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Original poster

Family wants me to give up my social house and I'm not - wwyd?

672 replies

spicy2001 · 06/06/2023 13:07

I currently rent a three bedroom social housing property and I live on my own. Most of the rent is paid for by universal credit and I have to pay 25% bedroom tax which is very affordable to me which is for two rooms and a shortfall of £30.55p.

I did speak to a housing officer and they said I am legally allowed to occupy it, and as long as I pay the rent on time, tax and shortfall, then everything is fine. I don't feel guilty for occupying this three bedroom house, it's been my home since I was born.

Recently, I noticed that my family were talking a lot about me downsizing. I asked why are they talking about me downsizing? They said because I don't need this property and have to downsize.

I explained I'm legally allowed to stay here, this is my property and not yours. I get that I don't need this property but I'm staying here because I'm allowed too. I found out that they actually joined a site called "home swapper" and a site called "glass bob" my sibling set up an account using her email address to advertise my property. If I'm correct, I've never joined these so I don't know 100% but they're platforms where you can do mutual exchange and advertise your property.

I phoned my housing association and explained the situation, they've started an investigation and they are speaking to various departments to see if they can do it from the end to see if they can do anything as they approved it but they don't know if they can disapprove it.

The other day a tenant from another part of my cul-de-sac came round and told me she knows I'm downsizing and she has a friend whose currently living in a one bedroom flat with his wife and they've got a one year old daughter and another baby on the way. I explained to this person my family have been trying to get me to downsize to a one bedroom flat and I'm not actually looking to downsize so I won't swap with them but told her I do sympathize with their situation.

She told all my neighbours about her friend and now all the neighbours are peed off at me because I'm not downsizing. My family are also peed of that I'm not downsizing. As far as I'm concerned I don't care as I have the legal right to stay here for as long as I like or want.

I just wanted to know though what would you do if you was in my situation?

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 06/06/2023 13:08

Honestly? I'd be quite tempted to disown my family. I know it's not that easy in real life, but how bloody dare they!? Are they normally this twatty?

Timelles · 06/06/2023 13:10

If I was you, I would downsize, but it's your life and nobody should dictate how you should live it. Hope all works out well for you.

BleakMostly · 06/06/2023 13:14

How bloody dare they is right. Fucking hell.

KievLoverTwo · 06/06/2023 13:17

What is their justification for trying to get you to downsize? Are you struggling to keep it clean, maintained etc on your own?

This is all a bit mind boggling without any context.

As to what they're up to, advertising your property without your permission, isn't that some sort of fraud?

Gingernaut · 06/06/2023 13:17

Unless there's some major back story, YANBU

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/06/2023 13:17

Bloody hell your family are awful.

I'd still be planning to downsize though. I think people should make these decisions when they can and not when some issues forces a move.

I'm also laughing at the idea there are loads of suitable smaller places available for you to move to. It's just not that easy.

drpet49 · 06/06/2023 13:18

So many families could use that 3 bed house. I guess it’s your choice but it is immoral to me.

OfficerPastiche · 06/06/2023 13:18

Not sure what you want from this thread?
I have no idea how the HA approved it you need get them to sort their mess. If only owners are allowed to post it's identity theft. Report to police, GDPR, housing ombudsman?

And you don't care what people think about you anyway so you don't need any advice on that. Personally I think that you should be made to downsize. But as you're doing nothing illegal you don't need to worry. Other people have the right to judge you if they want.

BonnieGlasses · 06/06/2023 13:20

You're taking the piss by staying there. Downsize and let someone who needs a bigger house have it. I am currently house hunting as a single person and no way would I consider a three bedroom property as I just don't need one.

OfficerPastiche · 06/06/2023 13:21

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/06/2023 13:17

Bloody hell your family are awful.

I'd still be planning to downsize though. I think people should make these decisions when they can and not when some issues forces a move.

I'm also laughing at the idea there are loads of suitable smaller places available for you to move to. It's just not that easy.

Well there are already families in flat in the same place so they can just swap?
Also not sure why the taxpayer should pay to keep OP in a 3 bed house. She's clearly not struggling if she can afford to pay bedroom tax.

I'm sure a drip feed will emerge at this point ...

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 06/06/2023 13:21

Two separate issues here. I think your family are well out of order and should keep their beaks out of your business.

However, just because you are legally allowed to keep the property doesn't necessarily make it morally right. I think you should downsize. I don't believe in taking more than you are morally entitled to, whether legal or not.

Original poster
spicy2001 · 06/06/2023 13:21

Pootles34 · 06/06/2023 13:08

Honestly? I'd be quite tempted to disown my family. I know it's not that easy in real life, but how bloody dare they!? Are they normally this twatty?

I'm not sure if this will come up as a reply as I've only just joined mumsnet so not sure how it all works.

I just want to say thank you, they are normally this twatty, I have thought about disowning them. The problem is I got a place at university, same county, I stupidly told them before I found out this situation, I'm thinking about if I should disown them after university as the career I'm going into is a good paying job so I'll be able to afford a one or two bedroom flat in private rent.

