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Original poster

Looking to Move - do we go ‘dream house’ or compromise.

60 replies

OCM19 · 02/02/2023 15:15

Long story short, I feel we need to move because the situation with our neighbours has become untenable.

I LOVE our home, but just feel so anxious here. DH would happily stay put but has agreed to move as he knows how I feel. It’s a 4 bed detached.

DH has said that, if we move, we would basically be looking for our ‘dream home’ so we are going to have to be very particular about what we want. We can afford to borrow another £100k on a mortgage so we would be looking at a budget of £775k (south east England), and can port our current mortgage across which ends May 2026.

However, our plan was to always pay off as much of this mortgage as we could, to be mortgage free in 5 years. That’s obviously not going to happen, unless we move to a house that, in my DH’s opinion, won’t be as nice as this one. This is something he, understandably, doesn’t want to do.

with mortgage rates so high, I just don’t know what is best. There are nice houses for around £50k below what we could get for ours, but DH feels we should be looking up the ladder not compromising.

not sure what I am gaining from this, maybe just thoughts or anyone who is in a similar position?

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 03/02/2023 10:22

Do your neighbours own or rent? Do their family live locally or far away? Are they of an age where they might downsize?

Im just wondering if there is a realistic chance that they might move soon so you don’t have to.

Whatislove82 · 03/02/2023 10:33

How can the situation with the neighbours be “untenable” but your dh would “happily stay”

does the mean the issue is specifically between you and the neighbours?

MinnieGirl · 03/02/2023 10:39

The problem with moving to get away from awful neighbours, is the new neighbours could be just as bad…. It really depends what sort of nuisance they are….
Is there any way you can sort out the issue?

Activelyannoyed · 03/02/2023 10:42

I think you need to compromise op. He doesn’t wish to move, it’s you who is making it happen. He’s saying if he does he wants to move to a better place, but you’re trying to stop this. You can’t have it all your own way. He counts too. He is not just some appendage there to support you.

ReneBumsWombats · 03/02/2023 10:44

What exactly is the issue with the neighbours?

Imisssleep2 · 03/02/2023 10:44

You shouldn't have to move because of your neighbours but understandably you spend alot of time at home so it needs to be somewhere your comfortable. If you dont want to add to the mortgage you could prob get what you want in budget by moving just a bit further out from london, which if you both work from home shouldnt affect work travel costs/time and there is some great fast trains into london if thats where you do work should you need to go in.

MrKlaw · 03/02/2023 11:23

focus on the reason you would be moving. Doesn't sound like you long to move to a dream house, your reason is neighbours. So move sideways (makign sure you have what you need) but emphasis on getting out of that area.

That keeps your other goals intact around mortgage etc. In 5 years if you move to a similar priced house you may have the mortage paid off as planned, and then you can revisit the question about 'dream house' depending how you feel about that vs being mortgage free

karamazing · 03/02/2023 11:29

You are unlikely to be able to get everything in one move. You need to move to get away from nasty neighbours. Therefore, focus on primarily that. You want a house which is hopefully as good as the one you sell. Realistically, it may be a bit worse but you will have got away from those people so that is still a win. If you luck out, it may be a bit better than current home. However, aiming for a dream home when you are under pressure to move is probably going to result in no move at all which is a lose-lose.

Nonimai · 03/02/2023 11:30

I want to upsize as well. Our current home is lovely, but I want a bigger garden in the countryside. We can probably afford another 150 k on the mortgage. The more I look, the more I’m put off by the fuel costs and maintenance costs of bigger houses. My friend has just moved to her dream home to find she is getting insurance quotes of 3-6k p/a because it is nearish a stream and has trees in the garden. I’m starting to think be careful what you wish for.

Moveoverdarlin · 03/02/2023 11:33

The advice I was always given is to make the biggest jumps possible when you move. It’s an expensive process so when you do it make it worthwhile. We’ve always stretched ourselves as much as possible and it’s paid off, the market has always risen. Don’t get obsessed with being mortgage free (unless your getting on a bit and thinking of retiring).

MrsFrugal · 03/02/2023 11:35

We were in similar position to you OP and went for the dream house, I wouldn't change a thing, we are all just so much generally happier in the new house despite a lot of work needed I don't feel a huge pressure to get it done asap, were just taking it one step at a time and making sure its exactly how we want it. As a PP has said you only get one life and if it all goes wrong then we will cross that bridge if we have to. I also see it as an investment although house prices might decrease slightly they always rise again.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 03/02/2023 11:38

We have shit neighbours on one side but we're not moving. I refuse. They'll f/o eventually as no one in this road likes them.

If you're anxious, speak to police, get something in place (community order - I bang on about these all the time) or look into your local Community Trigger, speak to someone at a service like iTalk, and report everything to the police and/or council. You can't change the way arseholes behave but you can change your reaction to them.

