How would you drive Phil and Kirsty mad?

[Doubleraspberry]

Setting aside any of their political views of course...

We are starting to house hunt and have viewed a couple of houses. We are being pretty realistic and ready to accept compromises, but in an alternative world I AM that person who says the driveway is too long.

Actual specs we are working off:

4/5 bedrooms
Decent amount of living space to allow for adults and children to co-exist, and adults to WFH
Space for a dining table
Some outdoor space - big enough for some seating
At least two loos, preferably two bathrooms
Near enough to infrastructure that we can live without a car if needed

Specs I could drive someone into the ground with:

Must have a mature willow tree in garden, and garden not be overlooked at all
Must have lots of window, with light window frames, ideally wooden (but in great condition)
Must have views of countryside but be very well connected to everything essential on public transport
Huge driveway with parking for several cars
Kitchen must have a lot of storage and work surfaces
As many roof lights as possible everywhere so I can listen to the rain falling on them
A cat flap

oh that's funny, yes i often shout at the clients they have to please. im off to have a think ...

Must have a gorgeous mature garden full of roses (ideally not dark red or very bright pink) that never get blackspot.

Kitchen must be enormous and yet incredibly cosy, with room for a squishy old sofa.

It must be detached with views but also less than 10 mins walk to a lovely town and the station.

Every room must be flooded with soft, natural sunshine at all times, unless it is pouring with rain in which case there should be window seats from which I can gaze wistfully at the deluge whilst sipping tea under a pure-wool blanket.

I want window seats too!

Did you watch yesterday's episode with the couple who had £1millon+ to spend?

Nope - but I'm planning to later.

I've just booked a viewing on a house that only has three photos on line, but one is of their custom-made wine cellar. Sadly my main thought was that the spiral staircase into it looks a bit precarious.

Must be able to fit in huge dining table inherited from Uncle Cedric. There is only the 2 of us but might invite the cricket team and spouses around for lunch sometime.

The kitchen IS the heart of the home of course. Even when only two of you live there and you're looking at a house with three reception rooms.

This is prompted by last nights episode isn’t it - house hunting for 8yrs? mind you we feel like them at the moment (but it’s only been 4 months and it’s coz we keep losing out to cash buyers).

loving these suggestions

Mine is “we want to downsize, but we want everything we already have just a bit smaller and for a lot less money so we can go on cruises with the leftover cash”

Those aren’t my wishes BTW - we just want a good sized house in the right school catchment, surely it’s not too much to ask? 😔

The downsizers who don't actually want to downsize are perpetually frustrating, aren't they? I cannot wait till we can have a smaller place with less to keep clean and pay to heat. My kids can stay in a Premier Inn (I'll pay, using all the savings from running a big house)!

I think the current market especially means anyone being remotely choosy (and I have been on the threads on this for ages) is doomed to disappointment unless they get really, really lucky.

Good luck on that one op, we bought a house for 2 with 2 guest rooms, we have 4 young adult children who supposedly lived independently or with the other parent (I had relocated to be with dp) 2 of the kids (one a piece) decided to move in with us. Kids boomerang

Yeah, it's more a hope than anything else. I don't see us downsizing for a long time to come.

I've just been sent full details for the wine cellar house. It also has window seats, and a cat flap. Maybe I can overlook the stairs.

Oh, that's easy: I want a bespoke, contemporary-but-elegantly-characterful single-storey house somewhere in east Devon, detached with a wraparound garden, overlooking fields, but not too far from nice villages and thriving towns. At under a million quid.

Presumably you want the diversity, culture and food offerings of a big city but with a rural and laid back lifestyle?

Oh, I’m easy. Just the amenities, school catchment and transport links of Area A for the cost of Area B please. I’ll wait here <clasps hands expectantly>.

I can't list my requirements precisely but I know what I like when I see it. I have been casually looking online for at least 2 years now, across 2 and a half counties, and I have yet to find a property I even want to visit.

I should say that I really would love to know what things you'd secretly love to insist on but rationally know you can't. (Eg my willow tree.)

With a big garden, two bathrooms, a garage or other storage and a utility room.

Impossible in our area without being an ex London cash buyer.

•A private stream or creek with jetty at the bottom of my orchard garden without any chance of the property flooding
•Double glazed and energy efficient windows that are simultaneously original Georgian or earlier and have thick, uneven glass
• A brick-paved courtyard hand installed by French artisans in the 17th century
• Bats

• A brick-paved courtyard hand installed by French artisans in the 17th century

😂😂

Stuffed full of character but no draughts or dusty corners.

Very low bills, if any.

I'd also like a ghost, but not a scary one pls.

Cheers, Kirstles.

Would it annoy them to buy the first one they come up with?

I want to downsize but I need massive reception rooms because my furniture is huge and too good to replace.