Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

Help! I feel sick

56 replies

Spicky2000 · 27/10/2022 10:51

Background:
moved into new property (upgrade from previous one), knew it needed work doing eg new boiler, new bathroom, new flooring and decorating so budgeted for that.

Had various building work done, and was told that the roof tiles had moved/cracked and could be fixed/re-pointed for around £900 (only about £100 of that was materials) but could afford this.
Mentioned this to my mother over the phone and she said something along the lines of why would you do that, you might as well get a new roof and then at least it’s done properly and will last. I replied a new roof would be lovely but I can’t afford that (knowing it would be a lot more than £900). Mother dearest said to get a quote to see what the price difference would be - quote came in at £8000…which I couldn’t afford with everything else to pay for. Told my mother and said I’m just going to pay £900 for the roof to be fixed, she then offered to pay for the roof basically saying it would be my money eventually (it would be from my inheritance) so I might as well have it now when I needed it. Now, I would never have asked for her to pay for the roof but as she offered and was insistent I accepted the offer. I completed the agreement with the roofing company and before returning it, I double checked with my mother to see if she definitely was happy to pay for it and she said yes. Happy days!

This was a few months ago as we had to wait for a slot as the roofers were booked up - they estimated it would be October/November time. They turned up today and left some materials - not spoken to them, didn’t need to as they’ve already quoted and know what needs doing. Called my mother to say they’d arrived for her to say she hasn’t got the money, she asked how much it was! I said I’d shown her the quote months ago - she said yeah you probably did but a lot has happened since then! OMG what do I do now?! I wanted to lose my temper with her but what’s the point. I don’t know how I kept calm but I did.

I FEEL SICK and don’t know what to do. How could she do this, this isn’t normal is it?

I’m not really expecting anyone to be able to offer advice, I just needed to write it down. I’ve not got a big family to turn to, just need someone to listen really. I work but on a tight budget, I’ve saved to get kids stuff for xmas (not £8000!).

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 27/10/2022 11:52

Ask her how much she can pay. Would you be able to get a loan for some of it? No it is not normal for anyone to agree to pay for something and then back out at the last moment!

donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 12:18

Wow that's awful. I'd struggle to forgive this. Have you told her that you haven't got the money and only entered a binding agreement because of her offer? If it's in her savings she might be getting nervous about CoL crisis but can, presumably, find the money. Would she consider an interest free loan?

Fuddyduddy2 · 27/10/2022 12:19

Is it definitely a binding agreement? Is there anyway they could do the 900 pound work? Agree this is a really thoughtless thing to do.

Startuplife · 27/10/2022 12:20

God what a nightmare. Is there any chance of getting an interest free credit card to pay for whatever money she doesn’t have?
If you need the money quickly, I wouldn’t recommend Tesco Bank, they seem to do everything by letter and mine took almost a month to arrive.

VanCleefArpels · 27/10/2022 12:23

Send the roofers away and/or ask them to do the cheaper fix. Yes it will be awkward and they are likely to be cross but better that than get into unnecessary debt

girlmom21 · 27/10/2022 12:28

That's really shitty behaviour from her. I'd be honest with the roofers asap.

Itstheway · 27/10/2022 12:29

i would say to the builders something has happened this week and unfortunately you can no longer afford to have the roof done, I would certainly NOT get into debt

Topseyt123 · 27/10/2022 12:34

Very thoughtless of your mother! What on earth did she think was going to happen when she said she would fund the new roof!?

If she didn't have the money then she should never have promised it in the first place and you would simply have gone with the £900 option instead. Which may well have been adequate, perhaps. It would certainly have bought you time to get organised for any future work that was needed.

I'd maybe try speaking to the manager of the building firm to explain what has happened and try to come up with a plan of some sort. Maybe you can revert to your original plan, or maybe you could come up with a payment plan? Perhaps some sort of a home improvement loan to bridge the gap and cover it if needed.

I do think that you should have serious words with your mother. Her false promises to you have brought about potentially serious consequences. She should be told that.

Topseyt123 · 27/10/2022 12:36

Itstheway · 27/10/2022 12:29

i would say to the builders something has happened this week and unfortunately you can no longer afford to have the roof done, I would certainly NOT get into debt

I'd prefer not to get into debt over it too, but materials have obviously been purchased and delivered so contracts may have been signed which could be hard to get out of.

