Please help me fix a location mistake......

[fancyfence]

My husband and I moved out of London during Covid to a part of East Anglia near to where I grew up. I was pregnant at the time and we were really worried about the effect of Covid/lockdown on me and the baby and wanted to be near my family. First we rented, then we bought.

It's been over 2 years and I just haven't adapted to our new life. We now have 2 adorable kids, one of which goes to a great nursery, our local dr's are excellent and we have a great house. I know we have so much to be grateful for, but this life just isn't me. We have to drive for everything and commuting to London for me to go back to work just won't be possible (even 2/3 days a week) as its far too far. I feel like I've lost access to my career, my social life and that my kids will grow up in a bit of a bubble when I want them to see a bit of the world, and understand people of all backgrounds and ethnicities.

I also find the countryside around us a bit depressing, everything is so flat and often quite industrial. We live in a "nothing village" as in there is nothing here, just a post office. We can't even walk to have a coffee - there is literally nowhere to go to when I leave the house with the kids in the pushchair. While DH would stay put rather than move, he accepts that I am not happy and we should move before the kids start school.

I don't think that going back to London would be right for us now, although I think maybe when the kids leave home, DH and I will go back! We love the South Downs and what we have seen of the Kent Downs. I love Brighton and Hove but they are far too liberal for DH. Friends have recommended Tunbridge Wells and East Grinstead but I don't know them at all.

I'd love recommendations for places south of London, approx an hour to the coast, in a town or largeish village location with things going on, and pretty or at least accessible to pretty countryside - and no more than an hour into London on the train. I've got one chance to fix this mistake and the stakes are really high...

Guildford, Dorking, Reigate.
I moved away from that area and regret it bitterly. Can't afford to go back there now.

Someone mentioned Bromley/Beckenham upthread. 30 mins to London bridge, 20 to Victoria. Lots of great schools and parks and restaurants. Lots of people I met are still here from childhood. We have a good sized garden, kids are a mile and a half from their friends max. Hour from nearest sea but can get to lots of coast in 90 mins. I'm from a small village and my kids have so much more to do here.

This is in Langley catchment and you'll have change!www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/127700300#/?channel=RES_BUY

Definitely Reigate if your budget allows- it looks very pretty.

Another vote for Southsea! I was born/grew up there and lived there with DH & DS till DS went to uni. We had a six bed house less than ten minutes walk from the beach, shopping in nearby Palmerston and Marmion roads was five minutes walk (a mix of independent and larger shops plus Waitrose although I believe the department stores are no longer there) plus lots of wine bars, restaurants etc within walking distance. I can't comment on the state schools as DS was at the independent PGS from 4-18, but there's loads of independent schools in the area. We sold up moved away (more rurally) a few years ago and haven't been back for ages but I know houses like ours now go for about £1m.

I'm not a fan of Brighton - we have family there and visit quite often - even though we're both arty types, there's just something that neither DH nor I can put our finger on but 'hempy' sums it up I think! It's one of those 'nice to visit, but wouldn't want to live there' places imho.

I'd look around Epsom and Ewell, which have trains into London Bridge. Lots of green space, some good schools (although obviously check out catchment areas), no shortage of independent shops and cafes.

You can afford a house with a garden in London so I don't really see why it has to be an either or?

There are also some gorgeous parks in London that can give them fresh air.

I also think that length of commute affects kids as well - living in London means we can usually both be home for bedtime and makes taking the kids to activities a lot easier. If you live an hour from your work, you will likely have those office days without seeing much of your kids.

Do you have friends in London with kids? It might be worth chatting to them about it. You'll hear a lot about gardens and fresh air at the mo because everyone you talk to lives where they do because they prioritised that - you're not necessarily getting a balanced picture

You have a great budget for London. If you’re happy to live in an outer borough you could even get a big garden. I can’t see why you wouldn’t just move back?

And your DH can be reassured that the nightlife and counter culture is slowly dying so he won’t be confronted by anything hempy.

If I was you I’d look around Wanstead, South Woodford etc. There’s some lovely housing stock and good outdoor spaces. You’ll have good access to East Anglia and you’re far enough away from Stokey and Walthamstow to avoid any liberal creative types.

is it London you are missing, your child free life? Because living in London as a parent of young dcs will be significantly different than as a young child free couple!

the main benefit if you need to work in London is the short journey to/from the office giving you more family time - so if you need to be at London Bridge area for work, think about where in London you can live that will give you the short “door to door” of parts of Kent / East Sussex /Surrey would give you. I’d you have to cross London, you might be worse off time wise.

Think about secondary schools - look for ones you like in London as well, unless private is an option. London catchments tend to be small.

also look at where your family are and visiting routes - going down to the coast round Brighton would make it a very long drive to your family, compared to if you looked Essex way.

@LimeCheesecake I don't agree, I think there are benefits to being in London over the Home counties. Everyone will weight them differently but IMO:

• even if your door to door travel time is the same for your commute (and often I find it actually isn't and the home counties folk I know conveniently forget the 10 min drive to the station but let's ignore that for this), being in the TFL zone is a lot cheaper than train fares
• if you live in London, you have more travel options than if your only transport route is one train line. It also means you can still get around if there is a cancelled train - someone I manage had to get a friend to pick her DS up from nursery because her train back to Brighton was cancelled. That never happens to me, I can always get a different type of transport or taxi as last resort
• we don't do as many "Londony things" as we did before we had DC but we do a lot more than if we lived a train journey away. We get a babysitter several times a year to go to the theatre, not always west end, often fringe or other types of theatre and when our kids are older, we will be able to do it more.
• even for our DC there are so many options in London, e.g. several options for school holiday clubs, the density of services in general is really good.

I am not trying to say none of this exists outside London, I grew up outside London and lived outside of London for a few years too but there is a lot of stuff in London to enjoy and I don't think living a train journey away is the same thing. Of course everyone weighs these things up differently and decides what's most important to them but I just don't think living an hour out in Kent or Sussex is the same thing as living in London.. places like Bromley/Beckenham are more of a blend and some find a good compromise

There we’re push and pull factors to leaving Oxted and going to London but the biggest single factor was leaving Oxted to get to London!

I blooming loved East London pre kids and pre, well pre the past decade. I now love where I am. Maybe you just need to find your new London village?

OP I'm in Horsham area and moved from London. I still commute to London Bridge a couple of times a week (do a Camden Rd return on the train Horsham travellers it saves a fortune and gives you one tube journey too!.)
This area does have everything we enjoyed about London but with a big village feel. My kids can enjoy independence, like walking to school without a parent, in a way I wouldn't have been comfortable doing in the borough we lived in. Nice shops, pubs, restaurants. Near a big airport, easy reach to the coast. Lots of good kids activities as your kids grow especially clubs and sports teams that compete regionally and nationally. A new Academy locally and one of the best sixth forms in the UK. Lovely parks, open spaces and leisure activities. I was most worried about making friends but if you have young children that happens quite naturally!
We got more house for our money too!

I’d look at Claygate / Esher / Oxshott / Cobham
They’re just on the edge of London (Surbiton and Kingston)
Quick commute into London but proper countryside feel in certain roads and greenbelt zones
Loads of cafes, shops etc

Lewes? You could get a house with a pool on your budget! ~1hr train to Victoria. Not sure if you can see the prison though :). But Lewes is lovely, much more relaxed/less hectic than Brighton. Except for Bonfire Night.... www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/85951317#

Why not London if you have the budget?
The moving out of London dilemma is usually due to a normal limited budget, eg swapping a 2 bed flat for a house.
You have the budget for something decent.

We wanted to buy in Lewes but with a few exceptions, decent gardens and parking are rare. Even our friends who bought a beautiful £1m+ house there only have parking for one car.