How far do I compromise new house for DD

[Hausmauss]

I’m looking to move from my house where my 2 DD’s and I have lived for the last couple of decades. My youngest dd is 18, and will be off to Uni soon.

My question is would you buy a property that your dd did not like? I have viewed an older property on a street with a mixed bag of inhabitants. I love the style of the house, the current owner has made several improvements and the layout is perfect for me and my 2 DD’s when they’re back from Uni. But my dd says she finds it creepy (is not helped by the dark old fashioned furniture the current owners have, although I quite like it) and she would not want to walk along the street. I believe there are many professionals living in the road but some properties are less well cared for than others, and a little disheveled. My dd wants me to buy a house same style as our current one in a “family friendly” area not far from where we live now but I find it so boring, and I really want a change. I’ll add that I’ve stayed where we are for years now so my DD’s would be near their school.

How much should I take my DD’s opinion into account? She does tend to either love things or hate things, can sometimes be a little irrational, often changes her mind, but also is quite anxious about feeling safe. I really want her to be happy and comfortable but this is a massive purchase for me and it needs to be right for me too, ideally for years to come.

Also, just to add, staying put is not an option, for financial reasons I really need to move sooner rather than later.

I’d say she gets zero input.

Your house, your money, your opinion, your decision.

I'd agree with the other poster, she should have zero input.

I think your feelings and opinions have the final say here. She is going to be visiting, rather than living there very soon anyway.
She's unlikely to find the new place 'home' though. Maybe once it has familiar things in it she will like it more.

They may not even return from uni, so buy something u r happy with.

and she would not want to walk along the street

why?

what is your relationship otherwise like with your daughter?

These days very very likely they will!

I bought a house. 20yo disliked it on viewing. Turns out she has little imagination (couldn't see past clutter and dishevellment).
She lives there now (long story🙄) and loves it
Take no notice

Buy the house

Zero?

well sure if you’re not close and unlikely to see much of her post move out

but very different to my relationship with my children. Yes ultimately my decision but bloody hell… yes they’d have a say and I would buy provably with them near the forefront of my mind ie easy for them to get to via public transport? Sufficient space?

I wouldn’t say zero input but it’s your money. She needs to learn to overlook furniture / decor, but if she has concerns about practical things like public transport access that’s reasonable as she’ll likely come back for holidays and possible after. But at the end of the day it’s your decision.

Are you sure this mixed bag property IS a good idea? What if it deteriorates further? What other antisocial signs are there? I’d say keep looking as safety (personal and of your investment) is important.

Are her points valid? Is the area safe? Will you feel safe walking up the street after dark? Or is she just being a bit snobbish rather than genuinely worried?

If she's being dramatic because she wants to be in a fancier house, then she gets absolutely no say.

I would buy what's right for you - it will be your house. Yes she might come back for a few years after uni but this isn't long term, and by that age should just be grateful to be able to stay on with you in your home, rather than thinking of it as something she should get to choose. She'll need to grow up a lot in the next few years.

I think I'd want my DC to be happy in our new home, even if they are soon to leave for uni. Many young people move home after uni and they are only away part of the year while there. My youngest has bounced back 4 times since leaving uni and now finally moved into his own house at 25.

I'd listen to her concerns but ultimately it's your decision. Is it really a dodgy area? She might be right to feel nervous walking home.

She sounds a bit melodramatic tbh, she can have all the imput she likes when she buys her own house.
You have sacrificed their childhood years to live in a house you weren't particularly happy in so it's your turn to enjoy your new home.

I'd buy it - and if she is off to university the chances are she will be living in non-"family friendly" areas before long anyway. May be a good lifestyle change before she goes

Thank you all so much for replying!
My relationship with my dd is good, we are close, I have always tried to be supportive of her, but yes she can be melodramatic and she does not like change.
The area is really not bad, but not the spacious suburban kind of area she is used to. I think she is genuinely anxious about the area. Not all that long ago she used to phone me at work while she was walking home from school - and that was in a nice area along a busy road - so she was talking to someone, ie. feeling like she was not on her own - she has an irrational fear of things that could happen, but are extremely unlikely. Logical thinking doesn’t come very easily. I, myself, am quite the opposite, I’ll walk anywhere (in my fairly safe hometown) and not think anything of it, even the more “rough” areas. But this means it is difficult me to put myself in her shoes and understand where she is coming from.
As a pp mentioned, she may well come round to the idea once our own furniture is in the house and it’s more familiar.

I think you should buy what works for you on the grounds you’ll be the one living there day in and day out.

Re your dd anxiety, it feels to me this is a much wider issue and I don’t think it should stop you from going for it. If she normally had no anxiety etc… then I’d wonder what is really going with that street iyswim.
could you ask her what would make her less anxious in that street? Is she really likely to walk a lot along that street fur example.

I would guess it is much more about change anxiety for your DD. She is asking for the same again because that is what she grew up in, and I would imagine she thinks that will mean she misses her childhood home less. But as others have said, she is moving on (even if she isn’t there emotionally), so you make the right decision for you. But maybe tell her she can help decide colours/redecoration (but be prepared for her to possibly replicate what you have in your current house 😁). She will get used to it.

Do some research on how safe the area actually is, she gets no input at this age.

Ultimately it has to be your decision but TBH I'd be with your DD on this. The idea of 'mixed bag' would put me off too, however lovely the house.

Yes I’ve already told my DD’s they can decorate their bedrooms any way they like.
My older dd is really keen on this house, she’s very emotionally mature, and is very supportive of my next move, which shows me that the problem is really with my dd, and her anxieties. I really hope she will grow to like it and feel comfortable and at home there.

Thanks again for your replies and helping me put this into perspective!!

@whiteroseredrose yes, I take that on board and will do some research before I take my next step.

I met my now DH at uni and never moved home, your DD needs no input at all even if she does move home after uni!

Obviously your adult daughter doesn't get a vote in what house you buy, just as you don't get a vote in what house she buys. You are both adults.

She can make other arrangements if she doesn't want to live there, I guess.