Buying a house has been the biggest mistake of my life

[StreakyWoes]

Apologies for the long and priviledged moan.

I bought a home a year ago with my DP, a home we didn't like and discounted straight away when we viewed it. However we felt trapped with needing to move soon, were naive first time buyers and ended up buying this house (a 30s three bed terraced). This is entirely our fault but I need to figure out what do from here as we're both very unhappy.

It hasn't really been updated since the 60s and the room layout is very bizarre. There is a toilet downstairs and a shower room upstairs with only enough room for a shower and a sink. The kitchen has a sink, oven and room for only two counters. Nothing we can do about this, but to fully paint the picture there is a student HMO next door and the house and garden are very poorly maintained and it is noisy and messy.

We got a survey but didn't fully understand the reality of getting work done - eg we got a rewire but I didn't realise how much this would damage walls and floors. There were things the surveyors couldn't see such as bad black mould behind wallpaper and woodworm underneath laminate flooring. There are large internal cracks hidden behind wallpaper/cabinets. So there is a massive amount of work to be done.

We have already spent over 10k on the house doing the rewire, new boiler and 'fixing' the roof. The roofer unfortunately scammed us by doing a bodge job instead of what we asked for and was very aggressive about still getting full payment which has left me shaken up about getting tradespeople in. He lives down the road and was recommended by multiple neighbours, so I don't know what a reliable avenue is to get tradespeople in the future that won't leave us vulnerable to this happening again.

I am in the very, very fortunate position of recently getting a decent inheritance (plus my own savings). I hope to use this to do some travelling, which I've never experienced, but the work that needs to be done on the house feels like a burden I can't just leave my DP with and swan off travelling.

The problem is I have no clue where to start with it and am utterly overwhelmed and in over my head. I work three jobs (about to end one) and every spare moment is doing DIY on the house. My friendships have been completely neglected and my output at work is rubbish. I work from home so am in the house environment daily so I can't get away from it. There is so much to do it feels like a physical weight on me and both me and my partner feel trapped and have huge regrets.

Urgent things are wood floors need to be restored/new carpets, walls and mouldy ceiling replastered and decorated and a solution for bad damp/mould worked out (it is in the plaster, underneath paint), all windows and back door replaced. Skeelings are very badly cracked and we've been advised we need someone to reinforce roof beams and possibly rebuild these. I've realised the kitchen and bathroom will both need to be extended as no one else would buy a 3 bed house with these being so tiny. Then there's other stuff like loft insulation, garden, shed, garden walls, whole external re-rendering, fireplace sorted out where back boiler was removed, popcorn and polystyrene tile ceilings, channel dug behind house to stop water ingress, repointing. All the little things are very old and badly maintained and something breaks/deteriorates every day - this morning the very old plastic curtain hooks snapped off and are jammed in the rail. Everything's scuffed and there are grubby marks I can't get rid of.

We are in a five year fixed mortgage, bought at the top of the market and overpaid anyway. A similar house on our street has been on the market for months at £15k less.

Finally, I have tried to get multiple builders around to quote for work and they are all booked up. I don't know if I should get a large building company or individuals. I don't know how to progress about some of the issues - like what is causing the cracking, mould etc. I don't know whether to consider moving, but even if we did work would need to be done to get it sellable. I've accepted we will lose money overall, but don't know how much work to do or how long we should stay. We can't decorate or have much furniture because of all these things needing to be sorted out.

I understand because I have the money to theoretically get stuff done, typed out this doesn't seem like a big problem. However, every room in this house feels disgusting and unliveable and I'm really struggling to find anyone to even quote for work or get any advice about what needs to get done first. I havent been able to relax or enjoy life for a year. I'm very aware I could easily waste the entire inheritance on things like 'damp treatments' that might not even work or something that doesn't add value. I just don't want to live like this anymore.

[JennyForeigner]

I'm sorry OP, this sounds like a huge mental load and very tiring. I grew up with a dad who serially gutted and rebuilt houses, and have now done a couple of my own.

In your position, the advice would be to not throw good money after bad. You could look at a whole job contract, and probably moving out for 3-4 months. That way it becomes someone else's responsibility to sort out 'really has to be done' from 'you might want to...' In my experience the latter is a big category with builders.

If it's gutted, extended and put back to together you deal with those underlying problems in one go. The top dressing - your kitchen and bathroom and stuff - can be surprisingly cheap if the building is good. Our bath cost £60 from ebay. Our sink unit and cupboard was £30 new from an auction with an RRP of £600. You can take all the time you need about getting those bits right - just don't do what I did when starting out and try and try to tidy up a house that needs the plaster stripping and starting over.

[JennyForeigner]

Oh, and if you can do it properly you are more attractive as a proposition to builders. You're giving them guaranteed longer-term work, and they are will be more interested than by one room at a time.

