Elderly neighbours overly helpful/friendly

[Lollyloup95]

I'm due baby 2 very soon. Our elderly neighbours have always been a bit keen on offering their help, and now were having our second child, whenever we see them they constantly (normally 3 or 4 times in that one conversation) say "if you need anything please let us know!"
Once, I understand is friendly, but the 3rd or 4th time makes me feel like they feel we need to ask for more of their help! Which makes me feel awkward. They say it in a a way that we NEED to ask them for stuff.

DH and I are pretty self sufficient, in our early 30s and this is not our first home. When we moved in they acted like me were buying our first house but soon realised we didn't need loads of help with the house.
But now we have a second baby coming they are overbearing and I'm uncomfortable they are going to bother me a lot and act like im a poor soul who needs help.

How can we stop them treating us like kids who they need to look after?

They are just trying to be nice and want you to know they are actually offering any help rather than just saying it for the sake of it.

Just response you will give a knock on their door if you need anything or that you have their phone number. They are just being polite

You're right they are being friendly and polite, but offering help constantly is too much. Every conversation it's mentioned at least 3 times. I'd like to think that if I was offering constantly and not getting taken up on the offers very often, I should probably stop offering in case it seems overbearing?
They have also said before you "you know you don't need to be shy about asking for help" - it's like they can't understand why we wouldn't be knocking their door asking favours all the time - were just not like that and why can't they understand that!?

Is there any possibility that you may be overthinking things?

You're defo overthinking.

Just politely say "thanks very much" each time, and then forget about it.

are they lonely and want to help for that reason?

Do you say the same back to them? Do they possibly want some help from you and this is their roundabout way of asking?

I have wondered if they're forward thinking and want to help us out so that when they're older (they're late 70s now) that we will offer help back. It's as if there's some motive because they constantly imply we need to knock their door if we need anything, but when you don't really need anything why would you do that just to keep someone happy?

I can understand why it may seem a little overbearing but they are just trying to be nice , perhaps they are lonely, don't see / don't have grandchildren and would like to.

I think a polite "no thanks we are managing fine " each time they ask would be sufficient.

Don't burn your bridges, you never know one day you may need / want their help.

You're getting it out of proportion. They sound kind.

Honestly you never know when you need your neighbours and no one else will quite do. In spite of having friends locally I have occasionally needed my neighbours and they have needed me. What’s wrong with just being nice to each other

It's what neighbours always used to do. It's not their fault you're not neighbourly by the old definition. You say your self sufficient but if you're laid up after the birth and your oh has a screaming baby, toddler vomit and no more nappies you both might be glad of a neighbour. Would you rather have someone who doesn't even answer the door?

They sound kind and you don't sound particularly kind, to be honest. Suspecting them of having a motive is pretty cynical.

Okay so I'm lucky they're not rude horrible old bastards, but I can't for that reason feel completely comfortable which the way they are.
Yes we're not neighbourly by the old definition, but we're very neighbourly in terms of not making noise, keeping our house looking tidy, being polite when we see people etc etc.
In my book a neighbour should not be relied upon, and they are asking us to rely on them more, it's not something DH or I are comfortable with.

You are massively overthinking this situation. You're theory they are being helpful so you will be helpful in their later years is bizarre honestly. They are being neighbourly that's all. If you don't want to take them up on their offer then say "thanks, I'll let you know if we need anything".

You know older generations where taught to be kind and caring to their neighbors.
It's sad to see that offering help has become a nuisance and you think there has to be an ulterior motive.
It's just called being "neighborly" where I'm from.

They seem kind. You not so much.

My elderly neighbour always said this to me whenever I saw her and I said the same back. I’ve been able to help her out a couple of times in 10 years and she helped us by keeping an eye on the house while we were on holiday. I’ve just moved and will really miss her. We both agreed that even though we didn’t see much of each other (she has loads of close family nearby), it was always reassuring to know we were there if needed. I’d see it as a positive. She is also a right laugh and makes a lovely strong cup of tea.

I think the theory that they are doing this is preparation for needing to ask for help themselves some day is correct. To be fair, it's because they don't want to commit the sin of being a CF when the time comes. when they were in their 20s they were probably expected to do all sorts of things for elderly neighbours, and maybe those elderly neighbours did a spot of babysitting in return, and they are assuming they can get the same kind of deal going with you. however, the world is very different now than it was in the 1970s and you aren't being unreasonable to prefer not to go that way.

Give them something very small to do.
Walk your dog, fetch the newspaper or a pint of milk. Bring your bins back in.

It doesn't matter what, just to acknowledge their kind offer and reassure them that if ever you really DO need help you will ask.

You REALLY are overthinking. They may not be there when they're older, they may well have plans to move to sheltered accommodation or similar; they know you may not be there. They just want to be helpful. The fact that you don't need help now doesn't mean that you won't in the future, particularly when the baby comes.

Plus, of course, most people are happy to help out their elderly neighbours irrespective of whether said neighbours helped out when they were a bit younger. I would hope that you might be prepared to do that.

It's not the worst problem in the world to have. You don't sound particularly nice, they'll probably pick up on that soon and leave you alone.

I don’t think you’re over thinking it, they sound overbearing. I think they want to adopt you as their project which I would find annoying.

"Thanks, we're pretty self sufficient but it's good to know you're there for emergencies"

No bridges burnt and establishes where you're at. You could add, "... as we'd be there for your emergencies", to safeguard against them setting you up in their minds as regular old age help.

Do they have children/grandchildren of their own who they see regularly? I ask because it seems to be that they might be bored and/or lonely and may just yearn to be helpful to someone?

I have been so happy to have wonderful neighbours recently,you never know what is around the corner.Be grateful that they are kind people.You can never have enough good people in your life One day you will find this out.Be polite and tell them how much you appreciate their kindness and will remember what they offered but at the moment you are fine.