Buying a house has been the biggest mistake of my life

[StreakyWoes]

Apologies for the long and priviledged moan.

I bought a home a year ago with my DP, a home we didn't like and discounted straight away when we viewed it. However we felt trapped with needing to move soon, were naive first time buyers and ended up buying this house (a 30s three bed terraced). This is entirely our fault but I need to figure out what do from here as we're both very unhappy.

It hasn't really been updated since the 60s and the room layout is very bizarre. There is a toilet downstairs and a shower room upstairs with only enough room for a shower and a sink. The kitchen has a sink, oven and room for only two counters. Nothing we can do about this, but to fully paint the picture there is a student HMO next door and the house and garden are very poorly maintained and it is noisy and messy.

We got a survey but didn't fully understand the reality of getting work done - eg we got a rewire but I didn't realise how much this would damage walls and floors. There were things the surveyors couldn't see such as bad black mould behind wallpaper and woodworm underneath laminate flooring. There are large internal cracks hidden behind wallpaper/cabinets. So there is a massive amount of work to be done.

We have already spent over 10k on the house doing the rewire, new boiler and 'fixing' the roof. The roofer unfortunately scammed us by doing a bodge job instead of what we asked for and was very aggressive about still getting full payment which has left me shaken up about getting tradespeople in. He lives down the road and was recommended by multiple neighbours, so I don't know what a reliable avenue is to get tradespeople in the future that won't leave us vulnerable to this happening again.

I am in the very, very fortunate position of recently getting a decent inheritance (plus my own savings). I hope to use this to do some travelling, which I've never experienced, but the work that needs to be done on the house feels like a burden I can't just leave my DP with and swan off travelling.

The problem is I have no clue where to start with it and am utterly overwhelmed and in over my head. I work three jobs (about to end one) and every spare moment is doing DIY on the house. My friendships have been completely neglected and my output at work is rubbish. I work from home so am in the house environment daily so I can't get away from it. There is so much to do it feels like a physical weight on me and both me and my partner feel trapped and have huge regrets.

Urgent things are wood floors need to be restored/new carpets, walls and mouldy ceiling replastered and decorated and a solution for bad damp/mould worked out (it is in the plaster, underneath paint), all windows and back door replaced. Skeelings are very badly cracked and we've been advised we need someone to reinforce roof beams and possibly rebuild these. I've realised the kitchen and bathroom will both need to be extended as no one else would buy a 3 bed house with these being so tiny. Then there's other stuff like loft insulation, garden, shed, garden walls, whole external re-rendering, fireplace sorted out where back boiler was removed, popcorn and polystyrene tile ceilings, channel dug behind house to stop water ingress, repointing. All the little things are very old and badly maintained and something breaks/deteriorates every day - this morning the very old plastic curtain hooks snapped off and are jammed in the rail. Everything's scuffed and there are grubby marks I can't get rid of.

We are in a five year fixed mortgage, bought at the top of the market and overpaid anyway. A similar house on our street has been on the market for months at £15k less.

Finally, I have tried to get multiple builders around to quote for work and they are all booked up. I don't know if I should get a large building company or individuals. I don't know how to progress about some of the issues - like what is causing the cracking, mould etc. I don't know whether to consider moving, but even if we did work would need to be done to get it sellable. I've accepted we will lose money overall, but don't know how much work to do or how long we should stay. We can't decorate or have much furniture because of all these things needing to be sorted out.

I understand because I have the money to theoretically get stuff done, typed out this doesn't seem like a big problem. However, every room in this house feels disgusting and unliveable and I'm really struggling to find anyone to even quote for work or get any advice about what needs to get done first. I havent been able to relax or enjoy life for a year. I'm very aware I could easily waste the entire inheritance on things like 'damp treatments' that might not even work or something that doesn't add value. I just don't want to live like this anymore.

We have a 1950s house and it was in a similar situation. Total chaos. We wrote an extremely long list of what we wanted to do and then took the eating an elephant approach of one bite at a time. The house is fantastic now and we love it but it took 5 years to get here. But we took it in stages the last one being the biggest job of reconfiguring downstairs. It cost a fortune but it has been worth it and we have a fantastic house in a good location for a pretty modest mortgage.

I think the basics have been done like boiler, rewiring and roof and perhaps do very little for a bit and ensure there is a cohabitation agreement drawn up by a solicitor with live in partner and it is clear what % you each hold in the house.

You don't ahve to do much on it for a few years. it doesn't have to be perfect. Perhaps just get higher fencing to keep students next door out of sight and mind.

I can only agree with PP get rid of this horrible house any way you can as soon as possible. We did a huge refurbishment and extension on our house. We used an architect to project manage and he recommended a couple of builders. We had a Quantity Surveyor, Structural Engineers and any other Tom, Dick or Harry you can think of involved. We chose the builder that we felt could achieve what we wanted. It all cost an absolute fortune way more than we budgeted for.The builders were brilliant and did everything we wanted. The house is lovely. The stress, expense and upheaval has soured living here for me. The garden is too much for me and we need to think about moving. We started in 2012 and finally finished in 2014. Things are so much harder now it’s virtually impossible to get reliable builders, tradespeople or materials. My DS recently spent £5000 on architect’s fees and plans. Can he get anyone to do the work? Can he hell! We were fairly old when we undertook all of this but I would be telling anyone younger to enjoy their lives, travel do what ever you want, life wizzes by in a flash. Good luck OP be happy!

