Buying a house has been the biggest mistake of my life

[StreakyWoes]

Apologies for the long and priviledged moan.

I bought a home a year ago with my DP, a home we didn't like and discounted straight away when we viewed it. However we felt trapped with needing to move soon, were naive first time buyers and ended up buying this house (a 30s three bed terraced). This is entirely our fault but I need to figure out what do from here as we're both very unhappy.

It hasn't really been updated since the 60s and the room layout is very bizarre. There is a toilet downstairs and a shower room upstairs with only enough room for a shower and a sink. The kitchen has a sink, oven and room for only two counters. Nothing we can do about this, but to fully paint the picture there is a student HMO next door and the house and garden are very poorly maintained and it is noisy and messy.

We got a survey but didn't fully understand the reality of getting work done - eg we got a rewire but I didn't realise how much this would damage walls and floors. There were things the surveyors couldn't see such as bad black mould behind wallpaper and woodworm underneath laminate flooring. There are large internal cracks hidden behind wallpaper/cabinets. So there is a massive amount of work to be done.

We have already spent over 10k on the house doing the rewire, new boiler and 'fixing' the roof. The roofer unfortunately scammed us by doing a bodge job instead of what we asked for and was very aggressive about still getting full payment which has left me shaken up about getting tradespeople in. He lives down the road and was recommended by multiple neighbours, so I don't know what a reliable avenue is to get tradespeople in the future that won't leave us vulnerable to this happening again.

I am in the very, very fortunate position of recently getting a decent inheritance (plus my own savings). I hope to use this to do some travelling, which I've never experienced, but the work that needs to be done on the house feels like a burden I can't just leave my DP with and swan off travelling.

The problem is I have no clue where to start with it and am utterly overwhelmed and in over my head. I work three jobs (about to end one) and every spare moment is doing DIY on the house. My friendships have been completely neglected and my output at work is rubbish. I work from home so am in the house environment daily so I can't get away from it. There is so much to do it feels like a physical weight on me and both me and my partner feel trapped and have huge regrets.

Urgent things are wood floors need to be restored/new carpets, walls and mouldy ceiling replastered and decorated and a solution for bad damp/mould worked out (it is in the plaster, underneath paint), all windows and back door replaced. Skeelings are very badly cracked and we've been advised we need someone to reinforce roof beams and possibly rebuild these. I've realised the kitchen and bathroom will both need to be extended as no one else would buy a 3 bed house with these being so tiny. Then there's other stuff like loft insulation, garden, shed, garden walls, whole external re-rendering, fireplace sorted out where back boiler was removed, popcorn and polystyrene tile ceilings, channel dug behind house to stop water ingress, repointing. All the little things are very old and badly maintained and something breaks/deteriorates every day - this morning the very old plastic curtain hooks snapped off and are jammed in the rail. Everything's scuffed and there are grubby marks I can't get rid of.

We are in a five year fixed mortgage, bought at the top of the market and overpaid anyway. A similar house on our street has been on the market for months at £15k less.

Finally, I have tried to get multiple builders around to quote for work and they are all booked up. I don't know if I should get a large building company or individuals. I don't know how to progress about some of the issues - like what is causing the cracking, mould etc. I don't know whether to consider moving, but even if we did work would need to be done to get it sellable. I've accepted we will lose money overall, but don't know how much work to do or how long we should stay. We can't decorate or have much furniture because of all these things needing to be sorted out.

I understand because I have the money to theoretically get stuff done, typed out this doesn't seem like a big problem. However, every room in this house feels disgusting and unliveable and I'm really struggling to find anyone to even quote for work or get any advice about what needs to get done first. I havent been able to relax or enjoy life for a year. I'm very aware I could easily waste the entire inheritance on things like 'damp treatments' that might not even work or something that doesn't add value. I just don't want to live like this anymore.

Whatever you decide, please forgive yourself for making the mistake, OP. It happens to most of us at some point. You are unlucky that the market is unforgiving at the moment, but that is not your fault. There is so much pressure on everyone to buy, if they can - not helped by the insanity of the rental market. You were trying to do the responsible thing. Draw a line in whatever way feels best, and move on. You are young and you have loads of time to make up any losses. Don't be dragged down by this.

I sympathise OP
Take a breather. Then I'd look at making a list of what the house needs. I don't think you've listed it in the order that you'd do it - but the structural stuff has to come first.

I'd look at the figures in terms of how much of a loss you'll make if you sell. But the repairs sound like a money pit, and you need to put a worst case scenario on that figure.

My feeling is it might be a good idea to sell. My first buy (flat) was in a place that had been neglected for years, nothing showed on a survey but then I had loads of problems and it was share of freehold and no one was okay to pay. There was no sink fund. It was a total nightmare and I sold after getting the fixes done but it was a nightmare and the potential "money pit" thing scared me as well as the massive inconvenience. I didn't actually lose money, just about broke even. But tbh I'd have taken a loss to get away.

