Buying a house has been the biggest mistake of my life

[StreakyWoes]

Apologies for the long and priviledged moan.

I bought a home a year ago with my DP, a home we didn't like and discounted straight away when we viewed it. However we felt trapped with needing to move soon, were naive first time buyers and ended up buying this house (a 30s three bed terraced). This is entirely our fault but I need to figure out what do from here as we're both very unhappy.

It hasn't really been updated since the 60s and the room layout is very bizarre. There is a toilet downstairs and a shower room upstairs with only enough room for a shower and a sink. The kitchen has a sink, oven and room for only two counters. Nothing we can do about this, but to fully paint the picture there is a student HMO next door and the house and garden are very poorly maintained and it is noisy and messy.

We got a survey but didn't fully understand the reality of getting work done - eg we got a rewire but I didn't realise how much this would damage walls and floors. There were things the surveyors couldn't see such as bad black mould behind wallpaper and woodworm underneath laminate flooring. There are large internal cracks hidden behind wallpaper/cabinets. So there is a massive amount of work to be done.

We have already spent over 10k on the house doing the rewire, new boiler and 'fixing' the roof. The roofer unfortunately scammed us by doing a bodge job instead of what we asked for and was very aggressive about still getting full payment which has left me shaken up about getting tradespeople in. He lives down the road and was recommended by multiple neighbours, so I don't know what a reliable avenue is to get tradespeople in the future that won't leave us vulnerable to this happening again.

I am in the very, very fortunate position of recently getting a decent inheritance (plus my own savings). I hope to use this to do some travelling, which I've never experienced, but the work that needs to be done on the house feels like a burden I can't just leave my DP with and swan off travelling.

The problem is I have no clue where to start with it and am utterly overwhelmed and in over my head. I work three jobs (about to end one) and every spare moment is doing DIY on the house. My friendships have been completely neglected and my output at work is rubbish. I work from home so am in the house environment daily so I can't get away from it. There is so much to do it feels like a physical weight on me and both me and my partner feel trapped and have huge regrets.

Urgent things are wood floors need to be restored/new carpets, walls and mouldy ceiling replastered and decorated and a solution for bad damp/mould worked out (it is in the plaster, underneath paint), all windows and back door replaced. Skeelings are very badly cracked and we've been advised we need someone to reinforce roof beams and possibly rebuild these. I've realised the kitchen and bathroom will both need to be extended as no one else would buy a 3 bed house with these being so tiny. Then there's other stuff like loft insulation, garden, shed, garden walls, whole external re-rendering, fireplace sorted out where back boiler was removed, popcorn and polystyrene tile ceilings, channel dug behind house to stop water ingress, repointing. All the little things are very old and badly maintained and something breaks/deteriorates every day - this morning the very old plastic curtain hooks snapped off and are jammed in the rail. Everything's scuffed and there are grubby marks I can't get rid of.

We are in a five year fixed mortgage, bought at the top of the market and overpaid anyway. A similar house on our street has been on the market for months at £15k less.

Finally, I have tried to get multiple builders around to quote for work and they are all booked up. I don't know if I should get a large building company or individuals. I don't know how to progress about some of the issues - like what is causing the cracking, mould etc. I don't know whether to consider moving, but even if we did work would need to be done to get it sellable. I've accepted we will lose money overall, but don't know how much work to do or how long we should stay. We can't decorate or have much furniture because of all these things needing to be sorted out.

I understand because I have the money to theoretically get stuff done, typed out this doesn't seem like a big problem. However, every room in this house feels disgusting and unliveable and I'm really struggling to find anyone to even quote for work or get any advice about what needs to get done first. I havent been able to relax or enjoy life for a year. I'm very aware I could easily waste the entire inheritance on things like 'damp treatments' that might not even work or something that doesn't add value. I just don't want to live like this anymore.

It is so tough taking on a project like this and scary looking at all the things that need doing and feeling like you will never get to the end.

If you do decide to persevere, first you need to tackle the damp problem as that will cause an issue for any future buyer and also means any work that you manage to do might get damaged by the damp. Once that is sorted, are there any rooms that just need a lick of paint rather than anything structural as you can do this yourself and save a few pennies. Carpets can wait until later if money is tight.

