Tea and sympathy thread - whinge about your home without asking for advice

[KievLoverTwo]

Roll up, roll up. Sit in a comfy patio chair and help yourself to tea and scones. Due to political divides, it's deconstructed, so you can choose if jam or cream goes first. Gluten free scones are also available.

This is a place to whinge. Get it all off your chest.

Feedback and constructive advice is not necessary, but if you would like it, feel free to ask.

I will begin.

I don't want any advice because I rent and I am very limited with the number of f**ks I can be bothered to give in my rental after so many problems; it's a Tesco value house dressed up as a very fancy new farmhouse and it never ceases to go wrong.

Can't remember the last time I tried Tesco Value, so don't hold that against me.

I will begin.

On Monday a farmer took down the phone line and we now have no internet. I live on a farm. My landlady chose not to tell me, even though she knows my other half makes his living working from home, relying on the internet. I should probably add we are 100 metres from it and she is back and forth all the time and extremely responsive to most things I tell her about. There has been a silage run since Sunday and clearly a tractor has taken it out (muddy, slippery and wet), but she decided, for whatever reason, that it didn't warrant warning us about. That line supplies us and them and no one else.

The ensuite bathroom literally smells like a sewer and has done for a few months. Trying to problem fix is not working. Sometimes it gets so bad that it smells on half of the floor.

Again with silage, she had the courtesy to call me this time because the time before last I completely lost my shit when it got to 6am - the silage run with trucks over a speed bump kept my OH awake til 3.30am two nights this week. She asks them to slow down over the speed bump but the thumps still thump. We are quite reasonable, we have only requested they slow down over midnight. It seems most of their tractor and truck combos cannot or will not do it.

The time before this with the overnight silage run, my OH lost his diplomacy with a work colleague and the following day was sacked from a project and told there is now very little hope of him being promoted this year. Worthy of noting is he is autistic and doesn't communicate all that well, sleeps terribly when there are disturbances, but this 'we will promote you' has been going on for a considerable amount of time before they decided to cut him off after he was too direct with a colleague. I don't think he was outrageous, but American culture is very different to ours. I am convinced it's the constant stress of the home we are in that causes anxiety spikes which is holding his career back.

This morning I woke up to the OH slamming all the things because the heating and HW broke. She sent her man round (kudos, within 2.5 hours) but he doesn't know what caused it, he tested the two blown fuses but has no idea what caused it. This is the guy who installed the electrics when the houses was built. Everything goes wrong with this house. That he didn't know what is causing it is far from a suprise because all of the utilities infrastructure is absolutely shit. Which he partly installed.

We have been together five years and been through some absolutely horrific rows that I would truly cringe at if I was a fly on a wall. I have never seen him as angry as he was when he told me about the heating and HW this morning. Genuinely thought he was going to put his fist through the wall, usually that's my schtick, so it was quite shocking to witness that.

We've been slowly building up covering all parts of the houses with various blocking things because we have a constant plague of flies. Today it failed and we had a house full of them again. They get in through window cracks, extractors, sink overflows - it's so fucking tiresome. Don't even think about telling me 'they'll be gone in winter' - the only fly free month we had last year was January, and I think that was more like 2-3 weeks.

I could go on but I think that's enough for now.

We moved to a farm because we had literally no other choice last year. It's not as though I thought it would be all sweetness and bird song and had no idea what it would involve. I certainly didn't expect every flying thing to get in with every window and door closed or the constant... just.. constant shit.

Did I mention we have a silage (shit pit) 100m away? Funny they never mentioned that at the viewing. It's 40/60 whether the house and area will smell like a toilet, all year round.

Rant done.

Your turn.

I don't know if I have the energy to type it all out.

1914 Edwardian house, very early example of cavity walls, clearly before they knew what they were doing... massive internal cracking, structural survey x2 says it's not structural, at least two brickwork cracks externally, one of which moves with the weather (big crack in dry weather small in wet). Ceilings periodically collapse, no point in a full replaster (30k+) as it'll inevitably just crack up again.

Spent several k on planning permission for a long planned extension, granted just before Ukraine war hit materials prices, now can't afford said extension.

