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Original poster

Friends/work colleagues always criticise where I live

69 replies

crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 19:51

I'm a very positive person not saying I'm perfect by far.....but always try to see the good in things.
If I go to someone's home or area where they live I never criticise it even if it's not to my taste as I think there is always something nice or something good to say wherever you go. Also I would never want to hurt someone's feelings but in all the three houses me and my family have lived in there has always been negative remarks.
The area, the tiles, the garden, the parking, the decor etc
It just makes me feel low as it's my home but there is always something wrong.
It would be so nice for someone to liove our house/area but they never do.
I live in a new town on a big new housing estate. Nice big house but quite a few people have criticised town and new estate. Characterless, toy town, oh I could never live on a big estate like this, not sure about tiles, house had got more character than expected, nice garden just shame it is overlooked, nice big house just shame other properties so near, lots of houses here, I'm surprised you haven't moved from here yet ! etc etc. Thise are just some of comments re this house.

First house when I apologised that everywhere wasn't tidy although all downstairs was - a friend of my partner said
Oh don't worry about apologies I have already told ......... what a dump house is in a jokey way.
Also my friends didn't say anything nice about first house as needed totally decorating.
Just sometimes makes me feel low as never seem to get any compliments. I was so proud when we got this house which I really liked but now I don't invite friends back as have anxiety about any negative comments.
I just meet them in neutral place or theirs. I don't like some of their things but would never say as can see nice things too.
People are so critical and never happy for me like if I say I'm going on holiday they quite often say why don't you go somewhere else if it's somewhere I've been before. Instead of saying oh thats nice. One time a friend said yuk and shuddered when I was telling her about how good the food was in this particular country.

OP posts:
Ihadenough22 · 03/05/2023 14:44

I know how you feel to some extent. I would never go into a person's house and start to comment say about the small rooms, horrible decor or tell them that they should have done X or y to improve their house.
A friend bought a house after years of renting and saving with her husband. One so called friend told her she should get a loan to buy new furniture for the house. My friend had gotten 2nd hand stuff of friends and family because money was tight and it would do until their finances improved. My friend said to her I will new stuff when I can afford it.

One of my friends lives in a house with no mortgage that her family own. My friend has kept quite about this fact because she knows people will make bitchy comments.
One so called friend of hers took months to call and see her new home. This lady arrived with a gift worth no more than £25. My friend had give her a wedding and house warming presents worth apox £150 previously despite earning far less than her friend. When the same lady was buying her 1st home due to getting a deposit from her parents my friend went around all the house shops with her looking at appliances ect.
At the time my friend was not earning a lot, living in a bedsit but was still happy to see her friend get a house.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 03/05/2023 16:26

Your friends sound vile. Can you make friends with some of your neighbours? Presumably they won't criticise where you live!

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 16:52

Crikeyalmighty · 03/05/2023 14:22

Well you've got a bunch of right charmers as friends!!

Yeah 😂
Strange sometimes

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 16:53

EmmaGrundyForPM · 03/05/2023 16:26

Your friends sound vile. Can you make friends with some of your neighbours? Presumably they won't criticise where you live!

Good idea.
Neighbours all love area 👍

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 16:53

Ihadenough22 · 03/05/2023 14:44

I know how you feel to some extent. I would never go into a person's house and start to comment say about the small rooms, horrible decor or tell them that they should have done X or y to improve their house.
A friend bought a house after years of renting and saving with her husband. One so called friend told her she should get a loan to buy new furniture for the house. My friend had gotten 2nd hand stuff of friends and family because money was tight and it would do until their finances improved. My friend said to her I will new stuff when I can afford it.

One of my friends lives in a house with no mortgage that her family own. My friend has kept quite about this fact because she knows people will make bitchy comments.
One so called friend of hers took months to call and see her new home. This lady arrived with a gift worth no more than £25. My friend had give her a wedding and house warming presents worth apox £150 previously despite earning far less than her friend. When the same lady was buying her 1st home due to getting a deposit from her parents my friend went around all the house shops with her looking at appliances ect.
At the time my friend was not earning a lot, living in a bedsit but was still happy to see her friend get a house.

