Feeling deflated about new home

[NewHome24]

Hi all, I just wanted some insight into how to make a new home feel more like home. My husband and I completed last week on a lovely house. It’s a 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom with utility, 2 reception rooms and double garage. We made some large sacrifices such as location and there is no garden. We were renting before this so haven’t yet moved in but the plan is to do so next week.

I am absolutely dreading it. The house seemed completely finished, newly painted, new windows, new kitchen and bathroom. The idea was it wouldn’t need any work but now it is empty the paint job seems poor and there are things I’d want to change.

The idea was it would be our forever home and hopefully we could start a family soon but I feel very uneasy about it all. It does not help that the previous owners left huge amounts of furniture that we don’t want; 3 beds with stained mattresses, 8 chests of drawers, desks, 42 tins of paint/oil/wood stain all sorts. Some items seem in fine condition so able to be donated others are broken.

Is it normal to feel this way? We’ve been building up to this moment for years and moved to a cheap but lovely area. My job is hugely stressful so I really wanted home to be peaceful but I’m so sad about the lack of garden.

So as not to drip feed, I am autistic so struggle a lot with change. I realise how hugely privileged we are to be buying a home in this climate and completely understand everyone has to make sacrifices. We have a very small front yard and then we’re about 12 meters from a gorgeous quiet field and the beach is less than 10 minutes walk away. We didn’t go for other houses due to cost, some needed renovation works and others were just out of budget. With this option we should be mortgage free by 45/47 and payments are less than 25% of our take home.

I should be overjoyed but when we visit it feels like I’m in a strangers house and shouldn’t be there. We’re in a 2 bed currently so the place is likely to feel quite empty for a while and I just can’t imagine e.g. decorating at Christmas and it feeling homely. I will miss our little rented home.

Can anyone suggest easy ways to make the place feel like home? We have a few paintings that I was thinking of putting up ASAP but other than that is it just time? Again, I appreciate how lucky we are but I have also killed myself working away for this, in an endless burnout cycle only to feel very flat.

Cheeky buggers leaving all their stuff behind, that’s totally unacceptable. You need to message them via the EA to tell them to collect it ASAP! If that doesn’t work the solicitor may need to get involved.

Don’t feel sorry for them - they have behaved really badly and age is no excuse. They can employ a company to come and remove the stuff you want removed if they can’t do it themselves. Their EA will be able to put them in touch with a company.

They just informed me via text that they’ve kept a key and were going to pop back over to get some of it.. WTF!!

Also they didn’t like the estate agents so the solicitor ended up dealing with everything. We completed but didn’t get the keys for a few days and I had to get my sister to get them from them as they were never available when I wasn’t at work and had excuse after excuse!!

That's why you change the locks as soon as you buy somewhere! Someone, not necessarily just the vendors, always has a stray key or two, or nine...

If you ever move again. If you don't get the keys when the solicitor says you should then you are entitled to send in a locksmith to change all the locks and bill them.
If they have retained keys then I would definitely get the locks changed (it's not that expensive and could up the security at the same time).
Just because they are old doesn't mean they are chancers.
I have had previous owners ask permission before removing a table from the garden (it was concrete). I also had keys delivered late but that was because their kids had helped by packing them.

Speak to your solicitor about this and the rubbish they've left in the property. CFers, I'd be after them to pay for the change of locks too after that text.

To be honest I would reply to the text stating,
"Any attempt to enter the property will be considered breaking and entering, and reported to the police accordingly. I expect all copies of keys to the property you have retained to be returned to my solicitor at <insert details and address> by 9.30am promptly on Monday morning."

Change the locks.
Get a quote from a rubbish removal company.
Tell the owners they have 3 days to arrange either collection of their rubbish or you will arrange a collection at x cost which will be dealt with by your solicitor.

Lastly know that it may not feel like your home now but it will one day - that happened to me when I moved into my current home.

Don't worry about lack of garden. Having a beach that close with be great. Your little front yard with pots will be very easy to maintain. Big garden, very hard continuous work.

I would start with the living room and your bedroom. Paint if needed in a colour you like, move your familiar furniture in and put up paintings that you are used to and like. That gives you two sanctuaries while you tackle the rest.
Have a ruthless look through the furniture and keep any bits which appeal. Maybe have one room you can store it in till you decide on its final destination. along with the inevitable few boxes which don’t get unpacked quickly.
You buy a house, you create a home and that can take time

I've moved a trillion times as my DH is a builder and we've done places up and sold.

In my experience, location really is key, if you're happy where you live you'll make it work.

No garden in a big house would be disappointing to me.

It might just be the stress and tiredness of it all in completing that makes it feel more 'flat' right now. The prospect of making changes can be exhausting but also a great opportunity to get it how you want it and that's fun!

Also, you need to change the locks straight away.

Goodness another seller who tries to do things on the cheap and then run out of time..definitely change the locks. Some people just DONT understand that when you sell a house on completion day it’s no longer yours so your clobber will be disposed of.

I've bought 5 houses.

I've sobbed on the first night in every one.

I've felt so overwhelmed by what needed to be done.

As time goes on, and I've put my stamp on, it's felt far more homely.

It'll get there to how you want it to be. It just wont happen overnight.

Oh my god! They are so cheeky. Change the locks today and tell them clearly they have to collect EVERYTHING or you'll sue them through small claims court for the cost of having them taken to the tip. What arseholes!

You need to spell it out to them that it’s inappropriate for them to still hold a key to YOUR house. They seem totally clueless.