Itstheway · 27/10/2022 12:41

Or could the work be delayed until next year and try to save as much as possible ?

Heronwatcher · 27/10/2022 13:44

I agree, explain what’s happened to the builders, offer to pay for the materials and get out of this before you have to pay the full 8k. Even if you have to pay a bit of money to cancel the job it’s better to do that than take out a loan and be liable for interest payments etc.

Original poster
Spicky2000 · 27/10/2022 13:57

I did tell her I haven’t got the money and she said she’s only got £300 as she’s spent the rest on things she needed. How do you argue with that? I didn’t think I needed to keep asking if she had the money each time I spoke to her.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to get a loan as I’ve recently taken out a finance agreement for something else, which I wouldn’t have done if I knew I needed money for the roof. She knew I was taking out the finance, why didn’t she mention the roof money then before I committed? When I asked about this all she said was I know you’ve just taken the agreement out. I’m baffled - anyone would think I’ve made this up and she didn’t offer the money in the first place.

As I’ve been typing this she’s just called me to ask if I’ve had any luck sourcing the money from elsewhere! OMG how am I supposed to FIND £8k just like that. I just said no I haven’t. I feel so let down, I can’t even be bothered to argue as I’ll just get more stressed and nothing will change the situation.

OP posts:
Startuplife · 27/10/2022 14:00

She only has £300?! Where on earth has the other £7,700 gone? This is incredibly shitty behaviour from her and I’m not sure I’d be able to forgive it.

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 27/10/2022 14:02

That’s awful OP and your mother has acted terribly but unfortunately I can well believe it. My friend is now LC with her Dad after he continually let her down over things like it. I should point out, she never asked for money, he seemed to enjoy strolling in like a knight in shining armour, offering to pay and then backing out with random excuses at the last minute. The final straw came when he’d promised to pay £6k (the final balance) for her wedding and then surprise surprise, let her down. It was awful and really tainted her special day as she’d spent the weeks previously scratching around borrowing and selling things to pay. Don’t ever let your mum insist or offer to pay for anything again. Sadly you’ll only be disappointed.

Original poster
Spicky2000 · 27/10/2022 14:09

The roofer didn’t stay, just dropped off some materials. I bet the scaffolding and skip have been booked. The materials are nearly £3k - the stuff dropped off is no where near that amount so thinking maybe it’s stuff from another job that can be used here?? I’ll have to phone them, feeling really embarrassed as it’s someone who has done work for us before at the old house and bits here

OP posts:
Original poster
Spicky2000 · 27/10/2022 14:13

I thought that too, where has the £7700 gone as I can’t say I’ve seen anything - no new stuff at her house, she’s not been on holiday. I’m beginning to think she never had the money in the first place but who would be that cruel to say it would be part of my inheritance so you may as well have it now? Who does that?!

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 27/10/2022 14:14

Call the roofing company as soon as you can. Don't leave it until tomorrow. They may well be on their way to buy materials now. Try to stop the process in its tracks as quickly as possible.

Retrievemysanity · 27/10/2022 14:21

I would phone the builder now cancel the job and be honest. I would hope things like materials and skips etc can be used by them on another job.

Bobshhh · 27/10/2022 14:25

What's your relationship with her normally? Because this seems like a bizarre decision on her part.

RandomMess · 27/10/2022 14:31

I think you phone the roofing company right now and explain that your loan for the money has fallen through and you can't proceed.

Fuddyduddy2 · 27/10/2022 14:31

Although it will be awful to do it, it’s good the roofer has done work for you before as he’s unlikely to think you would be messing him around for the sake of it. I would be honest and explain asap.

MadeForThis · 27/10/2022 14:35

Phone the roof company and explain your financing has fell through.

Most materials can be returned to builders yards unless they are cut to measure.

Original poster
Spicky2000 · 27/10/2022 14:36

Namechangedforthisonetoday

So it’s not only me this has happened to. Mine is minor compared to your friend’s wedding.

I’ll never let this happen to me again as you’re right I’ll only end up disappointed again.

OP posts:
Duplocrocs · 27/10/2022 14:53

Is she suffering from some sort of early dementia?

MondayYogurt · 27/10/2022 14:58

If she hasn't behaved this way before (convincing you about something, seeming to be generous with time or money, withdrawing without warning) then I wonder about her mental state.
Either way, worth investigating.