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Original poster

Emotional blackmail by estate agent

80 replies

Lombriz · 28/01/2022 23:37

We are in the process of buying a house and the negotiations have been absolutely horrible. I would be super grateful to hear any advice about how to deal with the latest twist.

The survey found that there was asbestos in the property and we then also did an asbestos survey that confirmed this. We got a quote for removing the asbestos and estimated the costs of replacing the parts that would be removed. When we asked for a reduction, first the vendor, via EA, said they won't give any because the survey said that no remidial works were required (we shared the survey with them and they say they didn't know about asbestos). It's true but if we ever want to do any refurbishment which we were planning we would have to remove asbestos first.

Then they said that we were terrible buyers and they original offer was accepted "reluctantly" and was below their "target". Then there was a lot of emotional stuff about how they need the money to have the life they want etc.

In the moment it made me feel bad and I just went along with it thinking, well it's better to close this on good terms (it just sounded like they thought we were cheating them). But now that I have calmed down and I look at the actual costs we will have to incur I cannot help but feel like I've been forced to do something I didn't want to.

Obviously, a few days have passed now so I don't know if I can go back and call out the emotional blackmail and ask them for the original reduction we asked for.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

PrettyBluebells · 28/01/2022 23:40

It isn't your responsibility to provide them with the life they want, if indeed what you're buying isn't worth that. I'd go back to them now.

CleanUpTime · 28/01/2022 23:43

Buying a house is a buisness transaction

Try not to think with your heart but your head.

The sellers want to get all they can. You want to get the best deal you can.

Financially look at what its going to cost YOU to fix any issues in the survey, 1- can you afford it 2- is the current house price worth it. If im honest 2 is most important so if the answer is no you have a legitimate reason to request a reduction in price.

End of the day they are not your friends. A house is only worth what someone will pay for it. Can you walk away?

Cocolapew · 28/01/2022 23:43

The minute they said I was a terrible buyer Id have pulled out. Rude bastards

TedMullins · 28/01/2022 23:43

Cheeky fuckers. It’s not your problem to give them the life they want. You’re not obliged to buy their property just because they said so. I’d pull out if I were you.

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 28/01/2022 23:48

Wow, if only I knew when I last sold a house that it was up to the buyers to give me the life I want! Would have whacked on £100k - that would have done it!

What a stupid thing the EA passed on that they said! Definitely renegotiate, you will always kick yourself if you dont

Clymene · 28/01/2022 23:48

No, house buying shouldn't be emotional but people are going to be pissed off if you try and gazunder the agreed price which is what it sounds like you were doing.

Asbestos isn't usually an issue in most properties.

Clymene · 28/01/2022 23:49

And as it's a seller's market, if I were them, I'd put the house back on the market.

Original poster

Lombriz · 28/01/2022 23:53

Thanks all! Yeah, trouble is we do like the house but we will now need to spend more to make it suitable for our family.

@Clymene you are right, we do now have the offer accepted without the reduction. So I guess that would not be fair to go back now.

Maybe I just email EA and tell him off. Just feels like I need to call it out. Not a fair way to negotiate.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lombriz · 28/01/2022 23:54

@TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes lol

OP posts:

CaperCaper · 28/01/2022 23:55

I'm a bit older and have bought and sold a few houses. You learn a bit more each time. I have had some very negative estate agent and vendor experiences- they are not on your side OP, they are looking to get the best deal they can and they don't care that you will be lumbered with costs of sorting out asbestos issues.

The only way forward here is to continue as if this is pure business. Take all emotion out of it. Let insults slide. Make decisions based on what is in your best interests. When they insult your offer or your actions remind them that it's a commercial transaction- they (the vendor) are free to reject you as a buyer, all their choice.

You have to take a view based on the market in your area, but I personally would go back to them to say that you have given it further consideration and your offer is now reduced to X to accommodate the additional costs flagged by the survey. TELL the estate agent to put it to the vendor don't let them try to sweet talk you. And if I didn't get a reduction I would walk. Your future self will thank you.

Rhannion · 28/01/2022 23:55

What a bloody nerve they have. I’d pull out of the sale, cheeky sods, don’t let them treat you like this.

catchyjem · 28/01/2022 23:56

I agree with pp that emotion should not come into it. However, just because you found asbestos doesn't automatically mean you get a reduction in price. Asbestos is not a problem if you leave it alone which is presumably what the vendors have done. The fact you may want to remove it for renovations is not really their problem. Is it a house that they would struggle to sell to someone else? Did you already agree a price under asking?

