Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

kids, living in flats and do other people care

58 replies

kkhk99 · 05/02/2023 22:21

First world problems here but owuld love to get other people's perspective. We are considering buying a two bed in a very naice part of town with a fab school or a larger home in a less nice area. DH thinks that it would be weird living in a flat with a kid when everyone else locally are basically millionaires living in five bed houses that cost 2mil plus. In particular, he is concerned about our kid being looked down on and feeling bad for living in a small flat and is unhappy about doing it. Alternatively, we could probably buy a three bed house in a less 'naice' part of towk but my commute would be worse and the schools are less than ideal. If you live in a 'naice' area - do you think people care about where their kids' friends live?

I understand that DH's concern are still coming form a position of privilege. Obviously, a lot of people do not have a choice about where they grow up. However, it would be great to get other people's perspectives on this.

OP posts:
Original poster
kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 16:59

I think DH's concern is that we could afford a house in a different area but would choose to live somewhere where we can only afford a flat. I am not always sure if I get English customs and MN is great for that.

OP posts:
lowclouds · 06/02/2023 17:10

Do you have children yet OP or is this just planning for a potential future child?

Personally, I would rather raise a child in a house. Flats are just generally not that well-suited to family life unless they are particularly large, ground floor flats with gardens.

I know many people do it and get along OK, but I don't think a 2 bed flat is really ideal for a child to grow up in.

I would move further out for more space for that reason.

Original poster
kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 17:17

Yes, we do alright have a child. So this is for an actual kid rather than a hypothetical one

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 06/02/2023 17:18

Your DH is being ridiculous!

My friend has just bought a two bed flat which is probably bigger than my three bed house. She has two bathrooms and a cloakroom. I have one.

I'm too busy envying her to judge.

starlingdarling · 06/02/2023 17:25

I was one of the kids in a tiny house at school. To be honest, I didn't really notice it for several years. My best friend lived in a massive house and I remember loving the beauty and the beast stairs. She liked my house because we lived on a terraced street with loads of children and played outside all day.

By the time I was a teenager and it could be seen as potentially embarrassing I had already had friends who lived anywhere from a women's shelter to the beauty and the beast house. Nobody at my state school mocked anyone for being poor because it was a huge range of backgrounds. The only comments I heard were from private schools where some of the teenagers tried to pretend they were wealthier than they were and picked on others.

SamMil · 06/02/2023 18:15

I grew up in quite a well off area and there was a huge range of houses. Some people were in huge estates with indoor swimming pools and celebrity neighbours and some were in small flats above shops. Although kids can be mean about all sorts of things, I don't remember a single occasion where someone was teased because of where they lived - I don't think kids tend to really notice or care!

Original poster
kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 18:55

If the kids don't care, would the parents be snooty?

OP posts:
donutpowered · 06/02/2023 21:23

We have a child and live in a flat in London, Op. it's very normal where we are, have a lively community and many families in our building. I wouldn't worry about snobby parents. Just focus on your family and what's right for you. My husband isn't British, grew up living in flats and finds the British obsession with houses strange.

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 21:27

kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 16:59

I think DH's concern is that we could afford a house in a different area but would choose to live somewhere where we can only afford a flat. I am not always sure if I get English customs and MN is great for that.

It's all about the location.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 06/02/2023 22:08

kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 18:55

If the kids don't care, would the parents be snooty?

Well if they are snooty, they're not people you'd want as friends are they? Come on OP, this is schoolkid stuff!

renamedbutsame · 22/07/2023 18:56

oh, come on. live as you can afford, enjoy the cash, go out with the kids, buy them nice things when you can and life goes on, opinions ????

cestlavielife · 22/07/2023 19:03

Stop worrying sbout other people
Flat in.nice area will be much better all round
Your kids friends wont care
If their parents care it s their problem

AlltheFs · 22/07/2023 19:10

I’d personally always have a house over a flat, I hate everything about living in a flat, especially the noise factor. So I can’t imagine choosing it. But that said we live in a little cottage in a very, very naice area - where some of the other children live in 8 bed many million country piles (whereas we live in the £500k small 3 bed). So we are effectively in the “poor option” in a lovely place and that’s absolutely fine.

Are you sure there isn’t a different area between the two choices though?

