I think I may have messed my entire life up in one day...

[Peppapigforlife]

I know that it will get better, but right now it feels catastrophic.

Long story so I'm grateful if you make it all the way through.

I'm a single mum to a toddler who is three in May.
We had a two bedroom ground floor flat which the council moved us into two years ago, from freezing cold emergency accomodation, when I fled her abusive father in The USA, and a chaotic living situation in a shelter there.
The flat was lovely. Spacious, very warm, light and quiet. However, the council moved us into it without carpets (concrete floor), curtain poles and undecorated and I had no furniture. The second bedroom was a box room and had damp and cold and I felt like I couldn't be there forever, as DD got bigger.
With a clingy breastfeeding baby who wouldn't be put down, I managed to get some things sorted, like a mattress and I used my £500 maternity grant to get carpets, which was very lucky, and social services got me an oven. I managed to get funding for a fridge and washing machine. A few people gave me second hand things like a TV, sofas some drawers.
About a year after moving in, some relatives put some curtain poles up for me and I was able to have curtains and privacy. They painted three of the rooms for me and the rest were in a bad state. It was really tough because of my daughter's clinginess I couldn't get anything done myself and just had to wait for people to be available.
I started to feel settled in the home but the area was also quite desolate. Only one tiny shop that was open until 5pm or 2pm depending on different times of the year and not much in there except ready meals and sweets. I don't drive, and it was atop a hill. Some of the neighbours were outside fighting quite a bit and the whole thing started weighing on me to the point where even as my daughter became more independent, I ran out of energy to decorate the rest of the house and it started to lead me into a hole of depression. I didn't have a single friend there and my local family would only pop by once every couple of weeks or once every few weeks. The buses to go anywhere to see anyone local were about 7.40 return or 4.50 return depending on if I crossed a town threshold.

I joined houseswapper to see if anything closer to relatives came up.

Eventually something did come up where I was contacted but it was in a completely different part of the county, but it was also the city I went to university in and had felt happy in years ago.

I viewed the house and it seemed great and I agreed to swap. It didn't need decorating, other than to put my own touch to it. (The first flat had dark brown walls in the corridor and walls with dirt and patchy different paint colours all over them and lots of holes in the wall). The second bedroom was a lot bigger, and it had more space for toys, which used to drive me a bit insane.
It just seemed to make sense, as my local relatives near the flat weren't making an effort, and I have friends in the new city, and it's a younger median age, so I'd meet more new people on my wavelength, and it had a farm shop nearby so I could get groceries easier. I just felt isolated and cut off from shops in the old flat.
(Sorry a lot of backstory, just wanted to share the details properly).
However, I still felt settled in the flat, despite the isolation, dodgy neighbours, depression and decorating I needed to do. I felt like all the effort I had put into it, meant something and that it could grow into something better if I gave it time and patience. If I could find a job to get a car and get about more , or if I just accepted the lack of socialising.
I decided to go ahead with the move, as the couple seemed desperate to get out of their house, due to disability and the stairs, and they also offered me a grand towards the cost of moving and decorating, so it seemed sensible to move to a better area for the long term.

They put pressure on me to move before Christmas, despite me not wanting to. I wanted to enjoy Christmas as my DD was getting older and more aware and have enough time to take my time with the packing and cleaning, and to be able to find a nursery as well, as the local one to the new house was full. However, she kicked up such a fuss İ thought İ might lose my grand, and İ gave in.