Heating works in all weathers, aka thermostat is off but rads still get hot, but when the weather is cold the house is cold unless the heating is on 24/7, obviously not affordable!

Oh and all the windows need to be replaced. Crooked in the frames so there's large gaps open to the elements. Plumbing dodgy throughout. All the roof tile cement has crumbled onto the attic floor, daylight visible.

People who sold it to us had the cracks patched and skimmed and everything covered in lining paper, six weeks post move the cracks started to reappear. Wish to god we didn't buy it but we just didn't know.

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug

Urgh urgh urgh

I am sorry that some sellers are such horribly deceptive shitbags.

@CreamFirstObs i put drain unblocker fluid down the shower last night and the sewerage smell has completely gone!

My people! I have found you!

I love this thread, especially the ‘no advice’ bit. My brother asked whether I wouldn’t “consider selling and moving to a property that didn’t need renovating?” I’d laugh but I’m dead inside.

@Stephisaur I had that too. We had the carpets cleaned before we moved in and the man said he felt “very sorry” for me having to live here. It makes a bit furious though because although the decor is INSANE it’s mostly a solid house and I am very lucky to have a place to live. I don’t need your pity carpet man!!!

Anyway, let me take you through the joys of this house:

7 different types of flooring, all
of them multicoloured madness
70s, 80s and 90s.

8 different types of wall paper (none of which bear any connection to the floor). The main hall way has three different types of paisley in it.

Orange and brown kitchen with disintergrating floorboards.

Curtain rails that only fit a type of hook that is no longer made so curtains don’t shut.

But the true cherry on the cake is a fully carpeted bathroom and separate carpeted toilet and full peach suit which is covered in limescale and toothpaste by the end of the day and always looks dirty no matter how much you clean it.

4 years we’ve been in this house. We were going to renovate within two months of moving in.

what a joke.

@Sparehair ’fox hostel’ made me laugh!

Spot on!!

@Headchecked those descriptions are quite entertaining. I had a loathing of Paisley in my 20s when it was bloody everywhere. If all I could afford was Sharpies I would have those buggers blacked out!

Linescale here is bad. It's ruined our 12 mo washing machine, two sets of bedsheets have been ruined (8 sets in total) and a lot of my clothes. Plus every new towel we bought months ago. Which would be about 12.

I chuck a cup full of cleaning vinegar through it once a month now on a 90 degree empty wash, but half the damage has already been done.

My new non shredded bedsheets arrived yesterday! I wanted £160 a set ones but settled for £25 Amazon jobbies cos the water wrecks anything precious to you.

Thank the lord our sink is not stainless steel by the way! That and linescale is the absolute worst.

@Headchecked

Lime
Lime

My stairs. Too steep and not wide enough for my whole foot to step on so coming down I have to sort of step sideways as I'm scared of falling if I sort of run down them like my son does. My bedroom could be bigger but meh I only sleep in it. My bathroom too - tiny as these houses were originally built without indoor plumbing.
The fact it's not self cleaning is the biggest issue though - and my skylights in the kitchen extension can only be cleaned if someone gets on the roof.

My aunt had stairs like this in her cottage,she was nearly ninety and she used to run up and down them like a mountain goat.

Plastered over the top of wallpaper so it hasn't adhered properly.

Did a double take here, I'm sorry, what???😱

So I've lived in my 1930s semi for 30 years and when we moved in we had lots of the problems that PP have talked about. Over the years we've tackled everything (mostly with expensive and confrontational builders, took two lots to court etc.) kept thinking when will this ever be over, probably spent the value of the house again on renovations. Finally finished pretty much everything 5 years ago with a final flourish of plastering, new doors and windows, guttering and fascias, flooring, wiring, new bathroom, put in downstairs loo, painted the render, new soil pipe, new column radiators and so on. Now sadly we need to sell (divorce) and we can't. Been on the market 9 months. One viewer complained that as the windows were 5 years old they'd all need to be replaced; he wasn't alone in this batshit as most are thinking this is a doer upper. When we had the wiring done we missed a couple of sockets which are the old plastic type which led another viewer to complain the place would need completely re-wiring due to these sockets. Reading about all the things everyone is trying to cope with whilst I've got people wanting to remove really substantial 5 year old windows is beyond ironic.

