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Original poster

Friends/work colleagues always criticise where I live

69 replies

crashingwaves8 · 02/05/2023 19:51

I'm a very positive person not saying I'm perfect by far.....but always try to see the good in things.
If I go to someone's home or area where they live I never criticise it even if it's not to my taste as I think there is always something nice or something good to say wherever you go. Also I would never want to hurt someone's feelings but in all the three houses me and my family have lived in there has always been negative remarks.
The area, the tiles, the garden, the parking, the decor etc
It just makes me feel low as it's my home but there is always something wrong.
It would be so nice for someone to liove our house/area but they never do.
I live in a new town on a big new housing estate. Nice big house but quite a few people have criticised town and new estate. Characterless, toy town, oh I could never live on a big estate like this, not sure about tiles, house had got more character than expected, nice garden just shame it is overlooked, nice big house just shame other properties so near, lots of houses here, I'm surprised you haven't moved from here yet ! etc etc. Thise are just some of comments re this house.

First house when I apologised that everywhere wasn't tidy although all downstairs was - a friend of my partner said
Oh don't worry about apologies I have already told ......... what a dump house is in a jokey way.
Also my friends didn't say anything nice about first house as needed totally decorating.
Just sometimes makes me feel low as never seem to get any compliments. I was so proud when we got this house which I really liked but now I don't invite friends back as have anxiety about any negative comments.
I just meet them in neutral place or theirs. I don't like some of their things but would never say as can see nice things too.
People are so critical and never happy for me like if I say I'm going on holiday they quite often say why don't you go somewhere else if it's somewhere I've been before. Instead of saying oh thats nice. One time a friend said yuk and shuddered when I was telling her about how good the food was in this particular country.

OP posts:
iwantabreakfastpantry · 02/05/2023 22:30

They are not friends, OP! I would never say anything like that to my friends - we all have differing tastes but, like you, I will always compliment them. They do the same to me and I am sure there are things about my house they don’t like. However, we have bought the house for us and not for them, or vice versa.
You need new friends, ones that make you feel good about yourself.

iwantabreakfastpantry · 02/05/2023 22:31

Meant to also say - raise your standards and expectations of friends!

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 06:42

FlutterbButterfly · 02/05/2023 21:22

@ccrashingwaves8 , if its GP or the other new build estate close by they are lovely places! Might be way off!

Once they get a few amenities they have everything on the doorstep.

I live on outskirts of Liverpool near stadium to give context as I think you/I thought you meant something else!?
I don't know what G F is-?
We are football mad too so my sons love it too.
I wouldn't want to move as they settled in good schools etc.

GarlicGrace · 03/05/2023 07:00

Do you make jokes at your own expense a lot or seek reassurance?

This is a good point. I read your OP with my jaw opening to a full-on Shock , @crashingwaves8. You sound so nice, and with such a lovely attitude, that I couldn't understand why your friends don't reciprocate.

But ... people generally take us at face value. I used to be well known for my self-deprecating humour which, surprise surprise, was an inefficient self-defence mechanism. I was criticised for every bloody thing as a child so, without realising it, came to expect it. I was trying to get in first by criticising myself in a 'jokey' manner. Not many people sit down and wonder why you do this, they just hear what you say and take it on board. Net result: I got a reputation as a sweet but flaky drunk who was always getting into awkward situations and couldn't run her own household or finances. All based on my own witty self-evaluation.

So, I realise this isn't Relationships and will just second the advice above: Answer more robustly and be as positive about your own place as you are about others!

Tumbler2121 · 03/05/2023 07:03

It’s a shame you take it to heart instead of being amused by their bad manners (and never inviting them back).

I’ve had “quite a nice little house” said in condescending manner.
Oh it’s like a Tardis, it looks tiny from outside from another.
Major complaints about lack of parking, “yuk, I couldn’t live in a place like this” … I just say “I can walk to the beach, suits me”.

For what it’s worth I love my house but wish I kept it a bit smarter.

