Anyone living very much BELOW their means and…

Boobicoosg · 2022-01-27T10:07:11+00:00

feeling low because of it? [sad] Let me preface this by saying, it’s all relative etc etc, I am glad to be fed and watered and healthy… but… It’s been several years now of ‘waiting to buy’ the dream family home. We’ve made very sensible decisions but I feel now, I’m really fed up. Again, very lucky to have a lot of money but it’s just waiting to be spent on the house of our family’s dreams. Currently living in a house we bought outright so we could settle into the area. We thought we would at most be here a year. Now it’s two, and a new baby has arrived. It’s a new build estate, a small semi detached, that is about 1/5th of our actual budget. Feel like I can no longer breath in it. Both my partner and I love old period country properties and want to be rural. I don’t like it here, from the dog poo that is all around to the type of neighbours (any neighbours in fact 😂). I know it sounds snobby but, I didn’t work this hard for this long, not to be in the house I deserve. I feel I’m getting old waiting! So tell me off or tell me if you’re in the same situation. Or tell me about your dream home purchase so I can live vicariously through you! We aren’t even fussy and would compromise on a few things but there’s nothing on the market!!!

SausagePourHomme · 27/01/2022 10:09

Maybe do some volunteering and get some perspective. This is not what i would call a problem.

Comedycook · 27/01/2022 10:11

Don't mind me...just grabbing some popcorn

hughfurrywit · 27/01/2022 10:14

Are you Jessica Keplinger?

Hotcuppatea · 27/01/2022 10:16

Why haven't you moved then?

ghislaine · 27/01/2022 10:17

Where do you want to live and tell us about your dream house and budget. Maybe we can find something.

CleanUpTime · 27/01/2022 10:17

Whats stopping you then? You have lots of money apparently so go for it.

wildlifeobserver1 · 27/01/2022 10:17

If the ‘right’ house hasn’t come on the market in such a long time, it might be time to rethink location or budget?

BitOutOfPractice · 27/01/2022 10:18

I was with you till I got to " the house I deserve".

I agree with you though. There is very little on the market right now.

irregularegular · 27/01/2022 10:19

This seems to be a classic case of " the best is the enemy of the good". It sounds as if you could very easily buy something significantly better than where you are, giving you a much better quality of life. Instead, you have been waiting "years" to find something close to perfection, and making yourself miserable in the process! Just buy something that is a big improvement on what you have. It doesn't have to be "the dream" to make you happy! My advice: go for location/plot/view etc and the rest you can improve.

We took about a year to find our house (now been here 16 years and plan to stay forever having extended it). And I thought we were fussy! We had already sold our house (had you?) and were on the cusp of moving into rented, but found something just in time.

irregularegular · 27/01/2022 10:19

And cut the "house I deserve" bit...

Nevilleslongbottom · 27/01/2022 10:22

Why don’t you move then? Just a thought.

Ohpulltheotherone · 27/01/2022 10:24

This sounds like a bit of a non problem OP sorry, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t feel horrible for you.

If you can’t find your perfect home then it might be that your current expectations and wish list / budget aren’t aligned.
Perhaps you need to widen your search area, or consider a compromise on certain aspects - which might open up the property pool for you.

In the meantime you could sell up and move to a rental? If you’re really determined to only buy when the house is 100% perfection.

Ok you might spend a few thousand doing that but it would solve your unhappiness on the current situation.

Chunkymonkey13 · 27/01/2022 10:24

Everyone has the same 24hrs….

MouseyMoose · 27/01/2022 10:29

@Chunkymonkey13

Everyone has the same 24hrs….

Original poster

Boobicoosg · 27/01/2022 10:31

Thanks for all the replies! And yes it’s a veeeeeery first world ‘problem’ which is why I’ve posted arbitrarily on here. This is just a chat forum ain’t it, not PMQs. And apologies yes ‘deserve’ was a petulant, spoiled term suggesting I think others don’t deserve nice houses. I should replace it with ‘want’.

In the four years of looking in earnest, we have offered on 4 houses, outbid on the first (bidding war!) and then the second - fell through after issues after survey, in hindsight a good thing, as was not right area for schools. Third and fourth - last summer - we really liked but top of budget and needed work! One is still on the market. We would buy that if it fell into budget but the owner is stubborn - it’s been on for almost a year now. Even agents say he is stubborn etc, so unlikely to budge and we might just have to wait till our budget catches up with the price! I’m on mat
Leave currently though.

I want to reply to one of the answers so will post again to do that.

OP posts:

Porfre · 27/01/2022 10:32

I've been looking for over 3 years.
And now bit the bullet and got something that isnt perfect but will do for now.

We will probably have to move again in a few years but it's much better than where we are right now though it isnt perfect.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 27/01/2022 10:35

Well… I’m not really sure what to say!
Nothing on the market? What part of the country are you in? What sort of budget? I’ve found loads of beautiful rural country properties that I can’t afford, there must be something around? Are you looking for perfection while living in misery?
I’m pretty sure I deserve to live in a chateau in the south of France, but sadly it’s not to be.

nansbigpants · 27/01/2022 10:41

I have friends who were in a similar situation. They moved in to a small house before their DC arrived, with the aim of being in around the right location and taking some time to find their forever home. They have the money to buy a large house and to have quite a bit of work done to it if they want/need to. They also claim that they are not fussy but there is just never anything suitable on the market but from discussions I've had with them I think actually they have some fairly specific requirements and are also afraid of committing their money and time to somewhere that's OK in case the illusive 'perfect' house suddenly appears. Their oldest child will be leaving home later this year and they are still in the small house. I'd advise you to really, really look at what you want in a house and be willing to move to somewhere better but not ideal, even if it's just for a short time.

toastfiend · 27/01/2022 10:41

I sort of know where you're coming from, but I don't think you're doing yourself any favours with the "house I deserve" stuff.