With a lot of stress and take aways and late nights, I got everything ready by Friday evening and had my van scheduled for Saturday morning of the agreed swap date. He showed up and I'd also enlisted the help of an aunt and a friend and my DD was going to my mum's for the day. I didn't want her to have to see the stuff she is attached to being taken by removal men or having to be in the chaos of us getting everything ready in the new house. I don't like her going to my mum's if I can help it because my mum smokes indoors and has bipolar but I sucked it up and promised myself after the move, she wouldn't go there again, that I'd be more settled and wouldn't need any nights off.
We got to the new house ready to swap over and, after telling me that they'd been packed for weeks and weeks and putting pressure on me to hurry up with the move, the couple weren't finished. There was still food in the cupboards and fridge and random objects scattered around which hadn't been packed away, like a big cluster of saucepans. It was chaos. All my stuff was put in the shed. I went in to try and help them pack the food up. The lady was disabled and was sitting on the sofa, the husband was 70 and had been moving and packing their collosal amount of stuff for weeks, including about five trips with boxes of stuff to my house the week before. He had been having funny turns and was too weak to do any more on the morning of the move. The removal man (who had been hired by the couple to do their move as well as mine) grumbled loudly about the state of it all and the lady got defensive and said 'EXCUSE ME, I am Disabled!' the removal man said I'm not moving you with that attitude and refused to do their job. He phoned for another company for her, got the last of my stuff in, and left. He text me throughout the day to see how we were getting on and today he said 'sorry, but the woman was vile'. He said one of the companies he tried for her, said 'not a chance, she is vile', and she would be known as she has swapped houses year after year.
In the end the couple didn't leave until 11pm and so I had to go and stay at my mum's house (who I don't get on with, as she has her equally vile tendencies), and lie in bed trying to sleep to the smell of stale cigarettes and unwashed sheets.
I was so stressed that when I saw my mum smoking next to my daughter I lost the plot and had a go at her. She said she could do what she wanted in her own home and called me names and İ shouted back and told her to leave us alone and left with my daughter. I know, I was behaving as vilely as everyone else, but I've never been so stressed in my life. All the people who were there to help me move had had to go back to different places to get on with work or studying and couldn't help me today. Because we didn't get the couples stuff out during the day, my belongings never got further than the shed and furniture scattered around randomly wherever it could fit.
They haven't given me the 1k promised yet as they had to use half of it to pay for the last minute new removal company which was a lot more expensive. I had to pay for a taxi to get here from my mum's which was £40 and I used the last of my savings to pay the van man and get food from a pub as I had nowhere to go whilst we tried to find a van company for the couple.
I'm now in a filthy house (they didn't clean either, after I spent a week deep cleaning my old house and hoovering every inch as the last boxes came out) on my own, with a toddler, with all my stuff in boxes in a shed and no structure whatsoever in the whole house and have no one to help me get sorted.
It just feels like my entire stability and life, which I had worked so hard to get, after years of abuse and homelessness, has been pulled away from me. I don't even know where to start. I've had a couple of offers of potential help, later in the week, but I just thought we would have been all moved in, clean, organised and peaceful by the end of yesterday. We arrived at the property by 11am yesterday and still, nothing is done. Im just drained, on top of it all.
I know there's no other suggestion, other than keep on going slowly and doing whatever I can, but it just feels so unfair, that I'm in the crap, whilst the couple who created all this chaos, are sitting happily and sorted out in my nice flat , that I'm missing the stability and familiarity of terribly of right now. Despite the loneliness I felt there, I was in love with the place, after all the work I had put into it. I will say something to the council about it tomorrow, but I doubt there's much they can do.

I just feel so bad about my daughter, who wasn't meant to have to entertain herself whilst I try and run around like crazy, cleaning up filth and moving furniture. Still have to plumb the washing machine in and all sorts. İ can't even sleep because i just feel like im breathing in all their fifth.

Sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time- it all sounds so stressful and unfair. Definitely speak to the council tomorrow. You sound like a really strong person and great mum though to have overcome such tough times. Tomorrow you could make a list of what needs doing starting with the cleaning and enlist the help of your kind relatives to get it done bit by bit. It sounds like you moved for the right reasons and will be a lot happier in the long run once you get flat sorted. Good luck.

It is the right move! It will be absolutely fine! Moving is stressful! Remember to breathe, one room at a time, you will make it beautiful.

Thank you @newyorky09 and @nzeire. İ don't think my relatives want to help any more but a couple of friends said they might be able to, later in the week.
İ guess if İ just get the kitchen cleaned and the living room floor cleaned first, it will feel slightly more bareable. Even my toddler commented on how dirty the carpets were!
İ forgot to add the part where their little ratty fluffy dog chased me out the front door and tried to bite me and I had to kick him off me. Just a complete farce, the entire thing!