Activelyannoyed · 03/02/2023 12:23

It’s curious the op feels it’s so bad she needs to move, but rhe husband doesn’t.

id hate to move when I didn’t really want to and then be forced to get a house I didn’t wish.

compromise is a thing, you get to move and he gets the bigger house. It’s how relationships work.

your way they end.

Whatislove82 · 03/02/2023 12:25

Activelyannoyed · 03/02/2023 12:23

It’s curious the op feels it’s so bad she needs to move, but rhe husband doesn’t.

id hate to move when I didn’t really want to and then be forced to get a house I didn’t wish.

compromise is a thing, you get to move and he gets the bigger house. It’s how relationships work.

your way they end.

Yes I asked that but radio silence

Nichelette · 03/02/2023 13:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

NoSquirrels · 03/02/2023 13:41

You want to move.
Your DH agrees, IF the house is nicer. He’s willing to spend £100K to do that.

You want to be mortgage free.
Your DH wants to be mortgage free if you stay in the same house.

So you need to decide which is most important to you, OP.

Tittyfilarious81 · 03/02/2023 14:05

What's the problem with the neighbors though ? Is it really do bad that you need to move , someone I know moved to get away from her neighbors and ended up with worse 1s .

HelenHywater · 03/02/2023 14:48

Why do you have to spend more if you move? Why do you have to have your dream/perfect house?

Just move and keep the mortgage as it is and pay it off in the same time period?

Whatislove82 · 03/02/2023 14:49

If you actually want peoples view Op… probably best to answer some questions! 😂

venusandmars · 03/02/2023 15:03

@OCM19 I stuck your figures into a 'moving house' calculator.

To move from your current house to one of equvalent value is likely to cost in excess of £35K - Is that how much distress your neighbours are causing you?

To move from £650K house to £750K house within roughly a 10 mile radius is a whopping £41,000!!! Made up of an estimated £500 for basic survey, £1K+ for removal costs, £4.5K for conveyancing, £9.8K on estate agent costs, and an enormous £25K on stamp duty.

That's £40K that you could be putting towards paying off your mortgage or saving for a holiday, or giving to a foodbank.

I've had difficult neighbours (in my case a pub). I've let it get to me - the final straw was someone coming up the front path and pissing on our steps. I've made the move to another house. But now the pub has closed and has been converted to housing. I wish I'd stuck it out

GloomyDarkness · 03/02/2023 15:06

Can you move areas get more house for your money?

Honestly I'd probably look to move - see if there is something that can tempt your DH at lower end of your price range - and if not go with the extra mortgage.

I say that because our last house - first we bought we had awful neighbour - we weren't attached to them it was constantly low level stuff - other side we were attached to then started as their health went having a guest over who was deaf - TV and radio got really loud.

We moved for work and I really hadn't appreciated how stressful it had been on me - it was a huge weight off me - DH often went away so while he experienced some of it he got a break.

GloomyDarkness · 03/02/2023 15:08

I've had difficult neighbours (in my case a pub). I've let it get to me - the final straw was someone coming up the front path and pissing on our steps. I've made the move to another house. But now the pub has closed and has been converted to housing. I wish I'd stuck it out

Both our previous neighbours moved within a few years after we did - was easier for us to move on mentally though as move was work driven and we did upgrade the house size wise and unlike our first no nasty surprises due to poor maintenance - so we did better but it was a cheaper area and only slightly more to borrow.

Cherrysoup · 03/02/2023 15:24

Our neighbours were total fuckwits, we moved and at the time, it was devastating, but because they forced us out (extremely antisocial behaviour including assault), we ended up in a short term fabulous house, silent neighbours and then we moved again within a year to our 'dream' house, been here over 20 years. I too would move to get shot f idiot neighbours, it just ruins your life/mental health.

WinterFoxes · 03/02/2023 15:58

If I were in my 30s I'd definitely go for the dream home not the quick mortgage repayment. As much as it is an investment, it is also where you live, and if WFH, where you spend so much of your daily life. So many hours. I'd go for the best, most beautiful, suitable place you can afford. Somewhere that lifts your heart. And check out the neighbours before you offer.

Original poster
OCM19 · 03/02/2023 17:00

I have just caught up on the replies - thank you everyone for your advice. I wasn't being radio silent, I have only just finished work.

@Cherrysoup thank you, i think you are right.

Just for context, my DH is also affected by the situation here, but yes, he does have more of a relaxed attitude and will speak his mind more than I will, as I don't want to exacerbate the situation. It is by no means pleasant for either of us though.

I absolutely am prepared to compromise, and value his views and opinions so it will certainly be a joint decision!

Thank you again.

OP posts: