Please help me fix a location mistake......

[fancyfence]

My husband and I moved out of London during Covid to a part of East Anglia near to where I grew up. I was pregnant at the time and we were really worried about the effect of Covid/lockdown on me and the baby and wanted to be near my family. First we rented, then we bought.

It's been over 2 years and I just haven't adapted to our new life. We now have 2 adorable kids, one of which goes to a great nursery, our local dr's are excellent and we have a great house. I know we have so much to be grateful for, but this life just isn't me. We have to drive for everything and commuting to London for me to go back to work just won't be possible (even 2/3 days a week) as its far too far. I feel like I've lost access to my career, my social life and that my kids will grow up in a bit of a bubble when I want them to see a bit of the world, and understand people of all backgrounds and ethnicities.

I also find the countryside around us a bit depressing, everything is so flat and often quite industrial. We live in a "nothing village" as in there is nothing here, just a post office. We can't even walk to have a coffee - there is literally nowhere to go to when I leave the house with the kids in the pushchair. While DH would stay put rather than move, he accepts that I am not happy and we should move before the kids start school.

I don't think that going back to London would be right for us now, although I think maybe when the kids leave home, DH and I will go back! We love the South Downs and what we have seen of the Kent Downs. I love Brighton and Hove but they are far too liberal for DH. Friends have recommended Tunbridge Wells and East Grinstead but I don't know them at all.

I'd love recommendations for places south of London, approx an hour to the coast, in a town or largeish village location with things going on, and pretty or at least accessible to pretty countryside - and no more than an hour into London on the train. I've got one chance to fix this mistake and the stakes are really high...

Move back to London or Bristol or Brighton

if you are with a DH that finds Brighton too liberal - what the heck does that mean?

How about somewhere in southwest London? You could get somewhere decent in Kingston/Hampton/Teddington/Ham with your budget, and they are each places in their own right with lots of family friendly stuff, but still close to London, and even in the zone system so not crazily expensive commutes.

Both. Sevenoaks has a few restaurants but mostly chains such as Pizza Express, Wagamamas etc. Nightlife is limited to a couple of pubs and a Turkish restaurant. Nowhere to drink or dance after midnight. Tun Wells has a better range of bars and independent restaurants. Have lived in both.

It would make sense to narrow down school choice first & buy in the catchment

Guildford or Horsham for sure. Horsham is lovely.

I'd recommend doing a few days out or weekends away at a few potential places over the next few months if you can so you can get a place with the right vibe for you

Lewes is great too but not sure what London commute is like

tunbridge Wells is a lot bigger, it has a proper town centre, big range of shops (both chain and indies), Sevenoaks is a lot smaller, less restaurants, few late night bars etc. the theatre is tiny compared to the assembly rooms in TW and TW does seem to be a stop on many big name comedy tours and touring shows.

But set against that, Sevenoaks is 20Ish minutes less on the train to London Bridge and you’ll get nice housing walking distance to the station with your budget, TW you might need to look a bit further out from the station and factor in longer to get to the station.

both have the 11+ issue as does all of Kent. Secondary comes round quick so make decisions carefully!

Am I missing something about Tunbridge Wells? The outskirts are nice and there's some lovely houses but when I visited I couldn't get over what a dump the centre was.

Tunbridge Wells is great for families, and the drive to Suffolk is easy - 2 hours. Lots of nice surrounding villages and countryside for if/ when you want a more rural life again. 1.2m will get you a decent amount of space within walking distance of the station.

The part where the old shopping precinct is, has got a bit grotty over the past 10-15 years. Lots of vacant shops. On the other hand the high street and Pantiles areas have been developed and are now buzzing. They just need to work out what they are doing with the bit that links these two sections of town.

Thanks everyone for your input. Lots to consider here. One place that has been mentioned that I've seen before and liked is Oxted. It seems a bit marmite though, some people say there is loads going on, others say there is very little. I'm sure compared to where I am now there is a lot going on but anyone have any particular insight?

Everyone I know who lived in Oxted now lives in London. I’ve been but it didn’t leave much of an impression.

Where have you lived in London? How about DH?

What do you mean by 'far too liberal?'

Re the "far too liberal" comment - it is my DH's view, not mine! I can't describe exactly what he means but I believe it's a word often used when describing Brighton. I suppose he means it's a bit too much of a party Town maybe, where anything goes - or at least that is his perception. I know plenty of people will think otherwise. He's willing to move but that is the one place he won't consider so I'm not going to pick that battle.

Interesting - what made them leave?

We lived for many years in various parts of east London. For the longest part of our time there, we were in the Isle of Dogs

This is good advice.

I would look near where you were before - you could even get somewhere in Greenwich on that budget

Tunbridge wells sounds like it would meet your criteria. Absolutely loads of DFLs - down from London, so I’m sure you will find your people. Great schools, great cafes, lots of period housing stock. It’s very well set up for families- lots of activities and outings.

your budget would be about right for a 4/5 bed in a good area, walking distance to the station.

I think I know what your dh means, my best friend lives in Brighton and the last time I went to visit her there was an adult woman in ballon pants hula hooping in the middle of her garden square! My friend's lived there for years and loves it but even she describes it as 'a bit hempy'.

Yes! I think that is exactly the sort of thing that he wouldn't take to on a daily basis. Thanks for the example

I would love to have a neighbour like that!

Op, I don't understand why you don't just move back to London if you miss it!

How about Southsea? Its part of Portsmouth (but is separate/ distinctive) on the coast 70 miles or so from London.

We moved here five years ago or so from London and really love it - theres a varied mix of people like us who have moved here as well as more local people.

There is a good range of facilities with bars, restaurants, cinemas and concert venues locally as well as two piers and the beach and interesting ships. There are lots of students and university staff so its interesting. Its far more compact than Brighton so you can walk/cycle around very easily. Its got lots of great facilities ofr families and interesting towns/countryside within a few minutes drive.

And for less than 1million you could buy a 6 bed house within a five minute walk of the sea front; much cheaper than Brighton!

Only downside might be commute to London - its 90 mins or so but doable. I commuted for a year when we first moved here and it was a 5 minute cycle to the station then on the train and as its the start of the line you can always get a seat.

Could you take a few days out and spend some time in Tunbridge wells to get a feel for it?

One thing to consider is that Kent has the grammar school system and in Tunbridge wells most of the schools are grammar or church schools for secondary.

Oxted is smaller but has a joce feel to it but not as many direct trains to London.

there is definitely no hula hooping women in the part of Brighton I live in! Check out Hove Park, Withdean, Westdene etc.

Thanks everyone. I'm really pleased I posted this problem here because with all the challenge I've had re "why not London", I am now questioning myself as to why not. I suppose I thought it was selfish as London is what I want and my life there was before children. My kids now have a good size garden and fresh air. There's a lot of other activities and exposure to culture that I can give them in London, but a lot of people talk about gardens and fresh air as though they are the two most important things...

Would it be selfish of me to move my family back to London? And has anyone here done that? How did it go?