Also things like kitchens and bathrooms can wait until later as long as they are functional.

This is what I'd do, tbh.

If you made it really nice and you went off travelling, what would happen with the mortgage? Would you and your partner split up? Would he live there alone?

All houses have their drawbacks and benefits.

70s/80s often have the dreaded artex and asbestos. They also tend not to be that well insulated.

Can you do so thing as simple as write a list of work that needs to be done, and write a plan? Try not to do it all at once. Rank the jobs in order of priority and give yourself a timescale to do the jobs. Eg. Kitchen 2023, bedroom 2024 etc.

Artex is only a cosmetic issue, it’s must better to live with artex than damp or mould. You can even buy a product that enables you to safely remove it yourself (x-tex) or just have a plasterer skim over it.

As for asbestos only if it still has old night storage heaters or marley floor tiles. You might also encounter asbestos fibre cement garage roofs or soffit boards but not really a major problem.

Adding extra insulation is cheap and easy, and at least the property will have cavity walls which a victoria terrace won’t .

A house like that can be very rewarding to renovate if you have the money and a good builder. If it's a house you think you will love and want to stay in. It doesn't necessarily sound like that's the case though? The timing isn't great either with tradespeople a nightmare to find.

You did well to start with the rewiring and plumbing. Sometimes people leave those and go with a cosmetic quick fix of paint and new floors, and are then reluctant to mess that up by going back and doing the essential repairs they ignored.

OP you are me. Next house I plan on not even picking up a paintbrush. Fuck that. Markets will pick up due to supply and demand. More people than houses.

I see noone has suggested you call an architect. What a shame! Did you know that they are professionals in this business and can do the project you want them to do from only plans to overseeing from start to finish?

They work for and with you and can save you time, money, trouble and much heartache. Call one or two, they can give you some free ideas too.

Yes, I'm a bit biased, I have a daughter who is an architect but not in UK. She works in a country where all renovations require one. Top notch work on a budget.

I am/was in a very similar position. Bought a stupidly expensive FLAT in a bizarre area, paid top of the market price, the same type of flat on my street has been on the market for no less than £65k ( London prices) for a few months now and no takers so far. Also locked in a 5 year mortgage, but hey- who’s counting 🥴 looks like we won’t be selling this place after 5 years unless at at massive loss.
what was supposed to be a simple repainting turned into a full on renovation as we kept finding ‘daisies’, as my DP put it, under everything we touched. we ain’t recouping that money ever (plus the stamp duty etc)
We also have problem with noisy neighbours, so not just the monetary cost but also my inner peace in tatters.
BUT I dare to say- things do get better with time and after a couple of years you kinda reluctantly start accepting your new reality.
We were also in a position where we did have the funds, but it was painful spending the money on something we both knew wasn’t right.
I think I spent a good year fantasising about someone coming and taking this place off my hands. I didn’t care about loosing money anymore. And if it wasn’t for my DP who carried us both through it, we wouldn’t be together anymore as I completely detached from my relationship too during that horrible time.

If you are replastering anyway then I would put in a double layer of tecsound noise insulation and double layer of noise insulating plasterboard on top, that will substantially reduce the noise from the HMO. Loft insulation is easy enough to do yourself.

If you get in builders to do one job on the whole house, it will cost you a lot more but be far less stressful.

It sounds like you have bitten off more than you can chew in terms of DIY. I would get the builders in and then specify your own kitchen and bathroom fittings.

I would spent the inheritance in 18 months time when mortgage rates may have dropped somewhat (they will probably go up twice first) and house prices almost certainly will on the mortgage early exit fee.

Or use the inheritance now on buying somewhere less in need of work and mortgage porting fees.

I would only do what may affect my health in the meantime: damp that cause respiratory issues, ceilings about to fall down.

Leave the rest of it to someone else.

That inheritance could buy your happiness so think very carefully whether chucking it a money pit that will never make you happy is the best use of it.

This.

It sounds like you don't have the experience or the enthusiasm to manage a renovation. A house like that can take six months to put right if it needs re plastering, reflooring, repointing (probably if you have damp), and then redecorating, plus structural alterations and new kitchen.

