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Original poster

Bizarre request… What would you do?

104 replies

good96 · 18/06/2023 21:10

We’ve lived in our current home since 1991 when we first brought it. I’ve had a letter come through my door this week from the previous owner’s son asking if he could pop around and see the property. He mentions in his letter that his mother had recently died in the last 6 months and would ‘love’ the opportunity to see the home that was in their family for over 40 years until they had to sell…
I’m inclined to say yes but I am a bit sceptical of letting a stranger into my house. What would you do?

OP posts:
notanotherclairebear · 18/06/2023 21:36

I grew up abroad and my brother and his wife went back for a holiday. He was showing her around where we grew up and our house, and they decided to pop a note in the letterbox, with his phone number, asking if the owners would mind showing them around. The owners got in touch and my brother got to see our childhood home - the rose bushes where we buried our Guinea pigs are flourishing!! I don't think it's weird of him to ask, but would also be understandable if you don't feel comfortable with it

Pattygonia · 18/06/2023 21:37

We did and it was fine. Later found out that the person in question had received a terminal diagnosis of cancer - this had been his childhood home and I guess he was on a sort of farewell/memory tour. We didn’t know this at the time and he didn’t share the news with us during the visit - we just found this out later. But we had a lovely chat about the village and what the house and garden had been like back when he had been a boy - he gave us some old photos of the house too.

But obviously I arranged the visit for when DH was home too - and he wrote to us first sayigb he was going to be in the area and asking if it might be possible to see the house - it wasn’t someone just turning up on the doorstep.

JeandeServiette · 18/06/2023 21:37

AlphaAlpha · 18/06/2023 21:15

Isn't there a movie with this same scenario?

Let's just say it turns out very bad....

Oh FGS.

I doubt this the start of a horror. Far more likely to just be a grieving and nostalgic son.

It's up to OP if she agrees (with precautions) or not, but no need to panic everyone.

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/06/2023 21:37

I am a bit cynical, so I would ask him to forward me a copy of his driving license, but then I would welcome him if he was legit.

Redglitter · 18/06/2023 21:40

It's weird he hand delivered a letter instead of just knocking on the door. That would make me skeptical

I think that was the right way to do it. Just knocking the door totally puts the OP on the spot. Writing allows her to think about it without being under pressure

EllaRaines · 18/06/2023 21:42

He might be genuine but 1991 is a long while ago and his memory may have misremembered things or he could be horrified at any changes you have made.

I would say no, it's not possible as you made a lot of DIY alterations and the house and gardens are nothing like they were.

I do understand the emotions though.

Before a long distance move I drove to one of my childhood homes and discreetly parked nearby and looked at the house which quite frankly did look different in some ways but I did enjoy the memories I had their.

EllaRaines · 18/06/2023 21:43

There ^

JeandeServiette · 18/06/2023 21:45

If I visited my childhood home, it's the garden I'd want to see more than anything else. In any case, I don't think I'd care how much decorative or planting changes had happened. It's the sense of place.

parietal · 18/06/2023 21:45

if the house is largely unchanged and you can be there to show him around with a partner / friend (ie. not alone), then I'd say yes.

if you have knocked down the historic staircase / build a massive extension / rearranged everything, then I'd say no because the visit would only make him sad.

My friend and I were travelling to a country 5000 miles away where she grew up and walked passed her old house. the owner saw us peering through the gate so we explained the story and they let us walk around the garden (not the house) which was nice.

Parisj · 18/06/2023 21:48

It's a very common and polite request. It obviously means enough for him to risk requesting. I would ignore rather than reply in the negative if you don't want to. But I would be happy to accommodate this.

Peakypolly · 18/06/2023 21:48

We had a knock on the door about 18 months ago. It was an American guy and his very elderly mother. Her Mother had been in service at our house in the 1940's and they wondered if they could have a look round.
I was delighted to invite them in, even though I think they only expected to view the gardens. The old lady shared some touching memories, and we recreated the photo she had of herself aged 4 by the dovecote. It was a lovely couple of hours and I can't imagine why you would refuse this request.

bossybloss · 18/06/2023 21:48

I met someone through work who coincidentally lived in my Grandparents old house… they invited me round to see it. It was completely different but was quite a nice experience.😇

Salome61 · 18/06/2023 21:50

I would allow it, so long as someone was with you. I had to sell our fantastic kids childhood home when their Dad died. When I die it is possible they would want to revisit the past.

