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Original poster

Looking to Move - do we go ‘dream house’ or compromise.

60 replies

OCM19 · 02/02/2023 15:15

Long story short, I feel we need to move because the situation with our neighbours has become untenable.

I LOVE our home, but just feel so anxious here. DH would happily stay put but has agreed to move as he knows how I feel. It’s a 4 bed detached.

DH has said that, if we move, we would basically be looking for our ‘dream home’ so we are going to have to be very particular about what we want. We can afford to borrow another £100k on a mortgage so we would be looking at a budget of £775k (south east England), and can port our current mortgage across which ends May 2026.

However, our plan was to always pay off as much of this mortgage as we could, to be mortgage free in 5 years. That’s obviously not going to happen, unless we move to a house that, in my DH’s opinion, won’t be as nice as this one. This is something he, understandably, doesn’t want to do.

with mortgage rates so high, I just don’t know what is best. There are nice houses for around £50k below what we could get for ours, but DH feels we should be looking up the ladder not compromising.

not sure what I am gaining from this, maybe just thoughts or anyone who is in a similar position?

OP posts:

superdupernova · 02/02/2023 15:40

Do you feel like you're moving because you need extra space too or just to get away from crap neighbours? If it's only to get rid of the crap neighbours I don't see why you need a more expensive house. Just a better located house. The stamp duty, moving costs etc are just the price you're paying for some peace and happiness.

ReamsOfCheese · 02/02/2023 15:44

How much longer will it take you to pay off a £100,000 mortgage than the current one? And how close are you to retirement? These would guide what I would do.
I'm quite a long way from retirement (I'm in my thirties) and it would probably take me and DH about 12-15 years to pay off £100,000 so I'd go for the nicer house without worrying too much, but it depends on your situation.

TTCm · 02/02/2023 15:52

@superdupernova and @ReamsOfCheese thank you both for taking the time to reply.

Only moving due to the situation. That said, now we both wfh we do feel a study would be needed, so while we don’t need a bigger house, we would need an extra room and extra parking.

I am mid-30s so still loads of time, I just don’t want to financially burden ourselves if we can avoid it, but I know I can’t expect to move and be better off.

I do feel sad as I love our home, but why stay somewhere you’re unhappy!

maranella · 02/02/2023 15:52

IME there are ALWAYS compromises when it comes to buying a house, because everyone knows exactly what they want and where, but it rarely exists.

Whatever you do, I'd not go the top of your budget in the current economic climate. Interest rates went up another 0.5% today and according to R4 this morning they will rise more until about August (in smaller increments) and then start to fall. With bills being so high though and the cost of living too I'd play it safe and not overstretch yourselves.

TTCm · 02/02/2023 15:56

Thank you @maranella , I have been keeping an eye on mortgage rates today. I agree, we wouldn’t max out.

I would be happy to settle for something a bit cheaper in order to be more financially more stable, but also appreciate my DH’s views that are very valid!

I think I need to work out what our repayments would be when our current mortgage ends, then go from there 🙂

RobinRobinMouse · 02/02/2023 15:59

It sounds like you are in a good position if you would have been able to pay the mortgage off in 5 years. That being the case I probably would go for the dream place knowing that I wouldn't want or need to move again. I would pick very carefully though and take my time.

BarrelOfOtters · 02/02/2023 16:06

We did this in our 50s, took out a £250k mortgage after being mortgage free - to buy an appreciably nicer house and get away from neighbours and have off road parking. I love being away from the neighbours and love the house and love the parking. We can still pay off in 5 years due to both having had pay increases. But I wouldn't mind if it had taken us longer.

We could have gone for a much much nicer house and obviously had a bigger mortgage - but just went for the nicer house - that worked for us.

If there's no sign of your neighbours going anywhere then it seems sensible. Also going for a nicer house as imagine if your neighbours move, and you've gone to all that trouble and expense for nothing much really....

TTCm · 02/02/2023 16:15

@RobinRobinMouse will definitely take our time and not rush.

@BarrelOfOtters thank you for sharing your experience. It’s such a shame, but no, there is no chance of them moving! I think you’re right, if we move onto bigger (not necessarily house size), better things, we will not feel so resentful!

thank you everyone 🙂

Newhousename · 02/02/2023 16:32

Go and spend some time on the “waiting to exchange” thread on this board. It will remind you that you don’t want to move more times that you have to. If it were me I would stretch myself and get the forever/dream home. No point swapping one inconvenience (the neighbours) with another in a not perfect house

TTCm · 02/02/2023 16:47

Thanks @Newhousename i think I am minded to stretch us but not max out.