Oh and all the houses I've looked at seem to be similar to @PissedOffNeighbour22's so starting again from scratch for me except now I'm 60 and be on my knees sanding skirting boards for 8 hours a day etc. (or coping with the Victorian narrow tread stairs of @mondaytosunday)!

@GoingDownLikeBHS that's proper shit, I am so sorry. If it helps you feel a bit better about people, I hope to be a FTB within a few years and I wouldn't dream of bartering someone down because the windows are only likely to last ANOTHER twenty years.

That's just nasty behaviour.

But it really shows you who to avoid accepting an offer from. Those who pull those tricks will be gazundering you further down the line for sure.

See the 'buyers want 60k off' thread that has now reached a conclusion.

I wish there were more financial help for divorcees. Our country is set up for singletons to be screwed when it comes to housing.

I hope wherever you end up makes you really happy and that you are able to be at peace with the divorce

I am an absolutely klutz with size seven feet, I would die from being so scared of walking down them that I forget how to walk and I would head plant the wall at the bottom.

The OH would die running to help me in his size 11’s!

The above has happened on narrow stairs, minus dying in a wall, obvs.

My people! Be prepared for long rant.

We had to move city for work. For some reason I'll never fathom, when DH saw this house on Rightmove, he seemed to fall in love with it. I took one look at the photos and went "Nah, not feeling it. In fact, I utterly loathe the kitchen." It's a 1920s house that had been partially "done up" by owners with some fondly-imagined avant garde designer aspirations.

But he was adamant - travelled up to [city] to view it (took FiL instead of me, because I was so uninterested), came back raving about how the house would suit us, the neighbourhood was great, etc.

Eventually he persuaded me to view it amongst a list of other houses, as we'd "made the effort to travel to [city] for househunting." To be fair to this house, I disliked almost all the houses we viewed, so it didn't stand out as being particularly unlikeable. But I definitely didn't like it, in fact spotted various problems that DH hadn't e.g. damp patches, lack of storage and bad layout choices made by the previous owners.

Reader, we bought the damn house. DH promised "We'll make it a home, darling."

I have endured living here for nearly 8 years. The problems I spotted on my only viewing were only the tip of the iceberg of underlying building issues, bodge jobs, terrible DIY, leaking pipework, wall cracks, slugs, damp, fraying carpets, ceiling cracks, etc etc. We have spent literally 10s of thousands of £££ on remedial works e.g. replacing rusted wall ties, repointing, new windows, new boiler... All essential work but "invisible" to daily enjoyment.

We were in the process of saving to replace the roof (falling apart, tiles coming loose, no felt, crap and snow falling into the loft which we therefore cannot use hence no storage) - pre-COVID we had got an estimate of around £10K for a basic replacement, presumably that'll now be at least 50% more.

Then one morning I glanced up at the kitchen ceiling below the bathroom and noticed a stain. Yes, the badly-installed bathroom was leaking. Got emergency plumbers in - they had to dismantle half the room, and found that when the previous owners had knocked out the kitchen wall below, the bathroom wall had been cracked and various gaps in the grout and sealant had opened up. But furthermore, the plumbing had been installed incorrectly e.g. waste pipes running uphill, shower pipes left loose instead of secured. So there were lots of small leaks, which had accumulated under the bath and rotted the floorboards and joists. So we had to spend our roof budget on a whole new bathroom, which had to be super-basic because we didn't have spare cash - so I don't even like my new bathroom!

We still have the loathed kitchen, except now it is even worse because it's 8 years older, every one of the integrated appliances has broken down and either had to be replaced or is just sitting there taking up room, and there's a massive stain from the leaking bathroom on the ceiling which I can't be arsed to paint over. We still have the same old roof and no loft storage. And no more savings.

Sorry Wicked, this made me laugh!