LindorDoubleChoc · 22/07/2023 19:16

Literally millions of London children live in flats from 1 bed council flats to penthouses worth £20 million+.

It's the homeless families living in temporary sub-standard accommodation we should all be worrying about.

tescocreditcard · 22/07/2023 19:23

Could you compromise - your DH do the school run if he wants a house further away?

littleteapot86 · 22/07/2023 19:34

I would go for the flat in the nicer area and better commute but I am biased as I live in a flat and I have also previously been in a big-ish house and hated it coz had a nightmare commute! I grew up in a 2 bed council house but have mostly lived in flats as an adult (apart from the house I mentioned which we moved to when our eldest child was born coz we thought that's what families did.. hahaha). There is absolutely a cultural issue here, my non-British husband has noticed this too. My family - who mostly live in small council houses think we are a bit mad bringing two kids up in a large city flat. I just say go for what works for you and forget what other people think.

Akiddleetivy2woodenchu · 22/07/2023 22:20

We live in a flat in Central London. DD’s friends who all lived in huge houses in gated communities in Surrey much preferred our flat to where they lived. We had hordes of girls staying most weekends, as they wanted to go clubbing/cinema/shopping not go for lovely walks on the North Downs.

Moo2019 · 24/07/2023 14:02

Hey :) posting as I’ve been in this situation. I had my kids in a two bed flat in a nice part of town, where the houses are all mansions. I saw a study that said the biggest indicator of future wealth is the wealth of the people within a one mile radius to where they grew up - basically it’s who you are around/ who you know! We have loved it and it’s meant we could live in a great area.

HOWEVER now we are moving a bit further out (nearly 3 year old twins) just because I really want my kids to have a garden and getting up and down the stairs with them, shopping and a buggy etc has been a bit of a challenge.

I’ve met some great friends in the nicer area of town, but at the same time I’m very aware they’re a lot wealthier than us and there are some things my kids just can’t do e.g. fancy holidays or dance classes etc.

booksandbrooks · 24/07/2023 15:09

Would you want to be friends with anyone who looked down on you for living in a flat? It would only weed out dickheads surely? Does anyone even care?

Original poster
kkhk99 · 24/07/2023 16:06

Hia, am still here and we are indeed trying to buy a flat in a naice part of town. Of course, I appreciate that people who look down on others are 'dickheads' but am also conscious that this isnt about me but my kid. I guess I wasnt sure whether it would be weird living amongst millionaires on an average ish wage for London.

OP posts:
Beeonmyeyelash · 24/07/2023 17:30

kkhk99 · 06/02/2023 16:59

I think DH's concern is that we could afford a house in a different area but would choose to live somewhere where we can only afford a flat. I am not always sure if I get English customs and MN is great for that.

Your husband is the snob. He's the one equating living in flats with being looked down on. You shouldn't have to have a longer commute because he'd rather not live in a flat. His "reasons" are just excuses. If you live in a better area that means less crime and so you'll feel more relaxed and have a better quality of life.

It's easy to ignore any snobby neighbors who look down on you, you can choose who to be friends with and be polite but not get involved with anyone you dislike or who is judgemental. When it comes to friends and neighbors judging you it's very much a case of those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

ScarletWitchM · 24/07/2023 17:53

If it’s a choice between a leasehold for a flat or a freehold for a house I would go for the freehold house regardless of what people think

LadyLapsang · 24/07/2023 18:06

@AmeliaEarhart I think they may have got that idea because in the past councils did not place disabled people or families with young children on the upper floors in blocks of flats and it was pretty common to see families starting off in a flat and getting moved to a council house when they had more children. (That was before the sale of council homes.)

renamedbutsame · 26/07/2023 09:52

OK, so what then a lovely refurb appartment in a Victorian or any other historic buulding , looking like a house? I am moving soon into one and still has the grandeur about it. So shall I then behave like I am more than the thousands of hundreds people who own houses but their houses all look the same, all have similar issues with noise coming through walls, all bicker about noise pollution : but the garden is mine and I don't want your kids noise. LOL

renamedbutsame · 26/07/2023 09:53

or what about the hundreds of English streets with all same looking HOUSES, lol, but one is council, the other private and so on. And drug dealers live everywhere, not only flats.

Swipe left for the next trending thread