Sibling Resentment Over Family Home

[BoundaryGirl3939]

My family (parents) own two properties. One was bought, the other was inherited and is situated in countryside. Its occupied 50% of the time by my dad. Its a very nice, private, renovated house.
My brother went to live in the inherited property over 10 years ago. His confidence/mental health wasn't great, and he was financially supported by my parents.
5 years ago he met a woman and they hit it off. During the times that my dad was not residing in the property, he would have her stay over.
They went on to build their own property about 2/3 years ago. He invested over 50,000 but we later found out that it was her name on the deeds, bills and mortgage. As you can see, my brother is not v assertive. Their house is about 10 mins away from the 'inherited' home and is also a beautiful home.
For the past year, whenever my dad vacates the 'inherited house', they both move back in like the old days. I find it so strange as they have their own place and it's making me resentful as it's our family home. I spend 2-3 months there every year.
My dad is useless and doesn't want to say anything. He is cowardly and wants2b everyone's best friend.
I'm feeling really angry with my dad, brother and his partner. I know it's not my property but this situation is taking my peace away. I am single and don't own any property myself. I couldn't care less if my brother lived there forever, but when you bring an inlaw into the equation, feelings change.
How can I cope with this horrible situation.

Stay there more?

i dont know why youre angry? That isnt clear. What is it you want? You want it to be empty?

I don't understand your problem. Do you want to stay more than 2-3 months of the year?

How is this a horrible situation?
Your brother and his partner sometimes stay in a family home, just as you do. Do you genuinely think that only blood relatives should cross the threshold?

OK, thank you for the responses. Honestly interesting to hear other perspectives. I like to think that in years to come, the house will be shared as a summer home by me and my 3 siblings.
I think this family home is nicer than theirs, and that they probably have it in their sights. His partner goes on about how nice it is sll of the time.
My mother also thinks that my brother secretly encourages my dad to vacate. He used to request the house on a regular basis before they built their own, and I think it's reverting to this again.

I just couldn't imagine myself staying over in my partners family home, when we have our own perfect house in the locality. It's weird.

The house will never be empty. My brother comes here every day to chill out and have time to himself. This doesn't bother me.

It's their behaviour. They sleep in my other brothers room (as it's nicer). My other brother will complain that the sheets are dirty when he visits and is secretly frustrated.

And it's not that they sometimes stay. If my dad leaves the house for literally two nights, they jump in.

I'd also like to add that my other two siblings find their behaviour strange.

My brother asked if she could stay overnight during the times I was there. I said no. I just don't feel as though there are boundaries.

Maybe draw up a proper rota for who is there and when. State you expect it to be left in bnb status when each leaves.. IE clean beds and no washing up...

But this isn't your house. It's your parents', and your dad lives there half of the time, and doesn't appear to have an issue with his children using it whenever they like. You spend two or three months a year there. No one appears to be stopping you. Are you expecting that it will be left to you and your siblings?

Your brother's own financial arrangements as regards him and his partner's house, mortgage etc are his own business. If you don't mind him using it, or your other brother, why does it bother you so much that one brother's partner also does?

What exactly is it that you want to happen?

This whole situation sounds rather eccentric. Your brother who you say goes to his parents' second home during the day to chill out and have time to himself -- doesn't he have a job? Do you live close by the rest of the time, for you to be able to spend two or three months at your parents' house annually? If you don't mind your brother being there literally daily, what's the issue with his partner staying over? It just sounds like there needs to be a rota and agreed standards on cleaning between all of you.

Are you worried he is positioning himself for it 100% when your parent’s die?

Are you Prince Harry? Is this house Windsor Castle??!

I would like the house to stay free in the future, and that if someone wishes to use it, that a request is made or rota done out. Bills, property tax etc should be split.

I do like my brother but he has a reputation for being stingy. He won't pay mechanic/vet bills (my dad has had to step in) and I have to chase him for cash. So I don't see how this will work out. He is eager to please her though.

During the times ive been here, ive regularly come back after a few hours to find all the milk gone, or whatever is the slowcooker disappeared. They would have visited and taken whatever. They are both late 30s.

Yes I use it, but as I'm single, all my siblings are happy to come to the house while I'm there. If i was bringing a partner, perhaps they wouldnt feel as comfortable.
I think if a couple get very cosy, it's harder as you're up against 2.

We have an old house ruin right behind this home. They have asked numerous times (and been rejected) to do it up. It would destroy the privacy of the home. I don't know why they want two houses, and I don't trust her motives.

I'm a primary school so I get 2 months off during summer, one week at Halloween, two weeks at Christmas and Easter. Irish school term timetable. I'm single so free to travel.

My brother has a short day at work, and has land rented nearby with cows so he is nearby daily. He will come in for dinner, coffee, chillax.

I dont mind him being there at all, or staying overnight, but it's her that gets on my nerves. He would marry in a heartbeat but she won't. I don't know what the agenda is.

Lol....nope!

Yes. Him staying there until the day he dies doesn't bother me as I'd be able to visit whenever. But when it's a couple, they don't want to see you.

Well the using your other brothers room and living it dirty is not acceptable.

Neither is stealing food from the fridge and slow cooker. I'd give very short shrift to anyone behaving this way.

I don't think you can stop him bringing his partner there but yes I find it odd that they use it so much when they live locally, but technically he's as free to use it as you are.

It's really your parents who need to set some ground rules here, rather than the free for all that exists currently.

Who pays the utility bills?

I think it’s normal when someone has a partner to do things together so both of them staying is not weirder than you staying. If your DB the first sibling to get a partner?

My parents pay utility bills but I give 80 euro a week whenever I stay.

No, my brother in Dublin has a partner and 3 children. Other brother has a disability and finds countryside difficult to navigate so doesn't visit. Both brothers have said they're watching it unfold and not too impressed with it all.

In a way, I wish my parents would sort it now as I don't want to fall out with my family when they die.

Posters may not like my beliefs (and ill get a backlash) but I'm a practicing Catholic for last decade and don't like that they're using the beds. Whatever about their own home. Sorry I feel that way, but I do. Maybe that is tainting my viewpoint too.

I really don't say this lightly, but you're behaving in quite an immature way. Expecting to be able to enjoy time in a family home without any(?) partners ever(??) being part of the picture.
What if you have nieces/nephews or a partner or children of your own one day? Would they be excluded too?
Or does it all boil down to your dislike of this one person?

Ah, just seen your post about religion. You disapprove of pre-marital sex. Not quite sure what to say to that.

Also, I'm the only girl. Property has been in family for generations so I feel its a bit unusual to have another non blood related female in the family space. She will literally block the fire by pushing her chair up to the stove when she visits. I just find her behaviour so strange but I have to be polite. I just couldn't imagine imposing myself on someone else family home.

But it is good to see other perspectives. I probably need to let go during the times they are there.

No, partners and children are fine. My other brother will visit with his children and stay for two weeks.
But this brother have a home 10 mins away. So I don't get why they're in here when their home is just a short drive away.

I know it's common place but I guess they've been together 5 years now. He would marry tomorrow if he could. She doesn't want to. All assets in her name so she is smart. Guys can be stringed along too.