@Suchapain We have EXACTLY the same issue. If you fix it please DM me what you do so not to taint this thread. We presently have chemicals circulating around system and boiler fixer says we have to persevere for another three weeks before he will change valve. Problem first started two winters ago

@Poisoningpigeons solidarity on the bathroom.

It's so infuriating to spent $$$ and weeks of effort on something you hate!

We remortgaged and undertook a massive extension and renovation project (small bungalow to good sized house). I got made redundant, three times in five years. DP had a spinal injury and couldn't work more than a few hours a week. We couldn't claim any benefits as we had too much in "savings". We lived off the "savings" for a total of roughly a year.

I've now been employed again for almost 3 years, but unable to replace "savings". We've lived in a beautiful house for 8 years that is unplastered, wires hanging out of wall, half a kitchen, bare boards, no curtains etc etc.

@Eightypercent I am so sorry you have had such a cruel run of bad luck.

How are you both faring health wise these days?

@Poisoningpigeons good lawd. So, how are you coping with the resentment of being made to move into a house you didn't like in the first place?

I am lucky that my OH is completely ambivalent and easily sways to like and dislike what I like.

You setup and decimated savings - well, I think I would have a semi permanent strop on.

So many DIY bodgers out there.

We can only hope this ceases to be as bad over the years thanks to the likes of YouTube.

Bought a 1930s 3 bed terrace 2 months ago. So far:

• full rewire needed
• The boiler was faulty on day 1 so had to install a new one
• had to remove a gas fire that had been incorrectly installed and was dangerous
• had to have the drains checked with a camera (they found the kitchen drain gulley was cracked)
• toilet cistern had been leaking for a while and the water finally started leaking through the living room ceiling
• new stopcock and the water company discovered that their side of the water main was leaking
• There is a horrible 1980s fake brick wall I the living room that looks like some gothic monstrosity that I am finally having boarded and plastered this week
• Artex ceilings (thankfully asbestos free)
• Some of the gutters seem to have small leaks...

But on the positive side it is in a lovely, quiet street with great neighbours in a pretty, very safe town.

but the house itself has suffered from not being maintained by the previous owners for a few years (they covered up a lot of issues) and the fact that it was owned before that for quite a while by a Bob the Bodger builder type who did some dodgy DIY...

I think I am trying to be philosophical about it all because so many people have similar experiences: period properties always need something done to them& new built often come with defaults. Many owners just fail to maintain their homes properly and just hide/cover things just to be able to sell the house to the next person!

I had a full survey on the house and still the surveyor missed a bunch of issues.

I think this is just part and parcel of being a homeowner in the UK...

Fair to middling.

We've had to have marriage counselling, I mean there was more going on than this house, but it was a definite major factor. One outcome is that DH and I have both "made peace" (really not the right phrase in the circumstances) with the fact that I will always resent this house no matter what we do/don't do to it and that is something I have to accept, while he's not going to be able to get me to like the house and that is something he has to suck up.

It is a sad way to live, but so be it - there are worse things in the world.

OK, I'm in. I live in an 1880s sandstone house. Sounds idyllic you say? Turns our the basement floods (regularly) & the roof (original) has NO insulation. It's freezing & damp. It's in Scotland. I have no money & am not local so tend to get ripped off re trades anyway. Due to being a Carer for my 2 disabled young people (exH walked when it was 'too stressful' & pays no maintenance) I qualified for a new heating system. Hoorah, except they only replaced the boiler & removed my trusty manual thermostat & replaced with 3 different units, none of which talk to each other. The Co who did the installation (6 wks ago) has gone under & no one else wants to take responsibility for it. The frost setting only works in Europe so they disabled it & I can't work the timer so I can either have it ON (can't afford that!) or Off. Last winter, in an effort to stay warm, I had the chimney opened up & swept. But an open fire blows back into the room & I've been quoted 5.5k for a log burner. I hate winter.

AND its an interest only mortgage so in 5 yrs, with 2 disabled young people & aged 60, I'll need to sell up to pay it off. So I can't even settle in my very difficult house because its not mine & never will be. Thanks a lot, exH (comfortably 'retired' in his wee flat 8m away)