Original poster

Lombriz · 28/01/2022 23:58

@CleanUpTime you are exactly right. That's what really upset me, suggesting that the original offer was not good enough?? It must have been the highest offer so I don't know what they are talking about.

I also know that they are in a rush because they put an offer on a house, so I reckon we could have gotten the reduction. But yeah,I should have stuck to the original request.

OP posts:

TedMullins · 28/01/2022 23:59

Just because you’ve had an offer accepted doesn’t mean you can’t pull out. I personally wouldn’t want to buy somewhere with asbestos. I had an offer accepted on a flat then found out there was Japanese knotweed in the communal garden so I pulled out despite the seller’s pleas of trying to get a remedial guarantee in place. Just didn’t want the hassles

CaperCaper · 28/01/2022 23:59

@Clymene

No, house buying shouldn't be emotional but people are going to be pissed off if you try and gazunder the agreed price which is what it sounds like you were doing.

Asbestos isn't usually an issue in most properties.

Except it is not uncommon to reduce asking price if significant issues are found in a survey. So how significant an issue is this asbestos? - as a pp said, not usually an issue if you don't disturb it, but if for example it prevents you extending and that's your plan for the future...

MrsBaublesDylan · 29/01/2022 00:02

I think you are being over emotional about it.

The asbestos isn't a problem unless you want to do work on the house. You were asking the vendors to reduce the price to fund how you want to live in the house.

The vendors said they wouldn't negotiate, presumably they agreed a price which will fund their onward purchase (broadly translated by the EA as 'funding the life they want to have').

You need to cost in the work you want to do and work out if you can afford it at the price you agreed. If you can't, you have to pull out.

AmberLynn1536 · 29/01/2022 00:02

we do like the house but we will now need to spend more to make it suitable for our family

But that’s not their problem, if you need to make changes to make it suitable then you have to pay to make those changes or buy another house that suits your needs better.

Original poster

Lombriz · 29/01/2022 00:03

@catchyjem yes the price was under asking,but they were completely mad with the asking price. For reference, a very similar house next door was sold for 70k less than what they wanted one year ago. I know house prices have risen but not that much!!!

The house needs work, so whoever buys it would need to remove the asbestos relatively soon I imagine. Unless it is for renting I guess landlords don't care.

OP posts:

NotABeliever · 29/01/2022 00:06

The asbestos is not a structural fault so any reduction in price you request is a bit unfounded in my opinion. That doesn't excuse the rude way they have treated you of course but I thibk they have a point sticking to their guns.

Original poster

Lombriz · 29/01/2022 00:08

It's actually a bit reassuring that some of you say it's normal to NOT get a reduction when you find asbestos. So perhaps they were not completely unreasonable...

OP posts:

Clymene · 29/01/2022 00:08

The survey said there were no remedial works required @CaperCaper. So If the OP fancies doing stuff, she can but it's not something she can ask for a price reduction to do.

Well, she can, the the vendors are within their rights to tell her to piss off as they have. If imagine they EA is annoyed on their behalf as I'm sure the asbestos came up weeks ago and the OP has only just asked for a reduction in price now they're nearing exchange.

Obviously I may be a complete cynic.

I will reiterate though that house prices are continuing to rise and buyers are not in an enormously strong position at the moment. Nothing to stop anyone playing hardball though obviously

LemonSwan · 29/01/2022 00:08

Where is the asbestos?

Because usually the best policy is to leave it well alone not remove it.

So I see both sides of this. You dont owe them anything more than the house is worth - certainly not a 'life they want to lead'.

But if someone else would pay x to buy that house and you are only removing the asbestos because you want to extend for example then YABU potentially.

Its hard to say without knowing the market, the exact house, your exact offers, the asbestos etc.

Original poster

Lombriz · 29/01/2022 00:13

@Clymene we asked for reduction immediately after we learnt about asbestos. We told them we would want a reduction but took a few days to get quotes.

I don't feel market is that hot anymore. And definitely prices will not increase very much from here. But obviously that is not a reason to pull out. Just thinking that they should be in more of a rush than us particularly given they have an offer accepted.

OP posts:

Kipperandarthur · 29/01/2022 00:14

Sorry but loads of houses have increased by way over £70k in a year in this crazy house market. You are being unrealistic.

The thing with asbestos is that if it’s not disturbed it’s often not a problem which is actually what your survey said?

But you want to alter and disturb the asbestos that then causes the problem.

It’s a tricky one. But in this hot heated market you may need to tread carefully otherwise they will just relist the house and go with a new buyer.

OldTinHat · 29/01/2022 00:15

I would wave that property goodbye and start looking for another one asap. The asbestos would put me off straight away.

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