Doing up a house is hard work, even if you aren't doing a lot of it yourself. If you aren't, it's very costly too. TBH I don't think you sound like a doer-upper person. If I'm right, and if I was you, I'd get a house agent in and get their advice about what you could get for it. It having had a rewire might attact a doer-upper type who might be pleased to at least not have to deal with that.
There are only 3 reasons I can think of to take on a doer-upper. One, you can't afford anything else so have to put up with it and do what you can as you can afford it, 2, you are handy and practical, will be doing most of it yourself and want to add value and maybe with luck make a penny or two, and three, you really love what it could be (and still best even then if you are also practical and handy, because otherwise you'll need a lot of dosh) and want to stay there when it's done. You don't sound like you are any of those.
Don't make yourself miserable if there is another option. Even if you love a house, and are doing a lot yourself and have the money to afford what you need to do, it can still get you down at times. Life is short. Get a HA (or more than one) to talk to you about your options, then decide.

Sell it and cut your losses. You can use the inheritance money for something you actually want. Life is too short!

If you have been in the house for a year and you still haven't bonded with it I would suggest bite the bullet and sell quickly. Just thinking about all the work you have listed to be done is stressing you out by the sounds of things. You need to be careful here - you could end up spending a lot of time and money doing all that work and then find you are still trapped because the value of the house has fallen and you have spent your savings.

Agree with po. Life is too short for what seems an ongoing nightmare and money pit. Sell up even at a loss.

Pp!!

If you project forward mentally and all the work is done, months or years ahead and many thousands down, you'll still be living next door to a HMO with noise and a messy garden. That's the issue for me. You've a massive job ahead that will wipe out your savings and I'm not sure you'll be happy at the end of it because you bought under pressure and feel like you've made a mistake.

I'd consider getting a few valuations and seeing what you can recoup. And then start again.

This was like my first house, I hate to say but learning a few bits of diy saved me and made it liveable, tackle one room at a time.

I did my bedroom first and made a clean beautiful sanctuary, painted the walls and woodwork but really took time and care with the prep. Then when I had that haven I felt better about it and did the bathroom next,

Treat yourself to fresh cut flowers and beautiful scented candles

Do not allow anyone who sells silicone injections near your house.

I'd get a good painter in for a few days to fill the holes left after rewiring, paint the whole house and then put it on the market. You'll have the receipts from the rewiring, roof and boiler so that should add some value. If the carpets are bad, take them up and let people see there are floorboards that can be sanded. Hopefully someone will buy it underestimating the scale of the work.

Why's that please?

Unless you love the area I would cut my losses and run. Better to lose £20k on sale than to pump what sounds like£100k plus is needed to get the house liveable, then find you still don't want to live in it!

Sell. You made a mistake. Don’t compound the issue.

💯 this. It sounds like you need a complete refurb, which whilst it's more than you bargained for, will be worth it in the end to have a house that you love. We've renovated two houses, the one we currently live in was in a very very poor state, lots of bodge job DIY before we bought it, lots of significant work needed. You will need to wait for decent builders, we waited two years until ours were available! But you will be able to get decent builders for a whole renovation project far more easily than for smaller jobs, then when you have a relationship with them, they do tend to come back for little fixes. They'll be able to fix the roof properly, and make all the stuff that currently keeps you awake at night go away. I think small operations can be much cheaper than big firms, and they don't tend to subcontract, so the standard of work is more reliable. You will need to throw money and it, so research your financing options, but it's an investment, a house renovated properly has a lot more value than a house made up of multiple shoddy bodge jobs.

Get rid. Keep sunk cost fallacy at the forefront of your mind. Life is far too short. Enjoy your travelling and sack off the renovations.

Maybe turn it into a HMO alike next door. You’d be so shocked how much students pay for rent pp these days

I would sell because of the issues and the neighbors. But if you are going to it needs to be on the market quickly.

If you do stay I would tackle one room at a time. I'm moving into a home that needs work and I've just concentrated on the bedrooms first. Next will be the lounge.

TBH I would sell. Tell the EA about the re-wiring. Hopefully you will break even

OP, it does sound like you've taken on something that's not practical for you to manage. Could you sell, take a year just to travel and enjoy life again and then come back and buy again?
How does your DP feel about everything?
It's horrible when you feel you don't have a home to relax in.

Virgínia your problem is you are tracking it as project that needs to be done in one go . You rewired and you put the boiler in so tou did a lot already . I by don’t you start one room at a time . What is your utter mist priority ? Kitchen , living room ?

This!

I have a 1930s house and it’s a continuous cycle of getting stuff done. The house is coming up to 100 years old and they start need more than just a bit of decorating. It’s taken us 20 years and god knows how much money to get it rewired, re-plumbed, new bathroom, new kitchen. We’re on our 3rd boiler and second round of flooring and the roof’s just been redone.

Basically you have to really, really like a house and the location to do all that. You don’t and it sounds just a miserable slog and the neighbours are a nightmare. Get rid of it and find something that needs less work and makes you both happy. At least this time round you’ll know what you’re looking for.

Sell the house and use the inheritance to buy a new happy home! Then save up for travelling. Life is too short to stress over these.

We get no inheritance, still paying our mortgage, our house needs a lot of work which we can't afford. Me and dh are about 50, no hope for saving up for travelling. We are trying top up our pensions hoping we don't have to struggle to pay the bills at our old age.

Just sell it.

I've inherited somewhere like this. We're going to sell, it will drain the joy just throwing money at it and I'll still not love it even then. Sometimes it's okay to cut your losses, I think you need to give yourself permission to do so. Don't stay there or spend any more on it - get it on the market now, as is.