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Original poster

Friends/work colleagues always criticise where I live

69 replies

crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 19:51

I'm a very positive person not saying I'm perfect by far.....but always try to see the good in things.
If I go to someone's home or area where they live I never criticise it even if it's not to my taste as I think there is always something nice or something good to say wherever you go. Also I would never want to hurt someone's feelings but in all the three houses me and my family have lived in there has always been negative remarks.
The area, the tiles, the garden, the parking, the decor etc
It just makes me feel low as it's my home but there is always something wrong.
It would be so nice for someone to liove our house/area but they never do.
I live in a new town on a big new housing estate. Nice big house but quite a few people have criticised town and new estate. Characterless, toy town, oh I could never live on a big estate like this, not sure about tiles, house had got more character than expected, nice garden just shame it is overlooked, nice big house just shame other properties so near, lots of houses here, I'm surprised you haven't moved from here yet ! etc etc. Thise are just some of comments re this house.

First house when I apologised that everywhere wasn't tidy although all downstairs was - a friend of my partner said
Oh don't worry about apologies I have already told ......... what a dump house is in a jokey way.
Also my friends didn't say anything nice about first house as needed totally decorating.
Just sometimes makes me feel low as never seem to get any compliments. I was so proud when we got this house which I really liked but now I don't invite friends back as have anxiety about any negative comments.
I just meet them in neutral place or theirs. I don't like some of their things but would never say as can see nice things too.
People are so critical and never happy for me like if I say I'm going on holiday they quite often say why don't you go somewhere else if it's somewhere I've been before. Instead of saying oh thats nice. One time a friend said yuk and shuddered when I was telling her about how good the food was in this particular country.

OP posts:
Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 02/05/2023 19:52

sounds like you have horrible friends..

Housingdestressnotdistress · 02/05/2023 20:12

This definitely says more about your friends than you. We bought at the peak of the market, found loads more unexpected (expensive) problems, and then had to stop a load of work to divert the cash, which means some of our rooms still look like a building site and our living room walls look like they’re coming off (wallpaper peeling). The roofer walked in and said ‘what on Earth are you two doing?’ (He didn’t get the job). I got really bad anxiety because some of my other friends have bought beautiful houses.

my friends didn’t see my house for a really long time after we bought it but when they did I got
’these rooms are massive’ (they’re not) and ‘this will be so nice’, and ‘you’ve got such good windows’ (also old and leaky), and ‘that gardens the right size for you’ (tiny, because I hate gardening).

my parents on the other hand…. 🙄

can you 1) find new friends 2) in the meantime, be your own friend. It’s great that you’re proud of what you’ve got, and that you are positive about it. Both are these are achievement. I really struggled to be positive about our house and literally had to have therapy to be told to do so.

MrsBirkett · 02/05/2023 20:17

Your friends are rude. If you like where you live that's all that matters. They just don't sound very nice people, friends should be supportive. Try not to let it get to you, you sound much nicer than them

Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 20:21

MrsBirkett · 02/05/2023 20:17

Your friends are rude. If you like where you live that's all that matters. They just don't sound very nice people, friends should be supportive. Try not to let it get to you, you sound much nicer than them

Thankyou

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 02/05/2023 20:25

Mil always used to comment our old house was small - it was lovely. It wasn’t massive but perfect for us with 3 double bedrooms. She’d complain it’s a squeeze when they stayed (mil, fil and bil) - well yes, we didn’t buy a house for 3 additional adults. Our new house is much bigger (moved because we had twins so needed extra bedroom). Parking is an issue because we don’t have space for more than 2 cars… So no dedicated spot for mil and she has anxiety so can’t cope if her car isn’t outside the house. Doesn’t seem to care that our much larger car has to be moved to round the corner… round the corner 6 houses away is fine for parking but much more convenient for everyone with normal size cars rather than our wide one.

I don’t think she will be happy until we live in a mansion with a huge drive…. not likely.

Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 20:26

Housingdestressnotdistress · 02/05/2023 20:12

This definitely says more about your friends than you. We bought at the peak of the market, found loads more unexpected (expensive) problems, and then had to stop a load of work to divert the cash, which means some of our rooms still look like a building site and our living room walls look like they’re coming off (wallpaper peeling). The roofer walked in and said ‘what on Earth are you two doing?’ (He didn’t get the job). I got really bad anxiety because some of my other friends have bought beautiful houses.

my friends didn’t see my house for a really long time after we bought it but when they did I got
’these rooms are massive’ (they’re not) and ‘this will be so nice’, and ‘you’ve got such good windows’ (also old and leaky), and ‘that gardens the right size for you’ (tiny, because I hate gardening).

my parents on the other hand…. 🙄

can you 1) find new friends 2) in the meantime, be your own friend. It’s great that you’re proud of what you’ve got, and that you are positive about it. Both are these are achievement. I really struggled to be positive about our house and literally had to have therapy to be told to do so.

Thankyou for your encouraging advice.
Your friends sound supportive.
Just always feel inadequate.

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 02/05/2023 20:33

You have horribly rude friends OP.
Either get rid of the friends or start pulling them up on their nasty comments.

Why are they always taking you down? it's like a form of bullying.

I couldn't imagine doing this to anyone.

Be very proud of your home .

M0rT · 02/05/2023 20:34

Do you make jokes at your own expense a lot or seek reassurance?
I'm just wondering why so many people seem comfortable criticising your decisions.
I live in a semi in a housing estate and know a lot of people who live in large detached houses.
I know they would not want to live in my house but like you they just compliment my decor or say nothing.
I do the same, I don't know anyone living in unsafe conditions or with a hoarding problem or anything so there is no real need for me to say anything about someone else's house!
The holiday thing is just bizzare, I don't like going back to the same place for holidays but loads of people do, it's not uncommon enough to make comments.
I think pp are right you need new friends who treat you with respect.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 02/05/2023 20:43

Agreeing with the consensus, your friends sound like twats. Next time one of them says anything like that just say 'Thanks for your opinion, you really don't have to come back again if my home is so unpleasant to you.' Don't let it stand, they obviously have the ability to be polite if they're capable of existing in society without being universally hated, they are choosing to be rude to you for some reason. Don't let them!

Ilovetea42 · 02/05/2023 20:47

You have a friend problem not a house problem. I live in a small terrace in an estate that we are fixing up to increase the value so we can eventually move to a bigger nicer place. My friends are already in the bigger nicer places but they're also in jobs that pay significantly more than my sector. They have never once made me feel bad about where I live and would never make negative comments. Maybe only the odd one about asb in the area but I'd say that myself so it doesn't offend me.

Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 21:20

TeenLifeMum · 02/05/2023 20:25

Mil always used to comment our old house was small - it was lovely. It wasn’t massive but perfect for us with 3 double bedrooms. She’d complain it’s a squeeze when they stayed (mil, fil and bil) - well yes, we didn’t buy a house for 3 additional adults. Our new house is much bigger (moved because we had twins so needed extra bedroom). Parking is an issue because we don’t have space for more than 2 cars… So no dedicated spot for mil and she has anxiety so can’t cope if her car isn’t outside the house. Doesn’t seem to care that our much larger car has to be moved to round the corner… round the corner 6 houses away is fine for parking but much more convenient for everyone with normal size cars rather than our wide one.

I don’t think she will be happy until we live in a mansion with a huge drive…. not likely.

Yeah sounds like she wouldn't be satisfied even if you lived in Buckingham palace!
Or anywhere

OP posts:
Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 21:22

itsmylife7 · 02/05/2023 20:33

You have horribly rude friends OP.
Either get rid of the friends or start pulling them up on their nasty comments.

Why are they always taking you down? it's like a form of bullying.

I couldn't imagine doing this to anyone.

Be very proud of your home .

Thankyou
Yours and others who have said nice things so refreshing

OP posts:
FlutterbButterfly · 02/05/2023 21:22

@ccrashingwaves8 , if its GP or the other new build estate close by they are lovely places! Might be way off!

Once they get a few amenities they have everything on the doorstep.

FlutterbButterfly · 02/05/2023 21:23

FlutterbButterfly · 02/05/2023 21:22

@ccrashingwaves8 , if its GP or the other new build estate close by they are lovely places! Might be way off!

