Elderly neighbours overly helpful/friendly

[Lollyloup95]

I'm due baby 2 very soon. Our elderly neighbours have always been a bit keen on offering their help, and now were having our second child, whenever we see them they constantly (normally 3 or 4 times in that one conversation) say "if you need anything please let us know!"
Once, I understand is friendly, but the 3rd or 4th time makes me feel like they feel we need to ask for more of their help! Which makes me feel awkward. They say it in a a way that we NEED to ask them for stuff.

DH and I are pretty self sufficient, in our early 30s and this is not our first home. When we moved in they acted like me were buying our first house but soon realised we didn't need loads of help with the house.
But now we have a second baby coming they are overbearing and I'm uncomfortable they are going to bother me a lot and act like im a poor soul who needs help.

How can we stop them treating us like kids who they need to look after?

@BeverlyHa 'Give them the cold shoulder and move on.'

Seriously?? Are you joking?

No it doesn't. Not unless the neighbours burgle you!

They want to be needed, I'm guessing they don't have nearby family. Good neighbours are invaluable in an emergency. Perhaps do ask for a little favour now and again, they sound like they would really appreciate being helpful. Once you have 2 little ones, a friendly neighbour willing to sit and read with, do crafts etc with your elder child (not sole charge you are there) would be useful

My uncle was very close to his "young" neighbours. When he died they were in their 70s to his 95. Over the years they'd both helped each other, probably them more than him in later years. He left them an equal share of his house with his DC.

My lovely neighbours (after many years!) still say "you know where we are if you ever need anything" and I say the same back.

I rarely have to call upon them for anything, but it's great to know they won't mind if I ever do! Same applies vice versa.

You really cannot buy good neighbours. So OP please say thanks, and be thankful.

Gosh thatsba really sad way to think, maybe they're just nice people. Just say "thank you, I am fine. I will let you know if I do". This is what I do with my neighbour (don't want her help because she's a weirdo but that's another story). And who knows when baby 2 comes, you might just need it!

You sound quite insecure. Maybe just go out after dark and avoid them completely

Ah I understand you, but just smile and nod really. Sometimes you have to put up with it. They could just be lonely and wanting company but that isn't your job to give them (although it wouldn't hurt). If it gets further, then take further measures but if it is literally just saying every convo that they are ready to help out, just say thank you politely!

Some people find it really hard to be helped. It doesn't mean you are weak or a dependent person, but can be mutually beneficial if you're secure enough to know how to accept. I'd say something like, " how would you feel about dropping a meal around one night in the first few weeks? I don't think I'm up for entertaining, but is that something you could do?" Then they feel helpful and you get a meal. It's no big deal.

Not if your suffering dementia or just forgetful it's just using the manners you were brought up with.

Rubbish unless they rib you ...and if your alarm is going off for the duration of your holiday having someone to check and reset it or to sort the burst pipe is doing you a big favour.

Its not rubbish- some insurance companies wont pay out if a neighbour has a key. Its obviously still people's choice but it doesnt make it un-true and its important people are aware of this so they can make an informed decision.

Jeez I'm glad you're not my neighbour, how unkind you are.

You sound both horrible and weirdly suspicious. I feel so sorry for your neighbours. Not only do they have to put up with your two screaming children but also your ugly attitude. Believe me no one thinks a family with two young children are great neighbours unless they happen to have kids the same age themselves.

Its also worth considering that this invalidates house insurance if you are ever burgled

Can you link to something that explains this please? We were burgled many years ago as were my parents and the question re other key holders wasn't asked.

How would the insurance company even know that there was another key holder? Also, if the house had clearly been broken into, how could it invalidate a claim if a neighbour had a key? Surely they'd use the key rather than breaking a window or breaking open a door?

Most people I know have spare keys with friends or neighbours. We have keys for 3 other houses and 2 neighbours and 2 family members who don't live here have keys for our house. Obviously I can check out my own insurance policy but before I go to that trouble, I'd appreciate it if you could substantiate your comment.

We are in London and we have lovely neighbours like yours. Every winter they grit our driveway if it snows. They receive our parcels and are very good with recommending local trades people. My neighbours and their daughter is our first contact for local nursery/ AAT alarm in an emergency.

Maybe they have family who live a long way away, or something like that? They might just be lonely and want to feel useful or needed by other people in some way. They probably have a lot of time on their hands and want to be helpful.

To be honest you are far better off having elderly neighbours like them, than what you could have ended up with. Some neighbours can be a nightmare.

Why not ask them to do a couple of minor things for you, like taking in parcels when you are out, or keeping an eye on the house for you when you go on holiday? Neither of those would impact you in any way, and they will be pleased you have asked.

So they have a lot of family close by so they are not short on company. They seem to think that we are shy about asking for their help, and so they really try and push it in every conversation, it's as if they cannot understand why else we wouldn't be asking for things from them.
What DH and I don't understand, is now they cant't comprehend that 1, we don't really need anything much from our neighbours but if we did we would ask them with no issues, it's just we haven't needed to, but 2, that they don't realise that constantly offering help can become very grating.

I think some people have read this and assumed that someone very nice and kind is offering help, and I am being rude and hostile, but at what point does the offering become too much? It is so often that it implies we need help, or they are very keen for us to help keep them busy.

I have never had neighbours who are so keen on helping others, to the point that if you don't need help they are offended... thank you for everyone who's replied, it's good to unravel it a bit and hear diffeee re by views!

Awww I wouldn't come down too hard on them I have an elderly Christian couple in my life, they are the same. I'm rubbish at saying no & I've managed to create this whole mess by not telling I'm an atheist 🤣 it's a hot mess. But they are so nice, sickly nice but so lovely. There was a time when I really needed someone, I wasn't going through a good time. I actually called them I just needed a hug & a friendly face. They were there when I needed them. They are genuinely like my nan & grandad now.

I'd decide on a stock phrase, delivered in a confident jovial tone, that doesn't include the word thank you or leave room for doubt. Something like 'No need we are completely self sufficient.'

They sound kind and neighbourly and were probably brought up in a time of strong community when people actually have a shit about each other. I wish I had nice neighbours like this. You’re more than welcomed me to move to where I live where most people wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.

Gave*
More than welcome to*

No, it doesn’t. If you give your house keys to a stranger, or they leave them hanging up in their shed with a helpful tag with the address, that’s irresponsible. The ‘burglar’ would have to use the keys for the illegal entry.

Since we moved into a house ( rather than a short stay flat) another thirty years ago , I have never lived anywhere either here or in France where I have not had my neighbours’ keys, and they have had mine. And my father was an insurance professional, believe me, if he had thought this was a bad idea, it would be ingrained into me!

OP, we don't know other people's life or always understand their motives to do this and that.

Maybe just maybe, in their family they rely on each other a lot and are very close?

I try to learn to accept that other people do certain things having their own reasons which may not be obvious to comprehend when you are a completely different person with completely different experiences/background.

Don't think too much about it. Unless you intend to move, the only way is to think less and just accept some reasons in their life make them interact this way. Nothing more and nothing personal. That would make you less annoyed, hopefully.

Agree with this

@Lollyloup95
You are overthinking and reading too much into their well meaning intentions.