[Whirlwindinacup]

Hi @StreakyWoes , have you got a floorplan? If possible, I would make a nice office space for yourself if you can do this easily as it will make working from home less stressful.

[GasPanic]

The problem with doer uppers these days, as you point out is that it is very hard to find any one to do the doing up, and when you do the work can often be of questionable quality.

I assume you must have paid a very low price for this place given the amount of work that needs doing.

[JennyForeigner]

Lastly (sorry) fencing contractors can stick an extra bit on top of your fence posts now and put in 2 m fencing very quickly and cheaply. It will make all the difference in regard to your neighbour issues.

Worst case if you don't own that fence, speak to the owner and offer to pay. It'll be £500 or so and a benefit to them.

[LadyJ2023]

Sounds very like a bungalow my parents bought. It was actually surveyed by 2 companies before it was bought and not one of them picked up on damp problems. Whole bungalow needed gutted, there slowly getting there luckily my dad is a builder and can do between his work schedule but none of the major issues flagged up or they wouldn't have bought it. Now it's a case of do it as and when poor mum has had no living room furniture for a few months now and there's no proper kitchen or bathroom yet they come to mine for baths etc

[OrchidsBlooming]

Aside from.the actual house does the location work for you? You can change a house but you can't change that. You can even minimize the neighbors biut you really can't change location. So if not I'd argue that at some point iits better to cut and run even at a loss.

If the location works I'd suggest a big company, you possibly pay more but you get project management and reputation. Ask on local Facebook pages or scroll them for reviews. Get quotes but also who you feel you can work with. Given you've not got much experience you're going to end up relying on them a lot.

Look on right move etc for similar houses and their floor plans - how have others overcome the space issues, what's the norm for the area. This will help you understand the need for an extension.

And finally do the maths - account for every cost (including potential penalties) . How much to move on vs how much to do the works. Both are stressful so approach it with a really clear head.

[MissLucyEyelesbarrow]

Great advice from @JennyForeigner

All good builders will be booked up for months, if not longer. Unless the roof is leaking badly or something is genuinely unsafe, you are best off resigning yourself to waiting. Think carefully, though, whether you are better off cutting your losses. One option would be to sell it to a builder as a fixer-upper. You will make a loss, but at least you will be free.

[RidingMyBike]

Is this an area/road you want to live in long term? If so, it's probably worth going ahead.

We've just emerged from a large scale renovation project of a house in poor condition. We used a building company to run the project and manage it all - this cost 18% eg on top of cost of trades, procuring materials) but meant we weren't having to deal with problems like faulty batch of tiles etc. That meant all the buried problems got dealt with - black mould in the wall drylining(!), unsupported wall, drainage etc. Be clear with them that you want to get to the bottom of these but don't have an unlimited budget - they should give you options where feasible. That should get you to a state where you can do stuff like decorating. You're more likely to find a company that wants a bigger project like this and will then take responsibility for the bigger picture, rather than going one room at a time with no one thinking about the implications for another room.

As for recommendations - are the neighbours likely to be good sources or not? We found (previous house) the elderly neighbours would recommend a dreadful roofer - they'd all been taken in by him and then recommended him to each other and no one seemed prepared to admit they'd made a mistake!
We got a good builder in our new area by looking around at builders' boards outside bigger projects (look out for bigger house renos, schools, halls, churches type stuff), then asking to speak to the person organising the project about why they'd chosen the builder and what they'd thought.

[RidingMyBike]

And, yes, builder timeframes are long for a good one but it gives you time to plan and save (unless the roof is literally about to fall in?!).

I was doing the initial builder research/conversations in April last year, got them in to quote in July, detailed quote was done in September and work started in November.

[Ketzele]

Huge sympathies! So you have bought a house that needs a full refurb during a cost of living crisis when good builders are hard to find and you are feeling completely overwhelmed? Completely understandable.

You do sound a bit all or nothing, though. There are many options between sinking your whole inheritance into a money pit or chucking it all in and running away to Peru. Most of us take a long time improving our homes and many of us live in houses that are far from perfect (I am nearly 60 and I sleep in the sitting room, my bathroom is grotty and I have no damp proofing - and I love my home!)

Mould absolutely does need early attention, as do holes that let water in and dodgy electrics. They would be a good investment for your inheritance. But you really can live with unorthodox bathrooms and strange layouts for a long time.

You also can move some of the fun stuff forward. How will you ever love your home enough to spend stupid money on it if you don't decorate? This can be done so cheaply that it doesn't matter if you end up doing it twice. Paint is cheap, and you can do it yourself. Scour ebay, FB marketplace and your local furniture scheme. Curtains can be cheap - I have used dropcloths and dyed sheets. Make your own lampshades. Room by room, create lovely spaces that you enjoy being in.