In your situation, you'd be better off to remarket the house, saying that you've had the rewiring done but run out of money to renovate and so are selling up.

Then buy a house that is already done. Think about room layout, usage, decoration, neighbours and budget before you buy.

Could you sell on a home exchange scheme with a developer? You could have a new build with no issues for a few years until you've travelled etc.

It might mean a loss but potentially you could gain if you sell the new house once the market picks up again.

I don't know if developers buy houses with issues but if not, I would do as others suggest and sell to a builder or someone who wants to renovate, even at a loss. Free yourself of it.

Honestly, in your position (unless you love the location ) I'd cut my losses and sell as it is, although accept it will be a lower price. Port your mortgage. Even if you then buy a smaller house or a flat but that doesn't need that level of work. Life is too short to have this hanging over you.

You don't like the house, and with good reason. I'd sell, and accept the loss. Life's too short to spend years doing up a place you don't like.
And don't beat yourself up about having made a mistake house buying. We all do. All houses are money pits to a greater or lesser extent.
The good thing is now you have a lot more idea about a lot of practical stuff, you'll be much better placed to make decisions in the future.
Cut your losses and move on. Don't give up years to this house unless you'd love it with all work done.

I think there’s a lot of us (me included!) who bought in the past two years and now find that we overpaid at the peak of the market for a lemon. We rewired and like you found that we hadn’t considered the mess it would create and now much knock on work (like plastering) we’d have to do. Our roof is still waiting but we got stung by tradespeople and I’m really nervous.

We’ve made a plan to do the roof this summer. And keep our falling apart kitchen until next year and then add flooring all over downstairs at the same time.

We considered taking the hit and buying something smaller but I think it depends on your natural disposition. I think all houses will have problems. for us, the risk of losing more money and then finding new problems wasn’t worth it and I’d be miserable that we paid more money for xyz problems. We considered part exchange for a new build but haven’t found any that doesn’t have the freehold service charges.

Get a proper structural survey if you move. A homebuyers survey doesn't find the nasty stuff.

Do you have pictures you could share? Is the HMO next door a dealbreaker for you, would you want to move even if the house was all done up? What's the rest of the area like?

We bought an awful 1920s house which someone had tried to renovate but ran out of money last year. It was on the market for ages but we were the only ones who didn't run a mile. But I love the street and area, it's perfect for school catchment and so we were prepared to do up the house. However it has been hideously expensive.

The agent who was showing it to us said the best thing she could have advised the seller to do was to clean up as much as possible cheaply. So fill and paint the walls as best you can, sand down the original floorboards and oil, make it look as fresh and lovable as you can

*liveable

Put the house up for sale asap and sell it as is. There is not one good reason to stay that isn’t weighed down by all the negatives.

Do not fritter away your inheritance and savings on a terrible money pit. You will regret it the rest of your life. Get out now. You will lose more money the longer you stay. You will never recoup what you put in, the house is a cesspool. I wouldn’t spend one more penny on it.

Personally I would sell and accept you will make a loss, sometimes it's hard to polish a turd - and I get the feeling here you wouldn't be that fussed even if you spent tens of thousands

God I hate the house and I’ve never seen it!!

Can’t you make it right as cheaply as possible then sell it?

Even if you make a loss as to be honest I could not love a house that made me feel the way yours does to you

I have been in a similar situation- I sold it, I made a loss but I’ve never regretted it in the slightest!!

Also never pay a tradesman up front

Always get a quote of the work to be carried out via email and simply do not pay unless you are happy with what has been done

Maybe your Dad might want to do this nice lady's job?? Just worth asking !

Forget the renovations. Even if you do everything, you will feel like this was the house from hell. Get a few estate agents around to give you an estimate then you have a starting point. I don't know what a 5 year fixed mortgage is but aren't you allowed to transfer it onto a different property? No house is worth your sanity particularly if you are in it 24/7. Sooner you start to look for a rental, the better you'll feel.

You need someone who can project manage this for you. They’ll sort the timings and organise it all, leaving you to do the nice choosing stuff.