GarlicGrace · 03/05/2023 07:06

I'm very fond of the old Mumsnet classic: "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Tone of voice depends on you, but FGS don't make it apologetic!

broadbeanquiche · 03/05/2023 07:08

Probably jealous

MushMonster · 03/05/2023 07:13

I think this happens quite a lot to positive happy people.
They have no manners, that is their problem.
Surely your home is lovely and you sound like you like it, so well looked after.
You should not put any thought or feeling into what others say about the house. It is your home, you are the one that needs to love it. And if you like having people around, do so. Maybe not the rude ones, but new friends.

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 03/05/2023 07:14

It's classic jealousy.
My first flat was a beautiful Victorian conversion with high ceilings, a bay window, original floorboards and a working fire place. I bought it without help at 25 and was so proud of it.
My sister, who wasn't a homeowner, looked round it with a pinched face and her only comment was "that kitchen floor will really show up dirt"!

midgemadgemodge · 03/05/2023 07:22

Perhaps you are being a little sensitive?

They didn't give you any compliments - perhaps there was nothing they liked? Doesn't mean they don't like you .

They couldn't live on an estate like this - well it sounds a factual comment not a judgement on you , everyone is different after all - but despite that they still like you

If you like a place , well it's you living there - if everyone liked it you would not be able to afford it after all

FlutterbButterfly · 03/05/2023 07:52

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 06:42

I live on outskirts of Liverpool near stadium to give context as I think you/I thought you meant something else!?
I don't know what G F is-?
We are football mad too so my sons love it too.
I wouldn't want to move as they settled in good schools etc.

Show quote history

😳😂🤦🏼‍♀️, yep wrong guess, I was talking way down south!

Honestly though you are happy where you are and your friends are jealous. I have one particular acquaintance who turns everything into something about herself- it's irritating but I just internally eyeroll!

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 07:57

midgemadgemodge · 03/05/2023 07:22

Perhaps you are being a little sensitive?

They didn't give you any compliments - perhaps there was nothing they liked? Doesn't mean they don't like you .

They couldn't live on an estate like this - well it sounds a factual comment not a judgement on you , everyone is different after all - but despite that they still like you

If you like a place , well it's you living there - if everyone liked it you would not be able to afford it after all

Yeah you are right I am sensitive. Can't help it. Wish I wasn't.
Need to harden up and become a bad bitch😂😂😂
Just be nice occasionally to hear something nice from friends who to be fair are great in lots of ways and wouldn't be without them for the world.
Just get paranoid that everyone thinks everything is horrible where me and boys live and it makes me feel s...

I get what you are saying though just dread it as always some comment which has resulted in me not inviting friends back anymore just meet at theirs or neutral place.

Crimeismymiddlename · 03/05/2023 07:59

Your friends are rude and jealous. Personally I would be really happy for a friend to be able to buy a large new build in a new area. I did find the people who were rude about my home when I purchased did not seem to understand that I could not afford a three bed 1930’s detached in a leafy suburb. Because they lived with family or in nice council houses in good areas. Though for all the years when I lived in shitty house shares and was frankly jealous of my friends buying homes i never let on and was happy for them and only made compliments. I can’t fathom being nasty about a persons home. It made me think differently about those rude people and I don’t really connect with them now, not the only reason but it sort of opens your eyes to the sort of people they are.

IncompleteSenten · 03/05/2023 08:01

Stop laughing it off.
Next time you get a rude comment, say nothing. Just look at them.
Let them feel their rudeness!
Then follow up with I'm really fed up of your constant criticism of any home I've ever lived on. Why do you do that?

Dibblydoodahdah · 03/05/2023 08:02

Well FIL told us that our last house wasn’t very nice. It was a four bed three bath detached with two receptions, kitchen family room and a study in a nice rural area. Smallish garden but beautifully landscaped. FIL lives in a three bed 1960’s semi in a town that has been voted once of the worst places to live in the UK!

GarlicGrace · 03/05/2023 08:04

some comment which has resulted in me not inviting friends back anymore

This is really sad, @crashingwaves8 ! Please, please, do invite them round. Try something like asking a few of your friends for pasta & wine (or whatever you do) "... if you can face an evening on the sofa you don't like, in the estate you don't like, haha, I'd love a really good night in with the old crowd."

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 08:05

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 03/05/2023 07:14

It's classic jealousy.
My first flat was a beautiful Victorian conversion with high ceilings, a bay window, original floorboards and a working fire place. I bought it without help at 25 and was so proud of it.
My sister, who wasn't a homeowner, looked round it with a pinched face and her only comment was "that kitchen floor will really show up dirt"!

Sounds gorgeous

GarlicGrace · 03/05/2023 08:05

Dibblydoodahdah · 03/05/2023 08:02

Well FIL told us that our last house wasn’t very nice. It was a four bed three bath detached with two receptions, kitchen family room and a study in a nice rural area. Smallish garden but beautifully landscaped. FIL lives in a three bed 1960’s semi in a town that has been voted once of the worst places to live in the UK!

😂😂😂 FIL's got green gills!

midgemadgemodge · 03/05/2023 08:08

I guess just try and start with the assumption it's a conversation starter or a question not a judgement

So "couldn't live on an estate "

"Why not ? " or " it's such a lovely community and I like that lack of traffic " or " countryside is lovely but I value the amenities more "

Dibblydoodahdah · 03/05/2023 08:10

@GarlicGrace I’d be inclined to agree although he has confirmed that he does like our current house; a five bed detached with large garden. It’s worth a lot more than the last one so I’m wondering if he’s realised that he’d just look like a complete moron if he said that he didn’t like it!!!

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 08:28

Housingdestressnotdistress · 02/05/2023 20:12

This definitely says more about your friends than you. We bought at the peak of the market, found loads more unexpected (expensive) problems, and then had to stop a load of work to divert the cash, which means some of our rooms still look like a building site and our living room walls look like they’re coming off (wallpaper peeling). The roofer walked in and said ‘what on Earth are you two doing?’ (He didn’t get the job). I got really bad anxiety because some of my other friends have bought beautiful houses.

my friends didn’t see my house for a really long time after we bought it but when they did I got
’these rooms are massive’ (they’re not) and ‘this will be so nice’, and ‘you’ve got such good windows’ (also old and leaky), and ‘that gardens the right size for you’ (tiny, because I hate gardening).

my parents on the other hand…. 🙄

can you 1) find new friends 2) in the meantime, be your own friend. It’s great that you’re proud of what you’ve got, and that you are positive about it. Both are these are achievement. I really struggled to be positive about our house and literally had to have therapy to be told to do so.

Roofer was really rude.
You were right not to give him the job.
Your friends sound lovely.

crashingwave8 · 03/05/2023 08:30

itsmylife7 · 02/05/2023 20:33

You have horribly rude friends OP.
Either get rid of the friends or start pulling them up on their nasty comments.

Why are they always taking you down? it's like a form of bullying.

I couldn't imagine doing this to anyone.

Be very proud of your home .

Thankyou for your advice and support.

Reality · 03/05/2023 08:36

It’s jealousy, and I know people trot that out all the time but it’s true.

I was really hurt when my sister saw my (dream) house for the first time. She picked holes in everything, small garden (it’s not), no window on the landing 🤷🏻‍♀️, study too small to do anything with.

It was only with hindsight I was able to realise that it was jealousy, obvious really but I was too hurt at the time to see it. Our house is a large detached property with several extra rooms to hers, and well out of her price band. I was too insecure as a person to think she would ever be jealous of me so I just took her comments at face value.

Mentally healthy people deal with their jealousy by saying nice things (maybe with a ‘wow I’m so jealous’. Bitter people have to bring you down a peg. It’s very much a reflection on them, not you.

NicLondon1 · 03/05/2023 13:22

They are so rude! Please don’t just take it, stand up for yourself. You are allowed to pull them up eg “are you always this rude when you visit people’s houses?” “Wow that was quite a rude thing to say”. “Well your house isn’t perfect either is it?”
And then make new friends.

Crikeyalmighty · 03/05/2023 14:22

Well you've got a bunch of right charmers as friends!!