Growlybear83 · 18/06/2023 21:53

I think I would be willing to let him come round if I was certain he was genuine and someone else was in the house. I would really love to visit my childhood home again. I've driven past it a few times over the 45 years since my parents moved out and have often thought how much I'd like to see inside and go into my old bedroom again.

Sirius3030 · 18/06/2023 21:53

What a complete weirdo. Call the police now. Set up a camera just in case he comes round. Perhaps think about hiring protection?

IamRoyFuckingKent · 18/06/2023 21:53

I’d say yes

Loafbeginsat60 · 18/06/2023 21:54

A whole family turned up at the end of our drive once and by their accents I could tell it was relations of the previous owners.

They parked and walked down and we had a nice chat, they looked round the gardens but it was the farmhouse they wanted to see and dad wasn't home so they didn't go in.

Our barn conversion used to be their stables and pigeon loft so they were pretty happy to see how it had turned out.

Was a nice thing for them to see on their holidays.

Orphlids · 18/06/2023 21:55

This happened to us about thirty years ago. A man and his sister came to our house, their childhood home. It was a brilliant afternoon. They told us some wonderful stories about their lives in the house and the local area. And it was obvious how special it was for them to see the old place.

ThursdayFreedom · 18/06/2023 21:58

AlphaAlpha · 18/06/2023 21:15

Isn't there a movie with this same scenario?

Let's just say it turns out very bad....

And plenty of times IRL , it's just fine!
movies are movies, practically everything has a movie that turns out bad 🙄🙄

@good96 I'd definitely let him. Then I'm not paranoid about every door knock or phone call. Asking in here is pointless, too many posters afraid of their own shadow. Bad people don't piss around with shit like this.

if you're nervous, just ask someone to be there with you.

it would be lovely to help him with his grief by letting him in his childhood home.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 18/06/2023 22:00

I would and did. Back when I was in my early 20s, an elderly man knocked on the door of our (Victorian) semi-rural house and said he'd grown up there. He had a look round, had a cup of tea, told me he'd been born in what was then my brother's room.

LongLostTeacher · 18/06/2023 22:00

I live in an old property and have twice had previous residents ask to look round and both times we’ve let them and it’s been pleasant! Both times both DH and I were in the house. The last time was just before Covid, an elderly man in his 80s came. He had lived in our house during the war with his granny, he left the nearby city due to bombing. At that time, our house was on the main route to the very north of Scotland and he spoke of watching the tanks head north from ds’s bedroom window.

He said he had knocked when a previous owner had lived here and they’d told him no. Seems a shame to me.

drpet49 · 18/06/2023 22:01

ladymuckofthemanor · 18/06/2023 21:13

I'd say no! It's been 30 years and quite frankly it's none of his business what the house looks like now.

This

ThursdayFreedom · 18/06/2023 22:02

parietal · 18/06/2023 21:45

if the house is largely unchanged and you can be there to show him around with a partner / friend (ie. not alone), then I'd say yes.

if you have knocked down the historic staircase / build a massive extension / rearranged everything, then I'd say no because the visit would only make him sad.

My friend and I were travelling to a country 5000 miles away where she grew up and walked passed her old house. the owner saw us peering through the gate so we explained the story and they let us walk around the garden (not the house) which was nice.

@parietal

if you have knocked down the historic staircase / build a massive extension / rearranged everything, then I'd say no because the visit would only make him sad

in YOUR opinion. I completely disagree.

@good96 if it is hugely different, just let him know then HE can choose.

Barleysugar86 · 18/06/2023 22:03

I found a lady outside my house once who said she'd lived there 15 odd years earlier. i invited her in. Was interesting hearing what features still in the house were hers- she'd installed some reclaimed fireplaces and ceiling mouldings and was very happy to see they were still there. Found out someone had died in my front room (peacefully of old age, thankfully). I found it a pleasant experience so would be inclined to go for it after arranging for others in the house and having a chat on the phone first.

Soapyspuds · 18/06/2023 22:04

If you are minded to say yes. I would be stipulating for some evidence that they lived there first.