Kittycat37uk · 03/02/2023 09:32

Better the devil u know though than the devil u don't?I mean what if you do move house and end up next to even worse neighbours have u thought of that? I'm not saying it's gonna happen but we had nightmare neighbours years ago and when they moved even worse people moved in next door and I was thinking the ones before them wernt so bad after all so please be careful and take that into consideration aswell.
However if u really have your mind set on moving and it is affordable for you and that will make u happy then u have to give it a go life is too short to be unhappy good luck

Panicatadisco · 03/02/2023 09:46

Good point above. With that in mind, how do you investigate or find out who the neighbours are before moving? Apart from knocking on doors which is NOT a mumsnet thing to do…

Panicatadisco · 03/02/2023 09:47

PS: I’m a decade older than you and DH is older again. We have just paid off our mortgage (first time did it a decade ago before upsizing). I can honestly say once you’ve done it, it’s a sort of hollow feeling. I WISH we had upsized at your age or even five years ago. You could probably batter hard in the next few months and get your dream home for a lot less than last year!

Lcb123 · 03/02/2023 09:48

I'm not sure how you can ever guarantee your neighbours, so be realistic about that. I wouldn't stretch too much, I also don't believe 'dream/forever houses' exists, there's always a compromise and best to be prepared for that. It's very expensive to be moving purely for neighbours, but I would buy at a similar price.

MRex · 03/02/2023 09:52

Do you need to declare your neighbour issues, has there been any police or council contact about them? That could impact the value of your property, as well as making it hard to sell.

If you think you can sell easily then I think it's best to a look around and both decide exactly what kind of property you want, both location and size/ layout. It doesn't sound like you are over-stretched, and you need to be inspired by finding an actual home. Stop thinking of it as running from your neighbours, it's about finding a new happy place.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 03/02/2023 09:52

I'm sorry about your neighbours.
I suppose the real question is, do you still have the same 5 year plan? It sounds like dh is "agreeing" with you, yes happy to move due to neighbours but is changing the goalposts at the same time.
Do you actually want to move, such up the cost of moving, into a similar priced house and still pay off the mortgage in 5 years? That's what it sounds like.
You need to both get on the same page.

BaroldBalonz · 03/02/2023 09:53

What life stage are you at? Planning children? Toddlers? Teens? Adult children? Your 'dream' house might change over time, have you asked your neighbours if they're thinking of moving anytime soon?

EvilLynz26 · 03/02/2023 09:54

Speak to a mortgage broker - I work for one if you want the name - we have about 40 lenders on panel and will be able to assess your affordability and look for the best rates you can apply for.

Tlolljs · 03/02/2023 09:56

Sounds like dh doesn’t actually want to move?

bjkmummy · 03/02/2023 10:01

I feel your pain. Currently sat in a coffee shop as can't bare to go home. We are stuck as have 3 adult disabled children at home and can't move as we can't afford it. That said we probably could as we've paid the mortgage off so hubby been spying extra into his pension of around £400 per month. Desperately want a detached house but need a 4 bed so about an extra £150k. If one child moved out we could go to a 3 bed but no sign of that happening yet. Last night was particularly horrible and I'm dreading the weekend, I'm dreading the summer it's no way to live. I so regret not being back in my 30s and not buying a detached house as it's the only way to have some protection from neighbours who are noisy. It's not just affecting me now but also the kids especially my daughter who is on the party wall and at the back as she gets the full throttle of the hot tub parties

SS1983 · 03/02/2023 10:02

we are moving to something more expensive, but similar size. Its not the max of our budget given the currrent climate, but its on a much nicer road, and we can make it to how we like in a couple years. I just didnt want to max out of budget for space, as its rare to find something exactly as you like it anyway. This allows us some wiggle room, we can live in it and then decide what we need to do

Lots of luck to you

mindutopia · 03/02/2023 10:08

We didn't move to get away from neighbours, but we went for dream house with no plans to move again pretty much before we need to go into a care home in 30 years. Bought at the height of COVID when prices were mad but interest rates lower and have absolutely no regrets.

mindutopia · 03/02/2023 10:11

You never know where life will take you and if you'll need to downsize in 10 years time, but I definitely don't see the point in living life thinking about all the potential negatives of something that may not happen. If it does, you can cross that bridge when you come, but I would get a house you love. You only get one life.

2bazookas · 03/02/2023 10:13

You could take on a bigger mortgage and get worse neighbours. Then what?

DH is happy to stay put , so clearly doesn't find the current neighbour-situation "untenable" . Perhaps the best solution is to stay put and focus on adapting your mindset to his more laid back example.

I wouldn't allow crap neighbours to dictate my finances and life plan. Don't give them so much power.

ReneBumsWombats · 03/02/2023 10:17

If you're moving because of the neighbours, I don't think upgrading the house needs to be a concern (and with rising interest rates, I'd be very wary). I'm puzzled as to why your husband would prefer not to move but, if you did, wouldn't be happy with an equivalent house. You aren't moving to upsize or improve, you just want to escape the neighbours.

Definitely do the maths on the projected interest rates. It's shocking how much it affects buying power.

How will you know you'll have better neighbours next time?

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