Your friends sound lovely

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 16:54

NicLondon1 · 03/05/2023 13:22

They are so rude! Please don’t just take it, stand up for yourself. You are allowed to pull them up eg “are you always this rude when you visit people’s houses?” “Wow that was quite a rude thing to say”. “Well your house isn’t perfect either is it?”
And then make new friends.

That's it.
I need to be a lot more assertive 😂

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 16:56

Reality · 03/05/2023 08:36

It’s jealousy, and I know people trot that out all the time but it’s true.

I was really hurt when my sister saw my (dream) house for the first time. She picked holes in everything, small garden (it’s not), no window on the landing 🤷🏻‍♀️, study too small to do anything with.

It was only with hindsight I was able to realise that it was jealousy, obvious really but I was too hurt at the time to see it. Our house is a large detached property with several extra rooms to hers, and well out of her price band. I was too insecure as a person to think she would ever be jealous of me so I just took her comments at face value.

Mentally healthy people deal with their jealousy by saying nice things (maybe with a ‘wow I’m so jealous’. Bitter people have to bring you down a peg. It’s very much a reflection on them, not you.

What you said has made me feel better.
I always feel happy for my friends.
Sometimes envious of things they have or do but always tell them I'm jeslous or whatever in a jokey way.

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 16:58

Dibblydoodahdah · 03/05/2023 08:10

@GarlicGrace I’d be inclined to agree although he has confirmed that he does like our current house; a five bed detached with large garden. It’s worth a lot more than the last one so I’m wondering if he’s realised that he’d just look like a complete moron if he said that he didn’t like it!!!

I can never understand why a father in law or relative wouldn't be happy for you

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 17:12

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 02/05/2023 19:52

sounds like you have horrible friends..

Some critics

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 17:15

Stuf · 02/05/2023 22:23

Some of these sound like badly told jokes, particularly the one saying house was a dump when tidy. Also saying a new build has more character then expected is true of many new builds. However many sound like they might just be jealous of your house or the fact you simply own a house. Please try to place less value on what others think or say. What you feel about the house is the only thing that matters.

You are right.

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 17:21

Crimeismymiddlename · 03/05/2023 07:59

Your friends are rude and jealous. Personally I would be really happy for a friend to be able to buy a large new build in a new area. I did find the people who were rude about my home when I purchased did not seem to understand that I could not afford a three bed 1930’s detached in a leafy suburb. Because they lived with family or in nice council houses in good areas. Though for all the years when I lived in shitty house shares and was frankly jealous of my friends buying homes i never let on and was happy for them and only made compliments. I can’t fathom being nasty about a persons home. It made me think differently about those rude people and I don’t really connect with them now, not the only reason but it sort of opens your eyes to the sort of people they are.

Exactly that's how I feel in a way

DorisParchment · 03/05/2023 17:39

I get this from friends and family, but mostly family. I live in a flat, in Central London.

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 17:40

DorisParchment · 03/05/2023 17:39

I get this from friends and family, but mostly family. I live in a flat, in Central London.

Can't understand family or friends being like this.
These are the people who are supposed to be there for us

BlueMongoose · 03/05/2023 21:21

Our house has been more or less a tip for three years (doer-upper) Just visited family, theirs is the same (new extension). It made us feel quite relaxed and at home.😊Tidy houses make me a bit nervous, I'm scared to sit down or put my bag down in case I make it look untidy.
I know our house will never be really tidy even when it's done. I'm a slob outside work, though I try to keep things looking decent, tidy up when visitors are expected, and always keep the important bits like the kitchen and bathroom clean. I take the view that if anyone visiting doesn't like it, they don't have to come again. And if they whined or criticised, they wouldn't get asked again anyway. It's an honour to be asked into someone else's home, guests there should be polite. Take no notice of the carpers. They're being incredibly rude, and by doing that, marking themselves out as people whose opinions are worth zero.
Enjoy your house, it's a place to live, if it suits you it's fine, life is not an audition for House and Garden magazine. When you find people who are nice about it, maybe that's one important test they have passsed in the 'may be worth being friends with this one' stakes.