My house is fine, but not what I want long-term - I also want to be rural, would like a bigger property etc. We can afford more than we have in our current house but nothing is coming onto the market. It is frustrating. However, lots of people work very hard for a very long time and still can't afford to buy any house at all, so... you're not special just because you work and presumably earn well, OP. Lots of us do and still don't have everything we want and that kind of attitude is basically the pathway to always being dissatisfied with your lot. If you're really unhappy where you are then change one thing. Move location even if the house isn't perfect, or try to make your current house a better fit for you. I wouldn't pick all of my neighbours, it has to be said, but most are nice, don't just lump them all into the "don't want to be surrounded by these people" bracket like you're too good for them. I'm much happier where we are since getting friendly with some of our neighbours and I'm the type who'd ideally like to live in the middle of a field with the closest house about 5 miles away.

The winter isn't a great time anyway. Hopefully more will come onto the market as spring gets underway.

Original poster

Boobicoosg · 27/01/2022 10:48

@irregularegular

This seems to be a classic case of " the best is the enemy of the good". It sounds as if you could very easily buy something significantly better than where you are, giving you a much better quality of life. Instead, you have been waiting "years" to find something close to perfection, and making yourself miserable in the process! Just buy something that is a big improvement on what you have. It doesn't have to be "the dream" to make you happy! My advice: go for location/plot/view etc and the rest you can improve.

We took about a year to find our house (now been here 16 years and plan to stay forever having extended it). And I thought we were fussy! We had already sold our house (had you?) and were on the cusp of moving into rented, but found something just in time.

You speak a lot of sense. We have now decided we have a deadline. Or rather, husband working from home and needing a space for this v.s space for the two kids, has forced our hand.

We have looked at the market and think we might just upsize (again buy outright) to a detached new build in a ‘luxury development’ in the hopes we can sell it quickly, when the rural country house turns up! At least then we will have more space!

I suppose we were thinking about the waste that goes on stamp duty fees and yet another move but it would be worth it for quality of life. I think you’ve pointed out in black and white how silly it is to stay somewhere that makes us unhappy.

And yes, in the past, we sold our house and moved into rented so we were ready to buy but it all fell through. Hence just moving to a small new build in the right area to establish roots etc.

I think we have come to the realisation that the perfect house isn’t there and if it was, someone would probably outbid us! I don’t mind a do-er upper anymore but definitely want an old house in the right location.

Thanks all for the telling off, I would never say any of this to anyone in real life except my partner and maybe my parents as yes, it makes me out to be a right dick.

OP posts:

Original poster

Boobicoosg · 27/01/2022 10:50

@nansbigpants

I have friends who were in a similar situation. They moved in to a small house before their DC arrived, with the aim of being in around the right location and taking some time to find their forever home. They have the money to buy a large house and to have quite a bit of work done to it if they want/need to. They also claim that they are not fussy but there is just never anything suitable on the market but from discussions I've had with them I think actually they have some fairly specific requirements and are also afraid of committing their money and time to somewhere that's OK in case the illusive 'perfect' house suddenly appears. Their oldest child will be leaving home later this year and they are still in the small house. I'd advise you to really, really look at what you want in a house and be willing to move to somewhere better but not ideal, even if it's just for a short time.

Thanks for this, you are right and I think your friends are pretty much where we are headed if we don’t get a move on. Frozen by the fear of making the wrong decision after all the waiting! 🤦🏽‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

Boobicoosg · 27/01/2022 10:55

this made me laugh, thanks, I’m out of the maudlin self pitying mood thanks to these replies. Though, the market is dry as a biscuit here now, with only the stale houses lingering!

OP posts:

Original poster

Boobicoosg · 27/01/2022 10:56

@ShallWeTalkAboutBruno

Well… I’m not really sure what to say! Nothing on the market? What part of the country are you in? What sort of budget? I’ve found loads of beautiful rural country properties that I can’t afford, there must be something around? Are you looking for perfection while living in misery? I’m pretty sure I deserve to live in a chateau in the south of France, but sadly it’s not to be.

Sorry I meant this reply!

OP posts:

RussianSpy101 · 27/01/2022 10:59

Sounds like you can’t afford the house you want from your update so you probably need to lower your expectations and widen your search criteria.
Decide what you are willing to compromise on and have another look.

4pmwinetimebebeh · 27/01/2022 11:02

I wouldnt move again @Boobicoosg that seems madness. Waste of stamp duty, the effort of moving with 2 kids. Reselling a recent new build you may not even make the money back.

I would give yourself a year to find 'the' house. You may have to compromise but it will focus your attention. Once you have found a lovely period house that fits most of your criteria work to making it the dream house, however that looks. Then stop looking. Stop the emails, down dawdle in estate agents windows. You are done.

From your post you come across as someone who will never be 100% happy and always looking for the next thing, or seeing something thats a bit better. That way lies dissatisfaction forever no matter how lovely your life.

Also bear in mind that your neighbours living in this tiny poo surrounded house that is beneath you may love it and it could be their dream house and the best they could ever afford.