the previous owners left huge amounts of furniture that we don’t want; 3 beds with stained mattresses, 8 chests of drawers, desks, 42 tins of paint/oil/wood stain all sorts. Some items seem in fine condition so able to be donated others are broken.

Is it normal to feel this way? We’ve been building up to this moment for years and moved to a cheap but lovely area. My job is hugely stressful so I really wanted home to be peaceful but I’m so sad about the lack of garden.

So as not to drip feed, I am autistic so struggle a lot with change. I realise how hugely privileged we are to be buying a home in this climate and completely understand everyone has to make sacrifices. We have a very small front yard and then we’re about 12 meters from a gorgeous quiet field and the beach is less than 10 minutes walk away. We didn’t go for other houses due to cost, some needed renovation works and others were just out of budget. With this option we should be mortgage free by 45/47 and payments are less than 25% of our take home.

I should be overjoyed but when we visit it feels like I’m in a strangers house and shouldn’t be there. We’re in a 2 bed currently so the place is likely to feel quite empty for a while and I just can’t imagine e.g. decorating at Christmas and it feeling homely. I will miss our little rented home.

Can anyone suggest easy ways to make the place feel like home? We have a few paintings that I was thinking of putting up ASAP but other than that is it just time? Again, I appreciate how lucky we are but I have also killed myself working away for this, in an endless burnout cycle only to feel very flat.

I would ask you solicitor about all the stuff left behind to start with.
They need to leave the house clear usually unless you've agreed that certain things will stay.

It was not agreed that anything would stay @Blacknailer but they text me to say they’d ran out time/space in the van and apologised. I didn’t know what to say in response but honestly there will probably more of their stuff than ours by the time we’ve moved our stuff in. Should I be grateful and try to repurpose it? E.g. even if not to our taste you can paint a chest of drawers or dressing table.

Contact your solicitor about the stuff left.

If you are willing, you could say that you will let them in at X time to collect and remove the items. Alternatively, you can get a quote from a house clearance place for removal and they can pay that.

But as a wider point, it takes time to make a home. And houses always look scruffier when empty.

Move your stuff in, start buying the new things you need and gradually paint / make the place your own. In 6 months time, you'll be much more settled.

They need to remove the stuff or pay for it’s removal

They should definitely clear the stuff. They have to give vacant possession and that means clear everything. You should get your solicitor to tell their solicitor that they are in breach of contract and they need to clear ASAP.

I think everyone feels lost when they move home, because it takes a while to make it feel like yours. I'm about to move and I'm bracing myself.

I'm looking at pictures, websites etc, and keeping screenshot of ideas at the moment. Planning each room. Just to make it a positive experience.

It's very stressful and emotional moving home. I cried when we moved here. We've been here 20 years now, because we want to be. :)

Your solicitor needs to inform them that their goods and chattels must be removed ASAP.

It doesn’t matter if they ran out of time they need to move their stuff
Contact your solicitor.
Tell him the stuff will left outside for them to remove immediately.

Paint one room at a time the colour of your choice then put up paintings, curtains/blinds etc. Add furniture that suits the room. I would start with my bedroom or living room as that's where you spend time sitting/lying down. Once you make it yours, you will grow to love it.
I bought my bungalow five years ago. It was tired and dated, apart from the kitchen and bathroom which were in good nick. It was old fashioned too and fully carpeted with worn carpets. It wasn't in an area I knew either. I had a plan though and had it completely refloored, all the doors replaced and every room painted. I had the garden landscaped as well. I absolutely love my home but it took a while to enjoy it.

When we bought our first home we had a baby and were in a rush. The previous owners had hidden lots of issues that were only evident when we moved in (sadly this is quite common and also our experience next time we moved!) I remember that on completion day I walked into the new home, our first home, and instead of joy and champagne and fish and chips, I just sat and cried. I struggle with change too. However, we lived there happily for 8 years, and the cycle repeated when we moved 🤣 there were more tears. But love it now. You'll get there

Thank you! We hadn’t even planned to paint as we liked the colours and they’d recently painted it. But there are bits on the light switch covers/ceilings/skirting boards that weren’t obvious before but really are now the place is empty.

Some of the stuff left is good quality farrow and ball paint, pretty sure the curtains are Liberty. But stained (looks like dye from sheets as it’s navy blue) mattresses we didn’t really want.

I feel awful asking them to come and get it as they’re elderly (70s and 80s) and one of them has been unwell. I don’t know if things were different when they last moved?

You paid for a house that should be left empty. They would have known they should remove everything and you have the absolute right to tell them to take it all away. If you don't want to do that, get in a house clearance firm, if there is decent stuff they will sell it on or pass it on to charities and dispose of the rest. We had to get an uncle's house cleared after he died (we took a load of family things and some furniture). It cost about £300 which we thought very reasonable (not sure I would expect it to be that cheap) and he cleaned through the house as well. An expensive reclining chair was donated to a nursing home. It was a weight off our minds to have the place cleared and tidied. You may feel much better about the house when you get all the old stuff out and you can start to think of it as yours.

Hello @NewHome24 and congratulations on your new house.

We had the same issue when we bought our house - furniture in every room, garage full, attic full. Even the wheelie bins were full! (One filled with maggots too, which was 🤢). We couldn't even trace the previous owner to require she remove everything as she'd disappeared to Spain.

We donated most of the furniture to a charity, who collected it in a van.

