Tea and sympathy thread - whinge about your home without asking for advice

[KievLoverTwo]

Roll up, roll up. Sit in a comfy patio chair and help yourself to tea and scones. Due to political divides, it's deconstructed, so you can choose if jam or cream goes first. Gluten free scones are also available.

This is a place to whinge. Get it all off your chest.

Feedback and constructive advice is not necessary, but if you would like it, feel free to ask.

I will begin.

I don't want any advice because I rent and I am very limited with the number of f**ks I can be bothered to give in my rental after so many problems; it's a Tesco value house dressed up as a very fancy new farmhouse and it never ceases to go wrong.

Can't remember the last time I tried Tesco Value, so don't hold that against me.

I will begin.

On Monday a farmer took down the phone line and we now have no internet. I live on a farm. My landlady chose not to tell me, even though she knows my other half makes his living working from home, relying on the internet. I should probably add we are 100 metres from it and she is back and forth all the time and extremely responsive to most things I tell her about. There has been a silage run since Sunday and clearly a tractor has taken it out (muddy, slippery and wet), but she decided, for whatever reason, that it didn't warrant warning us about. That line supplies us and them and no one else.

The ensuite bathroom literally smells like a sewer and has done for a few months. Trying to problem fix is not working. Sometimes it gets so bad that it smells on half of the floor.

Again with silage, she had the courtesy to call me this time because the time before last I completely lost my shit when it got to 6am - the silage run with trucks over a speed bump kept my OH awake til 3.30am two nights this week. She asks them to slow down over the speed bump but the thumps still thump. We are quite reasonable, we have only requested they slow down over midnight. It seems most of their tractor and truck combos cannot or will not do it.

The time before this with the overnight silage run, my OH lost his diplomacy with a work colleague and the following day was sacked from a project and told there is now very little hope of him being promoted this year. Worthy of noting is he is autistic and doesn't communicate all that well, sleeps terribly when there are disturbances, but this 'we will promote you' has been going on for a considerable amount of time before they decided to cut him off after he was too direct with a colleague. I don't think he was outrageous, but American culture is very different to ours. I am convinced it's the constant stress of the home we are in that causes anxiety spikes which is holding his career back.

This morning I woke up to the OH slamming all the things because the heating and HW broke. She sent her man round (kudos, within 2.5 hours) but he doesn't know what caused it, he tested the two blown fuses but has no idea what caused it. This is the guy who installed the electrics when the houses was built. Everything goes wrong with this house. That he didn't know what is causing it is far from a suprise because all of the utilities infrastructure is absolutely shit. Which he partly installed.

We have been together five years and been through some absolutely horrific rows that I would truly cringe at if I was a fly on a wall. I have never seen him as angry as he was when he told me about the heating and HW this morning. Genuinely thought he was going to put his fist through the wall, usually that's my schtick, so it was quite shocking to witness that.

We've been slowly building up covering all parts of the houses with various blocking things because we have a constant plague of flies. Today it failed and we had a house full of them again. They get in through window cracks, extractors, sink overflows - it's so fucking tiresome. Don't even think about telling me 'they'll be gone in winter' - the only fly free month we had last year was January, and I think that was more like 2-3 weeks.

I could go on but I think that's enough for now.

We moved to a farm because we had literally no other choice last year. It's not as though I thought it would be all sweetness and bird song and had no idea what it would involve. I certainly didn't expect every flying thing to get in with every window and door closed or the constant... just.. constant shit.

Did I mention we have a silage (shit pit) 100m away? Funny they never mentioned that at the viewing. It's 40/60 whether the house and area will smell like a toilet, all year round.

Rant done.

Your turn.

Huge sympathies to everyone on the thread. I am the owner of another 1930s doer-upper. We bought it 20 years ago, thinking we'd renovate gradually as we could afford it: nothing as ambitious as an extension, just updating windows (original), electrics and heating system (ditto) and decor, which was very 1980s. We started well but the house's many less apparent problems quickly outpaced our DIY skills and ability to save the necessary funds, especially with three redundancies in rapid succession, and so although it's - finally - largely water tight, we've had to prioritise the absolute essentials and the aesthetics leave a lot to be desired: woodchip and analyglypta in most rooms, the ugliest 80s gas living room fireplace you've ever seen, cracks in the plaster of walls and ceilings (even the ones we got reskimmed!), a badly dated and DIY-tiled kitchen, the carpet a since-departed cat clawed a hole in.

Everything just looks so very very tired and I feel like Jimmy Stewart in It's A Wonderful Life when the finial of the bannister comes away in his hand for the 247th time. We used to say we'd love to win the lottery so we could renovate the whole place at once, but now I know if we had the money we'd happily buy a turnkey property and skip away from this place without a backwards glance.

I do feel like there’s a LOT of pressure these days to have some show home house. I kind of miss HK where everyone has to rent ( unless you’re absolutely minted or will be there long enough to want a 50 year mortgage). So everyone has landlord magnolia walls and eighties kitchens and nineties bathrooms with shower over bath with a curtain not a screen and wood laminate cabinets. Everyone has some ugly water heater bolted to the bathroom wall and ugly air con machines bolted to the other walls. IKEA is king.

I dunno- maybe it wasn’t the case but I don’t remember the same sort of pressure when I was a kid. Unless you were a trillionaire, your house was just a house.

We had a new bathroom last year,it looked lovely but a couple of days after the plumber left the toilet started leaking and ruined the flooring.
Three weeks' later there was another leak(under the floor this time) that destroyed part of the kitchen ceiling.

I'd never want a show home,friends of ours live in a bungalow that looks like it's never been occupied;it makes me shudder.

Lots of great things about where we are but considering it’s a thread for whinging….
glis glis - an invasive squirrel-like creature. Once they’re in your loft they’re VERY difficult to get rid. The pest man once removed 8 from our house 😭. If you’ve never heard of them, Google it…
NDN are fine but their rescue dog has THE most annoying loud bark and they’re a little bit slow to bring him in from prolonged garden barking sessions.
Odd smell sometimes - reckon it’s the drains…

All stone houses suck. How do they get away with ripping off non locals, or is that an assumption?

Sending evil thoughts your exe's way.

I was seriously considering a 1930s house before this thread.

Now, I think I'll pass.

I'm sorry for your woes :(

glis glis - an invasive squirrel-like creature.

They are SO cute. I want to have tea parties with them!

I am guessing you don't feel the same.

I think this is just part and parcel of being a homeowner in the UK...

It is, but it shouldn't be. We can thank largely stagnating wages and really expensive houses. It really sucks.

This is the kind of thread that makes me glad we rent - in Our case we rent a totally lovely 3 bed late Victorian semi house plus top notch Garage/studio conversion that we couldn't buy in a million years in the area we are in. Only thing I would change here is that hall and kitchen have thick cream tiles that get filthy really easily but it's a bit complicated by having underfloor heating. I feel for all of you x

I will start by saying that I do love my house but my god. She eats cash!

she’s a bit small and an extension is not on the cards til I win the lottery…

but the thing that winds me up more than any other is the fact that the people who lived here before the lady we bought off - clearly loved DIY, but we’re absolutely terrible at it. Every job that should be simple winds up with piles and piles of remedial work.

also slugs. The slimy fuckers are still getting in and they are driving me to distraction

I hate this house. I was persuaded to move from our old house that I loved by my DH. For the best reasons, I have a health condition and my job was literally making me unwell with stress. Moving to this area meant that we were able to buy a house that was pretty large, but still have enough money for me to retire.

My old house had beautiful country walks on the doorstep and a huge outbuilding along with a large attic space, that held most of DHs crap. It was out in the countryside but still half an hour from a really vibrant city, and 10 minutes from two nice towns. It was near my family, and I had some friends nearby.

This house, we are on the outskirts of what looked like a pretty market town, but is actually quite rough with a growing problem of youth crime. The walks are few and far apart, and not very nice. The town is extremely unfriendly towards dogs. The house needs much more work than we thought, and DH is now not able to complete almost anything as he had a heart attack earlier this year. So its all either half done or not even started. He also wont pay for anyone else to do it due to him not trusting anyone not to either burgle the place or tell someone else who will burgle the place. The garden is huge, which sounds great, but its work neither of us can do now. Its also on a slope with retaining walls. I have a phobia of edges, and am terrified of falling off the walls, so hardly ever go into the garden.