I don’t know how much money you’ve got, but a proper refurb of a bad Victorian terrace going back to brick and dealing with mould, ventilation, and all the other stuff you mention plus the stuff that will crop up will be between £60-£100k.

Possibly more.

and you need to know what you’re doing, and tackle it in a coherent and planned manner or you’ll spend that amount t and it will still be just as bad as it is now.

If you’re miserable you’re not even going to enjoy the journey so if I were you I’d sell it and port the mortgage to something newer.

just take the hit and learn from the experience

Don’t get any ‘damp treatment’, ask a qualified building surveyor to find the source of the damp and fix it. Damp treatments are a scam

This is exactly the position we’re in as well, it’s horrible. We had an offer on our (lovely) shared ownership house and were under pressure to find somewhere to move on to, so hastily offered on this house because it was within budget.

It’s early 1900’s, hasn’t been updated since the 70’s (confirmed by my mum’s work colleague who was actually born in this very house in the late 60’s and commented he put football stickers up in his bedroom, these were still very much there when we moved in). We moved in the middle of the first lockdown so we have been here 3 years.

We know nothing about DIY and are both frankly useless at it. My partner can do more than me, but not to the level this house needs. We’ve sunk 40k into this house and tbf we have got a fair amount done and according to the estate agents valuations we have made a profit. But, there’s still so much to do. Every single room has been hard work, there has been no “easy” room to sort out and each room we decorate the costs quickly mount up. There are still several rooms that need doing. We were very naive as to how much work it needed doing, my stepdad said if he’d of come to look at it with us he’d of told us to steer clear as we just don’t have the time or skill needed without relying on tradesmen, which we don’t have the money to keep doing.

To put it simply, we’re calling it a day and looking to move. It could be a really lovely house and the work we have done has made a huge difference, but it needs someone who has the time and expertise to make it the best it can be. We had one child when we moved in, we now have three children and I just don’t have the mental headspace for it anymore. We were in a new build when we were in shared ownership and that’s the route we’re looking at again, new or relatively new builds.

I’m sorry you’re in this position. It’s so draining. I hope you find a solution that suits you all. Honestly, it might be worth getting it valued and seeing if moving would be an option. No house is worth that amount of stress, life is too short!

Honestly trading in for a new build is the way to go - thays what I did and it freed me from a house that was just problem after problem. After a few years (normally between 3-5) the value of the new build will have shot up and you can buy somewhere you'd rather be. X

I would put the travelling on hold. Either sort the house properly, possibly move out temporarily or sell it for somewhere with less work.

Could you use your inheritance to buy a small house to live in while you save to do up this house?

You need to get a qualified building surveyor to examine all the problems and give you a written report on the defect and what should be done about them - the roof, joists, wall cracks, damp, dry rot, windows, doors, floor boards, ceilings etc etc, which you should have done before you bought it. Get one who is in your local area. He may be able to recommend a builder near you who can do all the jobs. You can find a chartered surveyor online at Institute of Chartered Surveyors. You may also need a Structural Engineer.

Great advice here, I'm currently sat in a renovation project but this is our 3rd now, so nothing you've mentioned seems drastic but sounds like a good 50-80k of work if your talking planning and extensions and fixing layouts.

In your situation id question some of the advice you've had and id also question why the survey didn't show even 1/2 of this?

Id sell, if you hate it sell take the hit and a poster up thread mentioned maybe look for a PX anew build and sit tight.

Unless you see yourself living there and loving it i'd cut and run. Doing up houses is no joke, i'm doing it now, i feel overwhelmed but i love the place ultimately.

I think you need to cut your losses. Botch job it, hide those sins and unfortunately send it onto the next person who will be in a slightly better position as you as atleast the have the wiring and boiler etc. redone.

You can feel a bit guilty about this but you have to do what you have to do.

Patch repair where you have had wiring.

Get polyfilla air or one fill - just the super fluffy mousse stuff and just start filling other cracks. You can even blend wallpaper into plaster with this once you get the hang of it. I unashamedly have botched a few things in my time!

Paint everything white but then use some bright feature walls to distract (not vulgar but just enough to draw eye like painting a chimney breast or the doors). Would recommend paying for really matte paint like F&B for walls as it’s going to hide all the drama. Potentially even paint the bathroom tiles. Grout pen for the kitchen etc. Venetians on the windows so you can’t really see them properly.

Cheap return rolls of carpet. Brand new but might not match around the whole house but will be clean and new.

The level of Reno you are describing it not something you should do on a ftb home. It’s just so much, money time and stress. You have done your bit already; patch it up and move on.

Get a builder in to quote for everything you need doing and work out a new layout.
then go travelling while they do the work!

