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Original poster

kids, living in flats and do other people care

58 replies

kkhk99 · 05/02/2023 22:21

First world problems here but owuld love to get other people's perspective. We are considering buying a two bed in a very naice part of town with a fab school or a larger home in a less nice area. DH thinks that it would be weird living in a flat with a kid when everyone else locally are basically millionaires living in five bed houses that cost 2mil plus. In particular, he is concerned about our kid being looked down on and feeling bad for living in a small flat and is unhappy about doing it. Alternatively, we could probably buy a three bed house in a less 'naice' part of towk but my commute would be worse and the schools are less than ideal. If you live in a 'naice' area - do you think people care about where their kids' friends live?

I understand that DH's concern are still coming form a position of privilege. Obviously, a lot of people do not have a choice about where they grow up. However, it would be great to get other people's perspectives on this.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 05/02/2023 22:23

Keep looking. Neither seems ideal

caramac04 · 05/02/2023 22:23

Buy the 2 bed. The schools and your commute trump possible snobbery.

Johnnysgirl · 05/02/2023 22:23

DH thinks that it would be weird living in a flat with a kid when everyone else locally are basically millionaires living in five bed houses that cost 2mil plus
How is it possible that yours would be the only flat amongst 5 bed houses? Is it a house conversion?

Theunamedcat · 05/02/2023 22:25

In this economy? Buy what you can afford and go for the best schools are there parks nearby? Outdoor space is fantastic but I've got a garden my kids never use the neighbours are heavy weed smokers prolific bonfire havers and total potty mouths we may as well live in a flat

Original poster
kkhk99 · 05/02/2023 22:52

Yes, the flat would be a flat conversion. There are a few in the area. Mostly, young professional couples live in them. I think most families buy the houses and do them up. But we don't have 2mil so that's not going to happen.

OP posts:
puppypops · 06/02/2023 10:44

Why would anyone be interested

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 06/02/2023 10:52

We live in the flat and no one cares. Occasionally new friends (just started high school) wonder how DD fits her things in a box room. She shows them her bed, wardrobes, drawers and TV and they exclaim the set up is cool and move on.

The only person who commented negatively is elderly MIL, who is negative about everything.

Isithalftermyet · 06/02/2023 10:54

Do what works for you and don't worry about what people think/may think. Commute and good schools are more important, particularly if there are nice parks etc around that you can use.

One thing though, conversions can often be really noisy because unlike a purpose built flat you are limited by the original build as to how much soundproofing etc can be done. And some are done badly.

AmeliaEarhart · 06/02/2023 10:57

We’re in a similar situation and have had a couple of comments from DCs school friends: “you live in flat? Are you poor?” and “I thought only people from other countries live in flats”, but they’re children and they’re learning, not malicious. Nothing from the adults.

Bear2014 · 06/02/2023 12:31

Assuming you're in London, no one will care. Unless you send your DC to a private school, there will be many others in your situation. Our friends would look down on us more for moving out of London than decluttering a load of crap we don't need and buying a beautiful flat.
(We live in a very small ex council house in London, some of the DC friends live in multi-million houses and some in rented flats).

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 12:35

Unless you send your DC to a private school, there will be many others in your situation
Lots of people live in quite straitened circumstances to afford private education. It's no particular measure of wealth.

Simonjt · 06/02/2023 12:41

We have two children and live in a flat, as we’re in a flat and not a house our home tends to be larger than the houses my sons school friends live in. I have never lived in a house, I’ve never experienced any negativity about it.

Singleandproud · 06/02/2023 12:41

DDs friends all have big houses, they also have several siblings they say the best thing about coming to our flat is how peaceful it is. Children take different things from a situation than adults do.

I went for the flat (although it's a cottage flat with a garden and driveway etc not a conversion) but have a much larger disposable income and DD gets to experience a lot more than her friends whose parents are struggling with a large mortgage.

Marghe87 · 06/02/2023 12:44

@AmeliaEarhart WOW.

OP I understand what your DH concern is as we are in a similar situation and I haven't yet made up my mind. I am not from the UK and everyone lives in flats back where I am from (in the EU in general is much more common than here for families to live in flats) and I am really struggling to accept this mindset, like what PP wrote about children associating a flat with poverty. It's all so wrong.

Original poster
kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 13:54

In our case, we'd be looking at just a normal two bed flat maybe 800ft. Nothing fancy but they are still expensive at 700k a pop. We did consider whether moving to a less nice area, buying a two bed and sending DC private is an option.

OP posts:
Original poster
kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 13:55

Pressed enter too soon. DH is just concerned that other kids or even parents would be off with us because of this.

OP posts:
Marghe87 · 06/02/2023 15:13

@kkhk99 I'd say though, if that's who they potentially are, do you really want to be close with these horrible people in the first place?

PinkButtercups · 06/02/2023 15:26

Only in the UK do people look down on flags or children living in flats etc.

Take a look at other countries where many families live in Apartments.

Same for owning your own home in the UK. Many many other countries quite happily rent with no intention of buying a property. Not like you own it anyway until your mortgage is fully paid or you paid for the house upfront.

The UK seems to be a bit up their own arse's and I'm saying that as a British person!

PinkButtercups · 06/02/2023 15:26

Flats not flags.

Original poster
kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 15:50

Yes, I agree that if the others are that snoby then we might not fancy living there. I just don't know if that would be the case. I grew up in Portugal where flats are the norm. Equally, I don't want DC to be mocked for our choices.

OP posts:
parietal · 06/02/2023 16:04

we live in an area of north london with a mix of enormous houses, houses split into flats, ex-council flats, all sorts. DC went to a private school and when I saw friends houses on playdates, they were a mix of all of the above. so yes, there was a £20million house in hampstead with pool, but mostly modest flats including ex-council and conversions. No snobbish-ness about it, and the kids really didn't care (except they found the chauffeur from the rich family to be weird).

user1471538283 · 06/02/2023 16:31

I was raised in apartments outside the UK where it is more normal. But as this is London apartments are more commonplace.

My DS went to a private school and whilst a few had massive homes most didn't. It will not disadvantage your DC living in an apartment as you provide a home based on what you can afford.

DalaiLlama · 06/02/2023 16:36

Only in the UK do people look down on flags or children living in flats etc.

We really don't. Living in a flat is completely normal, not sure what OP's husband is on.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 06/02/2023 16:37

@kkhk99 I grew up in a 4 bed house and was made fun of at my private school because it was on a new build estate in a safe, but unfashionable area. I got called poor because we had a small garden 🙄. I'd always go for the flat in a nicer area.

I live abroad now, and everyone lives in a flat here, it's totally normal. Unless you own a hedge fund, you're probably living in a flat and your kids are sharing a room.

I think Mumsnet is really weird about flats generally tbh - two notable threads I'll always remember is the one which got derailed when the poster mentioned her flat having an upstairs and got accused of being a troll, and another where the posted equated children living in flats with children being abused.

AmeliaEarhart · 06/02/2023 16:57

I think Mumsnet is really weird about flats generally tbh - two notable threads I'll always remember is the one which got derailed when the poster mentioned her flat having an upstairs and got accused of being a troll, and another where the posted equated children living in flats with children being abused.

I remember one thread many years ago where a poster stated very earnestly that they though it was illegal for children to live in flats. Bless them 😂