Once they get a few amenities they have everything on the doorstep.

@crashingwaves8

TeenLifeMum · 02/05/2023 21:30

Actually I remember a colleague commenting he couldn’t understand how anyone could live on a main road (named a specific example which isn’t what I’d call main as I’m from Kent and now live in Dorset in a small town so no main road is very busy). Driving home I was looking at the nice homes on said main road and it dawned on me that many many people do live on said road. People have different tastes. Be more robust in your response “oh really? I love my home. It’s perfect for us.”

elQuintoConyo · 02/05/2023 21:59

I've only experienced this when I lived in the El Capo district of Palermo 😱

They need telling that they're being rude - a "well, I like it" and one raised eyebrow might do. I'd also start distancing myself from such rude buggers, too.

Beaverbridge · 02/05/2023 22:04

I once got from a workmate. "Are you still living down the ghetto"?. It's a perfectly normal estate, at the edge of an old mining village. I overlook fields!.

Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 22:09

FlutterbButterfly · 02/05/2023 21:22

@ccrashingwaves8 , if its GP or the other new build estate close by they are lovely places! Might be way off!

Once they get a few amenities they have everything on the doorstep.

Yes that's right

OP posts:
Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 22:10

Beaverbridge · 02/05/2023 22:04

I once got from a workmate. "Are you still living down the ghetto"?. It's a perfectly normal estate, at the edge of an old mining village. I overlook fields!.

Yes sounds rude!

OP posts:
Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 22:11

elQuintoConyo · 02/05/2023 21:59

I've only experienced this when I lived in the El Capo district of Palermo 😱

They need telling that they're being rude - a "well, I like it" and one raised eyebrow might do. I'd also start distancing myself from such rude buggers, too.

I will try to do this and distance myself if carries on

OP posts:
Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 22:12

TeenLifeMum · 02/05/2023 21:30

Actually I remember a colleague commenting he couldn’t understand how anyone could live on a main road (named a specific example which isn’t what I’d call main as I’m from Kent and now live in Dorset in a small town so no main road is very busy). Driving home I was looking at the nice homes on said main road and it dawned on me that many many people do live on said road. People have different tastes. Be more robust in your response “oh really? I love my home. It’s perfect for us.”

I will say that too. I Need to be more assertive.

OP posts:
Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 22:21

Ilovetea42 · 02/05/2023 20:47

You have a friend problem not a house problem. I live in a small terrace in an estate that we are fixing up to increase the value so we can eventually move to a bigger nicer place. My friends are already in the bigger nicer places but they're also in jobs that pay significantly more than my sector. They have never once made me feel bad about where I live and would never make negative comments. Maybe only the odd one about asb in the area but I'd say that myself so it doesn't offend me.

You have got good friends

OP posts:
Stuf · 02/05/2023 22:23

Some of these sound like badly told jokes, particularly the one saying house was a dump when tidy. Also saying a new build has more character then expected is true of many new builds. However many sound like they might just be jealous of your house or the fact you simply own a house. Please try to place less value on what others think or say. What you feel about the house is the only thing that matters.

FlutterbButterfly · 02/05/2023 22:25

crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 22:09

Yes that's right

Show quote history

@crashingwaves8 , it's lovely don't let your friends get you down. Either jealousy or snobs. Let's face it new homes have to be built.

You are walkable two original villages one in particular Chocolate box. The view of the church steeple is great from 'that' estate. The other estate has lovely cafes and shops etc. The New Town has all amenities and the road network and rail networks are great. You could do a lot worse. Well do e on your new home!

Original poster
crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 22:25

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 02/05/2023 20:43

Agreeing with the consensus, your friends sound like twats. Next time one of them says anything like that just say 'Thanks for your opinion, you really don't have to come back again if my home is so unpleasant to you.' Don't let it stand, they obviously have the ability to be polite if they're capable of existing in society without being universally hated, they are choosing to be rude to you for some reason. Don't let them!

One time years ago we got rid of a three piece suite and got a new one. Someone came round and instead of saying I like your new suite they said where's your other suite gone as I really liked it'
They had never said anything about old suite before!

OP posts:
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