The house has been extended by various other owners with not much thought to the layout. Which is fucking crazy. Two rooms don't have windows, one is supposed to be a bedroom. It has a skylight that would be impossible to reach in the event of a fire, so that is just a storeroom for some of DHs many many possessions. The other is the main bathroom, that has no windows. It has a really loud fan that comes on with the light, so a bath is the most un-relaxing experience.

There is a factory opposite, we were told they don't start work until 8:30 AM. 6 O'clock on the dot the forklifts start up, reversing alarms all going. Engine covers banging and vibrating. Over from the factory is a scrap yard, which is apparently official and licensed. Its looks and smells like something from the third world. They have bonfires, but only at the weekend when the council offices are shut, so you can't complain until Monday. They come and inspect it, by then its all been cleared up so nothing happens. Also when the factory is quiet at the weekends the scrapyard is noisy so there is no respite from noise outside at all.

My DH wont move back due to the stress and that we'd have to downsize which means he'd have to get rid of most of his stuff. I would leave tomorrow and live in a tiny cottage, quite happily. It will be 2 years in December we've been here. I just cannot feel that this is my home. I hate it with a passion.

Thanks for this thread, it feels quite cathartic to get this off my chest.

@Nellieinthebarn my father in law has a very similar situation except he moved somewhere to keep his partner happy (all his money) and it was close to her family -she has since died and he's now 84 and stuck with a part renovated house , in an area he doesn't like, but is struggling to have the motivation at his age to leave.

Something has to give here. This sounds completely untenable on an ongoing basis.

I am so sorry.

Sending you massive hugs x

@KievLoverTwo I feel so guilty at being depressed about living in a perfectly water-tight secure house, just because its not perfect. I mean talk about first world problems, so many people would be grateful to live here. But I just can't seem to shift it. Trouble is my old house was pretty much perfect.

Don't feel guilty. Constant noise and smells pollution really wears you down. It's a very valid complaint that I would push to do something about if at all humanly possible.

I have just bought and moved into a house very similar in size and shape to the one I viewed, but this one hasn’t been cleaned or gardened in 6 months and there’s multicoloured walls where furniture has been painted around.

I like a project but suspect this one might see me out (32)

@BeastOfBODMAS lol! What sort of furniture did they paint around?

I'm imagining comedy chair shaped multicoloured walls.

@KievLoverTwo wall mounted TV, beds, cupboards, washing machine. It’s very abstract.

I was mentally prepared for sorting the decorating, plumbing, gutters, landscaping, CH and complete absence of insulation.

What is really keeping me up at night is the curtain pole. Why is it muddy?

Why are the walls full of hundreds of tiny little tacks that don’t take the weight of a picture? What were they hanging up?

Why is straw in the airing cupboard and pastry behind the dresser?

Why take the blinds but leave one half of each mount?

@BeastOfBODMAS I think the answer to most of these puzzles is: kids

Can I add....?
Please can I just throw away, hide, vaporise the contents of my house? We are in the final stages of buying another house to move into and it's time to pack 😑 except in the last year we had to sort and empty my very very elderly ( and deceased) father in laws house (lived there over 50 years) 5 bed 3 reception and crammed garage and loft. And help my disabled daughter move house whilst recovering from a knee replacement and being diagnosed with a heart condition. I'm done now I just have had enough.
People have suggested getting a moving company but we just can't afford it, after we sell this house and move I have informed the entire universe that I will never be moving again That's it I will go back to sort shit and bagging up charity stuff and packing boxes because? Well just because I have too 😖

@MissCherryCakeyBun of course you can. But what I would suggest you do is find your local Facebook recycle/re-use/freecycle page, write a list of some of the things you are giving away along with a few photos, then put 'free on a first come, first served basis in MissyCherry's garden/front drive from 9am on x date, address is x. No holds, no questions will be responded to, do not private message me.'

Let them help themselves.

If you try to give stuff away piecemeal, they will waste an exceptional amount of your time.

I once sat in an entire Sunday for three sets of people who didn't turn up for free stuff I had listed.

I am sorry for your loss.

I hope your new home brings you a sense of peace and unclutteredness!