Outgrabe · 03/05/2023 22:32

Obviously your friends are rude, OP, as well as weirdly opinionated (I mean, I can’t honestly imagine anyone wanting my opinion on their tiles!), but as I think someone else said, are you seeming to invite these comments? Are you implicitly or explicitly asking people what they think of your house or area or something? Do you seem as if you are continually seeking approval? I just find it hard to imagine situations in which friends repeatedly criticise where you live, or indeed situations in which friends would repeatedly comment, either positively or negatively, on where you live.

Are they all a bit thick or socially awkward or something? Some of the comments you list sound as if they’re under the impression they’re in one of those property programmes where dead-faced couples trail around after some presenter bleating ‘Good-sized rooms’ and ‘overlooked garden’ like robots.

restlesswind · 03/05/2023 22:33

BlueMongoose · 03/05/2023 21:21

Our house has been more or less a tip for three years (doer-upper) Just visited family, theirs is the same (new extension). It made us feel quite relaxed and at home.😊Tidy houses make me a bit nervous, I'm scared to sit down or put my bag down in case I make it look untidy.
I know our house will never be really tidy even when it's done. I'm a slob outside work, though I try to keep things looking decent, tidy up when visitors are expected, and always keep the important bits like the kitchen and bathroom clean. I take the view that if anyone visiting doesn't like it, they don't have to come again. And if they whined or criticised, they wouldn't get asked again anyway. It's an honour to be asked into someone else's home, guests there should be polite. Take no notice of the carpers. They're being incredibly rude, and by doing that, marking themselves out as people whose opinions are worth zero.
Enjoy your house, it's a place to live, if it suits you it's fine, life is not an audition for House and Garden magazine. When you find people who are nice about it, maybe that's one important test they have passsed in the 'may be worth being friends with this one' stakes.

Good advice.

StellaGibson2022 · 03/05/2023 22:43

FlutterbButterfly · 02/05/2023 22:25

@crashingwaves8 , it's lovely don't let your friends get you down. Either jealousy or snobs. Let's face it new homes have to be built.

You are walkable two original villages one in particular Chocolate box. The view of the church steeple is great from 'that' estate. The other estate has lovely cafes and shops etc. The New Town has all amenities and the road network and rail networks are great. You could do a lot worse. Well do e on your new home!

Show quote history

Where is this place? Its sounds like what I am looking for!

OP - as someone who has always lived in new build flats (and now wanting to move to a new build house) what might be lacked in character features are usually made up by lower heating bills, sound proof windows and a blank canvas to make your mark on. But most importantly its the people not the house that are important - as above this is a friend problem

Enjoy your home, it sounds lovely

LeefPeeper · 03/05/2023 23:13

MIL when she saw our new house that we had just bought aged 23 and 26. “Well, I suppose it will do for now” said in a really snooty way. Coming from a lady who was still renting and had never been in a position to buy. Nothing wrong with that, different people, different circumstances but really. I would never say it but but wanted to say “well it’s more than you’ve got”

KievLoverTwo · 03/05/2023 23:38

Your friends are arseholes who it seems prioritise keeping up with the Jones.

I bet they are mortgaged up to the eyeballs, have stupidly big car loans so their cars look flash, change their home decor ever year to keep up with trends and make sure their kids always have the latest fads.

It's a crock of shit that I doubt they could barely afford.

People like my sister in fact, who bought a 775k house on her own on one moderate banking salary so her two (teenage boys) wouldn't have to move area after the divorce.

Everyone in that area is obsessed with Keeping Up and my sister, well, she's always been terrible with buying houses that cost too much because all her friends do.

It's a bloody mug's game, don't get involved in it.

Slowly but surely, try to find yourself some new friends who don't care a jot about these sorts of things.

That they will say these things to your face tells me they are the wrong sort of people to be around.

Best of luck.

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