Does the new flat smell of smoke?
If not then it's just months of dust and dirt to get rid of, so not too bad.
Clean and sort your daughter's bedroom first and then yours.
The rest can be done later.
This new town is local to friends, shops and if there is a university then job opportunities too.
Last place seemed it was in a dead end - you were depressed.
You are only missing it because it's clean.
When you don't have much in life that matters.
When you've cleaned this one, you won't regret the move.

Moving is always stressful and uncertain.
Deep breaths, calm head.
Make lists - what needs doing and also who you could delegate to. Put the most important stuff at the top of the list.
Tackle a room at a time.
Toddler will probably be entertained by it all so no need to feel bad about that.
Get yourself a loaf of bread and sandwich spread/slices or something so you can keep grabbing something quick to eat as you work through everything.
It'll all be done in a few days time!

Any chance of getting rid of the carpets and putting down cheap but nice patterned lino in all rooms?

You've made a good move for good reasons - it will be so much better soon.

Getting the kitchen cleaned is a good idea. That's always going to feel better. Then maybe your bedroom? There's nothing like a bedroom you find calming.

for your new home.

Which town is it?

Reading your post it's clear you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I'm sure you haven't been eating or sleeping well because of all the stress so keep that in mind as it will effect your mood. But also keep reminding yourself you did an amazing job creating a home from scratch in the last house ( it sounded worse than the new place) and you can can definitely do it again. It's very unfair that the other people didn't do what they were meant to but try not to dwell on it. You have made so many right life decisions for you and your daughter. You have so much courage and determination a bit of cleaning and unpacking are no bother to you after all you have achieved. You are creating an amazing future.

Moving is so stressful, but it's done now.

I think you have moved for the right reasons and as your children grow they will appreciate living in a better area.

I also get overwhelmed with cleaning. Try setting a timer for a short period of time such as 10 or 20 minutes and see what you can do in that time, but I know how tough it is getting anything done with a toddler to look after.

Really feel for you OP and wish I could help. You have had awful stress with everything around the move, but try and breathe and de-stress. Things will seem better in the morning. Getting the kitchen and bedroom clean and liveable will make you feel much better. As another poster said, maybe get rid of their dirty carpets and put down something new and clean if you can which will feel much fresher. You will make this new place your own, and a lovely home for you and DD. Things will ease.

Blimey, you've been through the ringer these past couple of years!!

The exchangers are twats, you should have got the money before you moved, I doubt you'll see the rest now.

DD will enjoy 'helping' until she's done, then she can just watch tv & play with her toys, it'll do her no harm. Just make sure the room she's in is safe & she can't get out the front door.

I'd clean the bathroom first, kitchen second & DD's room after that, then yours & the lounge. Try to get that areas cleaned where the furniture will go, so that friends can help you move it when they come over.

Once you get it clean & unpack your stuff, it'll soon feel like home & you won't regret the move. It'll be a much better location for you both!!

I feel for both families. The man in his 70s sounds like he was really struggling and doing alot. His wife is disabled so he's probably her carer feel quite bad for him. I guess his wife could have also been stressed and snapped maybe simlar to you did at your mums. It does not make it ok for her to have gone to the extreme of making the removal nen refuse to move them .

But the day has come to an end you will never have to do that again. I know you have alot to do but it sounds like you have a few friends who can help. You can make it into your home how you want it. Your in an area your less isolated you sound like you will be happy. You will get there

Where are you OP? If you’re in south London I will come over and help you clean (not right now obv) but I’d be happy to help out

Thanks everyone, you're all so kind. I'm just outside Canterbury and came here from the Shepway coast.

For some reason they cleaned the bathroom, but nowhere else. The kitchen is awful, even turning the blind handle it was so sticky. The living room has dead insects on the windowsill and attached to the nets.
İ literally have no money now so I can't change any flooring unless they give me the money. They said they're dropping it off tomorrow with a key their daughter had and my living curtains which they asked me to leave up for their first night! My daughter's room is clean enough as they had only been using it for storage but she can't sleep in there until İ put a new carpet in, as it has no underlay for some reason because of the tenant before the other ones. İ don't want her falling out of bed and hitting her head on the hard floor. I'm also worried about the stairs as she will definitely try to climb over a stair gate. İ might have to keep her in my room until she's older and won't be a Tasmanian devil on the stairs. She can open door handles very well.