Our house did feel quite empty to begin with as we came from a tiny flat to a three bed house. But gradually we added to what we had. We painted rooms, removed carpets, added our own artwork etc. It takes time to create a home.

It sounds as though have a beautiful location and a lovely house. Change is always a bit scary and unsettling, but little by little this "new house" will become "your house".

And ... this is a bit woo... but I always do this in a new house: open every window then go into each room and vigorously clap my hands to "chase out" the old energy. Sounds daft, but it helps!

Houses have always been sold with vacant possession unless agreed otherwise. It’s their responsibly to remove their belongings, even if they just pay to have it disposed of. It’s not your responsibility.
With regards to the scruffiness of the paint work etc, it will all look a lot better when your stuff is in. And if you do decide to change things, you don’t have to do it all at once. It sounds like it’s liveable, so you can just focus on one room at a time and get it exactly how you like it.

Please drop the feeling of being "hugely privileged" for buying a house, many people do and it is just a completely normal stage of your life.

With regards to the items left, unless agreed beforehand (which is sounds like it was not) they are completely responsible for it's removal (or payment thereof) so go through your solicitor.
If you start saying that some things can stay then you are entering into a kind of negotiation so I would not even go there.

Moving in can feel a bit of a letdown as after all the (protracted) build-up, anticipation etc you finally get to see your new home in all it's (faded) glory and they rarely look as good when empty and all the dirt & flaws start to come to light.
A good clean, a bit of paint, some (of your own) furniture, a few pictures & possessions and it should start to feel like more of a home.

Exactly. The stuff remaining is their problem. Scuffs etc on paintwork are always more obvious when furniture has been taken out, and will be less obvious when your own furniture is in. And obviously remediable.

On the other hand, the lack of garden isn't remediable, and for two people to move into a five-bedroom house they don't need while mourning the lack of a garden they want seems a bit self-defeating...?

Stray paint on light switches and sockets can be removed quite easily. If the ceilings are white you may be able to carefully paint over any coloured splashes blending back in, similarly with skirting boards. A lot will be hidden by your furniture eventually anyway.

Houses always look a bit shit without furniture. The scuffs and marks are always really obvious. We all feel a bit like this on moving in OP. Don't worry.
The vendors may be old but they got paid a lot of money for that house. So they need to clear it, if you are happy to keep any of it fine but the rest needs removing. Even mattresses cost money to get rid of as most councils charge for that type of thing. So write to them or via your solicitor telling them you will be disposing of their stuff and they will need to pay the costs.
Once your things arrive you'll feel better I promise

Yes it's normal to feel overwhelmed and a bit shocked at the state of a new home when you see it empty. It doesn't feel like your home yet. Once you feel settled you might enjoy doing some gentle DIY to put your stamp on it. It takes time. For me I felt I regretted our move for about 6 months. That was 10 years ago and I have loved it for the past 9 and a half of those years!

It really does take a while for a house to feel like home.

The first couple of weeks are always overwhelming. The house always looks worse than when you saw it during the viewing.

Take it a day at a time.

Make a plan for what you are going to do.

Them leaving the furniture is out of order. It's up to you what you want to do. You could contact your solicitor and force them to get it all out,

Oh OP, I feel for you! I cried when I moved into my new house - and I'd been lusting to live here, desperate to buy the house and absolutely adored it. It was just overwhelming to finally own a house and to walk through rooms I was entirely responsible for.

Take some time, settle in the place and get some pages up on Pinterest to give yourself some ideas of what's possible. I've been in my place for four years now and LOVE it, now I've made it mine.

@NewHome24 Once the process of buying is completed I think most people hit a bit of a low, so this is a normal feeling.

Do not get hung up on the bits and pieces left, get in touch with the solicitor and ask them to contact the sellers solicitor saying either they can arrange for everything to be collected at their cost, or you can dispose of the items and bill them. The caveat would be, in may just be easier and quicker, and for a low cost for you to arrange for someone to take all the old furniture away.

Paint - I always leave any paint if I move, with a note saying which colour has been used in which room, so people can touch up if they want. I suggest you open the paint, brush some on a4 or a3 pieces of paper and see which rooms they may match. Hopefully they will and then you can touch up the paint where it needs doing. All before you move in. The smell of new paint in a house always makes it feel fresher!

You do not want to recreate the house you viewed, even as much as you liked it, you want to make it your home, so even though the colours on the walls may be the same, only by adding your possessions, and doing any small amounts of decorating does it become your home.

Paint on light switches is a 1 minute job to remove.

Thanks everyone! I’m feeling reassured. When we viewed it (once alone, 2nd viewing with family member and then once later down the line as owners asked if we wanted to come to measure etc) we imagined one day bringing babies home. We imagined decorating the Victorian fireplace and huge bay windows with Christmas decorations etc. Seeing it bare was a big shock.

My husband on the other hand was thrilled, beaming, over the moon. Talks of “my desk will go here” and “the front yard is bigger than first thought. There’s definitely room for a few chairs and a barbecue and it’s actually quite private”. “I had forgotten how much I loved the original features”.

It took me 3 months to settle in my new bedroom when my siblings moved out when I was 15. I’d go to sleep in my new room and wake up in the room I’d had since I was a baby as I was obviously going back there in the night after using the bathroom. I know I take a long time to adjust so I’m glad it’s a normal feeling.

Absolutely this, get your solicitor to manage this.

It takes time to get used to new house and any move is a huge hassle. Give yourself at least a year to adjust, hopefully it will be sooner but don't stress if it takes a while.