I would be trying to keep things civil but letting them know you are very upset by their behaviour- both in keeping a key and in not removing all their stuff. They will have signed a legal form outlining what will stay & what they will be leaving behind. They also have no legal right to own a key to your property so these points need to be explained to them if they have somehow not understood basic legal stuff.

It is possible they are just not very bright of course. I have a relative who left some valuable memorabilia behind when they moved with the intention “to collect later” and are still upset 40 years on that when they returned to the house the stuff had all been binned.

I think what is putting pressure on here is calling it your "forever home"
Whether it is or not is for the future...this is simply your next home.
Make a plan for the jobs you need to do
Urgent
Important
Desirable

Tell yourself that your 3 year goal is to get the house looking and feeling as nice as possible. After that you can re-evaluate a see what you want to do next.

I think that feeling of living in somebody else's house and general regret is very, very common but it usually doesn't last.

I'm sure all will be fine OP, it's a lot of change but you will settle. But have I read that correctly, 5 bed, 2 bath, double garage house with no garden? That seems a bit odd!

The good thing is that changing the locks is both a relatively cheap & simple thing to do and in any case, worth doing as you have no idea how many friends, family etc have a key.

Contact your solicitor, they haven't given vacant possession and handed over all the keys, they're in breach of contract.

A slightly different position, but we found it really hard when we moved. Had wanted to move for a few years, and had often walked past properties on a nearby estate. We got one of those houses. The day before we completed, I broke down in tears when we came to take the cats to cattery. Completion date was awful, our neighbours couldn't look us in the eye - we lost our meter keys and Ihad to pop next door for some - they were in tears.

We missed our old house for a few years, even pined in the early days. Fast forward, we've been in this house 10 years this week. It's not perfect, but gave us everything we needed - size, location, quiet road, decent neighbours, renovated four years before and done well. Ideally we'd like a detached but can't afford one, so we'll stay here as it still ticks all the boxes which would be hard to find somewhere else.

Do you have room to put a couple of chairs out in your yard, hang a washing line? We have more room, but that's all we really use it for. Like you, we have fields nearby and often go for a walk, sometimes with a sandwich, and even better you have a beach. I think once you've made the move and unpacked most of your stuff, it'll get easier. Also, the extras you need to buy to make it yours will help, ie different curtains/blind, new bathmat - sounds silly, but it makes it yours.

It’s always a bit of a let down moving house…partly because it is so stressful and so expensive you build it up to be this huge amazing thing to make it seem worth all that stress. It will be good and worth it but you need to let the stress settle first…and change the locks!

WTF That they have kept the key!!! Sort that ASAP!!

On the other hand.. sit with it.. allow yourself to transition. Write down all the positives about this house and this move. Go and sit on the beach. Tap in all into your body. Hold on to the positives and let go of the negatives.

Clean the house, paint it if you want.. before you move your things in... make a vision board - like your husband was able to do in his head - maybe having visuals you can look at with words might help.

And if this is not how you manage transitions - because that would help me.. but maybe not you... work out what does help you manage transitions.. whether it is going there for a short period every day, putting a chair in a room and having a cup of tea there.. or moving one room worth of furniture at a time and making each one your's, one by one..

Good luck!! You have made a considered decision, based on all of your requirements and all of your knowledge, there are ALWAYS compromises... you just need to remind yourself of what they are and make the most of the positive things... set out what you are going to spend your disposable income on - maybe it's a weekly hobby event... and create a vision for life after mortgage so you can also draw on that when you feel you need to.

It is always a stressful time OP.

It took me 6 months to get used to my new house and for it to feel like home...

Like yours the sellers left stuff in the house, loft, shed and garden that needed dismantling and picking up by a house clearance company. They also left me with a broken boiler on completion day and a house needing much more work than expected.

My solicitor wrote the sellers with the invoice for the house clearance and a contribution to fixing the boiler.

They initially made positive noises about paying and even their solicitor was encouraging them to do the 'right thing'. In the end they just refused.

My solicitor advised me that the cost of taking them to court and then the fact that they might wriggle from paying anything back even if legally told to do so as they were pensioners means that in the end I had to let it go. I did inform all the neighbours (small town :) ) of what they had done though and they never showed their face again in the area although they still live locally.

Some people are just greedy and have no shame.

Start decorating your house and it will start to feel like home. If you like the location, that's the main thing.

I'm autistic it took me about 6 months to feel settled completely.

We did bits as we could afford it. It's normal to want to make your own mark.

Remember it will look better when your stuff is in.

Definitely get solicitors involved re their stuff they have to collect it

As you said you sit like chnage very much so this will mostly be why you feel this way. Just acknowledge it but also tell yourself it will once you've moved your things in.

I woukdnt worry about a lack of garden if you have green space 12 metres away and a beach within 10 mins thunk of all the hours you would have to spend gardening when you could be on the beach instead! And your kids won't mind either that there is no garden when they can go to the beach

If you do touch up paint best do it now whilst your stuff isn't in or packed in boxes it's so much quicker to paint a room that way then to have to move things later on.

That’s right! So there is 2400 sq ft of space plus the double garage so not a gigantic house but not tiny. It is essentially sideways U shaped (hard to explain) but the gap in the middle is a yard. It’s only around 6 x 4 metres I think so enough room for a chair and a bbq but not much else. There’s also a bit at the side that is separate and very small about 3m by 5m but it’s essentially all plants /beds decorative.