İ can't sleep still and yep haven't been eating properly, just easy carbs on the go. İf i get the kitchen done (covered in slime, crumbs and dust) İ can put food away and feel healthier. DD can just watch cartoons all day.

But what someone said earlier is true, the only difference is that it's clean. But also warmer, this house feels harder to heat, and on top of everything it feels like a lot to bear, I feel shivery and the air in this place feels thick. İ don't know why, possibly dust?

İ do also feel sorry for the husband. He's been going non stop and has to do everything. She refused to tell her children and grandchildren they were moving because she didn't want them getting involved because they would want to help out. İ feel like the husband could have done with some help!

I'm pleased to be close to amenities and life. One of my good friends lives here and she would have been over like a shot to help, only she has broken both ankles climbing over a stye. Just couldn't be more roadblocks right now!

The old tenants probably didn't open the windows.
When you are cleaning and dusting do it with the windows open no matter how cold.

Ask carpet shops if they have any spare off cuts of underlay and carpet or carpet tiles, maybe you could piece it together?

I really hope they bring over the money as promised. It will make such a difference to you.

Get in touch with goodgym to see if they have a group near you - they could help you to clean and clear.

Deep breaths.

Don't worry about your daughters room and lack of underlay for now. She can sleep in with you until you have the cash to sort it, it is honestly not the end of the world.

Bathroom is clean, good start.
I'd start with the kitchen tomorrow but do it in short bursts. Before you make a start give the living room a good hoover and set your daughter up with a duvet and cartoons. It will keep her occupied and help you get more done.

To break things up a little, once you've finished a task in the kitchen I would take a cuppa in and sit with your daughter for ten minutes. Before you leave the living room do one thing in there, eg wipe down windowsills and dispose of anything in the bin. Little tasks really add up.

I've helped a couple of people with cleaning houses, one who was in a very similar situation to you with a young child, and I've also had to clean my own house after it was left in a state by the previous occupiers. It really helped me to break it down into manageable chunks.

From what you've described I really do think you have made the right decision in the long run.

Also, yes to offcuts of carpets, anything going. My mum has told me the story of when we moved into her new house when I was 2, there were no carpets, concrete floors and she couldn't afford to have carpets laid.
She had offcuts down for well over a year while she saved for carpets. I was a similar age to your daughter: I didn't notice, I didn't care!

Awwww - I feel for you

It’s all consuming right now but you will get there and it absolutely sounds like the right move for you. You’re just having a few wobbles and the move sounded so stressful.

Get through each day as best you can.

What a horrible move you've had. I really hope they do turn up with the money, curtains & key. Moving is so stressful & it takes a while to feel settled in a new place. You've been through the wringer so take it easy for the next few days & take your time to unpack. Hopefully you'll add to this post in a few weeks telling us that it all worked out.

Last time I moved (May) I had help from my sister and DP and it still felt overwhelming. As soon as my sister went home after a full day of assembling furniture for me I called my DP sobbing that the place was a mess.

This was WITH HELP. you're doing this solo! Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Get the essentials clean first then figure out the rest. You've already proved how strong you are by escaping abuse and overcoming homelessness. You got the last place sorted and you can get this one sorted too. Game face on, you can sort this and in a month you will be settled and happy and ready to crack on with your new life.

PS love to your poor broken ankled besie!!

@Peppapigforlife - As others have said - moving house is always stressful. One house we had the people had taken all the doorhandles off . all the lightbulbs , and given 4 dogs a bath in the bath & removed the kitchen cabinets . Another house we had the people left it with a gas leak so I ended up on my own with DCs with all the gas turned off. It was dreadful once they had taken all their stuff out Both houses I eventually loved.

I do believe it takes time to get used to a house.
I wouldn't worry about the underlay thing - perhaps you could just put some bath mats around her bed - or as you say - take her in with you.

I wish you well - It's rubbish they haven't cleaned properly - but that is fixable. To be closer to amenities and life is better than cleaning a kitchen.

All best to you

Oh bless you, that sounds incredibly stressful. I too wish I could help but you're a long way from me. Agree with others, tackle it bit by bit and you'll soon feel better, you've totally got this x