OP posts:
Azandme · 06/06/2023 13:22

Legally, you're right.

Morally - it's not right. It's not your property, and you don't need that size, so moving would be the morally right thing to do.

The system allows it though, so it's that that needs to change. Hopefully it will, and then social housing allocations would be determined by current need - not just who was there first.

OfficerPastiche · 06/06/2023 13:23

Also OP you do realise it's not normal to be in the same home since you were born? It doesn't entitle you to anything.
Most people's family homes belong to their parents and it's then sold when they die each there for care fees or for benefit of ALL siblings.

Maybe your family feel you are taking advantage?

Again, not your fault , the HA should kick you out but people aren't wrong to judge.

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/06/2023 13:23

OfficerPastiche · 06/06/2023 13:21

Well there are already families in flat in the same place so they can just swap?
Also not sure why the taxpayer should pay to keep OP in a 3 bed house. She's clearly not struggling if she can afford to pay bedroom tax.

I'm sure a drip feed will emerge at this point ...

Show quote history

It doesn't mean it's suitable though does it.

The OP may need parking, room for medical equipment, a walk in shower, no damp, to be near public transport etc. They make have know bloody awful neighbours or a noisy dog next to them.

BeeCucumber · 06/06/2023 13:26

The OP probably has two decent size bedrooms and a box room? If so - not a huge mansion. The issue is not the downsizing- it’s the family illegally advertising a house exchange. What does the housing association make of it? Can I advertise any council property for a swap - even if I’m not a tenant?

OfficerPastiche · 06/06/2023 13:27

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/06/2023 13:23

It doesn't mean it's suitable though does it.

The OP may need parking, room for medical equipment, a walk in shower, no damp, to be near public transport etc. They make have know bloody awful neighbours or a noisy dog next to them.

Show quote history

It's social housing though. You take what you can get. 'Needing' something due to disability would be a drip feed compared to just not liking it.

Anyway unlike everyone else I think I'm the only one who posted actual useful advice. If someone posted as the OP they are committing identity theft and this is fraud which is taken very seriously. So she can make a police report.

OfficerPastiche · 06/06/2023 13:29

Also OP I don't know what you mean by 'disowning'?
If you no longer wish to maintain familial relations just cut call contact. Block, delete, etc.
I'm not sure how next of kin works but I'm sure you are can easily find it out. It's different for emergency contacts etc. Will all your stuff to charity.

Justchooseone · 06/06/2023 13:30

I mean, obviously your family are completely out of order and you have every right to be furious with them. I hope they get the book thrown at them.

The other side of this though is you occupying a property you clearly don’t need, either financially or space wise, which tax payers are subsidising. That sticks a bit, I will say.

You say you are going to university - why not swop to a one bed? It will be cheaper and you’ll not pay the bedroom tax and I assume the rent would be less. Wouldn’t that be better whilst you’re at uni? Then you could save for a deposit and buy somewhere when you are established in your well paying career.

Original poster
spicy2001 · 06/06/2023 13:30

KievLoverTwo · 06/06/2023 13:17

What is their justification for trying to get you to downsize? Are you struggling to keep it clean, maintained etc on your own?

This is all a bit mind boggling without any context.

As to what they're up to, advertising your property without your permission, isn't that some sort of fraud?

Apologies for that, the house is in perfect condition, well maintained and the garden is too. My housing association regularly inspect all their houses in my area, not sure about other houses of theirs in other areas. My housing officer is quite happy with my home.

I forgot to add, I did tell them what happened with my siblings, they're investigating it on their end, they did mention that it's "potentially" fraud. I believe it is, I haven't contacted police yet as my housing association is doing an investigation on their end and they're going to see if they can get the accounts closed on their end first.

I'd rather have the investigation by my HA finished first so that if they say its fraud and stuff whilst I report it to the police I can give them the evidence, don't know how the HA investigation works though.

OP posts:
Florissante · 06/06/2023 13:33

If someone doesn't understand understand the difference between what is legal and what is moral no amount of engaging is going to make this clear to them.

Namechanginggiraffe · 06/06/2023 13:34

downsize or not downsize but move far far away from your twatty family. And enjoy the freedom 😆

Oliotya · 06/06/2023 13:34

Your family are really not on for doing that.
But you really should arrange a home swap. It's really not on that taxpayers are funding you staying in a big house during a housing crisis. Time the rules changed.

gamerchick · 06/06/2023 13:35

Big fuck offs all round I think and tell your family that impersonating you on these sites is dodgy territory and they either take it all down or you'll ask the police to make them.

Take no notice of the morally obligated bollocks on here either. Owning and private rents are that shit atm, people like to take it out on those in SH. It's similar when people find it easy to spend other peoples money 🙄

NewNovember · 06/06/2023 13:37

Oliotya · 06/06/2023 13:34

Your family are really not on for doing that.
But you really should arrange a home swap. It's really not on that taxpayers are funding you staying in a big house during a housing crisis. Time the rules changed.

The op is paying for the extra rooms not the tax payer.