How far do I compromise new house for DD

[Hausmauss]

I’m looking to move from my house where my 2 DD’s and I have lived for the last couple of decades. My youngest dd is 18, and will be off to Uni soon.

My question is would you buy a property that your dd did not like? I have viewed an older property on a street with a mixed bag of inhabitants. I love the style of the house, the current owner has made several improvements and the layout is perfect for me and my 2 DD’s when they’re back from Uni. But my dd says she finds it creepy (is not helped by the dark old fashioned furniture the current owners have, although I quite like it) and she would not want to walk along the street. I believe there are many professionals living in the road but some properties are less well cared for than others, and a little disheveled. My dd wants me to buy a house same style as our current one in a “family friendly” area not far from where we live now but I find it so boring, and I really want a change. I’ll add that I’ve stayed where we are for years now so my DD’s would be near their school.

How much should I take my DD’s opinion into account? She does tend to either love things or hate things, can sometimes be a little irrational, often changes her mind, but also is quite anxious about feeling safe. I really want her to be happy and comfortable but this is a massive purchase for me and it needs to be right for me too, ideally for years to come.

Also, just to add, staying put is not an option, for financial reasons I really need to move sooner rather than later.

I didn’t like the house my mum bought when I was 18. I soon came round. Young people can get out off by old fashioned decor. It’ll be fine once you’re in and put your own things in

She's 18. They are not equally adults.

Would she expect to take your opinion into account if she were buying a house. Probably not.

No notice whatsoever. She’s an adult getting free accommodation. She’ll leave soon enough anyway

I find this an odd thread

so many saying you’d take ZERO consideration of your 18 year old’s view.

Firstly - given the housing market and inflation, likelihood is that she will move back home post university (surprised people are recalling what they did post uni… presumably decades ago!)

secondly… do you not want your home to be somewhere your children, adult children, grandchildren…. Want to visit?

when I move… likelihood around when my youngest a teen, what they think will very much be a factor in my decision making.

Do I like the idea of a cozy cottage tucked away down a rural lane… hell yes?
but will public transport be a pain in the arse? Likely
Will they be able to stay over with friends and / family… would be uncomfortable if only a 2 bed cottage!
would they be able to come home and easily get to work, be close to work opportunities… unlikely if in my ideal location!

So ultimately what my children, and I include teens and adults, think absolutely has a very strong bearing on my house purchase

The property is actually close to all amenities, and a few roads away from some of her friends, so perfect location for when DD’s are back from Uni and need a job for example, better than where we are now. It’s also a few roads away from the area considered the best / poshest in town, but dd does a habit of becoming fixated on something or other that is not to her liking, or that she finds “scary”. If it was a really rough road / area, I would not consider moving there, as I wouldn’t want to live there either. I think as pp’s have said, she is quite overwhelmed by everything at the moment and not emotionally mature enough to deal with all the change.

My parents moved when I was at university. They didn't consult we kids at all (all at university or working independently). It was a great move for them, much nicer house, better area, easier to manage garden etc, and they stayed there until they died. But I never felt it was "home." I didn't have a room, just used guest room, same for siblings, but it didn't bother any of us. We felt we had moved on.

Pick the house you want, her not liking it won’t stop your youngest staying there.

I was a bit concerned reading this though - “she has an irrational fear of things that could happen, but are extremely unlikely” - this sounds like GAD and needs proper support (but shouldn’t stop you buying the house you want!)

Also, go back to the street at night and the evening to see if it is a bit dodgy - she might have picked up on something

Based on what you have said I suspect she might find fault with any house you consider. Do your due diligence in terms of checking that the area is safe for you all but otherwise I would proceed.

You have to live in a house and area you are happy with. Your DD may only visit occasionally.

She is probably unsettled because of 2 big changes at the same time.