Draw up a five year plan - or even ten year plan. Pace yourself. Learn basic DIY skills. I promise you, you will end up loving your home so much more because of the imagination and commitment that have gone into transforming it.

[MissLucyEyelesbarrow]

@RidingMyBike

And, yes, builder timeframes are long for a good one but it gives you time to plan and save (unless the roof is literally about to fall in?!).

I was doing the initial builder research/conversations in April last year, got them in to quote in July, detailed quote was done in September and work started in November.

We're waiting a year for a kitchen fitter, even though we are long-standing customers of his. It's the way it is, post-Brexit.

[MonumentalLentil]

I would sell it to someone who wants to do the work. You will most likely never be happy there, neighbours can ruin your peace of mind.

A weight would be lifted, and you can start again once the crap of moving is out of the way.

[Thesharkradar]

So sorry for your situation op💙
I have no advice but I do share your dread of having trades people in (despite being able to afford it) they always seem to take the piss😣

[Tadpolle]

Alternative suggestion from me. Life is too short. Living through a renovation is often hell even if you love the house, you don't even like yours- I don't think it's worth it. Your inheritance can save you from your mistake here as your aren't financially trapped.

Put house up for sale immediately. Stress in the estate agents adverts the work that's been done- roof, rewire etc. Look for just done up or no work needed houses in your budget to snap up if you get a buyer

OR find a new build estate that's doing part exchange and get the best deal you can and move into a new build. Live in a nice clean finished house for a bit and then sell and start again if you wish.

[MMMarmite]

One option is to take the financial hit and sell again, port your mortgage to somewhere smaller that doesn't need work. You'd lose out, but it sounds like you could afford to do so, and you could chalk it up to experience and bad luck with the market. Then it would be a weight of your mind and you could enjoy life again.

[MMMarmite]

Cross post with Tadpole, I agree :D

[Tadpolle]

Great minds @MMMarmite !

[Starcircle]

I also agree with @Tadpolle my overriding sense from your post is that the house drains your energy, even the thought of it all fixed up. You are probably going to lose money but I think you want to be free of this mistake so I’d cut my losses and sell.

[Zapzep]

If you have saving and inheritance I would sell up and look for a contemporary house. Imho something built in the 1970/80s is far better than anything really old or a new build. In my experience you pour every penny into this old place and unless you have a trustworthy builder and can pretty much stand on their shoulder you won’t get anywhere, especially if the layout is wrong and the place need major structural alterations as well as refurbishment.

[NoSquirrels]

OK, so roof is now watertight, and the electrics are sorted. That’s good.

Urgent things are wood floors need to be restored/new carpets, walls and mouldy ceiling replastered and decorated and a solution for bad damp/mould worked out (it is in the plaster, underneath paint), all windows and back door replaced. Skeelings are very badly cracked and we've been advised we need someone to reinforce roof beams and possibly rebuild these.

Roof beams sounds serious. Who told you this - survey, the roofer you didn’t like?

Sort the woodworm if it needs treating.

After that’s all fixed, next up do the windows and doors. You can’t solve a damp problem until you solve where the moisture inside that should be outside is coming from. Dodgy windows and doors are part of this, but so is understanding what sort of damp it is. There’s a really helpful poster called @PigletJohn who’s great at looking at photos and giving a steer, as well as other knowledgeable posters, so if you post a thread in property with photos of interior and exterior then you’ll hopefully get some information you can then use to narrow down what you need to investigate.

Once you have sorted the damp, then you can replaster wherever is needed, including ceilings, and decorate, then flooring last.

Worry about extensions & new kitchens & layout after that, unless there are obvious fixes that should come first like knocking a wall down or whatever.

You can do it. It is very stressful but it’s not impossible.

[bunhead1979]

I would agree with the posters who say "get rid of it" even if you have a loss you will be free.

It sounds like you are not feeling it. We bought a house that needed a lot of work, at a time when we had no money and complicated circumstances (?! unplanned) and it was such a weight, ultimately cause we didn't love the house or the location. We have now moved to another house that needs a lot of work, but because we love the house and the location we are prepared to take our time making it a lovely home a bit at a time and it doesn't feel a weight, it feels like a labour of love, which is a much nicer, comfier position to be in.

If you don't see yourself being happy in the house (or having a big financial benefit to doing it up) then I would cut losses, chalk it up to a mistake and move on.

[NoSquirrels]

@MMMarmite

One option is to take the financial hit and sell again, port your mortgage to somewhere smaller that doesn't need work. You'd lose out, but it sounds like you could afford to do so, and you could chalk it up to experience and bad luck with the market. Then it would be a weight of your mind and you could enjoy life again.

Or this. It’s also a valid option.

[tattygrl]

Sell, sell, sell!

[NoSquirrels]

Also, as you are unmarried, please be clear with your DP and yourself about how finances/ownership/equity is split if you’re about to fund most of this work yourself via your inheritance.