We are about eight years in and unfortunately find less and less skilled trades people. Personally if I can do it all again I would sell up and take the hit. Maybe get anything urgent sorted so it doesn’t affect the price you get back. Give it a good clean up and sell. I wouldn’t be thinking extensions costs a lot of money and meither I would only do this if you love the house and want to stay put. Chucking more money at bad to be honest. Sometimes it’s easier to just walk away.

If I were you, I’d make sure the house was safe and secure and then concentrate on one or two rooms so I had had at least one room which would be a refuge. I’d have it plastered, beautiful light fitting, beautiful wall colours, furniture and soft furnishings that made me happy.
I’d probably pick my bedroom and a study/ office so you have a more peaceful place to work and to retreat to.
Once this was done, I’d have a little holiday with my partner before embarking on any more work.
If the house is secure and safe and not at risk of falling down around your ears, try not to let it overwhelm you and just do a bit at a time.

Our house is similar. It sits on a bed of clay so it moves around a lot and the new plaster/grouting cracks everywhere. We have mould from a lack of ventilation and north-facing rooms. The air bricks are too low, too, so it doesn't ventilate properly.

Could you try doing up one room so you have a "safe haven"? We did that and it made a world of difference. I still want to move but it's because I wish I had more space as opposed to hating the floors, walls and ceilings.

I can sympathise, hope you come to a solution soon.

Op - I really think you should not go travelling at the moment & focus on putting the house on the market.

In my opinion where you live can have a positive or negative effect on your overall wellbeing - this is definitely having a negative effect. Why be unhappy when you could sell this & buy a more suitable property?

This sounds like our house 16 years ago. Full rewire, only layers of impossible to remove chip paper holing the plaster on the walls, so every single inch replastered. New windows. Full of lead panted woodwork. Also needed a new roof which the survey didn’t mention. Black mould exasperated my usually mild asthma and coughed all night for a year before we could get it all cleared and dry. And it was just the dirt and decay. It felt like it stuck to my skin.

like a previous poster said, a safe haven room really helped. We did a loft conversion as we had to get a new roof anyway. Builder fell half through ceiling, bringing a whole load of plaster and rubble onto our bed, right before we were due to get away for a few days, leaving our house un-secure as there was scaffolding, no roof and a nice easy way in! That was the only time I lost it. After the loft conversion was done we had a decontamination zone at the bottom of the stairs, where I would strip off my diy clothes. It made such a difference to have one room clean and beautiful.

It took about 5 years (slowed down by two babies) for it to be finally finished. But somewhere along that time we started to really love it (probably around the time we got double glazing and heating) And it’s ours. Furnished with reclaimed door handles I love and decorated In lovely colours. It’s not perfect by any stretch, but it’s been a lovely family home for us.

If you feel like you could love it stick with it, and good luck and strength ❤️ 💪

Because, if you have a defect that is causing damp, silicone will not repair the fault.

I sympathise with you OP. I've had two houses that needed big work done. I got very depressed with the first house, it just seemed to go on forever and I didn't feel like I had a relaxing home, plus all the stress of organising the work, worrying about costs, etc. Then we got an opportunity to do a renovation while living elsewhere (family member had a house that was going to be empty for a few months while they were abroad). I thought that would be easy as at least we had a calm home to live in, but I underestimated the huge stress of managing the project and the cost.

I know people who have done all this and enjoyed it, so I just think I'm not cut out for it. Next time I move I will choose somewhere that needs nothing more than a lick of paint, even if that means compromising on other things.

In your situation I'd sit down and work out your options in detail. Be realistic about how long things will take, how much they will cost and which parts are necessary and might add value. Then you either need to find a way of coping and affording it all while constantly reminding yourself it's only for a few months - making sure it gets done within budget and allocated time. Or decide to cut your losses and move. But moving is very stressful and expensive too...

I really feel for you.
Sounds like alot of work.
However I would say Stick with it if u can
You've struck unlucky with the damp and rewiring issues.
Bug if there's any way u can make it livable and presentable on the money u have your almost certain to make a huge profit when u come to sell.
In 2018 we bought a wreck.
No money , and just pots of paint to try and make it OK. We didn't even have the option of getting wok men in as we'd put all our funds into buying it.
We saved some money over lockdown and had some big jobs done.' Flooring , bathroom, kitchen , windows etc
Its finally come together 5 years on.

We bought it for 272k
It's now worth 430k

If we sell we now have the option to go mortgage free on our next home.

If u can stick with it it may well be the best thing u ever do.
Good luck though whatever u decide x

PS I'd massively try to avoid extension work if you can.
Can you make the kitchen and bathroom good on the layout u have?
We had a rule when we renovated
No builders ! Bathroom fitters , decorators, plumbers , electricioans, floorers all YES but no builders. No tearing down walls or any structural alterations.
Yes I know people do it but for me personally given the unregulated status of UK builders its was an absolute bottom line no for us

Not necessarily. Ours has come to 23k in total. We've spent that over 5 years .
We didn't need rewiring but needed everything else top to floor